Scrap nc, full contact heals fast

[kyta]

I think i found the answer! everyone goes on about healing, and all the answers are the same, nc nc nc, yes but all those that go nc spend months hurting, and wonering,and head fuc k, well why not have full contact!! think about it, how much pain can we endure? yes you see! pain, we can only take so much! and then something is bound to click and make you just not want to hurt and want to enjoy life instead, i think this is the quicker way, we all break nc anyway so we could all save time, go full contact, hurt like hell for a short time, then just move on,

I think its a good plan, any ideas?? or am i just mad?

[TaraMaiden]

Yup. You're just mad.

[EricaH329]

Yup. You're just mad.

 

I agree!

 

While your scenario sounds great in a perfect world, it doesn't actually work like that.

[DontWorryBHappy]

Go full NC.... I just did today and today is the first day this thing actually feels like a breakup.

[kyta]

Lol thx, well i seem to be feelin alot better doin it this way, and im starting to see a bit more clearly, my ex is a vampire, she needs to be stabbed in the heart with a steak, i seen it in the movies, it must work, all i need is a steak! 2 months ago i would of married her, had kids, now i just love her, and want to put her out of her misery, i gone past the pain threshhold, it just feels weird, we even spent her birthday together yesterday, i brought her a present even, and she was so kind as to tell me yet again how bad her relationship is with the ex she left me for, (he didnt know we spent her birthday together), yeah i dont feel the apin anymore, i just want to stab her in the heart with a nice blunt rotten wooden steak!

So it defo seems to be working for me!

 

Or am i just delusional?????

 

But if i am, then why do i feel good?

 

Yeah! your rite i am mad!

 

Cant lock a mad man up, steak it is!!! aw man this could be my last post.

[EricaH329]

Lol thx, well i seem to be feelin alot better doin it this way, and im starting to see a bit more clearly, my ex is a vampire, she needs to be stabbed in the heart with a steak, i seen it in the movies, it must work, all i need is a steak! 2 months ago i would of married her, had kids, now i just love her, and want to put her out of her misery, i gone past the pain threshhold, it just feels weird, we even spent her birthday together yesterday, i brought her a present even, and she was so kind as to tell me yet again how bad her relationship is with the ex she left me for, (he didnt know we spent her birthday together), yeah i dont feel the apin anymore, i just want to stab her in the heart with a nice blunt rotten wooden steak!

So it defo seems to be working for me!

 

Or am i just delusional?????

 

But if i am, then why do i feel good?

 

Yeah! your rite i am mad!

 

Cant lock a mad man up, steak it is!!! aw man this could be my last post.

 

You do realize that she left you for another guy, right? And that she is still with him? And that you are in her life for friendship purposes only? This is exactly what comes along with keeping in contact with an ex. Hearing about things you don't want to hear about, realizing they aren't focused on you anymore, etc.

 

It'd be much easier to just rip off the band-aid, dont ya think?

[Odyssey]

kyta. dude you're mad as a hatter! And no, we don't all end up breaking contact... i haven't and i can clearly say that i've healed faster compared to my past breakups! You'd mentioned stabbing...in fact i compare making contact to constantly stabbing yourself with a knife through the heart each time you do. (your ex being the knife)...

 

...All you have to do is take the knife away. The way i see it, some of our ex are undeserving of our time and energy (even in anger). Some take take take and you can't give give give or you choose not to. They're just selfish...they're crap. It's stupid to play with crap (even if it's all in your head). I rather step over it or walk around it.

 

It might be our stubbornness to let go that keeps us hurting. It is important to know when to let go.

[ingridh]

I have yet to see someone being 'stabbed' to death with a steak.

 

Maybe the OP meant 'slapped'?

[ADF]

You're just mad. Pain does abate, and it abates fast when we meet someone new.

 

The trouble with staying in contact is that 9 times out of 10, the relationship never really ends. I have seen people waste years of their lives in a breakup/makeup/breakup again cycles that ultimately lead nowhere.

[threebyfate]

I have yet to see someone being 'stabbed' to death with a steak.

 

Maybe the OP meant 'slapped'?

I so resisted the temptation but now that you`ve posted this...

 

Assault by steak will get you a much shorter prison sentence rather than premeditated murder! It also leaves the door open for a second chance.

[dreamingoftigers]

Lol thx, well i seem to be feelin alot better doin it this way, and im starting to see a bit more clearly, my ex is a vampire, she needs to be stabbed in the heart with a steak,

Cant lock a mad man up, steak it is!!! aw man this could be my last post.

 

Ribeye or T-Bone?

[USMCHokie]

The idea of this thread = FAIL.

[threebyfate]

The idea of this thread = FAIL.

I wouldn`t discount it so quickly. Reliant on personality type, sometimes continued contact helps you to see the other person more clearly after the rose-coloured glasses come off. That`s when it becomes easy to let go `cause you say to yourself, WTF was I thinking?

 

But if you`re the type of person who hangs on for dear life and can`t see the other person objectively, then yes, NC is the way to go.

[WTRanger]

The idea of this thread = FAIL.

 

Granted, but during the OP's time in no contact he didn't use it right. So that's a fail too. All too often, and good Lord I cast no stones here because I'm guilty of this, during our time in no contact all we do is keep the image of our ex in our heads. So really, NC just drives someone insane. However, when you do NC that's not how you do it.

 

Full contact is not the way to go right off the start. It hurts far too much, because you'll never hear what you think you need to or want to hear. You are just constantly hitting your own reset button. Sure you will heal, but not as fast. Think of it as watching a movie, yet every 5 minutes into it you start at the beginning. Then watch another 5 minutes past where you reset the first time, then right back to the beginning. How long do you think it'd take to watch the movie doing that? How frustrated would you be? Well, then why go full contact with her? It's the same thing.

 

No contact really just doesn't mean physical, it also means mental. So stop thinking about her. Really control your daily thoughts and become aware of what you are spending your mental energy on. Then, and only then, will NC really start to make sense.

[WiseOne1]

I agree with you 1,000%....back in 2007 I tried to inject people with the same information, and my thread was similar.

 

Have you ever heard of a person being fed up?? You ever heard of a person that can't take anymore hurt? Ever heard that your hurt me so much im moving on???

 

Well all of these things do exist!!!! NC works sometimes, maybe 60% of the time to get over someone, but most likely what causes us to FULLY get over someone is that one more step, that one more attack, or just knowing that it is over for good...some may call it closure.

 

NC does leave you lost, old feelings continue to come back up time and time again, sometimes you wonder about how the ex is doing...sure knowing about them and there new Bf/Gf will hurt, but every human has there breaking point, in which where they say (enuff is enuff)

 

This theory worked for me once with a older relationship, bassically I stayed around to it finally got to me that it was over, and good thing I stayed around because she grew habits and I was no longer attracted to her, and regardless of love you can't want to be with someone your no longer attracted to mentally or physically.

 

In the end, this might be more effective than NC sometimes.

[WiseOne1]

Another proven fact, is that breakup pain is 80% of EGO, yea the ego and self-esteem is hurt pretty badly, and alot of people have stated on loveshack that they only way they were able to get over someone, was to allow them to show some un-attractive features..

 

For example, I still thought about one of my ex's like the (hot sexy girl) she was when we went out, I did not know about her life, I did not even go as far as seeing a picture of her, and then BAM....through full contact, I found out that shes 300lbs (gained 200lbs), she lost her sexy figuire, shes slept with many guys, an shes even missing some teeth and shes only 20????????

 

No Im not stating that love is about looks, but in love we have choosen partners due to looks, money, and personality, and most likely the things you liked about them, NO LONGER EXIST!!....and with NC you would never know that.

 

So full contact, is the only way....the only way.....to give yourself time to see there FLAWS.

[pgummins]

Another proven fact, is that breakup pain is 80% of EGO, yea the ego and self-esteem is hurt pretty badly, and alot of people have stated on loveshack that they only way they were able to get over someone, was to allow them to show some un-attractive features..

 

For example, I still thought about one of my ex's like the (hot sexy girl) she was when we went out, I did not know about her life, I did not even go as far as seeing a picture of her, and then BAM....through full contact, I found out that shes 300lbs (gained 200lbs), she lost her sexy figuire, shes slept with many guys, an shes even missing some teeth and shes only 20????????

 

No Im not stating that love is about looks, but in love we have choosen partners due to looks, money, and personality, and most likely the things you liked about them, NO LONGER EXIST!!....and with NC you would never know that.

 

So full contact, is the only way....the only way.....to give yourself time to see there FLAWS.

 

Lol, and what if you love them and accept their flaws?

[HeavenOrHell]

Having contact with someone you're still in love with rarely works. I spent 6 months meeting up with my ex looking for signs that he still wanted me and feeling constantly crushed, I tore myself apart trying to decide whether to keep seeing him or not, if I saw him it was painful, if I thought about not seeing him it was painful. In the end I told him I still had feelings for him and he said he fancied other people, that was the point at which it become more painful to see him than to not see him. I initiated NC for 6 weeks, I moved on more in that time than I had in the previous 6 months, I now have feelings for somebody else and also have some contact with my ex now, I want to be friends with my ex in time, when it feels 100% ok.

Staying in touch with your ex when you still want them and are feeling devastated is prolonging the agony.

 

I think i found the answer! everyone goes on about healing, and all the answers are the same, nc nc nc, yes but all those that go nc spend months hurting, and wonering,and head fuc k, well why not have full contact!! think about it, how much pain can we endure? yes you see! pain, we can only take so much! and then something is bound to click and make you just not want to hurt and want to enjoy life instead, i think this is the quicker way, we all break nc anyway so we could all save time, go full contact, hurt like hell for a short time, then just move on,

I think its a good plan, any ideas?? or am i just mad?

[HeavenOrHell]

Exactly, loving someone means loving someone flaws and all!

 

Lol, and what if you love them and accept their flaws?

[EmperorR]

I broke up with my ex I still talk to her every day, however I've been engaged before cheated on and dumped an dumped a few times after thy I've done nc and it works but now my heart is hardened etc., so nothing really bothers me anymore

[ukguy1985]

I broke up with my ex I still talk to her every day, however I've been engaged before cheated on and dumped an dumped a few times after thy I've done nc and it works but now my heart is hardened etc., so nothing really bothers me anymore

 

i wish nothing bothered me like it does to you.

[HeavenOrHell]

Well it sounds like an ego thing for you for sure if you feel smug at the fact your ex isn't as attractive in your eyes as she once was.

Me and my ex accepted each other totally, neither of us was perfect, no-one is.

I chose my ex because of his personality, looks secondary, money didn't even come into it, wtf?!

All the things I loved about him are still there whether I see him or not, meeting him up with him and still loving those things about him was incredibly painful. I don't get why you think an ex is likely to change a lot after splitting with you.

Full contact reminded me of what I was missing.

 

 

Another proven fact, is that breakup pain is 80% of EGO, yea the ego and self-esteem is hurt pretty badly, and alot of people have stated on loveshack that they only way they were able to get over someone, was to allow them to show some un-attractive features..

 

For example, I still thought about one of my ex's like the (hot sexy girl) she was when we went out, I did not know about her life, I did not even go as far as seeing a picture of her, and then BAM....through full contact, I found out that shes 300lbs (gained 200lbs), she lost her sexy figuire, shes slept with many guys, an shes even missing some teeth and shes only 20????????

 

No Im not stating that love is about looks, but in love we have choosen partners due to looks, money, and personality, and most likely the things you liked about them, NO LONGER EXIST!!....and with NC you would never know that.

 

So full contact, is the only way....the only way.....to give yourself time to see there FLAWS.

[EricaH329]

So full contact, is the only way....the only way.....to give yourself time to see there FLAWS.

 

Please tell me that is sarcasm?

 

Isn't them breaking up with you, and deeming you 'unworthy' of relationship potential to them, enough?? I think that's their greatest flaw of all! Not holding you in high regard!

 

I'd understand if both parties agreed to break up because they are better off being friends than partners, but that's rarely the case. Usually, one of them wants to stay together, and the other doesn't. If that other person doesn't want to be with you, why do they still get to talk to you? Why do they still get the best of you? Because you allow yourself to be in that situation to still see their flaws??

 

The only person you are helping by staying in contact, is the dumper. You are feeding their ego. You are allowing them to still have you in some way. While you, are left on the sidelines. That doesn't seem very fair to me.

[Els]

I honestly think NC is overrated. I have had friends who got back together, and friends who had a huge argument post-breakup that completely erased all desire to get back together. Neither of the above would have happened had they just taken blanket advice and gone NC. Newsflash: The same thing doesn't necessarily work for everyone.

 

Of course, if your ex isn't answering you, NC is truly the best option. But that's only ONE scenario.

[EricaH329]

I honestly think NC is overrated. I have had friends who got back together, and friends who had a huge argument post-breakup that completely erased all desire to get back together. Neither of the above would have happened had they just taken blanket advice and gone NC. Newsflash: The same thing doesn't necessarily work for everyone.

 

Of course, if your ex isn't answering you, NC is truly the best option. But that's only ONE scenario.

 

I'm most certainly not trying to imply that NC is the best for everyone, but it is the best for the majority of people. And in this situation, I believe that's the case. He bought her something for her birthday (if I can remember correctly) and got upset when she was telling him about her new boyfriend. Staying in contact would not be a healthy decision. For him. In my opinion.