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Me and my girlfriend of 2 years broke up over drugs


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 6th March 2018, 12:21 PM   #16
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Thanks guys

This is our first weekend apart since the break up (which is mutual btw) and her way of dealing with it was of course to go out and get high and drunk on Friday night with her friends. which was predictable.

She holds down a job.. and does it well. Goes to the gym twice a week. Thing is .. she has a well paying job, no morgage, rent money from her house mate.. and her wealthy Daddy pays all the bills. It’s not like she’s ever going to run out of money to blow on drugs.

I’m moderately deep into a depression- which I have been for months (partly due to this) haven’t eaten, can’t sleep - when I do I have nightmares. I super anxious and stressed about having to find a place to live. Currently couch surfing. Going to seek counselling ASAP.
I've learned that addiction can indeed impact anyone from any walk of life. My ex is a Harvard grad with multiple degrees, hold a prestigious job at a big bank, makes six figures, etc. Yet he is still an addict. A highly functioning one, but still an addict. They will not change unless they want to change.

It's good that you are seeking counseling. Best of luck to you!
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Old 8th March 2018, 7:58 PM   #17
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So my ex wanted to meet tonight for dinner!? One last meet up. I'm really not sure what the point of it all was!? She told me she Thinks we are doing the right thing breaking up.. just like she did 2 weeks ago!? Even though I was the one who left her.

Nothing's changed since then. she'd been out last night with her Cokey friends again. I know it's mean to say - but she looked rough/hung over. Clearly had spent the night doing it.

EVERYTHINGS still all my fault for pushing her away and she's in complete denial when it comes to her coke habit. She would literally just tune out when ever I tried to address it.

Other than that it was pretty heartbreaking lots of tears and hugging. I’m still sleeping on a friends blow up mattress.. seeing a flat tomorrow. Fingers crossed.

Such a messed up situation. My heart hurts. My head hurts
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Old 8th March 2018, 8:37 PM   #18
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You will do yourself a favor if you don't agree to see her again.

She's not changing and she is just checking to see if you miss her enough to go back to the same piss poor behavior she's handing out.


Move forward - leave her behind to do the drugs she prioritized over her relationship with you.

You'll never be more important than her drugs - don't look back.
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Old 8th March 2018, 9:13 PM   #19
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Ah that sucks.

It's a shame that drugs have a hold of her, which they obviously do. I mean.... She choose drugs over you which is saying a lot. Should tell you exactly where her priorities are.

She is 30 something and goes to raves? Oh boy.... Guess this one never matured much.

A great mother? Drug addicts do not make great mothers.

I know it hurts right now, but parting is the best for you. It is very very unlikely that she will change before she hits rock bottom - and you do not want her dragging you down to that low point - which if you stayed in her life, you would have.

Save yourself - no one else will.
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Old 8th March 2018, 9:31 PM   #20
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A fun exercise to do with a pesky coke head partner is find their stash and swap it for a mixture of baking soda and finely crushed paracetamol. Feign complete innocence and ignorance when they figure it out and ring their dealer to spew forth their rage.
Not that I would have ever done anything like that to anyone.
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Old 8th March 2018, 10:18 PM   #21
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I'm from the first wave of recreational users back in the late 60s and 70s. So I don't know crap about today's drugs, but I know when someone is in the danger zone and isn't just a recreational user who can put it down but has addiction problems.

The way you tell is they do it or something every single day. Now, we were all considered potheads, but we did not do a huge amount of anything and we didn't feel like doing it every day. That or psychedelics or, later, coke.

Run from people who have to do anything every day, whether it's alcohol or pot or whatever. Of course, you think pot is no big deal because it's not for most people, but for people who are anesthetizing themselves daily, it is an addiction and quitting will be something they and only they will have to decide to do and it won't be easy for them. Recreational users of anything, alcohol, pot, whatever, can easily just stop for a period of time, to go on a diet or whatever. It's not an issue for them to stop.

With pills, you can tell because they do it every day but also because they do way more than it takes to get high. I remember back in the psychedelic days, sensible hippies cut their orange sunshine or purple haze in half because that's all it took, but once in awhile you'd see a couple of guys take a handful -- for NO reason. They have some type problem they are trying to escape. Even then, before we understood that addiction was also genetic, it was easy to spot the people who were going to end up wasted.

YOU can't help someone. They have to want to first. So just avoid those people. Personally, I never could stand someone who sat around smoking pot all day and just stayed blotto. The chances of them ending up holding a job down and moving through the stages of their lives are not good. It stunts you because you kind of tread water in place.

Most girls I knew didn't care whether they did coke or not or barely got off on it. But all the guys wanted it for sex because if they hadn't become an addict yet, it made them last a real long time. Once they were really addicted though, it could and did actually make them have ED. I only knew one woman addicted to coke and she inherited mental illness. But that's talking about old snorting coke. I know nothing about crack or whatever they're smoking today, but I understand it's much more addictive and dangerous.

All that aside, it's all illegal and if you are with her when she gets busted, you're likely going to the pokey too. Don't take those kind of chances for anyone. Just don't.
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Old 8th March 2018, 11:09 PM   #22
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You made the right choice. I hope she sees this as a wakeup call to get her addiction checked out.
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Old 9th March 2018, 2:10 AM   #23
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All she kept saying was .. it’s because we’re such different people and your dark mood was dragging my down. Never once would she address the cocaine issue... or even smoking pot everyday. She’s in complete denial. She’s loosing her looks because of it too..

She text me in the early hours; saying maybe the break will do us good and we can be ourselves again for awhile.. and in the future maybe we’ll find our way back to each other!?

“Be ourselves again” reads “take as many drugs as I want - without being nagged”

She’s trying to keep her foot in the door. There’s no way. No way. Once I’ve got my stuff out of there.. I’ll have no further contact.
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Old 9th March 2018, 2:46 AM   #24
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All she kept saying was .. it’s because we’re such different people and your dark mood was dragging my down. Never once would she address the cocaine issue... or even smoking pot everyday. She’s in complete denial. She’s loosing her looks because of it too..

She text me in the early hours; saying maybe the break will do us good and we can be ourselves again for awhile.. and in the future maybe we’ll find our way back to each other!?

“Be ourselves again” reads “take as many drugs as I want - without being nagged”

She’s trying to keep her foot in the door. There’s no way. No way. Once I’ve got my stuff out of there.. I’ll have no further contact.
It may be useful for you if you block her from contacting you further.

Especially since she's not going to change. She's hoping you change your mind and take her back some day.

Just be done with that mess and block her.
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Old 9th March 2018, 3:42 AM   #25
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I can’t do that quite yet because all of me belongings are at her flat. I’m praying I’ll be out by next weekend.
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Old 9th March 2018, 3:44 AM   #26
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I can’t do that quite yet because all of me belongings are at her flat. I’m praying I’ll be out by next weekend.
Can you put them in storage for a few weeks?
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Old 9th March 2018, 7:19 AM   #27
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Can you put them in storage for a few weeks?
I've just locked a place down.. looks like a dump, but i can fix it up good and it'll help me focus on that rather than all the self doubt and loneliness that's gonna come..

I'm planning to start packing my stuff in the evening's in the week.. when she's not around. It won't be that hard, she be out socializing. She's not around next weekend either, so i need to have my stuff gone by then.

It's the whole ... please leave the door open, just incase we may change our minds.
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Old 9th March 2018, 8:45 AM   #28
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You made the right choice. I hope she sees this as a wakeup call to get her addiction checked out.
I very much doubt it! She refuses to acknowledge that my reason for leaving is due to her drug use. We talked about it all last night and every time I mentioned it .. she’d just tap out. Just glaze over or look at someone/something else.

Also.. unless she dumps her entire group of friends. Which won’t happen.. some of them are horrible drug addicts. Every time I’ve been in there company they’re on cocaine. Every time!
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Old 9th March 2018, 10:39 AM   #29
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All she kept saying was .. it’s because we’re such different people and your dark mood was dragging my down. Never once would she address the cocaine issue... or even smoking pot everyday. She’s in complete denial. She’s loosing her looks because of it too..

She text me in the early hours; saying maybe the break will do us good and we can be ourselves again for awhile.. and in the future maybe we’ll find our way back to each other!?

“Be ourselves again” reads “take as many drugs as I want - without being nagged”

She’s trying to keep her foot in the door. There’s no way. No way. Once I’ve got my stuff out of there.. I’ll have no further contact.
Well she's right. You are different people and you were never a good match for each other.

I'm on your side but when you think about it, it makes no sense to have a relationship with someone who has to change in order for you to be happy. She has been the same person throughout, a party girl who enjoys frequent drug use. You got involved with her and then decided she has to be somebody different for the sake of your happiness. That was never going to work out.

Take the time you need to grieve and then when you are ready to get into another relationship be sure to choose someone who shares your values and principles. Don't get seriously involved with anyone until you know them and you are prepared to accept them as they are because people don't change for other people.
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Old 9th March 2018, 2:14 PM   #30
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All she kept saying was .. it’s because we’re such different people and your dark mood was dragging my down. Never once would she address the cocaine issue... or even smoking pot everyday. She’s in complete denial. She’s loosing her looks because of it too..

She text me in the early hours; saying maybe the break will do us good and we can be ourselves again for awhile.. and in the future maybe we’ll find our way back to each other!?

“Be ourselves again” reads “take as many drugs as I want - without being nagged”

She’s trying to keep her foot in the door. There’s no way. No way. Once I’ve got my stuff out of there.. I’ll have no further contact.
Addicts never take responsibility and like to leave a door open in case they get desperate. Sorry this is how it ends, but it's for the best. This isn't a journey anyone else needs to accompany her on.

You need to just not tell her where you're going or anything and block her on the phone and text and email and social media. And don't do anything to her stash because these days you might end up dead. Something different than back in the day is these days that stash may not belong to her yet and if you destroy it, whoever owns it won't get paid and then they'll come after you. Just get out.

Last edited by preraph; 9th March 2018 at 2:16 PM..
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