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Why do people lie about their breakup reasonings?


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 7th February 2018, 12:30 PM   #16
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Dang, love-bombing is harsh! I don't know what made me start looking for answers to what happened to me last year, but I sure am glad I found this forum and all the experience it has to offer clueless people (especially me). I am just going to keep saying I am so sorry you got hurt to everyone on here...isn't that the polite way to date, or is it to old-fashioned? He should have said, I am sorry I hurt you, but I can't do this anymore...is there something I can do to make this easier on you? But, don't look for a real person inside of a fake man...it is much easier for boys to do the GQ option and all this fancy, pancy relationship lingo BS. They eat it up and then shovel down other people's throats...and they just look like fools if you ask me...so, again, in context to your post, yes m'am, you certainly deserved to hear at the very least, I am sorry that I hurt you from this man-child that you put your emotions through the wringer. Don't feel wrong about that...he is wrong for not having the basic human decency to be kind to his fellow human beings.
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Old 7th February 2018, 12:44 PM   #17
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I thought that all at first yes. He actually never told me he was married himself I found out through Facebook on his exes page. He only ever told me ex. As for the feelings maybe I'm naive but for someone to insist on meeting your family after two weeks and telling you they want to have kids with you after a few months and saying he wants to spend his life with you to just nothing makes me question the sincerity to begin with because it was so easy for him to walk away and date someone else so fast. Then for his breakup reasonings he said he is moving and doesn't want me to move for him like he did for his ex so initially I believed it until I see him get in a relationship asap. He had a dinner with me after the fact and I asked him if that was the true reason and he said yes and was acting like he was concerned and told me to call him if I ever need him etc etc but now deleted me off everything. Initially I wanted to believe hey maybe he really isn't ready but the later actions make me question it. It's hard for me because I just don't understand. He also told me he had no interest in dating for awhile.
Yes, you should have been questioning his sincerity all along because telling someone you love them and want to have babies with them within the first 2 months of dating is obviously not really love it's infatuation.

I always tell people to guard themselves when it comes to newly seperated/divorced men(or women), because they tend to latch onto the first new person to come along while they are still dealing with the wounds of their divorce. They have a lot of healing and growing to do before they will truly be ready for another longterm relationship. However they are in a needy state and in that state they are likely to cling to a new person like a life raft and mistake their needy feelings for love. The new person also mistakenly believes all that attention and neediness as love and winds up getting hurt when the divorced man starts to feel stronger and more ready to enjoy single life.

I'm sorry you got taken in by this guy but he probably didn't have any malicious intentions. He could have very well believed what he said when he said it but he wasn't in a healthy frame of mind. The best thing to do is to chalk this one up to a learning experience. Be wary of giving your heart to any man who is newly seperated or divorced and be wary of guys who come on too strong and too fast.
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Old 7th February 2018, 12:55 PM   #18
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Yes, you should have been questioning his sincerity all along because telling someone you love them and want to have babies with them within the first 2 months of dating is obviously not really love it's infatuation.

I always tell people to guard themselves when it comes to newly seperated/divorced men(or women), because they tend to latch onto the first new person to come along while they are still dealing with the wounds of their divorce. They have a lot of healing and growing to do before they will truly be ready for another longterm relationship. However they are in a needy state and in that state they are likely to cling to a new person like a life raft and mistake their needy feelings for love. The new person also mistakenly believes all that attention and neediness as love and winds up getting hurt when the divorced man starts to feel stronger and more ready to enjoy single life.

I'm sorry you got taken in by this guy but he probably didn't have any malicious intentions. He could have very well believed what he said when he said it but he wasn't in a healthy frame of mind. The best thing to do is to chalk this one up to a learning experience. Be wary of giving your heart to any man who is newly seperated or divorced and be wary of guys who come on too strong and too fast.
Yes looking back I feel as if I missed some key red flags here. He was the first person I felt like hey maybe we are both wanting the same things here and I fell for all of it. Lesson learned there. I guess a lot of it is also I don't want to be the only one he did this to if that makes any sense? It hurts feeling used malicious intent or not. It just hurts to think he couldn't do it with me but now he's going to commit to this girl. It's painful to see him moving into a committed relationship just as fast as we went into one.

Something that struck me as odd is I've had a few friends/coworkers who told me they thought something was off about him like too charming and over the top. Idk if that really means anything but it is kind of weird to hear that from multiple people.

Last edited by Ta222; 7th February 2018 at 12:58 PM..
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Old 7th February 2018, 6:26 PM   #19
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I had my ex dump me and she just said that it was all her and "it has nothing to do with you". and the " She's not meant for a relationship" .

Which was bull****. I later found out that she felt like i was being to clingy or needy. Which looking back i may have gotten that way, but it was just because she started pulling away hard and couldn't give me reasons why, whereas if she would of actually talked to me and told me how she really felt, i could of backed off and things may have been different.

but back to this. I really think she didn't want to hurt my feelings, which in the long run, it made things worse. I kept pursuing answers as to what changed, because everything was great-had future plans, ect... then she backed off hard very quickly. Well me looking into it and trying to figure out what went wrong made her pissed and angry and what went from possible reconciliation down the road ended up being she never wants to talk to me or see me again.

So all i can say, is if you start having issues. Then talk them out before it's too late. make sure that they know they can tell you now matter how much it hurts. and if you break up with someone, tell them the absolute truth. It may hurt, but much easier then the pain involved in not knowing WTF happened to have a sudden end in what you thought was everlasting.
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Old 8th February 2018, 1:12 AM   #20
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I had my ex dump me and she just said that it was all her and "it has nothing to do with you". and the " She's not meant for a relationship" .

Which was bull****. I later found out that she felt like i was being to clingy or needy. Which looking back i may have gotten that way, but it was just because she started pulling away hard and couldn't give me reasons why, whereas if she would of actually talked to me and told me how she really felt, i could of backed off and things may have been different.

but back to this. I really think she didn't want to hurt my feelings, which in the long run, it made things worse. I kept pursuing answers as to what changed, because everything was great-had future plans, ect... then she backed off hard very quickly. Well me looking into it and trying to figure out what went wrong made her pissed and angry and what went from possible reconciliation down the road ended up being she never wants to talk to me or see me again.

So all i can say, is if you start having issues. Then talk them out before it's too late. make sure that they know they can tell you now matter how much it hurts. and if you break up with someone, tell them the absolute truth. It may hurt, but much easier then the pain involved in not knowing WTF happened to have a sudden end in what you thought was everlasting.
Yes I think it makes things worse! Especially when I met up with him again and specifically asked for it! And it's hurtful when they still don't give it to you and try to console you and act like they care enough about you. If it was that easy to walk away and not even attempt to work on things I think it says a lot. If she was honest then exactly you wouldn't have been as she said clingy.
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Old 8th February 2018, 2:57 AM   #21
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. As for the feelings maybe I'm naive but for someone to insist on meeting your family after two weeks and telling you they want to have kids with you after a few months and saying he wants to spend his life with you to just nothing makes me question the sincerity to begin with
Yes, you absolutely should have questioned his sincerity to begin with. The man was pushing this relationship at warp-speed without even really knowing you as a person. That is almost always a red flag.

It stings, but keep an eye out for that type of behaviour in the future, and run like the wind if you see it.
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Old 8th February 2018, 10:32 AM   #22
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Yes, you absolutely should have questioned his sincerity to begin with. The man was pushing this relationship at warp-speed without even really knowing you as a person. That is almost always a red flag.

It stings, but keep an eye out for that type of behaviour in the future, and run like the wind if you see it.
Lesson definitely learned! I just don't understand why someone would do that?! It also really hurts how he was with someone else in a matter of weeks. I still had stuff at his place and he was already with her!
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Old 8th February 2018, 10:42 AM   #23
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Lesson definitely learned! I just don't understand why someone would do that?! It also really hurts how he was with someone else in a matter of weeks. I still had stuff at his place and he was already with her!
There's at least one post a week asking "why" and "how could they move on so quickly?" There aren't any satisfactory answers . Rejection hurts, plain and simple .
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Old 8th February 2018, 2:03 PM   #24
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Because it is easier than explaining to someone that you just aren't into them anymore. Because those conversations can get messy and tiresome.
The dumper has already been over the emotional turmoil of deciding to end the relationship (you just didn't know it), so they do not want to go down that road again. The dumper has already been contemplating leaving, been up at night worried, tried to negotiate staying in the relationship, and agonized over how to break up in the best way possible. By the time they actually break up with you, they feel relief that they can finally move on from those emotions.

And yes, it's difficult to tell someone that you aren't into them anymore. Especially if the person you have to tell that to is a good person, and they haven't done anything awful. Would you want to tell someone that you aren't into them anymore, aren't attracted to them anymore, ect.? If you are a halfway decent person, no one wants to tell someone that and break their heart. It's hard to watch someone you care about hurt.
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Old 8th February 2018, 2:07 PM   #25
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Saying that someone doesn't want to commit is one of the most popular breakups reasons used and reported on LS. Then we find out a few weeks later they are in a serious relationship with someone else.
Time and time again we see the myth of the commitment phobe. This is a total lie and needs to die. There are two reasons the myth persists:

1. As an excuse for the dumper to get out of a relationship

2. As a way for the dumpee to lie to themselves because rejection is painful
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Old 8th February 2018, 2:32 PM   #26
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The dumper has already been over the emotional turmoil of deciding to end the relationship (you just didn't know it), so they do not want to go down that road again. The dumper has already been contemplating leaving, been up at night worried, tried to negotiate staying in the relationship, and agonized over how to break up in the best way possible. By the time they actually break up with you, they feel relief that they can finally move on from those emotions.

And yes, it's difficult to tell someone that you aren't into them anymore. Especially if the person you have to tell that to is a good person, and they haven't done anything awful. Would you want to tell someone that you aren't into them anymore, aren't attracted to them anymore, ect.? If you are a halfway decent person, no one wants to tell someone that and break their heart. It's hard to watch someone you care about hurt.

I have a hard time thinking he cared. He cut me out of his life like I was nothing to him. I understand that he probably overestimated his level of interest in the relationship but he did not have to fast forward and fake a future with me consistently over the course of the relationship. He moved very fast with me in this relationship and part of that is my fault as well for not seeing the red flags. It's like as soon as the honeymoon phase wore off he was over it and not interested anymore. Then breaks up with me with his excuse that he definitely well thought out and then to insist on having dinner a week later to tell me the same things. He also was telling me how he wants me to find something that makes me happy etc etc which if you just broke my heart I felt insulted he was pitying me and I asked him for the truth and still nothing. Then to see him get into another full blown relationship weeks later and has already met her family. It's like deja vu. He blocked me on instagram and Facebook as soon as he became official with her. His roommate actually reached out to me and told me to get over that guy because he isn't wasting any energy on me.
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Old 8th February 2018, 2:55 PM   #27
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I have a hard time thinking he cared. He cut me out of his life like I was nothing to him. I understand that he probably overestimated his level of interest in the relationship but he did not have to fast forward and fake a future with me consistently over the course of the relationship. He moved very fast with me in this relationship and part of that is my fault as well for not seeing the red flags. It's like as soon as the honeymoon phase wore off he was over it and not interested anymore. Then breaks up with me with his excuse that he definitely well thought out and then to insist on having dinner a week later to tell me the same things. He also was telling me how he wants me to find something that makes me happy etc etc which if you just broke my heart I felt insulted he was pitying me and I asked him for the truth and still nothing. Then to see him get into another full blown relationship weeks later and has already met her family. It's like deja vu. He blocked me on instagram and Facebook as soon as he became official with her. His roommate actually reached out to me and told me to get over that guy because he isn't wasting any energy on me.
I had something similar happen to me years ago. A guy initiated everything and love bombed me like you were describing. After 6 months, he just cut me off one day. Blocked me on social media and email (this was back before people texted so much). It was flat out bizarre, and I still have no idea what happened to this day. I never heard from him again. It probably ranks as the weirdest dating experience I have had happen to me.

I don't know why people love bomb you then pull away. I don't think it's intentional or malicious. I think it's more immaturity and not being able to function in an adult relationship more than anything. I think it's a lesson for all of us to manage what we can with our behavior and look for red flags. Unfortunately, you can usually only learn those lessons by trial and error. You gotta get burned before you really get it.
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Old 8th February 2018, 3:05 PM   #28
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I had something similar happen to me years ago. A guy initiated everything and love bombed me like you were describing. After 6 months, he just cut me off one day. Blocked me on social media and email (this was back before people texted so much). It was flat out bizarre, and I still have no idea what happened to this day. I never heard from him again. It probably ranks as the weirdest dating experience I have had happen to me.

I don't know why people love bomb you then pull away. I don't think it's intentional or malicious. I think it's more immaturity and not being able to function in an adult relationship more than anything. I think it's a lesson for all of us to manage what we can with our behavior and look for red flags. Unfortunately, you can usually only learn those lessons by trial and error. You gotta get burned before you really get it.

It sucks and hurts not knowing and probably will never know. A part of me thinks that as well that it wasn't malicious but I think it shows a lack of integrity as well as a lack of emotional maturity to consistently make these promises and claims of a future when it isn't going to happen. He told me three days prior to dumping me he still wanted me to move in. What hurts the most is how soon he is exclusively with someone else. I've never heard nor seen of this woman before and nor did they have mutual friends so I am assuming she's new as I was at one point. I keep wondering like is he doing this again? Love bombing and going super fast? Pictures being posted, changing statuses after about a month. During the whole breakup scenarios I can't help but just see bull**** and him still telling me he does love me at that moment when clearly he does not makes me think everything he said that night was utter bs lol

I also think he doesn't know how to function in an adult relationship. Maybe the divorce has him confused

Last edited by Ta222; 8th February 2018 at 3:08 PM..
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Old 8th February 2018, 3:13 PM   #29
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I stumbled on these articles from the baggage reclaimed site. Sounds familiar with the love bombing and moving the relationship so fast.

https://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/und...ture-with-you/

https://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/fas...hrough-dating/
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Old 8th February 2018, 7:49 PM   #30
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Their lies during breaking up are just a continuation of their lies and dishonesty in the relationship. They care so little about the person they're breaking up with that they don't even think that person deserves the truth. Most dumpers are breaking up for selfish reasons and they know if they were honest, they would look bad --- and they don't ever want to be seen for who they truly are, so they continue to lie.
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