LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Breaking Up, Reconciliation & Coping > Breaks and Breaking Up

First bread crumb since break up: respond or ignore?


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

Like Tree59Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 26th December 2017, 10:33 AM   #31
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: East Coast
Posts: 82
Rambling vent

I wish I could just not care, but I care. Looking back I know I gave way too much of myself, way too soon. What I'm realizing is that it ALL comes from a deep lack of self-love, self-esteem, self-respect, self-reliance. I have spent over half of my life channeling so much energy into romantic relationships, longings, ideations, fantasies, etc etc etc. Instead of focusing my energy on myself, my growth, healing, and evolution.

I've decided that 2018 must be the year in which I go deep within myself and figure out how to live life happily on my own two feet. It just took a hot and heavy fling to show me that unless I change, the nature of my relationships will never change. I am the common denominator of this dysfunction.
flooded is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th December 2017, 9:05 AM   #32
Established Member
 
Jdoublenn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 245
Happens to the best of us, girl.

May 2018 be ever in your favor!
Jdoublenn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th December 2017, 12:09 PM   #33
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: East Coast
Posts: 82
I just have to post here rather than contacting him.

I just can't understand how what he is doing is okay to him. When we spoke I told him I'm pregnant. And his ONLY communication with me is a lame ass Merry Christmas text? After he said all this mean stuff to me???

I am just livid. So selfish, so self-serving. Unbelievable.
flooded is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th December 2017, 12:16 PM   #34
Established Member
 
d0nnivain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Northeastern USA
Posts: 27,582
Please accept my condolences about the death of your child.

Use his response as your motivation to stay away. He was horrid.
d0nnivain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th December 2017, 10:29 AM   #35
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: East Coast
Posts: 82
I don't know why it's so hard for me to accept that it is over. He even told me - we are not meant to be together. Those are his words. He made me feel less than because I have kids. He has totally mishandled the news about the pregnancy. What is so wrong with me that I still want him back??

I was feeling so at peace, but I think it's because I got the Merry Christmas text from him. It was like a charge I got from reading that. Now I haven't heard from him in a few days, it's like my tank is empty. He is like a drug to me. Interaction, conversation, communication - it feeds my addiction. The longer I go without it, the more keen the withdrawal. This is sickness.

My life is in upheaval in all other areas, but all I'm focused on is him - a ghost, a specter. Obsession.

I really need good vibes today.
flooded is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th December 2017, 10:33 AM   #36
Established Member
 
d0nnivain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Northeastern USA
Posts: 27,582
Healing is not linear You have more losses then the end of a dysfunctional relationship. Hang in there. Sending good vibes
d0nnivain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th December 2017, 10:37 AM   #37
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: East Coast
Posts: 82
Quote:
Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
Healing is not linear You have more losses then the end of a dysfunctional relationship. Hang in there. Sending good vibes


Thank you so much. On a positive note I have today finally made it a week of NC, the longest amount of time since the break up. I will get busy today to keep myself occupied.
flooded is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th December 2017, 10:53 AM   #38
Member
 
Popsicle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 8,663
He’s an alcoholic. You keep down playing that. I hope you find peace and stability in the future.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 28th December 2017 at 12:06 PM..
Popsicle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th December 2017, 10:11 PM   #39
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: East Coast
Posts: 82
I think my mind needs reframing.

I realize my angst isn't about my ex, per se, it's about my fear of what being independent may be - because I have never done it. For over half of my life I have been caught up - chasing, being chased, sleeping with, wanting to sleep with, loving, hating, resenting, getting into, getting out of relationships. So. Much. Energy. Scattered to the wind.

Despite the red flags - with this one and the ones in the past - I cling, I am validated only by my attachment. What would it look like to face life alone? What would my life look like if I made it whole, on my own?

I miss him, I hate him, I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm scared. But with everything now broken, I have a chance to rebuild.
flooded is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th December 2017, 10:17 PM   #40
Member
 
Popsicle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 8,663
Quote:
Originally Posted by flooded View Post
I think my mind needs reframing.

I realize my angst isn't about my ex, per se, it's about my fear of what being independent may be - because I have never done it. For over half of my life I have been caught up - chasing, being chased, sleeping with, wanting to sleep with, loving, hating, resenting, getting into, getting out of relationships. So. Much. Energy. Scattered to the wind.

Despite the red flags - with this one and the ones in the past - I cling, I am validated only by my attachment. What would it look like to face life alone? What would my life look like if I made it whole, on my own?

I miss him, I hate him, I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm scared. But with everything now broken, I have a chance to rebuild.
A friend of mine is 53 yo...fifty-three (!) and still doing this exact same thing. Over and over. Don't be like her, break the cycle now.
Popsicle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th December 2017, 8:39 AM   #41
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: East Coast
Posts: 82
Quote:
Originally Posted by Popsicle View Post
A friend of mine is 53 yo...fifty-three (!) and still doing this exact same thing. Over and over. Don't be like her, break the cycle now.
Yeah, that's exactly why I know I need to step back from all relationships for a while. I just need to let go of the drama. I also have two little kids and want to show them what self-sufficiency and independence really look like. I don't want to be one of those women that always needs a man.

Thank you.
flooded is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th December 2017, 11:30 AM   #42
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: East Coast
Posts: 82
Day eight of NC

I have to say, I'm pretty proud of myself. However, there's one thing I can't seem to bring myself to do, which is block him. Yesterday I did delete and block his number. But after a few hours I unblocked him, and then asked our mutual friend for his number back.

Two steps forward, one step back I guess. I'm confident I don't want to be with him now, which is progress, but part of me wants to see his attempts to contact me. Which is pretty lame, I know.
flooded is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th December 2017, 7:45 PM   #43
Established Member
 
Jdoublenn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 245
The fact that you have stayed NC (although reaching out to a friend for his #) is a plus though! Keep it up!
Jdoublenn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th December 2017, 2:20 PM   #44
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: East Coast
Posts: 82
NC quandary - advice needed please!

You can see the progression of NC in this thread. That said, I just had a miscarriage and reached out to tell ex this am. He called me back, which I screened and ignored. I know NC is ultimately the way to go, but do I owe him a conversation about the miscarriage? Please advise!
flooded is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th December 2017, 2:21 PM   #45
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: East Coast
Posts: 82
^^I reached out via text. He called me back.
flooded is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Possible bread-crumb? Most likely an error! Onmymind Breaks and Breaking Up 11 9th May 2014 7:28 AM
8 months Post Break up, random bread crumb Armyguy123 Breaks and Breaking Up 2 26th April 2014 2:00 AM
Is this just another bread crumb? ZhaoZilong5 Second Chances 0 19th July 2012 11:55 PM
Is this a bread crumb or what? Jessica071984 Breaks and Breaking Up 1 30th May 2011 10:02 PM
i cant even call this a bread crumb... TooMuchPride Second Chances 0 30th May 2011 2:53 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:54 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.