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Dumped after 3 years of an amazing relationship


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 10th October 2017, 8:16 PM   #31
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I had a similar hope that my ex would contact me around a month later since she would have finished her exams at that time and had a break but of course I did not hear anything from her. I just realized that it has already been over 100 days since she last messaged me. I'm really starting to think that maybe I wont hear from her for the rest of my life which is sad but then again I am not the one throwing it all away. I found that thinking about the fact that they are willing to just dissapear and not care about you helps me realize that they're not the same person anymore and that I should stop thinking about them. They're not willing to fight for the relationship so they're not worth it. Of course you can't just completely forget them so that is the part that is hard.
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Old 20th October 2017, 7:51 PM   #32
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So were there any updates with your situation?
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Old 29th October 2017, 6:04 AM   #33
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So were there any updates with your situation?
I haven't posted in a while as I am still in Europe but I'll do a quick update now. It's been 8 weeks as of today since I saw her last so it seems appropriate (It will be 8 weeks NC as of Tuesday). I can't believe it's been that long honestly. I can't really believe she hasn't reached out in over 50 days, and that it all meant so little to her in the end. Some days are pretty good now and I manage to block out thoughts, but some days like today (I'd say a majority of days) it still hits me. I have this lingering feeling of frustration and a sense that something great was wasted and lost. I spend some days thinking about what she could be doing, who she's with, if she's found someone else and other thoughts that I keep torturing myself with.

It's starting to get annoying, although I'm at a point where I can probably function relatively normally, although I'm still really disappointed with how it all turned out. My biggest hurdle is probably overcoming blaming myself for her breaking up with me. When I'm able to think it was her issue then I feel somewhat better but when I start thinking I wasn't good enough and it's my fault and things like that I fall back into despair. The urge to contact is manageable some days but some days I really wanna just send her a message or I think all day about writing a letter or something and what I would want to say. I just miss her I guess. I wish she'd come back but it doesn't look like thats gonna happen.
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Old 29th October 2017, 2:41 PM   #34
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I am at the 4 month mark today and i can relate to what you're saying. Do not think about any regrets as to how you could have done things differently, it will torture you to think about it. In the end, if they really cared enough to make the relationship work then they would have. Some of these things just can't be controlled and it is better to think that it is not you who could have saved it, but it is them who walked away. My ex did not ask how I am doing for 4 months, not a single message. One thing that bothers me is maybe that she is too embarressed to say anything, since my whole family knows about my situation and she would be too ashamed to ever face it. I just can't understand how someone so loving and caring could just change completely like that. I know that they are hurting somewhat as well, and they know that messaging us would not make things better. I dont really have a desire to date anyone else at the moment so one of the main problems is facing the loneliness. I used to debate whether or not to reach out at the 2 month mark and earlier but now I have absolute no desire to ever reach out to her first. It should always be the dumper who needs to reach out first if they want to make it work.
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Old 9th November 2017, 2:53 PM   #35
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Gonna do another update here. Got back from my trip to Europe a couple days ago. I bought the tickets before the breakup so that I'd be back the day before her birthday, so needless to say the return has hit me like a ton of bricks. I've been hit with a big wave of anxiety and fought the urge to contact her for her birthday and it hasn't been pleasant at all. Its been over 2 months now, probably close to 10 weeks actually I haven't been keeping count of the days recently.

My two main struggles right now are that I am still having lots of feelings of self blame. Like, if only I had started looking for work earlier or showed more of an effort or something, maybe this wouldn't have happened. I keep thinking about what I could've done, or what I did wrong and its really killing me. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with feelings and thoughts of self blame?

Also I've been dealing with urges to break no contact and try to see if she is willing to work something out. I don't know if it's a good idea to try or not, but lately I've been feeling like I have to do something, if I don't do anything nothing will happen. Does anyone who has read my story think it's a good idea at all? I'm not sure what to do anymore, but since coming back from my trip I've been getting the feeling like I have to.
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Old 9th November 2017, 4:11 PM   #36
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You have been doing a great job with no contact for 10 weeks now, don't throw it all away for someone who dumped you just because they wanted to explore their options and basically say that you're not good enough for them.

Trust me I also used to have urges to contact my ex but I did not do it and I felt great about it after. Feelings change all the time. One day you're sad and want to reach out and you miss her terribly, and then the next you have this feeling of hope which gives you happiness about your future. Don't reach out to her just because you are going through a period of sadness. Stay strong throughout this process and look back at how far you have gotten already. You will be fine.

You owe her absolutely nothing and she does not deserve your attention. You already tried to make it work but she still walked away. If she wanted to make it work then she would have contacted you back by now. Don't you think that if she really wanted to be with you then she would have said something already? Do you really think that she would want to be back with you but is only holding out because she is waiting for you to say something? No, that is not happening and if theres a very slim chance that it is then screw her since that is a terrible reason not to make it work with someone. What does it say about her that she is willing to go this long without even checking up on you once? She is not the same person anymore. That relationship is dead and you need to come to terms with this.

Don't ever contact her first and trust me that this urge will go away with time. If you ever come close to contacting her then do something to avoid it. Watch a video on how to resist the urge to contact your ex, go workout and get some endorphins, write out a list of things that you don't like about her, go hang out with friends or just write the response here and never send it to her. Remind yourself of how she treated you those last few days together since that is now the person who she is.

Don't blame yourself for anything. Breakups happen all the time. Think about how many relationships you have been aware of in your life and how many of them have failed. Pretty much all of them did, maybe like 90% if I had to bet so dealing with a break up is normal. It is not your fault, you did not cheat on her, you did not abuse her, you have been a good boyfriend from what I have read so it is her LOSS. You will eventually move on from this one way or another. I have a strong feeling that she will contact you again eventually but don't hold out any hope for it. Just remember that 10 weeks is still fresh and some people can take 6-12 months just to say hi to someone after a breakup so you should maintain no contact and try to move on. The more that time passes, the easier it will become and when enough time has passed then you will look back at this situation and be disgusted with her behaviour to just walk away from you like that. I mean think about it, let's say that she messages you and wants to make it work, then can you truthfully say that you would feel the exact same way about her as you did before? Would you not have some doubts that maybe she will walk away from you again? There are so many people out there for you so you do not need to waste your life thinking about someone who doesn't want you.

You are wrong by stating that if you do nothing then nothing will happen. False. By not contacting her you are one step closer to being over her. You are one step closer to never having to worry about her again or what she is doing. You are one step closer to finding someone better. If you contact her then you will risk throwing away this progress. Stick to no contact and you will be fine.
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Old 9th November 2017, 7:35 PM   #37
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I agree with everyone else

Do not contact her and start all over again! I promise you that if she wanted to contact you and reason with you she would find you !! She knows where to find you, she has your email, your cell phone number, your face space account, your address !! Trust me... move on !
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Old 14th December 2017, 7:56 PM   #38
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Originally Posted by Octavian8 View Post
Yeah looking back she did have an avoidant style. She would never tell me whats wrong and I always had to figure it out. I can't remember one time where she told me something was wrong without me prying for it or recognizing I did something wrong myself. The conflict was so infrequent I never thought it was much of a problem though. I guess it was my mistake confusing not fighting with good communication. Looking back direct communication would've been more important even if we fought because we could've actually figured out problems instead of letting them boil over. Lesson learned in this department for sure, but it sucks having to learn the hard way.
Hey dude, hope you're doing well and sorry to hear whats happening to you. I am am literally going through the EXACT same thing as you are, and would love to just talk to you man.

I dated my EX for 3 years - she showed me the ring - we talked about our lives together - and out of the blue she leaves me for someone else. She says she doesnt love me anymore..

She never talked about her issues either..

Last edited by anthle702; 14th December 2017 at 8:12 PM..
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Old 14th December 2017, 10:54 PM   #39
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Man..... going through a break up is such a horrible phase of life. It's like you are walking on a different planet than before. I'll admit that when i was with my ex there were times (like a couple of seconds) where it crossed my mind that maybe I should break up with her but then I thought wow I could never do something like that to her and just devastate the poor girl like that. Seeing as how we were good to our exes, it's so ****ty of them to just walk away like that and hurt us. I understand that feelings change and you can't force someone to be with you but it's still pretty f*cked up of them to do this to us after being happy for so long.

I remember one of my last convos with my ex she said "yes we had some cute memories together and they will forever be held in a special place.... but our time together has come to a close". "There is no such thing as a soulmate, nobody dies for nobody". Jesus how heartless can you be? These are the things I constantly remind myself of when I am thinking of her.

I just needed to vent... hopefully 2018 will be a better year for us.
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Old 16th December 2017, 4:20 AM   #40
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Hey dude, hope you're doing well and sorry to hear whats happening to you. I am am literally going through the EXACT same thing as you are, and would love to just talk to you man.

I dated my EX for 3 years - she showed me the ring - we talked about our lives together - and out of the blue she leaves me for someone else. She says she doesnt love me anymore..

She never talked about her issues either..
Sure man we can definitely talk.
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Old 16th December 2017, 7:08 PM   #41
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Man..... going through a break up is such a horrible phase of life. It's like you are walking on a different planet than before. I'll admit that when i was with my ex there were times (like a couple of seconds) where it crossed my mind that maybe I should break up with her but then I thought wow I could never do something like that to her and just devastate the poor girl like that. Seeing as how we were good to our exes, it's so ****ty of them to just walk away like that and hurt us. I understand that feelings change and you can't force someone to be with you but it's still pretty f*cked up of them to do this to us after being happy for so long.

I remember one of my last convos with my ex she said "yes we had some cute memories together and they will forever be held in a special place.... but our time together has come to a close". "There is no such thing as a soulmate, nobody dies for nobody". Jesus how heartless can you be? These are the things I constantly remind myself of when I am thinking of her.

I just needed to vent... hopefully 2018 will be a better year for us.
I feel you man I had those EXACT same thoughts just for like a brief second once in a while but exactly I would never ever destroy her heart like that. I know looking back and thinking about it a lot I may have made some mistakes, and it tortures me every day to think about what I could've done different. There was a post recently on this forum about a guy who's gf broke up with him over a moving in issue. Im thinking maybe I communicated that I wasn't serious about her by not making enough of an effort to move in with my ex, and not making it clear what my plan for the future was with her. I just can't let these thoughts go. Yeah I was good to her, but what if I was doing things that made it seem like we had no future and now she's done with me because of it? Hurts so much to think about.
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Old 17th December 2017, 4:21 PM   #42
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Yeah i have my own regrets from time to time as well, it's only natural to look back at the situation and see where we could have done things differently but nobody is perfect at the end of the day.

It takes 2 people to make a relationship work and if there was something more which was bothering her then she should have mentioned it to you so that you guys could work on it. Don't be hard on yourself over these things because it is not your fault for why she ended it. She did not put any effort into making the relationship work.

She just felt curious about dating other guys and that is a selfish reason to break up with someone over. She literally said that she wanted to explore other options seeing as how you were her first relationship. She wants to see what it's like with other guys and if she gets bored of them and wants to come back to you then she will take you back. That is such a slap in the face to you man and you deserve better than her. You can't control the fact that you were her first real relationship so don't worry about her selfish reason to walk away.

You mentioned earlier that you are worried that you might not want her back in the future but I'm telling you that you should look forward to having that feeling because you will then trully be over her and you should not take her back for treating you like this. Don't wait for her to change her mind. Think of it as being 1 day closer to seeing this relationship clearly with no emotion involved.

How would you feel if you met her for the first time when you did not have feelings for her yet and she started to mention these things in the beginning? You would probably be thinking "wow ok thanks for letting me know that you are not the girl for me, have a nice life". It will get better with time man so take it one day at a time.
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Old 18th December 2017, 9:04 PM   #43
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Do you guys have any advice on getting over this hate? After almost 2 months, I find myself still moving back and forth through the grief stages.

There are days I'm still shocked. There are days I hate her.

I hate her for lying to me and running off with someone else. I hate her for giving up on our relationship and never addressing her issues with me.

How can we forgive someone who hurt us so badly, while they dont seem to care. I am honestly praying its GIGS, and one day I can shove it in her face.


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Originally Posted by OutKast100 View Post
Yeah i have my own regrets from time to time as well, it's only natural to look back at the situation and see where we could have done things differently but nobody is perfect at the end of the day.

It takes 2 people to make a relationship work and if there was something more which was bothering her then she should have mentioned it to you so that you guys could work on it. Don't be hard on yourself over these things because it is not your fault for why she ended it. She did not put any effort into making the relationship work.

She just felt curious about dating other guys and that is a selfish reason to break up with someone over. She literally said that she wanted to explore other options seeing as how you were her first relationship. She wants to see what it's like with other guys and if she gets bored of them and wants to come back to you then she will take you back. That is such a slap in the face to you man and you deserve better than her. You can't control the fact that you were her first real relationship so don't worry about her selfish reason to walk away.

You mentioned earlier that you are worried that you might not want her back in the future but I'm telling you that you should look forward to having that feeling because you will then trully be over her and you should not take her back for treating you like this. Don't wait for her to change her mind. Think of it as being 1 day closer to seeing this relationship clearly with no emotion involved.

How would you feel if you met her for the first time when you did not have feelings for her yet and she started to mention these things in the beginning? You would probably be thinking "wow ok thanks for letting me know that you are not the girl for me, have a nice life". It will get better with time man so take it one day at a time.
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Old 18th December 2017, 9:35 PM   #44
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It sucks man it really does. I also have days where I hate her, days when i miss her, days where i feel fine and I'm not really thinking of her, and days when i feel lonely. There isn't much you can do right now related to your ex. A few months is not that long of a time to completely get over someone you loved. Try to be positive and look towards a fresh start. Do things which make you happy and set out some goals and accomplish them. I think that the best way to feel better is to just find someone else but don't rush that, it'll come with time. You should not be with someone who left you for another person. Maybe you can try to date other women without getting into a serious relationship, just to talk to new people and socialize. You don't have to forgive your ex right now. Let her live with the guilt of walking away and maybe she will realize it in the future when you are already over her. You will be completely over this situation and you will look back and say "yeah that was an awful time but I made it through it and I grew stronger and learned something from it". Try to stay as positive as possible because you will feel better eventually one way or the other.
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Old 20th December 2017, 12:30 PM   #45
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OP and other guys with similar experiences ...

I've been here!

Its a year later, I went through all the depression and soul searching, but kept NC which became easier in time.

Now I have a 'better' girlfriend than before - she has dispute resolution skills,
lol which the previous one did not!
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