BrokenHeartedMan89 Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 Hello Everyone. You've all been very helpful in getting me through this tough year, I'd like to start off by saying thank you for everything and your taking the time to respond and help a stranger! Merry Christmas and I hope that 2017 is full of happy memories and love. Right on to business, hopefully for the last time... You might remember my thread from a while ago; http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/601277-first-heartbreak-late-20s#post7114089 Well, I've moved forward somewhat since this. I am sleeping well-ish again. I've been going to the Docs and continue the meds, although I don't think i'll need them after Xmas and i'm now seeing a therapist that's making me see my life to date and patterns of behavior more clearly. What I've come to realize in my life, I've spent an endless amount of energy and time trying to fix things for my family, friends and past-loves. Little effort has been spent on 'Self-Focus' ... I've never truly loved myself and really thought about 'me'... What my hopes and desires are, what my morals and boundaries are... A lot of time this last 6 months has been spent in-ward looking. I'm not going to become selfish, although a broken heart and depression can make you so... I just know that i am not the man i was entering 2016, I am different ... walking out of it... what innocence i had is gone. I'm a lot more serious and focused. I'm just not the same anymore. Which brings me to the reason why I am here again... I saw my Ex GF out running on Saturday night. She saw me outside the pub but didn't acknowledge me, I didn't blank her, I just watched her run right past me. (She doesn't look 'all that' in training gear I realized, and I was looking pretty fly)... BUT I felt weird after.. and for Sunday/Monday she was right back in my head. Whilst my Therapist is not willing to label someone without seeing them, from my talks with him, he's convinced that she has to some degree NPD... probably why this first heartbreak has been so traumatic for me. But one thing that persists in my head space now is closure. Now I know you all say closure comes from within, forgiveness and acknowledging that she is not right for me. But a small part of me wants to give her a peace of my mind. When I tried to win her back I wrote her a love poem... she offered it back to me next time she saw me and I recall her saying that she thought a love letter would've been worse... she thought i was too emotional about these things.. basically she needs an unemotional 'using' relationship...poor her. So I am thinking of writing her a letter, in a Christmas card, not to try and 'win her back'. But just to close off on all the things left un-said, I realise this will probably destroy any chance of us ever getting back together. But I think that it may be for the best for me....? To really close the chapter in my head once and for all.. Briefly it'll comprise: How she left me at my weakest point in my life, when all i asked of her on my birthday was no presents, just to be there for me when I needed her (My Mums Cancer/Grans cancer/Broken Rib)... How lonely and lifeless I felt and how broken she left me. People change when their hearts is broken or their eyes are opened, I have experienced both... Why her manipulation of me caused me to be over-stretched and anxious. How her 'deadline' mean't that we couldn't look at the future as a 'team' like she wanted, she was never on my team, I was always trying to be on hers... How her timeframe caused so many actions and decisions that could've made us stronger together, how I would have done many things differently if I'd been more selfish and demanded respect for 'us' as a team. Why threatening me that I didn't have enough time for her was projecting her own real feelings that she didn't really have time for me. How I always felt like I had to spoil her to keep her... I was constantly fighting for her... which corrupted our relationship to it's core from the start. Any HOW she is WRONG. She said I couldn't get another girlfriend whilst I am at home waiting to move in to my flat - I have, who's been with me through these weak times.. 'I couldn't possibly run a 10k' - I've ran 2, now signed up to a 1/2 marathon tough mudder I need a 'fat homely girl' - I've managed to bag a beautiful lean girlfriend that loves me for who I am (she said I can be fat/homeless/scared - she still would love me for my soul)... not for 'good dick and money' like she used to say... she's further on in her career and is so much more loving. She highlights everything my ex did that was manipulative/condescending and disrespectful through her own self-less actions 'I've got a problem with addiction' - I've quit smoking/drugs and cut down on alcohol a lot. Breaking my addiciton to loving her has been the hardest which is almost there... I'm close to a 6 pack for the first time in my life.. Oh and to cap it off, I've just secured a land deal that's taken me 5 years which will net me nearly £400k.. how's that for lazy?! And lastly, thanking her for showing me what really loving somebody is. How it is trusting someone with a piece of your heart and trusting them not to hurt you. Thanking her for breaking me in two at my weakest time of my life... so that I know I can get through it, that I can re-make myself stronger physically and mentally, more self-focused and self-loved that won't allow someone to manipulate and use me again. I will close by writing that I was 'In Love' with her. I'm not any more, I still love her and wish her the best in life. But, I do wish I'd learned these lessons before meeting her, and this year could've panned out a whole lot differently... I can't forget her as she's my first real love, and I'll always carry her giggle in my heart. But i'll never date another self-labelled 'Princess' again. (Especially after seeing the shocking news of a Leeds lad who committed suicide from the break up with a different 'Princess'...) I realize that if she has NPD that this will just inflate her ego ... But I do feel like there's some soul in there somewhere. And I want her to reflect on what damage she's done to someone she 'loved'. I guess that's showing I still care what she thinks. I am to some extent doing what I'm doing to prove her wrong, but it coincides with what i'm discovering are my 'inner qualities' anyway, from what I'm working out with my therapist. Just a f***ing joke that she's been gone 6 months now and she's still costing me a fortune mentally and monetarily... Once again I'd appreciate your thoughts and comments...? You've helped me a lot this year, I appreciate you taking the time! Any lastly, THANK YOU again. I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a love-filled New Year! NotQuiteSoBrokenHeartedMan
PinkPampies Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 I believe that silence speaks volumes. And knowing that YOU are doing great is the best revenge you can get. Contacting her for another bout of 'closure' will honestly set you back. If she contacts you, it will open up feelings again. If she doesn't contact you, you'll wonder why. You do NOT need validation from her. And chances are, even if you tell her these things, she will not care. She'll think she still has you on the hook and if anything, will empower HER, not YOU. Embrace yourself and the positive changes you made. Understand that your good energy you're putting into the universe is coming back to you in the form of positive energy. Let her go. Embrace the pain and then bury it. 1
fromheart Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 She ran past you without acknowledging you, which is childish. Sort of thing a 15 year old would do at school. Why bother reach out to her? In her mind it will just confirm that you are weak and not worthy of attention. A part of her will think, I can even ignore him in the street and he'll take the time to write to me, what a weak man and what a privileged princess I am. Thats exactly what she'll say to her friends. If she wants to communicate with you, she'll have to EARN it, and ignoring you on the street is not deserving of your attention. Moving on, next please.
TheWhittler Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 Don't send the card. Don't send anything. You have come so far and the only reason why you are thinking of this is because she ran past. Stay away and keep going until she can run past and you don't even notice her...
Latino4Lyfe Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 PLEASE do NOT write that letter. You have come so far and got yourself back together. Think of your accomplishments, think of your new girlfriend. Do you really wish to have a risk in compromising all of that just to send a card to your ungrateful ex? Forget about her. Use that card you are getting and write a loving message to a family member or something instead. Leave your ex behind silently and go into 2017 with a better life. She made her bed, let her sleep in it!
Slimtripper Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 Hello Everyone. You've all been very helpful in getting me through this tough year, I'd like to start off by saying thank you for everything and your taking the time to respond and help a stranger! Merry Christmas and I hope that 2017 is full of happy memories and love. Right on to business, hopefully for the last time... You might remember my thread from a while ago; http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/601277-first-heartbreak-late-20s#post7114089 Well, I've moved forward somewhat since this. I am sleeping well-ish again. I've been going to the Docs and continue the meds, although I don't think i'll need them after Xmas and i'm now seeing a therapist that's making me see my life to date and patterns of behavior more clearly. What I've come to realize in my life, I've spent an endless amount of energy and time trying to fix things for my family, friends and past-loves. Little effort has been spent on 'Self-Focus' ... I've never truly loved myself and really thought about 'me'... What my hopes and desires are, what my morals and boundaries are... A lot of time this last 6 months has been spent in-ward looking. I'm not going to become selfish, although a broken heart and depression can make you so... I just know that i am not the man i was entering 2016, I am different ... walking out of it... what innocence i had is gone. I'm a lot more serious and focused. I'm just not the same anymore. Which brings me to the reason why I am here again... I saw my Ex GF out running on Saturday night. She saw me outside the pub but didn't acknowledge me, I didn't blank her, I just watched her run right past me. (She doesn't look 'all that' in training gear I realized, and I was looking pretty fly)... BUT I felt weird after.. and for Sunday/Monday she was right back in my head. Whilst my Therapist is not willing to label someone without seeing them, from my talks with him, he's convinced that she has to some degree NPD... probably why this first heartbreak has been so traumatic for me. But one thing that persists in my head space now is closure. Now I know you all say closure comes from within, forgiveness and acknowledging that she is not right for me. But a small part of me wants to give her a peace of my mind. When I tried to win her back I wrote her a love poem... she offered it back to me next time she saw me and I recall her saying that she thought a love letter would've been worse... she thought i was too emotional about these things.. basically she needs an unemotional 'using' relationship...poor her. So I am thinking of writing her a letter, in a Christmas card, not to try and 'win her back'. But just to close off on all the things left un-said, I realise this will probably destroy any chance of us ever getting back together. But I think that it may be for the best for me....? To really close the chapter in my head once and for all.. Briefly it'll comprise: How she left me at my weakest point in my life, when all i asked of her on my birthday was no presents, just to be there for me when I needed her (My Mums Cancer/Grans cancer/Broken Rib)... How lonely and lifeless I felt and how broken she left me. People change when their hearts is broken or their eyes are opened, I have experienced both... Why her manipulation of me caused me to be over-stretched and anxious. How her 'deadline' mean't that we couldn't look at the future as a 'team' like she wanted, she was never on my team, I was always trying to be on hers... How her timeframe caused so many actions and decisions that could've made us stronger together, how I would have done many things differently if I'd been more selfish and demanded respect for 'us' as a team. Why threatening me that I didn't have enough time for her was projecting her own real feelings that she didn't really have time for me. How I always felt like I had to spoil her to keep her... I was constantly fighting for her... which corrupted our relationship to it's core from the start. Any HOW she is WRONG. She said I couldn't get another girlfriend whilst I am at home waiting to move in to my flat - I have, who's been with me through these weak times.. 'I couldn't possibly run a 10k' - I've ran 2, now signed up to a 1/2 marathon tough mudder I need a 'fat homely girl' - I've managed to bag a beautiful lean girlfriend that loves me for who I am (she said I can be fat/homeless/scared - she still would love me for my soul)... not for 'good dick and money' like she used to say... she's further on in her career and is so much more loving. She highlights everything my ex did that was manipulative/condescending and disrespectful through her own self-less actions 'I've got a problem with addiction' - I've quit smoking/drugs and cut down on alcohol a lot. Breaking my addiciton to loving her has been the hardest which is almost there... I'm close to a 6 pack for the first time in my life.. Oh and to cap it off, I've just secured a land deal that's taken me 5 years which will net me nearly £400k.. how's that for lazy?! And lastly, thanking her for showing me what really loving somebody is. How it is trusting someone with a piece of your heart and trusting them not to hurt you. Thanking her for breaking me in two at my weakest time of my life... so that I know I can get through it, that I can re-make myself stronger physically and mentally, more self-focused and self-loved that won't allow someone to manipulate and use me again. I will close by writing that I was 'In Love' with her. I'm not any more, I still love her and wish her the best in life. But, I do wish I'd learned these lessons before meeting her, and this year could've panned out a whole lot differently... I can't forget her as she's my first real love, and I'll always carry her giggle in my heart. But i'll never date another self-labelled 'Princess' again. (Especially after seeing the shocking news of a Leeds lad who committed suicide from the break up with a different 'Princess'...) I realize that if she has NPD that this will just inflate her ego ... But I do feel like there's some soul in there somewhere. And I want her to reflect on what damage she's done to someone she 'loved'. I guess that's showing I still care what she thinks. I am to some extent doing what I'm doing to prove her wrong, but it coincides with what i'm discovering are my 'inner qualities' anyway, from what I'm working out with my therapist. Just a f***ing joke that she's been gone 6 months now and she's still costing me a fortune mentally and monetarily... Once again I'd appreciate your thoughts and comments...? You've helped me a lot this year, I appreciate you taking the time! Any lastly, THANK YOU again. I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a love-filled New Year! NotQuiteSoBrokenHeartedMan Man, what is wrong with you. Why would you send something like that to anyone? Do you honestly think she will sit down, read that letter and everything will become clear in her brain about you and that she was wrong. You have a lot of thoughts going around your head. Write the letter. Then ****ing burn it. Stop blaming BPD on her. She broke it off. Take the blame for that, then realize how much she is to blame. Then carry on moving on. Letters NEVER work. All the say is "i want you back still" nothing else.
Author BrokenHeartedMan89 Posted December 21, 2016 Author Posted December 21, 2016 I won't be doing that then!... I guess to some extent I still want her back. Thanks everybody.
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