I work with my now ex-boyfriend...

[Little-Wolf]

Hi everyone!

 

My name is Jaz. I've been a lurker on this forum for years, but have never had the guts to post anything until now.

 

I'm having a very hard time coping with my recent break-up (yesterday) and would like some comfort or maybe even a little tough love.

 

I'm going to try and keep this as brief as possible, though I'm making no promises.

 

I'm 22, a business student at Uni and work part time in a local store. I took a vow of celibacy last year after dating nearly 10+ guys in 2014, and not one of them wanted to commit to me. I decided I wouldn't sleep with anyone until I was in a relationship.

 

I lasted 11 months in total. I dated a couple guys here and there from online dating, guys I met in clubs, but nothing ever came from it. Until, let's call him Rob, started working.

 

He was 19, a bit of an arrogant arse-hole, a total ladies man, smoked, drunk, used to do heavy drugs, ect. Everything about him screamed "do not even go there, Jaz!"

 

So I avoided him at all costs. Naturally, we became friends, as our hours were similar. He told me of the girls he was dating and I smiled and felt grateful that I didn't have any feelings for him.

 

Until one day, suddenly I did. They came out of no where. I had never even remotely been attracted to anyone younger than me. The "men" I've dated have all been 23+ all the way up to 30+ and that was the way I wanted to keep it. I hid my feelings for a while, although we both knew there was more to our friendship. We flirted endlessly with each-other. He showed me how to beatbox and went bright red as he did it, and I laughed until my ribs hurt.

 

One evening, my friend and I got blind drunk. I went into work in my little dress and high heels (looking fierce, if I do say so myself) and point black asked him to come out after his shift. Normally, I'd never ask a guy out, if it wasn't for the fact that I had a ridiculous amount of liquid courage inside me I doubt I ever would have asked him out.

 

So, he came and found me after his shift. My friend had found her evenings conquest and had left me alone with him. It was awkward at first- cute awkward. Neither of us knew where we stood with each-other. He downed a few drinks and we went to a quieter bar where we got to know one another outside of work. Then he kissed me. Then I took him back to mine. You all know what happened after that. The sexual tension had over-ridden any sort of sensibility that was chiming in, telling me I was being stupid. He told me since the day he met me, he always though I was stunning.

 

Now, without being crude, let me just say it was the best one night stand I had ever had. We were absolutely explosive together. The second we both fell through the door we were rolling around the floor in a desperate battle to see who could remove their clothes quicker. We had sex four times that night and stayed up talking till the sun rose. He told me I was an amazing cuddler and that he had no idea how smart and interesting I was.

 

At around 1pm, he left for work. I laid back in bed, nursing my poor hangover with a bottle of water and some paracetamol thinking that I would probably never hear from him again.

 

I was wrong.

 

He texted me almost minutes later thanking me for an incredible night. And soon after that, he invited me over to his.

 

He met my family two weeks later on my 22nd birthday. They all took great pleasure in embarrassing me for dating someone younger. I was emotional that Rob had even turned up, seeing as it was NYE, and out of all the crazy parties I imagine he would have been invited to, he spent it with me, getting to know my family, and kissing me when the clock struck 12.

 

At first we decided to stay as FWB. It was easier this way. People in work slowly found out, and although it was terribly embarrassing at first, it became old news quickly, and we started openly kissing, holding hands, whispering to each other and grinning, laughing about things only we knew.

 

I started developing feelings, and I wanted more, which he quickly shut down. He told me he was too much of a mess to start a relationship. I was upset, but I got over it. I didn't see him for a week, until he rung me and asked to see me. I was hesitant, but I had missed him like crazy.

 

Fast forward to February.

There's no easy way to write this, even now, the word feels forced and unapologetic. I had a miscarriage. I had taken my Rigevidon BC pill every day religiously. (Not trying to frighten any of you ladies whom might be on it!) I was taken to hospital, as the pain resonated from the left which indicated an eptopic pregnancy. I had my bloods done and an internal ultrasound which dated me at 6 weeks. I wont bore you all with gory details, but it was the worst pain I had ever been in and the most traumatic experience of my life. Rob was there for me every day. When he first came to see me he said I looked like I had been in rehab for a month. He came to see me every day before work, bringing me whatever I wanted, stroking my back, crying with me over the loss of our baby that wasn't meant to be.

 

Although this time was upsetting, I believe it was the turning point. After that, we were no longer FWB. How could we be? I fell in love with him, and it was unconditional.

 

He asked me to be his girlfriend a week or so after Valentines Day. I agreed and we couldn't have been happier. He came out to a family meal with me and was a delight with my family, kissing my dear old nana on the cheek and shaking hands with the men. I couldn't have loved him more. That night, we sat outside as he smoked a cigarette and he told me I was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life.

 

The only time we bickered was over his pot addiction. I hated it, and he knew that. I tried to be supportive, as I knew he hated his job and the house he lived in, (that's another story) and although he had a short temper, we always reconciled after the argument. In fact, he always joked to his friends that I was a nymphomaniac (I have PCOS-high testosterone, high sex drive) etc, and they'd always joke that he shouldn't be complaining. I certainly wasn't- our sex like was phenomenal. The best I have ever had.

 

Fast forward to last week. Rob had been distant and blunt with me. It wasn't like him at all. We usually spoke on the phone for at least 2 hours a day, if not more, and we saw each-other 1-2 times a week, not including seeing each-other at work. He told me he was stressed about his little brother who was hospitalized, his future career, his life in general, his appearance, etc. I was as supportive as I could be. I told him I was always here for him and I gave him as much space as I could.

 

Yesterday he asked to walk the dogs together. I felt hopeful that he was feeling better. We talked for an hour before he said the dreaded "We need to talk about me and you..."

 

I held on to my pride for as long as I could. He told me that it wasn't the same anymore, that he still cared and had feelings for me but that he was severely depressed and needed to sort out his life on his own. I was relatively calm until he told me that "I have feelings for you, but they aren't the same as the ones I had for my ex."

 

(His ex broke his heart, they broke up nearly two years ago.)

 

I broke down. Full on, ugly, sobbing. He told me he was sorry and held me while I cried in his arms, stroking my hair and back. He said he never meant to make me cry or hurt me. He said I just wasn't the one and that he was sorry over and over again. I told him he hadn't even given me a chance to fight for our relationship, and he told me that we'd been seeing each other since December and that he's tried but the feeling isn't there.

 

He said, and I quote "You're the perfect girlfriend. You're kind, funny, loyal and supportive. You're beautiful and give me sex on tap. I don't deserve you, or your tears."

 

I asked him why he was doing this and giving up so easily and he just repeated that the feeling wasn't there, that he was depressed and that he had given us a chance. I asked him how he was so calm and he said that he just didn't cry in front of people, and that he probably will go home and cry about it later.

 

This was totally out of the blue for me. I had no idea.

 

He asked me "Would you rather I strung you along and broke up with you six months down the line when the feelings are stronger?"

 

And I said "Yes." because I was being bitter and am up to my neck in coursework and exams and really don't need to be dealing with this right now.

 

Then, I dropped the L-bomb. He looked horrified.

 

"I love you, Rob. You might not have felt the same, but I loved you. I probably loved you long ago."

 

"You're being unfair, Jaz."

 

I shook my head, trying to ease the pain in my head. We had never told each-other we loved one another, although I had always felt it. In the little touches, the jealously when I even looked at another male, the laughing till our ribs ached times, the times we laid in bed just staring at each other. I loved him - for that, I'm sure.

 

Even my mother, who didn't like him all that much at first, said "That boy loves the bones off you. I see it in the way he looks at you."

 

As did every one else at work. They all said we were the most random couple ever but somehow we just fitted together.

 

By now we had been walking around the field with our dogs for a little over two hours. I was exhausted - physically and emotionally. So I turned on my heel and said;

 

"I loved you, Rob. You've broken my heart."

 

And I walked off, trying to keep my head held high and my back straight, despite the fact that I had little to no dignity left.

 

And then I got home, collapsed on the ground, and wailed until I threw up so violently that I hit my head on the toilet bowl and passed out.

 

It's been 24 hours and I've heard nothing from him. It's the longest I've gone without talking to him and the tears come fast and from no where. My parents have given up trying to console me, as I am literally a wreck. I even phoned in sick from work. I had a 5AM shift and just couldn't face it. I would have been no use to anyone.

 

Now, I'm very much aware I have written a chapter for a book here. That wasn't my intention- believe me! I just wanted you all to have some backstory. If anything, even if I don't get a reply, I feel somewhat relieved that I've written all this down. My girlfriends have tried and said the usual comforting things you say after a friend gets dumped, but to tell the truth it hasn't really made any difference at all.

 

I'd usually initiate NC. I haven't spoken to him since and I've restricted him from viewing my FB profile. Aside from a snap about being tired which I posted last night on my Snapchat story (Which he looked at, at around 1:30AM..) I've not put anything on social media. I've not bitched about him to anyone or posted various sad quotes on anything. I've not even changed my relationship status on FB. (He never updated his- that's a different story!!)

 

The problem is, I work with him. And I work with him quite a lot. During our time in the field he asked me "What do you want me to do at work?" to which I didn't respond. He said "Do you want me to avoid you? Ignore you? Talk to you? Really make an effort with you? Tell me what you want and I'll do it." and again, I couldn't find the words to speak. I eventually said I didn't know what I wanted. He said "Let me know when you do." I asked him if there was someone else, and he said no. That he was focusing on himself. That he didn't want to date again until he had. The words pierced my heart and the thought of him kissing, touching- being with anyone other than me makes me want to throw up. He told me if I started dating again that he'd be jealous.

 

So, I'm asking you kind people of Loveshack, if you've made it this far, what would you do? I would take him back in a heartbeat, he has become my rock, my best friend and my lover and I miss him terribly. I honestly cannot stop crying. I am going back to work tomorrow, although he doesn't work Sundays, and I know he'll be there Monday. Do I stay civil with him? Do I look past him as if he doesn't exist? If someone asks me about the breakup, what do I say? I can't imagine he has told many people as he's a private person, but someone, by now, must have asked how we are. I know he's working right now, and I'm terrified if someone asks me about it tomorrow that I will literally break down in front of everybody.

 

I don't know what to do.

 

I honestly thought this guy was my soul mate. We were different in every way we could be different, but we just ... were. We were everything I had never had in previous relationships. I had even planned Christmas, birthdays... I feel so naive and stupid. When I love, I put everything into it. I love unconditionally.

 

Any input, previous experiences with working with an ex, and any advice regarding where I go from here would be wonderful.

 

Nothing too tough, all you amazing tough-lovers! I'm still pretty fragile.

Edited May 14, 2016 by Little-Wolf
Typos!

[KatieNguyen91]

Hi, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Not sure if I have any advice to give to you, I just want to share with you my situation.

My ex and I work for the same company. We used to work in different departments until about 2 months ago, we both got a promotion and moved to the same department. We were so happy we get to work together, sharing the experience. He used to walk by my cubicle (my cubicle is on the main hallway) and gave me little knock on the wall to let me know that it's him and he's thinking about me.

3 weeks later, he broke up with me, here is my story if you want to read it.

(http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/578232-he-broke-up-me-because-i-m-not-christian-but-i-still-have-see-him-everyday)

 

It has been about a month since he dumped me. Now, I have to see him every day. Sometimes I think I'm ok, but as soon as I walk into work, hear his voice or see him, my heart breaks all over again. We used to talk on Lync all day every day, and now, every time i have something pop up in Lync, I would hope that it was him. And when I see that it's not, I get so sad. Or even if it was him, messaging me, it was for business. Going to staff meeting with him, seeing him every time i walk to the printer, some days I even have anxiety attack at work.

 

I'm currently doing the no contact, or limited contact. but it's 10 times harder than normal circumstance where you don't have to see your ex at all. Every day I go in, I would have to put in my headphones to block his voice/motion out. And everyday I ask myself the question "What is God's plan for us to get a job together and broke us up three weeks later?"

 

Hang in there, it will get better (that's what everybody told me, although I don't see how yet. I still love him deeply and would love more than anything to have him back)

[Little-Wolf]

Hi there, Katie!

 

Thank you so much for your honest reply. It's honestly very comforting to know that I'm not alone.

 

I went into work today, and was sent home after 3.5 hours. I was a state. I worked as best as I could and fortunately I have a close relationship with my supervisor so she sent me home after I cried to her in the office.

 

I don't feel any better yet.

 

He doesn't use FB much, so when I check what time he was last online, I always think the worse.

 

Today has been better, I've not cried nearly as much as the last few days. I don't think I have any tears left.

 

I know what you mean. I still love him unconditionally. I dread when everyone at work finds out we are no longer together.

 

I'm perhaps a little more fortunate than you, as I have two weeks off after tomorrow and will not have to see him until the 28th of May.

 

I'm here if you ever want to message me or need a friend. x

Edited May 15, 2016 by Little-Wolf

[lana-banana]

No tough love from me. This is a painful situation and you've been through a lot; being hard on you won't make it any better. The closest I can get to criticism is to acknowledge it's never a good idea to say "I love you" after someone has said they want to break up. Your ex was right to say that's not fair.

 

Try to minimize all contact with him at work and start looking into new jobs. Unless your current position is critical to your career it will probably be easier to find something else. In the meantime block him on FB, Snapchat, Instagram and whatever else. Put a block on his number (you can do this directly from your provider's website) and then delete it from your phone.

 

You'll get past this. Have faith in your ability to get past this. Just take it one day at a time.

[Little-Wolf]

Thank you for your very kind, sweet post, Lana-Banana.

 

I agree with you - it makes me cringe thinking that I told him I loved him before I walked away. I guess I wanted to throw all my cards on the table. I admit fully that this was wrong, but I was in a desperate state. I acknowledge that fully.

 

He's been removed from FB & Snapchat. I've posted nothing indicating that I'm sad, upset, ect. Just that I've been unwell.

 

Somehow he's managed to look at my entire snapchat story today. Not sure how that's happened considering I don't have him as a friend. Anyone know why this is?

 

No other social media removal was necessary fortunately. For a young lad, he doesn't really use social media at all. Snapchat and FB were the only ones. He hadn't updated his status since last October, until today. (I was only on his profile to block him.) And he posted a status about being gutted. I had to admit, I was curious - turned out that it was because his football team lost! All our photos are still up (not that there were many, he was a very private person.) But they're there nonetheless. I removed him after reading the status.

 

I feel so drained. My wonderful supervisor has already written a note to my manager tomorrow telling him I wont be in. She has been a true friend to me in these times, and I have many wonderful girlfriends rallying around me.

 

It doesn't stop the ache though. I so desperately want him to contact me, but I know that he wont. It's been over 48 hours since I heard anything from him at all.

 

So, you're recommending that I keep work civil? Do I even acknowledge his existence at all? Do I wait for him to say something to me? I have a little under two weeks to worry about this, so I'm trying to ease my mind so that I'm prepared to face him.

[lana-banana]

Of course you should be civil. You can avoid him or even run in the other direction if you have to, but it's never wise to be rude in the workplace. If this guy has any decency at all (and it sounds like he does) he will probably go to great lengths to avoid you too, so you won't be talking unless it's strictly business. In that case speak to him as coolly as possible and go about your day.

 

Do you absolutely have to remain at this job? Do you have any options elsewhere? Maybe your current supervisor can give you a reference.

[Little-Wolf]

Thanks again for your reply, Lana, I do really appreciate it.

 

I've had no contact from him, and he has not looked at my snapchat story today. The constant checking to see if he's looked at it is driving me mad so I may take a break from social media for a little while.

 

I looked into booking my theory test today, did some car shopping, put a pin in which car insurance I wanted to take out. Then I bought myself a brand new tablet, had a hot bath with a good book and am getting an early night. I only shed a couple tears today and that was when I wasn't doing anything, and my mind wondered to what he was up to or whether or not he was thinking of me or missed me at all. Keeping busy really is the best method. I may even persuade my best friend to start dancing lessons with me again.

 

I still feel very low sometimes throughout the day. This time last week I was over his. We had a little fight and I stormed downstairs. Within an hour he texted me saying he missed me terribly and to come back to bed. I don't understand what changed in a matter of days. His brother was hospitalized on Tuesday, and that's when he started becoming distant. I want more than anything for him to reach out to me - not that I'd respond, but something, anything, to show he cared about me or how I'm doing would suffice. Everyone at work knew I was ill this weekend, someone must have told him or asked him how I was, and he still hasn't contacted me.

 

A blessing in disguise, as my mother would say.

 

I really want to pass my driving test before I start a new job anywhere. I'm in full time education doing a pretty hard degree and this job is easy, convenient and I only live a ten minute walk away. Plus, wouldn't leaving just show how much he has destroyed me? Wouldn't everyone know that the sole reason of me leaving would be down to him? I'm not sure I'm comfortable giving someone that much power, although I suppose it wouldn't hurt to start looking to see if there are any other jobs out there...

[lana-banana]

Why do you expect him to reach out to you? He's no longer your boyfriend; he isn't obligated to show you he cares about you, as harsh as that sounds. I don't think it's normal or healthy for someone to reach out to the person they just dumped and ask how they're doing, especially after a breakup as emotionally fraught as yours. He knows you're hurting. But it's not his job to try to make it better.

 

It sounds like you're doing everything exactly right. Keep busy and focused on your own well-being. As for work, try it for a while and see how you feel. Whether you can manage it or not is up to you. What matters is how you feel and what's best for you, not what you're "proving" by staying in a situation that tears you up inside. There's no gold medal for Speed Breakup Recovery. And ultimately, none of your coworkers are going to care why you left, or even remember much about it. How does the saying go again? "We wouldn't care what others thought of us if we realized how little they do"?

[Lifeissomething]

10 months today that my ex dumped me and we work in the same office. This job is absolutely critical to my career, so leaving isn't an option.

It's been absolute hell, and while I'm stronger than I was 10 months ago, hearing her voice, her laughter, and knowing her presence is just a few offices away, is hell. I have a boardroom meeting with our team, 3 days after the breakup. I wonder if I'll never experience such a horrible meeting ever again lol.

 

If you have the option to leave your job, do it.

You staying around will be the equivalent to violently tearing off the band-aid of a deep and sensitive wound. You might look at this as defeat, and it is, but who cares, what the coming months will do to your mental and emotional health will be dreadful. Seriously, I'm moving on in a few months, and I'm literally counting down the days.

 

Ignore him at all costs. Be upfront about space and distance he needs to be a ghost to you. If for whatever selfish reasons (guilt usually) he tries to be friendly, tell him to f|_|ck off--no time for that. Not that you should hate him, but friendliness is a setback to you. He's young and might not get that. He doesn't get to dump you and then want to try and 'right' it with niceness.

 

There's no easy way to move forward. The saying 'don't defecate where you eat' will be scarred into your emotional paradigm.

 

Fear not though, you will find bright light at the end of the tunnel and survive this. Time is the answer. You sound like a educated girl who's quite in touch with herself and others around her. Plenty of other guys out there who will break down doors for you, stay strong.

[Little-Wolf]

Lifeissomething, I'm so sorry that you're hurting, even 10 months later. I really do wish you peace in your life. Do you think that if you perhaps didn't work with her, maybe you'd be over her by now?

 

I just work in a shop, so no big group meetings for me. I can't imagine how awful that was, I know I would have been in absolute bits so you must have been very strong! Although we do usually work 1/2 times a week together. At least once, as we are both contracted for Saturdays.

 

It's been 4 days since our last contact. He has stopped looking at my Snapchat stories (I'm not sure how to handle this. One part of me was happy he was looking and seeing that I'm not broken and in bits over him and that I'm living my life) and I have heard nothing from him. I'd hate to break this just to tell him that I don't want to talk to him at work. I honestly don't know how I'm going to handle this- I'm trying not worry about it for now. I'm off to Manchester this weekend and I have a big, scary economics exam next Tuesday.

 

I'll look for other jobs, but to be honest, I'm only going to be there for another year. I graduate next summer. We had a woman, I'll call her Hope, and she had a relationship with a womanizer who worked there. I'll call him John. Their relationship ended so badly, and he destroyed her so much (I know this, because he tried it on with me too!!!!) that she left because of him and left a load of Taylor Swift lyrics on his locker. I felt bad for her, because she was a woman in her 40s, but everyone else laughed at her. They said she was weak and pathetic for leaving just because of him. I'd hate for people to say that about me, but I guess I'll have to wait and see how bearable working around him is.

 

The problem is, I'm a stubborn woman. I would hate for people to ever say I left because of him. I want to leave on my own terms, when I have my degree under my belt, and I can walk out of that place with my head held high.

 

I don't know how many people know now. The thought of going back turns my blood to ice, but I'm almost hoping everyone knows by now, because it'll be old news by the time I return next Saturday.

 

Thank you so much for your kind words, by the way. I've been feeling up and down today. My friend took me to lunch, I had a driving lesson where I mastered reversing around a bend. It literally is only when I'm not doing anything that my mind goes straight to him. I miss him terribly. I want to text him after lunch, after my driving lessons and tell him everything. I miss his friendship more than anything.

 

I really hope it gets easier...

 

Lana - It wasn't harsh at all. I read and re-read everything you said. I know he doesn't owe me anything, I just figured after all we had been through that he would have said something- anything to me by now. I've heard nothing, nada. That's what hurts. I know he's depressed and he told me he was being selfish but I never thought he could cut me off like this like I meant nothing to him. His last words to me were that he didn't regret a single second of our relationship and I told him that I did, because I'd have rather been alone than feel the pain I was feeling in that moment.

 

I still feel that way now. This has probably been the most pain I've experienced from a breakup because my god, I really, really, loved that man. I saw me living my life with him. And I'm sad and feeling so low because he couldn't see it for himself.

Edited May 17, 2016 by Little-Wolf

[preraph]

I worked with an ex for a decade, and it wasn't easy on me. I had to make myself really shut off random thoughts and dreams. It wasn't the easiest on him either, I'm sure.

 

You can't tell a guy really loves you in any shortish period of time, no matter how they act. It has to stand the test of time. I was never very naive, but I have mistaken a guy loving sex with them loving me before. It's pretty common for them to act like they love you when the relationship is new and sexy.

 

This guy sounds like a good guy, overall. He just wasn't feeling it. Maybe he thought you or someone else could help alleviate his depression, but it didn't. Maybe his depression will always be a problem, or maybe he'll recover from it, but it sounds like it's based in losing his ex, possibly, but that's just my assumption because he brought both of those things up at the same time.

 

You could make it easy on yourself and find a new job if it's at all practical. Would be easier to recover and take far less out of you, I promise.

 

Best wishes. Do whatever you have to do to keep your dignity at work and elsewhere. If that means looking for another job, do it. Or maybe he will, but doesn't sound like it since he has placed himself at your mercy for how you want him to be at work.

[Little-Wolf]

Ouch, working with an ex for a decade?! I don't know how you did it, preraph! You're a lot stronger than I could be.

 

I think I have kept my dignity quite well so far, especially after how hideous the actual break up was. I've not tried to contact him at all. I've lived my life as fully and busy as I can without him. I think under his rough, bad boy image, he is a good egg. Just a little young with a bit of a chip on his shoulder I guess. I don't want to sit here and slag him off because it's not really who I am as a person.

 

Your assumption was right. His ex leaving him did cause his depression. He even explicitly told me that she was the reason he turned to heavy drugs. I accepted his past, every saint has a past and every sinner has a future or however the saying goes. He never touched anything heavier than weed when he was with me.

 

Thank you for your message by the way! It's always good to get a fresh perspective.

[Little-Wolf]

Just to update you all, my brother (who also works in the same store as Rob and I) told me that Rob went out of his way to come find my brother and ask him point blank how I am.

 

As little as I foresaw this happening, I did tell my brother to make sure he'd never tell Rob how broken hearted I am. He didn't really understand this, he wanted to give it to Rob that I was a mess and absolutely devastated. I ensured he would say I was getting over my sickness and I was okay.

 

So, apparently the conversation went like this... (from what I gathered from my brother anyway)

 

Rob: Hey, how's Jaz?

Him: She's fine. She was ill all weekend.

Rob: How is she, you know, after everything?

Him: She was upset. She liked you a lot.

Rob: I know.... I know.

Him: I think you did it right to a point, but bringing up your ex was sh*tty.

Rob: Yeah I guess, but she was a girl I was in love with. I just wanted to put some perspective it.

Him: It was wrong to compare them though.

Rob: Maybe.

Him: She did really like you, Rob.

Rob: It's not all about her, I had to come to this decision and make this choice. I had to think of myself.

 

And that's all my brother told me. He said the way Rob was talking was very "woe is me." and he wanted to tell him to man up. I really wanted to press him further, but I didn't want to pester him anymore or even really think about it. I was annoyed that he had gone directly to my brother to ask if I'm okay, using him as grapevine to find out how I'm doing.

 

I went into work today and talked to another supervisor who I'm close with. He knew of our breakup which didn't shock me, but was shocked to find out that Rob was the one who left me. He told me that Rob was just a lad with anger issues and that I deserved much better, and that he was crazy to leave someone so beautiful and intelligent. He sat me down and told me he knew how much it sucked and that he was sorry that he was crazy enough to leave me, and that I was way out of his league anyway. And this is coming from a married man. It rubbed my ego a little bit but I still felt sad. It's all good and well hearing this from someone else but it doesn't stop the pain I'm in.

 

I'm off to Manchester tomorrow. I hope I'll enjoy myself and not be a drag to my friend.

[lana-banana]

Rob sounds unusually mature for a 19-year-old. I can see why you were attracted to him.

 

I really think you should find a new job or at least develop a strong coping strategy for your current one. It sounds like there are way too many emotional minefields here, especially with your brother in the mix, and your coworkers sound like nasty people (mocking someone who left after she had a breakup? Who does that?). I think it could be too painful to stay. How will you feel when you start hearing about Rob's new girl? It just doesn't seem worth it unless you need this job for your career.

 

This story also exemplifies why total honesty in breakups is overrated. Saying "I don't see a future with you" is enough. "I never fell in love with you, unlike my ex" is just unnecessarily harsh. It wounds your ego and makes you crazy with jealousy, both of the ex and the next girl that does actually capture his heart. I couldn't imagine telling my last boyfriend that I didn't feel attracted to him and felt terrified at the thought of a future with him. "I don't want to continue this relationship" sufficed for both of us.

 

Be strong and enjoy your time off, but think hard about whether you want to keep at your job. I think it could damage your overall well-being and make it extremely difficult to move on.

[Toodaloo]

Jas here is my take on all this.

 

This guy just doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. He is woe is me because he did have feelings for you but they just were not as strong as yours.

 

I know it hurts right now but he has done the best thing.

 

Because now you are free. You are free to heal and get over the hurt then go out and find someone who really does love you just as much as you love them.

 

If he hadn't done this you would still be together and you would be wasting your time with him.

 

So - what to do.

 

Paint your nails, get your hair done, call up the girls and go out for the night. Go crazy, go play miniature golf, go and join a dance class or learn something you have always wanted to do. Make your life your own again.

 

Stop talking to him, stop asking others about him. Just let him go. You don't need him hanging on.

[Little-Wolf]

Rob sounds unusually mature for a 19-year-old. I can see why you were attracted to him.

 

I really think you should find a new job or at least develop a strong coping strategy for your current one. It sounds like there are way too many emotional minefields here, especially with your brother in the mix, and your coworkers sound like nasty people (mocking someone who left after she had a breakup? Who does that?). I think it could be too painful to stay. How will you feel when you start hearing about Rob's new girl? It just doesn't seem worth it unless you need this job for your career.

 

This story also exemplifies why total honesty in breakups is overrated. Saying "I don't see a future with you" is enough. "I never fell in love with you, unlike my ex" is just unnecessarily harsh. It wounds your ego and makes you crazy with jealousy, both of the ex and the next girl that does actually capture his heart. I couldn't imagine telling my last boyfriend that I didn't feel attracted to him and felt terrified at the thought of a future with him. "I don't want to continue this relationship" sufficed for both of us.

 

Be strong and enjoy your time off, but think hard about whether you want to keep at your job. I think it could damage your overall well-being and make it extremely difficult to move on.

 

He was mature for a 19 year old in many ways. I have never, ever been interested in someone younger than me. But hey, the older men I dated treated me like garbage, I just thought, why not date him? I took a chance and it backfired.

 

Some of my co-workers are wonderful. Some of them are evil. (Isn't it the same everywhere? ) The thought of hearing about him with someone else is not great. It brings tears to my eyes actually. I'll look into other jobs. I'm hopefully buying my car this week which will spur me on to book my driving test, which will give me so much more freedom.

 

It is messy with my brother working in the same place. The two of them ... didn't bond as such, but they did get on with eachother. My brother was worried about his anger issues and called him a bullsh*tter every now and then. I would smile and roll my eyes because I was the only one who got to saw who he really was without the front he puts on for people at work.

 

I'm missing him terribly today. To know that he's suffering with his despression and that I can't help him kills me. It makes my heart ache. My best friend is all loved up with her new man and I have a feeling this is going to be a long weekend away.

 

I cried for a little while again today. First time in a few days, though I broke out of it and continued to pack my case. I wish I was sharing this experience with him. It dawned on me earlier that I'll have no one to talk to on this coach trip. My friend set me up on an online dating website but the thought of being intimate with another man makes me feel sick to my stomach, and I'm a very sexual being. I guess I'm not ready. I got talking to a couple, but they were dull as dishwater and others got angry when I didn't want to send private photos to them. Oh online dating, how I haven't missed it at all.

 

Thanks all for your responses again! (Also, sorry for any typos, still getting used to tapping away on a tablet!)

[fixing]

What a desperate situation to find yourself in. I can only reiterate what a few posters above me said, and that is, to find another job.

 

In all fairness, at least he was mature enough to tell you straight instead of messing you around. His reference to his ex was a little too close to the bone but hey, he said it.

 

I like what your supervisor told you 'You are intelligent and beautiful'. You need to take heed of those two words and let them sink in...

 

Who knows why he ended it, but he did. And thats that. Its a dreadful predicament to find yourself in and our emotions can cripple us as humans. But, THE ONLY THING YOU CAN DO, is walk away with your head held high.

 

Do not break the nc. Do not respond or engage in any of his attempts of conversation. Because, if and when he does try to initiate contact, it is only by purely selfish reasons on his behalf. Mainly his ego that you are not talking to him.

 

Try to get another job asap or switch shifts so you are not on at the same time.

 

Stick with NC and treat yourself like the good person you are. Don't you deserve it??

 

Good luck.