artsygirl78 Posted December 17, 2014 Share Posted December 17, 2014 (edited) Hi All, So I had the weirdest experience earlier this week seeing my ex in my own compatibility list on OK Cupid. You can read all about the drama and history in my previous thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/483143-broke-up-soulmate-letting-go-friends-update We were more than 90% compatible. I looked at his picture, was shocked it was him since I haven't heard from or contacted him since the breakup 7 months ago. It was just . . . so odd. And sad. And it reminded me of the reasons why I fell in love with him, and broke up with him, at the same time. So many mixed feelings, which of course was the dynamic of the whole relationship. I deactivated my OK Cupid account before he was online so I am praying he doesn't realize I was checking his profile out - ahhh, the ego burn. The way he talked about himself and what he had to offer, all his personality quirks, his interests, what he wants in life, all of his warmth and sensitivity, I was like - "Yup. That is the man I loved and thought of as my other half. He was perfect for me and I can't believe I broke up with him, WTF have I done?!?!". And then I read the part about what he was looking for - he basically went on a rant about how he has had a lot of bad luck in relationships, that he has learned that he picked women who were damaged goods (I believe the words were weak, broken and needy) and then he tried to fix them, but they used and abused him until he had no choice but to walk away. He said he was heart weary and had become very choosy about who he would spend his time with, and that he has learned he is no longer the pursuer - if a woman will not accept him exactly as he is, that she is not worthy of his company. I was floored. This was a man that got dumped by all of his serious relationships, including me. Mostly for the same reasons. They all thought he was cheating on them when he supposedly was not - mostly because of how he treated them and made them feel, I can guess from my own experience. His always seeing himself as the victim, comparing me to his ex all the time, being negative, cynical about relationships and being emotionally and financially unstable while he flirted with his female friends, yet picked on every little thing about me to the point where I felt insecure and ashamed of myself, was the reason why I broke it off, and yet there it all was in the profile. He hasn't learned a thing. And he has now lumped me in as just another person that was damaged goods who treated him badly, when I did everything I could to be as loving, attentive, kind and gentle as I could to him, even until the very end. I had him on a pedestal the whole time we dated. I can't tell you how many times I told him how much I loved him, how grateful I was to have him as my boyfriend, how much I wanted to make him happy, all the ways I went full out and gave him everything I had - it was like he never appreciated what he had from me. If I hadn't known who he was and read his profile, despite the "compatibility", I wouldn't have touched it with a 10 foot pole. The guy shows a soft heart and deep sensitivity about life, but in his late forties sounds like a teenager complaining - he is a barrel of emotional issues, has a huge chip on his shoulder, and is blaming women for his problems instead of taking responsibility for his life. I guess the Universe wanted to give me a sign that I made the right decision. And yet the good parts about him, I still miss terribly!! Love is just a crazy, crazy thing! Edited December 17, 2014 by artsygirl78 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted December 17, 2014 Share Posted December 17, 2014 What'd you expect him to do on the profile... to advertise HIMSELF as damaged goods? It doesn't work that way. Remember, it's pretty much like selling a used car. You're not going to talk about the stuff hiding under the hood that could kill the deal. Link to post Share on other sites
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