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Consolidated discussion: The No Contact Guide and No Contact process and experience


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 13th January 2018, 8:48 PM   #346
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Originally Posted by wallace87 View Post
Finding NC difficult at the moment 1 month in as it was a situation I stumbled into rather than deliberately initiated, and as such I've had no real closure or formal breaking of contact. I'm weakening abit at the thought of reaching out partly because the unrealistic part of my brain misses her, and partly just to try and satisfy all the urge to say things that I never got to say and questions in my own mind about how I've contributed to the situation, which I feel I've been dealt slightly harshly with. Thats probably a bad idea though, and negative responses would set me back I think. Its all pointless now anyway, I understand, but I overthink and it doesnt help. Hopefully I will make progress soon, but I see alot of positivity reading on here about other people who have been in NC longer than me in longer deeper relationships than me, so thats a hopeful thing
I was at three weeks of no contact and I caved. Wrote him a text and got no reply. Year and a half relationship and also got no closure. As much as you want to reach out donít. Trust me the no reply set me back a lot. Iím still having a hard time but I donít want to feel like I did again when I got no message back again. Iím on week two of NC since then and I have very hard days and some days that are a little bit better. Just keep the NC. You got this
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Old 16th January 2018, 6:39 AM   #347
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My experience with NC and my recent situation

First of all I want to say that I am sorry for all of you who are going through pain but IT WILL GET BETTER IF YOU LET IT HAPPEN. It really is that simple
I have an old post from my first real break up and I tell you: No contact does work but not with the intention to get someone back. No contact makes perfect sense because it is the only think you are left with. The only other thing you could do is to beg or make a clown of yourself but this would result in the lowest selfesteem ever. So please go no contact - to get yourself back.

If you could live on your own before that person - you can do it without them AND remember that you (of course) are able to attract people because thats what you did with the person in the beginning too. Of course I know that it is the last thing you want to hear now because you are hurting now over the last relationship. Please, please and please get yourself together and go through the pain, accept it and day by day try to find how you can be the old you or even improve yourself.

After my first boyfriend left me I literally begged (for a month or so) and I made a fool out of myself. Eventually I realized that there really is no other option then to remove that idiot from my life. It was four years ago and i totally have a different picture of it now. Shortly after NC I realized that he was a manipulative idiot and that I was a bit idealistic too. I let him made a fool out of me. Long story short ... I met a new man (now my ex) and had a 3 year relationship with him. My ex contacted me... of course he did because I didnt contact him and he was curious as hell. He contacted me a lot of times thoughout the last few years AND I NEVER EVER reacted or did anything. One day I was taking a walk and I saw him from far away.. I changed my route so I didn't have to see him because I was disgusted by everything that had happened. He really did reach out and tried to "reason" me into being freinds or whatever but for me he didn't exist and I was the one he left. You really have to bounce back because it is the only way you can push your ego which is something you need. And only in that way you can see how it really was and not how you wished it had been.

That said... after a long relationship with my now ex who left me (he cried and said he didn't deserve me blablabla) I went no contact the same minute. "You left me even though you now I love you and went though all your **** with you? Fine." Thats what I said to myself. Thanks to the internet I knew what to do to get better as soon as possible.

There is only one truth you have to know: he/she didn't love you as much as you loved him/her. The love in your relationship was you. Do everything possible to get over it - accept it. No contact is the only thing you have left because someone who loves doesn't walk away if the relationship was a healthy one or had a few issues that could be fixed.

I am only 1 week in NC now but omg do I feel better. The last time I needed 2 months to feel that way. And it doesn't mean that I loved the last one less, no... I loved him the right and unselfish way with all me heart - but it wasn't enough for a reason. He left and he didn't reach out so he is done. It is hard to accept but someone is waiting for me who will love me and stay. This is such an uninteressting fact when you are hurting over the one you tought was THE ONE but we all deserve more - real love and real commitment. I hope that I could help someone
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Old 25th January 2018, 9:26 PM   #348
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I don't know if it counts as NC, but of my 4 exes, I've only had one where we no longer have any communication at all. And even then it wasn't me that initiated it.

It was my second exboyfriend, and I broke up with him, but we remained friends for a while... and then he just stopped talking to me. Didn't respond to my emails (he lived far) and then one day I receive an email from him saying he had just come from a visit from a doctor. He was dying. I tried sent him emails and tried to call him after... but nothing. That was the last I've ever heard from him.

I hope he's alright, but I wish I knew if he was still okay. I guess that's the only thing I regret about this whole probably not even NC-thing.

Unless it was me that was the recipient of that NC.
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Old 6th February 2018, 9:31 PM   #349
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Hi people. I have no idea how I ended up over here but I'm glad that I did. 6 months ago I was going through a bad breakup after 2 years of relationship that ment more than any other and I was feeling sad about it like never before.

The Caliguy no contact rules made the process easier. I mean.. it was still really hard for me, but somehow it made the difference.

Now I'm more happy and I hope for the best, but after a breakup that bad I'm still kinda sceptic about new people and I need more time to open up on a romantic-relationship level, but I don't have any problem with making new friends. I guess it will pass with time or I just didn't find the right one jet.

Thanks for the help, Caliguy and others!
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Old 8th February 2018, 10:40 PM   #350
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Quote:
There is only one truth you have to know: he/she didn't love you as much as you loved him/her. The love in your relationship was you. Do everything possible to get over it - accept it. No contact is the only thing you have left because someone who loves doesn't walk away if the relationship was a healthy one or had a few issues that could be fixed.
Thank you for this. I'm new on here, though familiar with NC. Been beating myself up over 7 months hoping for a reconciliation in a situation that to me had very few issues, great love, communication, etc.

Similar to AT575 I made a recent text and got no reply. Knocked my rear back on the ground and now its almost like starting over with the thoughts in my head.
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Old 13th February 2018, 2:15 AM   #351
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Iím sorry you also got not reply. Itís a terrible feeling. I have not messaged since I sent that message. I have good days and I have bad days. I just keep telling myself if this person really wanted to talk to me or have them in their life then they would make the effort to do so. Someone that treats me like that does not deserve my time and energy. Much easier said than done. Bottom line remember to respect yourself. Be kind to yourself. Itís been over two months since Iíve heard anything on his end. Mornings are still the hardest but not looking at his social media has really helped. Trust me I am tempted to everyday but I donít want to feel how I did after I messaged and got no reply or see photos of him with someone else. As much as you want to reach out, want to check up on them. Donít. It sets you back big time.
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Old 27th February 2018, 6:29 PM   #352
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Hello everyone! Discovered this site today while at work and constantly checking my phone--a habit of expecting texts from my now-ex. Broke up 11 days ago, and last spoke on the phone last Wednesday, when I got a text about her coming by to get her stuff. I then got flooded with emotion and called, wanting to talk and process things, maybe even try to fix it. I could tell by her tone that there was no hope, yet called back again several minutes later, just expressing how it was odd that we were breaking up in a fairly civil manner, as opposed to our earlier fights and breakups, where we were wound up. I did tell her that I need to stop processing my thoughts with her and stop trying to force it and instead accept it. Said our sorrys and that was that. Haven't talked to her since last Wed, but think about her every day, going through different emotions.

Overall she treated me better than I treated her, but she had little time for me with other responsibilities. I think it's for the best, for her to not deal with my moods and neediness and for me to work on becoming a better person, and down the line--a better partner.

I am doing a good job at staying away from checking on her on social media. I am troubled by occasional thoughts of wanting her to fail; maybe out of hurt, maybe Im just a miserable guy by nature. Then at other, less frequent times I do wish her well, as she is a good person and deserves well. I know people grieve differently, I just wanted to acknowledge that aside from blaming (her, then myself) these troublesome thoughts are there. I do snap out of it and re-focus on the future and learning from my mistakes, but that rabbit hole sure has my name.

Last edited by Revelation; 27th February 2018 at 6:33 PM..
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Old 28th February 2018, 5:36 PM   #353
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Getting over the parts you missóugh!

No contact for a year basically-his choice but all for the best. Will always have a hard time forgiving myself and will always have a hard time dealing with how angry he made me and how I allowed it. And sometime still do. But dealing! Making friends, dating someone sweet who is okay with keeping things where I need them to be. What still really tugs though? How I will sometimes remember the fun we had. And miss THAT him. Thatís when I wish we could have somehow made the friend thing work even though we sucked as a couple. Planning a solo trip to ďour cityĒ with the intension of reclaiming it for myself again and itís dedging up memories. Time, wounds, healing.
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