Slowly moving on, but I have days when I look back. :(

[limbophase]

Hello. I'll try to keep my story as short and concise as possible.

 

My ex girlfriend was one of the best things to ever happen in my life. When I found out she had a huge crush on me, I decided to ask her out. She was 19 and I was 23 at the time. We meet through an organization through our different schools. It was a distance relationship (about 3 hours away). Regardless of what others think, it was amazing. We always managed to see each other in person for two weekends out of the month and Skyped and texted each other every day. I fell for her so hard, and I know she loved me too. I was her first boyfriend and she was my third girlfriend (but really my first serious one. I never felt a connection like I did with her.

 

For the next two years, things had been going great. She was finishing up her undergraduate, and I had just started my first big boy job out of college. It was good that we weren't always around one another because it gave each of us the chance to do our own thing, rather than settle into each other. Not to say our relationship was perfect, but it was truly amazing. I did everything in my power to make sure this girl felt appreciated and cared for (sometimes at the sacrifice of my wants and need *I know; red flag*)

 

After she had graduated college, I could tell something was wrong. I started to hear from her less and less. When I called to tell her what was up, she said she was stressed with finding a job after college. I offered to help, but she said she didn't want to burden me. I decided to give her some space. As a few weeks went by, I had a serious question to ask her, but by this point I was starting to feel really off. When I confronted her and told her that I feel we may not have an anniversary to celebrate, she dropped a huge bomb on me. She told me how for the past month, she's not sure how she feels and doesn't think she can marry me anytime in the future. How I'm her first boyfriend, and that she really doesn't know what else is out there. I was crushed. I told her lets go three weeks no contact and when we see each other again, we can decide what to do.

 

Needless to say, she had made up her mind and it was over. I know she was crushed about it too. She said she may regret it all in the future, but it was something she had to do. She also said she doesn't deserve someone as great as me in the state she's in.

 

Well after losing the love of my life, I was in a rut for 2 weeks. I found out that my company was sending me to China for a month to work and I was so exited and felt like that would help me move on. It did, and when I came back, I felt so much better and called up my ex to see if we could be friends (after all, it wasn't a bad breakup. No cheating or abuse involved). I reached out to her, but it's always me making the first move, I hear nothing from her. It irritates me , because she's the one who wanted to be friends, but I haven't head a word out of her. It's like she just cut me out after I gave her everything.

 

Eventually I started to see someone new, but it really wasn't the same. I've since broke it off with the new girl because she and I didn't really click and I'd rather be alone than with someone who doesn't match me. I decided to get some closure with my ex and find out what happened between us. She says that she grew to care for me in a different way, but she still cares a lot about me and wishes we could have been each others everything. My ex isn't dating at the moment, but I know she's really interested in this person she met at work. I like that she's working on being happy, but I'm not gonna lie I still love her and want to be with her. If she ever came back to me, she'd have to jump through hoops to be with me (because I know my worth now), but it upsets me that she never talks to me anymore (not even as a friend). I hear stories about Ex's that give breadcrumbs, and mine wont even acknowledge me. I just hate that she's starting to like this new guy and I've just been tossed aside. I know I deserve better and I can see myself moving on slowly, but I have these days where I just fall back in that rut. Wishing she would realize how great we were and come back. Any advice out there?

[Me. Myself and I]

Hi there.

I really feel for you. I think the only thing you can do is look after yourself at this stage..

I'm kind of in the same boat with my ex. So I know it's easier said than done.

I'm guessing you're still in contact. Have you tried NC for a little while and let her come to you? She might start to miss you if you disappear. I've always been told to go on actions not words. Again I know it's easier said than done.

Concentrate on you for a while.

[limbophase]

Hi there.

I really feel for you. I think the only thing you can do is look after yourself at this stage..

I'm kind of in the same boat with my ex. So I know it's easier said than done.

I'm guessing you're still in contact. Have you tried NC for a little while and let her come to you? She might start to miss you if you disappear. I've always been told to go on actions not words. Again I know it's easier said than done.

Concentrate on you for a while.

 

Thanks for getting back to me! Actually I cut off contact with her 2 months ago. We had a friendly back and fourth prior to this, but after awhile I noticed it was just me making the effort, so I stopped and haven't contacted her since. I do however still have her on Facebook. I can't bring myself to un-friend or block her, but I feel it's ok because she never uses it anyway.

 

The way I see it is she should date this guy she's interested in (even if if kills me) and maybe she'll realize what we had was so special (but I'm definitely not going to wait or hold my breath for that to happen). I know exactly what you mean by basing people off their actions not their words. She said she wants to be friends, but I haven't heard a peep out of her. I guess that should be my sign that all is lost.

 

I've been doing everything to better myself however. Working out again, did a couple 10K races, made new friends, go out every weekend, got some new hobbies, working toward a better career, I even started modeling for awhile.

[soLoveIS]

I am lot older, however I have not had serious relationship for nearly 13 years due to instead of hurting or getting dumped. But then it happened that "connection" but it ended like yours.

 

Sounds like she wanted to experiment life with other dates. I wish you the best and you are doin right to work on yourself. The one thing I do suggest is hang out with several dates to find out what suits your fancy, but be aware of those that will Cling ON to much. So being friends only (no intimacy) will help staying friends. This is what I should have done in my early years.

 

You have a whole life ahead of you:D

[saltyfishhead666]

Hello. I'll try to keep my story as short and concise as possible.

 

My ex girlfriend was one of the best things to ever happen in my life. When I found out she had a huge crush on me, I decided to ask her out. She was 19 and I was 23 at the time. We meet through an organization through our different schools. It was a distance relationship (about 3 hours away). Regardless of what others think, it was amazing. We always managed to see each other in person for two weekends out of the month and Skyped and texted each other every day. I fell for her so hard, and I know she loved me too. I was her first boyfriend and she was my third girlfriend (but really my first serious one. I never felt a connection like I did with her.

 

For the next two years, things had been going great. She was finishing up her undergraduate, and I had just started my first big boy job out of college. It was good that we weren't always around one another because it gave each of us the chance to do our own thing, rather than settle into each other. Not to say our relationship was perfect, but it was truly amazing. I did everything in my power to make sure this girl felt appreciated and cared for (sometimes at the sacrifice of my wants and need *I know; red flag*)

 

After she had graduated college, I could tell something was wrong. I started to hear from her less and less. When I called to tell her what was up, she said she was stressed with finding a job after college. I offered to help, but she said she didn't want to burden me. I decided to give her some space. As a few weeks went by, I had a serious question to ask her, but by this point I was starting to feel really off. When I confronted her and told her that I feel we may not have an anniversary to celebrate, she dropped a huge bomb on me. She told me how for the past month, she's not sure how she feels and doesn't think she can marry me anytime in the future. How I'm her first boyfriend, and that she really doesn't know what else is out there. I was crushed. I told her lets go three weeks no contact and when we see each other again, we can decide what to do.

 

Needless to say, she had made up her mind and it was over. I know she was crushed about it too. She said she may regret it all in the future, but it was something she had to do. She also said she doesn't deserve someone as great as me in the state she's in.

 

Well after losing the love of my life, I was in a rut for 2 weeks. I found out that my company was sending me to China for a month to work and I was so exited and felt like that would help me move on. It did, and when I came back, I felt so much better and called up my ex to see if we could be friends (after all, it wasn't a bad breakup. No cheating or abuse involved). I reached out to her, but it's always me making the first move, I hear nothing from her. It irritates me , because she's the one who wanted to be friends, but I haven't head a word out of her. It's like she just cut me out after I gave her everything.

 

Eventually I started to see someone new, but it really wasn't the same. I've since broke it off with the new girl because she and I didn't really click and I'd rather be alone than with someone who doesn't match me. I decided to get some closure with my ex and find out what happened between us. She says that she grew to care for me in a different way, but she still cares a lot about me and wishes we could have been each others everything. My ex isn't dating at the moment, but I know she's really interested in this person she met at work. I like that she's working on being happy, but I'm not gonna lie I still love her and want to be with her. If she ever came back to me, she'd have to jump through hoops to be with me (because I know my worth now), but it upsets me that she never talks to me anymore (not even as a friend). I hear stories about Ex's that give breadcrumbs, and mine wont even acknowledge me. I just hate that she's starting to like this new guy and I've just been tossed aside. I know I deserve better and I can see myself moving on slowly, but I have these days where I just fall back in that rut. Wishing she would realize how great we were and come back. Any advice out there?

 

You will have these days, they will become fewer. Since my fiancé ignored me, gave me the cold shoulder and left me it's been 8 months now around 7 months of no contact.

 

I still to this day think about him sometimes, I still see his colour and brand of car, or his favorite wine and think of him and end up moping around,

 

It becomes less and less over time I promise

 

Someday you'll meet someone who gets you even better and you'll think ex... What ex xx

[Me. Myself and I]

Thanks for getting back to me! Actually I cut off contact with her 2 months ago. We had a friendly back and fourth prior to this, but after awhile I noticed it was just me making the effort, so I stopped and haven't contacted her since. I do however still have her on Facebook. I can't bring myself to un-friend or block her, but I feel it's ok because she never uses it anyway.

 

The way I see it is she should date this guy she's interested in (even if if kills me) and maybe she'll realize what we had was so special (but I'm definitely not going to wait or hold my breath for that to happen). I know exactly what you mean by basing people off their actions not their words. She said she wants to be friends, but I haven't heard a peep out of her. I guess that should be my sign that all is lost.

 

I've been doing everything to better myself however. Working out again, did a couple 10K races, made new friends, go out every weekend, got some new hobbies, working toward a better career, I even started modeling for awhile.

 

 

It sounds like you've be doing great! Keep it up

It's hard to think about removing something as simple as a person on FB.

It took me a while to do this. If you're happy with it and you feel you won't get upset then leave it. But don't cause yourself unnecessary pain by keeping tabs on it.

I see exactly where you are coming from about her dating another guy. It could prove the grass isn't always greener. Personally I think if an ex asked to stay friends and didn't put in any effort to keep in touch, it would suggest that maybe she offered that to you so she didn't hurt your feelings. I could be wrong! It's a difficult process. As hard as this will be to do... Let her go. If she comes back, you know it was meant to be.

[saltyfishhead666]

If you guys found deleting them from Facebook difficult try shutting your Facebook down for a while until you feel you can.

 

I recall looking at my exs Facebook and him being happy, he acted like he wasn't phased by the break up at all. It killed me to think I was miserable and saw him happy.

 

I deleted my profile for good, and created a new one.

 

It'll save your sanity

[limbophase]

Thank you everyone for the replies. Also, I don't know if this adds to it, but we officially broke up 9 months ago. At first I could only go 1 month NC before I would text her, but now I don't feel the need to text her anymore (especially now that she's sort of into a new guy).

 

I just hate feeling like I wasted two years of my life on this girl who I treated like a queen, and she doesn't seem to give a crap about me anymore (I know that's not true, but I can't help but feel that way).

 

When we first broke up I deactivated my Facebook, not just to escape her, but to avoid people always asking, "what's wrong", "are you ok", "wanna talk about it"? I should probably remove it again. It really helped.

[limbophase]

Here's the info, just in case you are wondering.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/466701-slowly-moving-but-i-have-days-when-i-look-back#post5585288

 

 

I did a bad thing. I saw my ex on Facebook having a good time in SF, and I checked her old blog out. Apparently she really REALLY likes this new douche (not dating yet) and now I'm effing falling apart.

 

I'm sorry, but what did I do to deserve this!? I was nothing short of a good boyfriend to her. Treated her well, kept things interesting. Up to this day, she says "it's not you, it was never you", but can't give me a solid reason why she wanted to end it. WTF!!!! I deserve an explanation for why we fell apart! WHY IS THE WORLD SO UNFAIR. I gave up moving to Seattle to be closer to her, and now I feel like it was a waste cause I'm stuck in a crappy job I hate with coworkers I hate and I haven't meet anyone new and I make hardly anything. All the while she's probably making twice I am and meeting guys that are interesting.

 

How do I go on. I keep telling myself "my time will come", but I can't see it happening. Why the hell is she getting the better deal!? She's the one who hurt me. Why isn't karma taking it out on her!? (Note: not like I want to see her suffer. I really do wish her the best, but it's not fair that I'm still broken and she's got it all good).

 

Please I need help. Anything at all to stop this pain. I've never felt so low in my life before.

[mtnbiker3000]

All you can do is forget about her and move on with your life. That's it!!!

[limbophase]

All you can do is forget about her and move on with your life. That's it!!!

 

Easier said than done. How exactly do you forget someone whom you cherish dearly? Trust me, if i could just wipe my memory of it all I'd do it.

[maturityassets]

Easier said than done. How exactly do you forget someone whom you cherish dearly? Trust me, if i could just wipe my memory of it all I'd do it.

You learn from it. If you were to wipe your memory you wouldn't learn anything from the relationship and you couldn't really say you are proud to be you because all of your experiences are apart you becoming something beyond what your are now (didn't mean to get philosophical.. or maybe i did lol). There are a few ways that you learn to move on from the past:

 

(A) You can punish yourself whenever you think about her. You might get over her but it'll leave you in a state too afraid and unsure of yourself to be with someone else.

(B) You can try to numb the pain by just avoiding it all through hook ups, alcohol and other bad habits... but still same result as option A

© the last and only healthy option is to accept. Accept it ended and understand why its hard for you to let go. Are you ashamed it ended? Are you afraid of never meeting someone else? Did you feel dependent on her and if you did why? What ways do you feel impotent without her and how can you re-vigor yourself?

[limbophase]

You learn from it. If you were to wipe your memory you wouldn't learn anything from the relationship and you couldn't really say you are proud to be you because all of your experiences are apart you becoming something beyond what your are now (didn't mean to get philosophical.. or maybe i did lol). There are a few ways that you learn to move on from the past:

 

(A) You can punish yourself whenever you think about her. You might get over her but it'll leave you in a state too afraid and unsure of yourself to be with someone else.

(B) You can try to numb the pain by just avoiding it all through hook ups, alcohol and other bad habits... but still same result as option A

© the last and only healthy option is to accept. Accept it ended and understand why its hard for you to let go. Are you ashamed it ended? Are you afraid of never meeting someone else? Did you feel dependent on her and if you did why? What ways do you feel impotent without her and how can you re-vigor yourself?

 

 

 

WOW, now this is incredibly wise. Do you mind if I answer from part C? (just so there's more understanding)

 

Am I ashamed it ended: YES!!! We have lots of mutual friends (who still care about us both) and I worked so hard for this girl and our relationship. I would have moved heaven and earth for her, so I'm ashamed because it shows that hard work means jack squat.

 

Am I afraid of never meeting someone else? Yeah, kind of. I did start seeing a few other girls (but they just don't give me the same feeling). Honestly though, I'd rather be alone, than with someone I don't click with.

 

Did I feel depended on her: Absolutely not. I had my own thing going on, and she had her own thing going on. I don't need her. I just want her. I wanted to share my love with her.

 

How can I re-vigor myself: Good question. Not sure now, but I guess that's something I need to figure out myself.

 

Thank you so much maturityassets for the wise words and insight. If anyone else has some tips and advice, I'd still love to hear them. (I feel like I';m really getting the help I need).

[DannyCA]

Here's the info, just in case you are wondering.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/466701-slowly-moving-but-i-have-days-when-i-look-back#post5585288

 

 

I did a bad thing. I saw my ex on Facebook having a good time in SF, and I checked her old blog out. Apparently she really REALLY likes this new douche (not dating yet) and now I'm effing falling apart.

 

I'm sorry, but what did I do to deserve this!? I was nothing short of a good boyfriend to her. Treated her well, kept things interesting. Up to this day, she says "it's not you, it was never you", but can't give me a solid reason why she wanted to end it. WTF!!!! I deserve an explanation for why we fell apart! WHY IS THE WORLD SO UNFAIR. I gave up moving to Seattle to be closer to her, and now I feel like it was a waste cause I'm stuck in a crappy job I hate with coworkers I hate and I haven't meet anyone new and I make hardly anything. All the while she's probably making twice I am and meeting guys that are interesting.

 

How do I go on. I keep telling myself "my time will come", but I can't see it happening. Why the hell is she getting the better deal!? She's the one who hurt me. Why isn't karma taking it out on her!? (Note: not like I want to see her suffer. I really do wish her the best, but it's not fair that I'm still broken and she's got it all good).

 

Please I need help. Anything at all to stop this pain. I've never felt so low in my life before.

 

 

It's funny because you remind me exactly of myself. Every single thing you are saying in this thread was what I was thinking and saying at that time. At nine months I was still mad/angry/unsure/etc. And I saw a picture of my ex having a good time in SF too, except it was on instagram. And I never quite moved but I almost moved to Portland (funny cause it so close to Seattle) to be closer to her.

 

Now at 13 months post BU, unfortunately I still think about her everyday, but it's not as much and it doesn't have the same weighing impact on me anymore. I don't want to say I don't care about her anymore, but I don't care about her anymore if that makes sense. I guess it's just indifference now.

 

It sounds like such a cop-out answer, but it really does just take time

[limbophase]

It's funny because you remind me exactly of myself. Every single thing you are saying in this thread was what I was thinking and saying at that time. At nine months I was still mad/angry/unsure/etc. And I saw a picture of my ex having a good time in SF too, except it was on instagram. And I never quite moved but I almost moved to Portland (funny cause it so close to Seattle) to be closer to her.

 

Now at 13 months post BU, unfortunately I still think about her everyday, but it's not as much and it doesn't have the same weighing impact on me anymore. I don't want to say I don't care about her anymore, but I don't care about her anymore if that makes sense. I guess it's just indifference now.

 

It sounds like such a cop-out answer, but it really does just take time

 

 

Hey man, definitely not a cop-out answer. Like I said, anything at all really helps. I feel for you. It's crazy that our stories are so similar. I guess it's good though, cause it proves that no one is truly alone. I hope I can get to the point when the anger becomes less and less and leads to indifference. Thanks for the response and sharing your story with me. I'm rooting for you DannyCA!!!

[SerCay]

© Did you feel dependent on her and if you did why? What ways do you feel impotent without her and how can you re-vigor yourself?

 

Did I feel depended on her: Absolutely not. I had my own thing going on, and she had her own thing going on. I don't need her. I just want her. I wanted to share my love with her.

 

OP, from a pov of someone who just had a break up with bf of 3 years and a friend/cousin of years to several people, I can honestly tell you from the heart, that if you were independent, EMOTIONALLY, you wouldn't be struggling so much with letting go. My advice is to start getting to know yourself and dig deep in your emotional personality. Once you get to know yourself, you will understand why you couldn't let go, and you will be able to let go.

[elseaacych]

You can unfollow her on facebook, but still be her friend. That way you will not receive updates from her. It helps a little bit with the pain.

[lolablue17]

Hey man... Its over!

 

She told you politely that it's over, and She told you to be friends just the create a nice atmosphere. she just wish to have a new life without you.

 

IF (and it's a big "if") in the future she wants you back, It will be only after she will have some new experiences, maybe some failures. But then you both will be in a different position in life. It will be a new thing.

 

Move on, forget her.

[maturityassets]

It's no problem i'm glad to help. Just there is nothing to be ashamed of. When we are ashamed it implies a sense of self punishment. You brought up mutual friends maybe you feel they are judging you? Or afraid they think you were the bad partner or something like that? But I can assure you at 9 months down the road your friends aren't thinking about you and your ex as ex partners but as separate friends of theirs.

Well you know if she was your first love or serious relationship you are going to hold it to a higher esteem than you would expect. That relationship represents alot of ideals. Its you sharing yourself completely with so much that you couldn't imagine how you cope with life prior to meeting them. But now they are gone and you can't hold those ideals of being soul mates or the "one" any longer. Instead when you go out with other girls you can't compare your previous relationship to the new one. The previous relationship and the new one have a foundation separate from each other. There is nobody else exactly like your ex, but there are other people and maybe even people more compatible to you. But you have to give them the chance to show that without having them compared to a 2 year relationship.

Now dependency is not necessarily you can't do your own thing but it is a need for them in your life in order to validate your own. You say you would move the heaven for her if you could well it's a nice gesture but it's not a healthy outlook. We should be supportive of our partners no matter what the key is being supportive meaning the relationship is complimentary. Rather than making the relationship your identity it is important to remember that each of you have your own identity but you are able to bring out the best of each other by complimenting each other. Rather than moving the heavens for her, the best thing would be is to be there to help her if she herself wanted to move the heavens. Also in our first serious relationships we are quite fragile to the thought of life without our partners. Since we don't know better we might try to secure that place by doing things. This is dependency as well. We feel that we have made an investment into doing things for our partner that we feel that we are owe'd something by then. I mean I don't know if you know the classic 80's song "don't you want me baby" but that song is a prototypical example of what i'm talking about. The guy trying to say i did so much how could you leave and the girl is replying that yes you were there for me but ultimately i did those positive things for myself.

How to revigor? Establish your autonomy and individuality once again. Be confident. Be strong look at the world straight on and remind yourself i'm capable of meeting and having relationships with people. That regardless I can be attractive, smart, strong willed, independent and charismatic as everyone else. You should have an ego, an edge in which you can live your life without second thoughts. I hope I was clear in this lol

[DannyCA]

Hey man, definitely not a cop-out answer. Like I said, anything at all really helps. I feel for you. It's crazy that our stories are so similar. I guess it's good though, cause it proves that no one is truly alone. I hope I can get to the point when the anger becomes less and less and leads to indifference. Thanks for the response and sharing your story with me. I'm rooting for you DannyCA!!!

 

I'm rooting for you too dude! Let us know in the coming weeks/months how you feel

[limbophase]

You have all been such a great help in healing. I recently came across a two year old thread, and a user by the name "happy again" wrote this and I thought it was important enough to share;

 

Hey man it's rough what you're going through, I know the feeling very well. Though I'm still not 100%, I am living my own life and I have moved on to a new stage. Yes I still miss her but I have a new perspective. I know now that it is really over forever. I can now say it without completely losing my mind which is a good sign. It still hurts and I still wish things had turned out differently but that isn't what happened. No dwelling or moping will change it. So why give her the control of deciding my life and my happiness when she isn't even in my life anymore?*

 

Looking back at my post just from a month ago I can see my obsession and my desperate attitude. To be honest, looking at that post with my current mindset makes me realize I was not ready to be friends. Truthfully I am still not ready to be friends. My feelings are still too strong for her. BUT... things are better, I have "good" days. Still have plenty of bad, but more and more good days are happening. And there are more days where I know that I will be okay without her. I had her so high on a pedestal in my mind and after the way she acted she does not deserve that much attention. I don't even see her and am not going to any time soon, so why waste all my energy thinking about her when she is gone. Focus on your life. It's hard at first, but it becomes easier and easier the more you actively try.*

 

I am starting to learn from what happened too, use it to make me stronger, and use it to improve my future relationships. When we first broke up I felt screwed. I could think of all types of good things she got out of the relationship and what did I get.. heart broken. I felt like I didn't learn anything from it.... Now that time has passed and my perspective is much more objective, I realize that I learned a lot about myself, what I want from this world, and some things that I could have done differently and will do differently in my next relationship. Even a couple months after the breakup, my perspective was still so narrow. I would run over the same things and my mind, and look at everything from the same angle. With time your view will change, and I'm sure my view will still change much more in the coming months.

 

I think that we want to be their friend for this reason: we are looking for some sort of acceptance from them. We can't accept the fact that we are out of their lives and they are okay with that. We want to hang on to something, anything. And the idea of staying friends means getting to hang on to something, and it means knowing that they still want you in their life. Truth is, that is not what they want right now. If they wanted us in their life they would have stayed with us or they would be contacting us currently to stay in touch.*

 

It sucks but the best way to start healing is to accept that you need to get your self back. Live your own life and slowly get back to being content and happy with yourself. There's no chance of even being friends until you have gotten back to the person you were when you met them. I have made it my goal to get back to the mindset I had when I met her. I was confident, happy, knew what I wanted, and had no distractions... probably the reason I got her in the first place. You have to relearn how to be yourself after you've been part of a couple and integrated that into your mind. It takes time.

 

Sorry this is long but to sum up I do not think any of us are ready to be their friend. We think we are, but deep down our subconscious is looking for acceptance from them. Even if it's just as friends, we want the satisfaction of knowing that they want us to be a part of their life. We want to know we meant something to them. And guess what... we did mean something to them. and that is half of the reason we can't be friends, because we once had something great that got broken... it is hard to carry on after that happens.*

 

Some techniques I've used to help are to be happy that she is happy. When you think of her, send out positive vibes and think what a great thing they were in your life. Celebrate what you had and remember that the pain you feel IS temporary, and that it will teach you things about yourself.. even if you don't see them right away, you will discover truths about yourself in time... and those truths can help you to get your mind in the right place, and find out what you can do to improve your own life. It's hard to go back to "I" after you were a part of "we" but it WILL happen. One day we will think of them and say, "you know what, I don't regret our relationship, and I don't wish for it back." That will be a good day.

 

@ windmask We've all done it. You see the facebook comment they make, or their friends post that they "like".... and you feel like it is a punch to the stomach. Even something unrelated seems like a direct shot at you. Here's one thing i've learned in that regard.... Assumption is the most horrible thing you can do to yourself. You can't assume she was thinking of you when she clicks the thumbs up button, you can't say "how can she post that comment or click this and not think of me... honestly, she may be living her life and you didn't even cross her mind. But you can't sit and worry about it. this also demonstrates that we aren't ready to be friends with our ex's. If seeing them happy and seeing some random comment about their day upsets us.. well then we are obviously still attached and being their friend would only make you feel worse. It may bring a temporary satisfaction but in the long run you would get mixed signals, start revisiting the relationship in your mind, and you would eventually move back to square one.*

 

My ex recently "liked" my status... We've been apart for quite a while now but I still felt an emotional wave go over me when I saw it. It shows that I still have attachments... if I didn't, something as insignificant as a "like" on facebook would not make my brain start thinking so much. I've found that the best days are when I never see her facebook, and have no clue what she's doing. Out of sight out of mind can truly help you in these crucial few months following the break up. Hope this helps I know it was a novel I just wrote. lol