LoveB86 Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Why he cheated (emotionally/physically) as I"ll never know exactly. Makes her his girlfriend after dumping me... It's been a month. Treats me so dirty afterwards... NC since. He's picking her up on his days off to take her out to eat (Never did w/me) Treating her like royalty basically. Probably buying her flowers, probably taking her shopping. Oh btw, NEVER did with me. He never ever did that stuff for me. I was buying him things. Paying for dinner and sporting event tickets. I treated him like royalty. Bringing him breakfast and everything else. Buying him clothes... But he never did anything for me. I never asked because I am just a giving person. I did it because it made me happy to see him happy. Why!? Why!? He never put any effort into me. My fate keeps rubbing all of this infront of my face. I always seem to catch them in the act, maybe because their co workers that work across the street. Why am I faced to see this? Is this God's way of showing me that I gave too much to someone who didn't deserve me? I saw her getting out of his car today. She must be working. He is off work today obviously and drove 1 hour away from home to pick her up for a 1 hour lunch? He never did that for me for 1 year of me knowing him! I am quite sad now I feel like I was never appreciative for anything. It kinda set me back just a inch.
may_girl Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Hi chick. I think I told you before, I was in a very similar position. I don't know what my ex is doing now- he went completely NC and ignored pretty much everything from me since the break up. He is with her though I know, and paid for a holiday for her. Don't forget, they are still very much in their honeymoon period. People become so infatuated with a vision that isn't real. Honestly, how well do you really know somebody in the first few months of dating them? The things you have described is typical of a honeymoon period; going out for dinner together, shopping, etc. You are completely infatuated during this honeymoon stage. I think he probably took you for granted. And when this new girl starts to take him and the things he does for granted, THAT is when he will appreciate you. Don't feel sad that he is doing these things for her, remember it is short-lived. And when he starts to become fed up with it, you will have well moved on and you will be so glad you were out of it. Cheer up. Honestly, up until about 2 months after the break up I didn't think I was getting anywhere. Until that one day when you realize "my god, I deserve so much more than this. How dare he treat me that way". Then you will move on with the click of a finger. Literally within a day, it can change so much. Keep holding out and your day will come like it did for me. 5
GI_Joy Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Oh, girl, don't go down this route. Trust me, I've been there. It's painful and thinking about it doesn't do you any good at all. Each relationship is different. You may be seeing all this "good" stuff that he hasn't done for you, but you don't know maybe they have some equally sh*tty stuff going on as well. I felt the same exact way about my ex, but quickly realized that thinking about the situation this way only made me feel worse. Just because one person didn't realize your worth doesn't mean there's no one out there that will. Have faith that you're allowing yourself the opportunity to be loved and appreciated 100% by someone who does deserve you. It's his loss. Trust me. 3
todreaminblue Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 dont you think it is a beautiful thought that god feels you are deserving of what you give.......that you are deserving of someone who wants to see you happy as much as you want to provide happiness....rock on...you are a wonderful person.......dont forgo your own happiness...you deserve to have that too.....god knows what si right for you.....it is nto much of a stretch to think that god desires all of us..to feel love..to be loved......and for all humanity to be as happy as they possibly ..sometimes bad things can turn on a dime...and you see that what felt so bad....in the end.....is what will make you the happiest ...hugs...DEB 2
mbee Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Totally his loss. I think what the previous poster said is really true. He's doing all these things for this girl, probably because she's not doing much for him. You chose to pay for dinners. There are many women who will not pay for things and expect the guy to pay. Eventually he'll get fed up with that or begin to remember how nice it was that you did those things. He's in honeymoon territory and he will one day realize the grass is indeed not greener and will miss what you have. Try to not dwell on it and be strong. Be proud that you are giving and learn from the experience (maybe not be as giving next time around). This is really hard to watch but trust me, once you move on it'll get much easier and you will look back and see the totally unappreciative jerk that he really is. 2
Author LoveB86 Posted May 12, 2013 Author Posted May 12, 2013 It's 4am and I am filled with anger!! Raging anger that I Wasted all that time with someone who was talking to someone behind my back, dumps me to be with her and life is so so grand!! Bet it's nice to be them on weekends!! I had been trying all this time!! Alll this time to occupy my thoughts, going out, being productive and stillllll this guy crawls back into my thoughts! I want to make it all go away! Am 100% done with that low life, heartless coward. I have no desire to contact him! And he loves his new girl he cheated on me with that I had not heard from him since the breakup. Been NC for 41 days!! That number hurts... the more days he shows that he didn't give a ****!!! Weekend rant... To be continued
siankat Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 Did you pursue him at the beginning a bit more than he did you? Did you decide you wanted him more permanently a couple of months or so into the relationship?
siankat Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 Also people don't radically change who they are. If he acted like an ******* with you, he can do it again with someone else. Men are creatures of habit. Some of the habits are repeated on a daily basis, some monthly, yearly etc you get my drift? He hasn't shook off who he is and so, someone else will be at the receiving end of that. Be glad you see his actions for what they are. I'm sorry you are hurting about this
CorridorE Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 I know just how you feel. I'm still not sure whether I was actually 'left for her,' but I do know he rebounded within two weeks of breaking up with me... and it's the same thing. He's doing all these nice things for her and I never got treated that way. He took leave time from work to spend all this time with her, which in almost three years he never did for me. I heard he's going around town with her trying to help her find a good job and helping her with her college studies. And he deleted my from fb a long time ago, but I hear from friends that they post cutesy coupley statuses and pictures aaaaall the time. He never much cared for that with me, I thought because he didn't want his friends to make fun of him for it (he's in the military). Sometime after our BU I asked him something and he was honest with me and said he was sorry for everything but now he was done lying and was going to turn everything around. Oh so I got the lying, cheating side of you and she gets all your loving and honesty? ...But then I realized he lied to me all the time, and I don't think he knows how to do otherwise. He's being so sweet to her to fill the void of not having someone who truly loves him, and it will wear off soon and he'll be back to his old crumby self... I'm almost sure of it. I'm sure neither of our ex's situations are as perfect as they seem. But we'll never know so I'm just trying to put it out of my head as much as possible... 1
Am4Real Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 I understand the rant and support you in it, but did you fully grasp may_girls post: LINK HERE It's 4am and I am filled with anger!! Raging anger that I Wasted all that time with someone who was talking to someone behind my back, dumps me to be with her and life is so so grand!! Bet it's nice to be them on weekends!! I had been trying all this time!! Alll this time to occupy my thoughts, going out, being productive and stillllll this guy crawls back into my thoughts! I want to make it all go away! Am 100% done with that low life, heartless coward. I have no desire to contact him! And he loves his new girl he cheated on me with that I had not heard from him since the breakup. Been NC for 41 days!! That number hurts... the more days he shows that he didn't give a ****!!! Weekend rant... To be continued
Am4Real Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 Understand this is nothing against you even if it happening that way. In the beginning of your relationship with you EX was he not super nice and conforting and loving to you as well. He is distracting himself; his over-compensating for whatever he has not dealt with yet. Beleive me, all that lovey-dovey stuff eventully wears off and he either figures out what he misses in you or looks at the new girls and thinks what was I thinking, or if he that rare .001% or whatever the real number is thinks damn I have my forever girl. I'll go with either the first or second synopsis. Read may_girls post: LINK HERE I know just how you feel. I'm still not sure whether I was actually 'left for her,' but I do know he rebounded within two weeks of breaking up with me... and it's the same thing. He's doing all these nice things for her and I never got treated that way. He took leave time from work to spend all this time with her, which in almost three years he never did for me. I heard he's going around town with her trying to help her find a good job and helping her with her college studies. And he deleted my from fb a long time ago, but I hear from friends that they post cutesy coupley statuses and pictures aaaaall the time. He never much cared for that with me, I thought because he didn't want his friends to make fun of him for it (he's in the military). Sometime after our BU I asked him something and he was honest with me and said he was sorry for everything but now he was done lying and was going to turn everything around. Oh so I got the lying, cheating side of you and she gets all your loving and honesty? ...But then I realized he lied to me all the time, and I don't think he knows how to do otherwise. He's being so sweet to her to fill the void of not having someone who truly loves him, and it will wear off soon and he'll be back to his old crumby self... I'm almost sure of it. I'm sure neither of our ex's situations are as perfect as they seem. But we'll never know so I'm just trying to put it out of my head as much as possible... 1
Author LoveB86 Posted May 12, 2013 Author Posted May 12, 2013 (edited) Did you pursue him at the beginning a bit more than he did you? Did you decide you wanted him more permanently a couple of months or so into the relationship? In the beginning, we both kinda and Yes!! I wanted to take it slowly and get to know him. He was quick to wanting me to be his girlfriend in the 1st month of knowing him after a few dates?? It was kinda weird how he is so quick to jump in. Prior to us he had not been with anyone in over in like 2-3 years, but dated a girl which didn't last. I was his first girl he took to his parents ... so this guy although he is 28years old, he had not been with anyone in years. So I am starting to think he had to continue his search for even better?? I mean, I don't know. I treated him so good. No one truly understands what he did. Other than they think he had a crush on this girl and this is going wayyyyy back in high school. They work together and used to go to the same high school, so they think he just wanted to rekindle that spark. We are adults here, so it's just really weird all this happened. Edited May 12, 2013 by LoveB86
Author LoveB86 Posted May 12, 2013 Author Posted May 12, 2013 (edited) I know just how you feel. He took leave time from work to spend all this time with her, which in almost three years he never did for me. Sometime after our BU I asked him something and he was honest with me and said he was sorry for everything but now he was done lying and was going to turn everything around. Oh so I got the lying, cheating side of you and she gets all your loving and honesty? Ughh!! I said the same thing. All that stuff I did to make him feel special and I got the lying, cheating side and she gets the love and honesty? Is exactly what I said to myself. He cares to make sure no other girl is in their relationship, but I get the lies, the emotional cheating and who knows what else. He never did anything for me at all. I feel like I "taught" him how to treat someone special, but he is now trying with someone else. I had already given up trying to disect everything, but the thoughts of him still invades after a month since BU. One thing for sure, I am finding a new job that way I don't have to see them anymore or be around their presence. I would certainly be better off, atleast a bit more happy. I am not curious to know what is going on between them because I don't care!! All I care about is me and I don't want to be thinking of this heartless coward anymore. It's like God, he was wrong for how he did me and blindsided too! Why is he worth being reminded of? Why can't I just press delete in my head and move on!! I am not pinning for him as I never said I wanted him back. I just wish I can get answers as to why he did this! I know I deserve better than how he treated me! I just want him gone from my head!! Edited May 12, 2013 by LoveB86 I just want to move on!! Wish he was gone from my thoughts!
Author LoveB86 Posted May 12, 2013 Author Posted May 12, 2013 Am4real- I had to go back and read that and once again, reminds me what is all going on! I needed that, I gotta keep reading the posts over and over. Luckily, I don't have to feel like I am lied too anymore.
siankat Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 In the beginning, we both kinda and Yes!! I wanted to take it slowly and get to know him. He was quick to wanting me to be his girlfriend in the 1st month of knowing him after a few dates?? It was kinda weird how he is so quick to jump in. Prior to us he had not been with anyone in over in like 2-3 years, but dated a girl which didn't last. I was his first girl he took to his parents ... so this guy although he is 28years old, he had not been with anyone in years. So I am starting to think he had to continue his search for even better?? I mean, I don't know. I treated him so good. No one truly understands what he did. Other than they think he had a crush on this girl and this is going wayyyyy back in high school. They work together and used to go to the same high school, so they think he just wanted to rekindle that spark. We are adults here, so it's just really weird all this happened. Saaaame as what i did I'm giving it at least 6 months next time before i make up my mind if i want to continue indefinitely and if a guy pushes for more, he will either have to go at my pace, or go harass someone else It is annoying when they go ' i want you i want you, dont want anyone else' and then when you go, hmmm ok lets give this a real go, you carry on with good intentions, whilst theiirs, are not so pure and to be honest how would you be expected to know that in the initial months!? take. your. time. ) 1
CorridorE Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 Understand this is nothing against you even if it happening that way. In the beginning of your relationship with you EX was he not super nice and conforting and loving to you as well. He is distracting himself; his over-compensating for whatever he has not dealt with yet. Believe me, all that lovey-dovey stuff eventully wears off and he either figures out what he misses in you or looks at the new girls and thinks what was I thinking, or if he that rare .001% or whatever the real number is thinks damn I have my forever girl. I'll go with either the first or second synopsis. Thank you for saying this. I know it is true. The first week after our breakup before NC he went back and forth a lot, saying he missed me and wanted me back, and then acting cold again the next day. I couldn't understand it and asked him why he kept going back on what he said because it wasn't fair to me not knowing where we stood, and he said "I'm trying to transition..." I think he jumped into his new relationship because he didn't know if he wanted me anymore, but couldn't take being alone either. My heart still wants him, but my mind knows he's wrong for me... but I still take some comfort in knowing that there will surely come a day when he rethinks his decisions.
CorridorE Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 Ughh!! I said the same thing. All that stuff I did to make him feel special and I got the lying, cheating side and she gets the love and honesty? Is exactly what I said to myself. He cares to make sure no other girl is in their relationship, but I get the lies, the emotional cheating and who knows what else. He never did anything for me at all. I feel like I "taught" him how to treat someone special, but he is now trying with someone else. I had already given up trying to disect everything, but the thoughts of him still invades after a month since BU. One thing for sure, I am finding a new job that way I don't have to see them anymore or be around their presence. I know... I feel that way too. When we were together he always told me that I was the first girl to really treat him well and make him feel genuinely cared for and loved. In the first six months of our relationship he would sometimes send me texts at night telling me how special I made him feel and how lucky he felt to have me, and it seemed like he felt that way over the next two years as well. But I've started realizing too that while I did EVERYTHING I could to make him happy, there was little he did for me. There are some big exceptions where he surprised me with things and treated me really well, but for the most part I've come to realize that most of my happiness derived from seeing him happy. He didn't do much to make me feel loved or appreciated other than tell me how happy he was with me (and he was so happy... I know he was). And I loved him so much that that was enough for me. But somewhere, somehow he decided that wasn't enough anymore. Every girl he dates won't be that way, and he'll find that out on his own. I'm not saying I was perfect because I made mistakes too, I know... but I definitely know how you feel. It's so hard knowing you've been forgotten and someone else is getting the 'best' of him when you used to give him all of yourself.
may_girl Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 Look honey, what you're going through it completely normal. However our exes left us, it is normal to feel like we have wasted our time. But we haven't. Going through this personally has made me so much stronger; today if I were to see my ex and speak to him, I am certainly not the same person I was 5 months ago. That is what we can take away from this. We will look back on this and although we will be indifferent, we will be proud that we handled it so well. Trust me, the anger gets less, the pain gets less. Less and less until it all goes away. That day WILL come. What your ex is doing right now doesn't concern you anymore. You can't control his actions. But remember, he cannot take away from the relationship what you can, because he hasn't been emotionally mature enough to handle how he is feeling. When guys or girls leave you for someone else, that is how I see it. If he has not handled the break up, nor has he had time to work on himself (which is the most important thing post-breakup), it will hit him like a ton of bricks one day. You HAVE come out better in this! Please remember that! His silly little meet ups may be fun for him at the moment but they won't last. Hold out, remember, things get better. 2
Author LoveB86 Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 I know... I feel that way too. When we were together he always told me that I was the first girl to really treat him well and make him feel genuinely cared for and loved. In the first six months of our relationship he would sometimes send me texts at night telling me how special I made him feel and how lucky he felt to have me, and it seemed like he felt that way over the next two years as well. But I've started realizing too that while I did EVERYTHING I could to make him happy, there was little he did for me. There are some big exceptions where he surprised me with things and treated me really well, but for the most part I've come to realize that most of my happiness derived from seeing him happy. He didn't do much to make me feel loved or appreciated other than tell me how happy he was with me (and he was so happy... I know he was). And I loved him so much that that was enough for me. But somewhere, somehow he decided that wasn't enough anymore. Every girl he dates won't be that way, and he'll find that out on his own. I'm not saying I was perfect because I made mistakes too, I know... but I definitely know how you feel. It's so hard knowing you've been forgotten and someone else is getting the 'best' of him when you used to give him all of yourself. Omg what you just wrote is all me! I'm like you, I was far from perfect, but I derived from seeing him happy for things I did for him. I can't see the new girl being that way. :-/
Author LoveB86 Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 May Girl, Thank you for your advice!!! One day, I would like to be as strong as you!! I wish it would happen sooner, but from a month since the breakup, I think I am slowly getting there quickier than I thought. I will read ur posts over n over to give me some strength
emva07 Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 My mom always told me (and someone touched upon it here) As women we think "oh he's such crap to me but treats her like a goddess :(:(" NO. A jerk is a jerk is a jerk! Personalities don't change. Right now he is impressing her, winning her over, making her fall for him. Once she does, no more Mr. nice guy and treat her bad too...or he will get tired of putting in and not receiving it back if she doesn't and go jerk on her anyway. These are guys that are afraid of giving their heart to a good girl/ need a girl to be into them, yet can't be alone (hence the quick rebound) 2
Author LoveB86 Posted May 18, 2013 Author Posted May 18, 2013 I jinxed myself. Weekend rant Been up for the last hour, where my thoughts are playing all the things I've seen them do together while at work such as going to lunch, basically all the stuff he done for her since their in honeymoon stage and never did for me for as long as he known me. Oh well.. just a rant. I did get teary eye, but not enough to need a box of tissues. I guess I'll be okay. I sorta feel okay. Just am scared to relapse and go back to the weak side or have a nervous breakdown. I have been trying so hard. Time is ticking atleast, can't wait to snap out of this for good.
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