A1A Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 I just don't understand how can it be? how can I still miss and even want someone who broke my heart, left me hurting and crying for months! He moved on, with the same girl that he planed to be with while he was still with me. Yes, we had some good moments, but most of the time he made me feel sad, insecure, and worthless.... I fought for his love and always gave the excuse that relationships need to be worked on, but deep inside I knew that he wanted out. Now 3 months later, I still love / miss him and deep inside want him back. Am I that blind? I do everything 'in the book' to let him go mentally; keeping myself busy, complete no contact, meeting friends, and crying when I feel like (just not to keep it inside)... but still... 58 minutes out of every hour of the day, he is in my thoughts.... every day! I have this sick feeling in my body every time I think of him touching his girl... why this feeling doesn't make me wake up and realize that he doesn't worth it? I feel that I have a big open wound in my heart, and I don't find the cure. Yes, I want him... But I want to NOT WANT HIM more! How can I do that? 3
MyAngel Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 I am in the same position. Dumped in December, still thinking of her, still miss her, and still love her. Time IS the only thing that will help. A LOT of time. You said it's been 3 months for you too, don't worry about how long it's taking you. Everyone heals at their own rate. Some sooner, some later. Just let yourself heal in the right way for you. I know for me it's going to take a while, and yes I would love it to go quicker, but that's not the person I am. I'm emotional and sensitive. I know that I do not want to be miserable over her in a years time, so I'm just hoping that time will heal all wounds, or at least make the pain fade. 4
cavalier99 Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 I feel the same. There's no solution to this problem, only time heals everything. I wish i could go to sleep and wake up in 6 months Next month will be 6 months for me and sometimes it still sucks. But it is a hell of a lot better than before. Unfortunately i have no idea at this point when ill be 100 percent indifferent if ever. It is like trying to lose those last 5 pounds...no matter how hard you work you cant seem to lose them. Cav 5
Drummerboy420 Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 I'm right there with all if you. I am only 3 1/2 months through (she dumped me), but the break up has been dragged out. One more loose end to tie up this weekend before I walk away for good. I feel like I have had the wound ripped open twice. It doesn't help that during any limited contact, she still pulls at my heart strings. Things she says, the way she behaves. She has said all along she is scared to lose me completely, and wants to remain friends. She is genuine in those feelings, at least for now. But she doesn't completely understand how it is for me. She tries to, but in the end I cannot lie that way. She has been seeing other people. I need to go. I know I feel better the longer I go not contacting her. Even in limited contact, she wants to make small talk about what she's been up to, but is vague about most details because it has to do with the new guy. You can't be friends of you can't handle talking about everything with each other. She has already admitted in a roundabout way that she wouldn't want to hear about me dating. "I'll try not to let my imagination run wild...." Let it run wild. You left me. You bailed on me when times got hard. Now I need to go.. But it still kills me inside. I hope you all are right about time. I don't know if I could ever handle seeing her again. And I don't foresee her reaching back out to me after this.. 2
BUBS Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 Like Cav I'm 5 months into the break up, 6 months since the process started and I am not fully healed at all (you'll see me post frequently on this board still, when I assumed back in November when I started posting that I would NOT be here at this point.) I think that we get an idea of how we are supposed to feel after a certain period of time and discourage ourselves if we don't feel the progression as much, which is understandable, THIS SUCKS! However I will say this... looking back on my journal entries and posts from two months ago, I know I was in a way worse state than I am today. I still think of him far too frequently, it still hurts, and I still miss him greatly. I think I expected that in time I would just forget, be so sidetracked and eventually wake up one day and say "wow I didn't even notice I'm over it!" but healing is a lot like a puppy turning into a dog... you don't notice the changes over a long period of time, they are slow and gradual. I still dream of him, but I don't wake up hysterically crying when I do (progress)... I still get upset when I relive the horrid events in our break up, and even more upset when I relive the beautiful moments... but these thoughts no longer cripple me. 3 months on I was still a blubbering mess hunny buns. I thought about him with his girl that he talked to while we were still together and I'd literally have to spend hours upon hours on break up blogs and reading motivational speeches to get myself up from bed to eat a small meal. I used to specifically search posts on here from 5-6 months after a break up to compare my feelings to theirs and see whether I was progressing the way others were... just keep doing what you are doing. Don't get discouraged, tell yourself "It's only temporary"... even if you feel like it's permanent. Good luck! 6
brokenhearted91 Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 I still love my ex with all my heart, it's been about 8 weeks and I still live with him 2 days a week. When I see him, it's sometimes like we're still together (the way we talk) and he says some things that make me think he's not finding this as easy as he looks like he is. But he's also been cruel in some ways too, more than I ever thought he could be and this has made me feel both anger and upset now, my feelings are so confused. I just want to show him how I've changed and we can be happy again and that he doesn't need anything else. But I also wish that I didn't miss him so much because it physically hurts me. And I don't know how much longer I can take it. I've arranged to see a councillor but they haven't got back to me yet and I'm just dying to let my feelings out to someone neutral because they're killing me. 2
OwlSoul Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 Yes, I want him... But I want to NOT WANT HIM more! How can I do that? We always want someone whom we think is ideal/the one/perfect and etc. The way not to want someone is to become better/stronger than the ex partner (it is hard to compare men and women, but there are similar parameters) or at least covice yourself the ex is not as valuable as he/she seems. If you want to, you could also hate the person and feel anger, which gives power. Just focus it on something else. 1
Author A1A Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 Thank you so much for your words. I do understand the compassion part. I also look for posts that have similar situation as mine; maybe i just want to comfort myself with knowing that I am not crazy and it is normal what I am feeling. I do believe it is temporary but it's a hell long painful temporary part of my life. I also have all my family 6000 miles away so I have MYSELF only to support me... and all you bloggers Thank you!
Damaged23 Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Thank you so much for your words. I do understand the compassion part. I also look for posts that have similar situation as mine; maybe i just want to comfort myself with knowing that I am not crazy and it is normal what I am feeling. I do believe it is temporary but it's a hell long painful temporary part of my life. I also have all my family 6000 miles away so I have MYSELF only to support me... and all you bloggers Thank you! Exactly how I feel. I know I was the one that messed up badly, and I know my relationship wasn't working and I know the pain is temporary but all I wanna do is talk about, know im not going crazy. I know there's nothing anyone can say but still I want to tell my friends how I feel over and over again. I'm going insane!!! And the pain, is excrutiating!! 1
Am4Real Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Hello A1A, How are you today? In reference to this post ( http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/378842-how-can-i-still-miss-him#post4679246 ), let me say you are not alone in your thoughts or feelings. The little monster "within" you describe in later posts is familiar to many of us. "Missing" them given the circumstance seems utterly illogical, does it not? I'm with you in this time of sorrow. 1
Author A1A Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 Am4Real Thank you for your kind words. I agree that missing someone you love is logical but sometimes the pain and the constant thoughts about him are unbearable. I feel that I lost any control on my thoughts and feelings. I know that eventually it will go away or maybe not... maybe I will always miss him, but my only wish is not to have this emotional pain that consumes me most of the day.
Am4Real Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Understood all to well, unfortunately. Every hour of every day there is some reflection of some sort. I go to bed thinking; wake up thinking; hold imaginary one-way conversations as if I'm reflecting on the situation; I remember the good times; I recall the faults; I've taken blame; I've given blame; I've said "what if" and "should'da, could'a, wished'a" more times than not. I've been angry; I've been sad; I've been disgusted; and I've been joyed. But most of all, I'm just worn out! It's like walking around and dragging a 50lb weight behind you. It's not only the weight making movement difficult, the weight is dragging on the ground and the friction and resistance are adding to the struggle. As time passes there are moments of positive feelings, of being free from that dragging weight. And then, when you least expect it, a 75lb weight is added in place of the one that was removed. The circumstances of this break-up are so bizarre, so out of norm for me, only my private journal knows the extent of my feelings. I know what to do; I know the drill; I know how to measure progress and fight urges. Yes, I know it all and it doesn't help with this feeling, the longing, the wondering and the loss. I know it's about time. But what is time. Time is life and life is precious so it makes not sense to wish time away, yet time was our best asset at one stage and is our enemy when we feel this way. Yes, it's all to do with time...tick, tick tick, tock! Sound familiar? Am4Real Thank you for your kind words. I agree that missing someone you love is logical but sometimes the pain and the constant thoughts about him are unbearable. I feel that I lost any control on my thoughts and feelings. I know that eventually it will go away or maybe not... maybe I will always miss him, but my only wish is not to have this emotional pain that consumes me most of the day. 4
Author A1A Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 You described it perfectly! No other choice for now; I just need to get used to the weight and give it time... 1
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