Girlfriend of two years says she needs space, time to think about what she wants.

[Mr.White]

Thank you for choosing this thread, I appreciate your time in reading my entire story.

 

Intro to our relationship:

 

We are both 18.

 

So we just finished our last year of high school, we have been dating since junior year (11th grade) . We now go to different colleges but we both still live at home in the same city. I had the luck of having two of my close friends ( 1 is single and the other is in a relationship) get accepted into the same college, while my girlfriend only had one, so she had to make a whole new group (both consists of guys and girls).

We are both full time students, she works part time, while i work full time. I always have paid for everything in the relationship.

 

Before the break:

 

While she has gone out with her friends in college, I have also so it was fair that we both had fun except that we had opposite schedules. I went out with my guy friends out at night to go hit the gym, play basketball but NEVER to go pick up girls. My girlfriend has gone out shopping, eating, and to the beach with her group as well.

 

We usually kept in contact through text messages or an instant messenger as we both were busy. Our conversations started to become more shallow and worse quality.

 

Our college schedules are literally complete opposites. On the days I do not have school she has them off, while the days she has school I have those days off. We only get to hang out on the weekend sometimes weekly, or it can range from 2-3 weeks if we have a lot of schoolwork.

 

1 week before the break:

 

During my time being very stressed out, she told me one of her guy friends said she was cute and she told him that she thought he was cute too but that all this happened 3 weeks before she told me.

 

Break (Happened 4 days ago):

 

As our conversations became very shallow and we only had brief short answers for each other. She informed me she was going out with her friends the next day, and then to end her school semester next week she was going to a local fair with her group (the guy she thinks is cute as well)

 

She told me she wanted some breathing room to figure out what she wants but keep talking but as friends, I agreed.

 

Later that day I texted her saying we need t set the rules. I agreed I would not hook up with any girls but all she said was I am not that type of girl but I did not want to push her away.

 

We talked for a little setting the dates and how she still does not want a relationship now. <--I found it a bit strange she did not put the word "right"

She said she still loved me and cared for me and wanted to say at least goodnights to each other.

 

Break (1 day ago):

 

I told her I did not keep in contact with her anymore and that we need to talk, face to face.

She agreed she would save the date (the 20th of December) so we could talk.

 

Later that night I could not help but check Facebook and she updated "What have I done?"

 

I am seriously considering breaking up with her.

 

I feel as if I have one foot in the door and one foot out. I do not want to give up on what we had so easily, but I feel she has.

I seriously considered her to be wife material, my future wife that I could share everything with but after this I am second guessing myself.

 

I am so confused, hurt, and just lost right now.

 

Before she goes to the fair next week should I text her something non emotional like "stay safe" or "have fun"?

 

I have only slept 5 hours for the past two days, and I feel like **** but I feel like I am slowly moving on but still want to give her another chance at our relationship

 

Please give me your advice on my situation.

Edited December 9, 2012 by Mr.White
I am not in the right mindset, heart broken.

[TaraMaiden]

Well, you contributed to another thread, and requested input, so here it is.

 

But you may not like it.

 

You know the main thing against you right now?

 

Your age.

 

I'm a grandma now, but please believe me when I tell you that I still recollect the agony and delight of being in love with the most wonderful 'forever' guy, when I was your age.

It's all-consuming, vitally important; as precious as your own life-blood, and an impossible thing to live without. Your entire world and future revolve around this person, and you can clearly, unequivocally see yourselves growing old together, choosing baby names, and even perceive in your mind's eye, what kind of home you'll have.

 

Then Life throws you a blinder, and it all comes crashing down around your feet, and you find yourself utterly devastated, bewildered and confused, and wondering what on earth has happened....?

 

'Growing up' is happening.

You've been each other's focus for a while now and this is the first taste of a different environment you've known. Suddenly, there are new people, new experiences, new influences, new horizons and - ugh! - new feelings....

 

Much as it pains me to say it - and much as it must hurt to hear it - this relationship, while you still have so much heart invested in it, is nevertheless not 'the one'.

You're growing apart, and while you seem to have a ready-made group of comrades, she is experiencing new fields of adventure... and feeling as guilty as hell about it no doubt... but even in her confusion, she can see different avenues opening up to her.

 

And you're going to have to let go.

 

Your youth is guilty of both the intensity of your emotions, and the "shallowness" of them. Naturally, with something so wonderful and full of promise, it seems the be-all-and-end-all of your life. But unfortunately, by the sheer inexperience of your emotional maturity, it's unfortunately much easier to fall out of love, at this age, than you'd ever believe.

 

I'm sure she loves you. But other things are a distraction, and you have to let her explore them - because you have no choice, and I know while it rips you apart, it's inevitable.

 

Deep breath - and prepare yourself to move on.

[Bumaga vsyo sterpit]

I think it's over, and pretty cut and dried too.

 

Possibly the one thing you have on your side is that this isn't an LDR. Still, the transition from high school to college is huge, and you might wanna cut your old life loose. I hated every ****ing minute of high school and was superannoyed when some of my classmates ended up in the same university.

 

College is overwhelming your ex-girlfriend right now, academically and socially. She wants to commit to her new life to do well, and you (and your relationship) are an outlier. Apparently she thinks it's time to let that go.

 

She's starting to notice other guys, whom at the moment she has more in common with, and she's wondering why she's holding on to the past instead of going with the flow. You're a barrier to change.

 

It was very unrealistic of you to try to set "rules" after she told you she "needed space" and offered to "talk as friends." She was letting you down softly right there, in that despised woman-speak. You cannot expect her to conform her behavior to what won't hurt you when she's clearly lost the spark. You say you agreed not to see other girls, but to me it sounds like you offered. She is that kinda girl. Everyone is, when the opportunity presents itself and the attraction is there.

 

"I don't want a relationship (right) now" is woman-speak for "I no longer feel the same way about us. I want to keep my options open and experience something new, and that will/is going to involve relationships, just not one with you." Even as a guy I found myself in that same claim - having a heart-to-heart with a girl about how I needed to hit the reset button, be single for a while and "find myself," while in truth I had just grown bored and stifled and had new crushes in no time – whom I certainly wanted relationships with.

 

You don't need a date to talk. This isn't a decision she's going to change overnight (or likely at all) and if she does change it overnight she'll change it back just as fast. So there's not going to be anything new, and whatever you say in a week you can say right now.

 

If she's wondering what she's done but isn't giving you CLEAR signs she wants to stay... Then it's just the natural reaction of any human being, dumper or dumpee, to feel a bit of pain, confusion and sadness in response to change. Change, positive or negative, always carries a degree of discomfort. User xpaperxcutx decided to break up with her bf in 2008 and cried her eyes out, and was basically fine the next day (sorry for snooping, I read all the posts and go way back when I'm bored xD).

 

You can't break up with her because she already has... You can stop moping around and complaining and controlling before she decides not to keep you in her life in any capacity, though.

 

You're 18 years old, you should've known when you started seeing her that marriage wasn't in the future there. Realistically, this isn't Egypt or Saudi Arabia, your first relationship has a zero per cent chance of survival. There's just no such thing as "wife material" or "husband material" in people who are just beginning their young adult lives, except in much more traditional societies.

 

The past is dead, it doesn't exist, and you shouldn't have allowed this high school outlier to interfere with your new life at university yourself. To her the fact that you need to preserve an old, expired relationship, even in some adjusted form, just shows you can't move on.

 

It's not for you to give her another chance... The only reason she's even still talking to you about this is that she feels so bad about what she's putting you through, and at the same time, feels so unspecifically but definitely good about everything else that's happening to her.

 

Don't trouble yourself with the exact series of monotonous moves that will supposedly change her mind, like the brevity or reverse psychology you're considering. There is no such thing. There are all kinds of books, courses and systems out there – get your ex back with texts, or in 10 days, or 21 days, etc. It's all bull****. I went through dozens of hours of that stuff myself last summer when my own girlfriend left me (and I'm a happy camper now). I completely doubt there's any way to manipulate an ex into really coming back unless you're an absolute connoisseur of women.

 

You cannot move on, however slowly, and try to get your ex back at the same time. I'd say with the artificial planning, challenge, frustration, setbacks, and heartbreak of chasing a dream while your ex's life changes – in one excruciating way after another – it's gonna be a full-time schedule, and a futile effort.

Edited December 10, 2012 by Bumaga vsyo sterpit

[Mr.White]

Well, you contributed to another thread, and requested input, so here it is.

 

But you may not like it.

 

You know the main thing against you right now?

 

Your age.

 

I'm a grandma now, but please believe me when I tell you that I still recollect the agony and delight of being in love with the most wonderful 'forever' guy, when I was your age.

It's all-consuming, vitally important; as precious as your own life-blood, and an impossible thing to live without. Your entire world and future revolve around this person, and you can clearly, unequivocally see yourselves growing old together, choosing baby names, and even perceive in your mind's eye, what kind of home you'll have.

 

Then Life throws you a blinder, and it all comes crashing down around your feet, and you find yourself utterly devastated, bewildered and confused, and wondering what on earth has happened....?

 

'Growing up' is happening.

You've been each other's focus for a while now and this is the first taste of a different environment you've known. Suddenly, there are new people, new experiences, new influences, new horizons and - ugh! - new feelings....

 

Much as it pains me to say it - and much as it must hurt to hear it - this relationship, while you still have so much heart invested in it, is nevertheless not 'the one'.

You're growing apart, and while you seem to have a ready-made group of comrades, she is experiencing new fields of adventure... and feeling as guilty as hell about it no doubt... but even in her confusion, she can see different avenues opening up to her.

 

And you're going to have to let go.

 

Your youth is guilty of both the intensity of your emotions, and the "shallowness" of them. Naturally, with something so wonderful and full of promise, it seems the be-all-and-end-all of your life. But unfortunately, by the sheer inexperience of your emotional maturity, it's unfortunately much easier to fall out of love, at this age, than you'd ever believe.

 

I'm sure she loves you. But other things are a distraction, and you have to let her explore them - because you have no choice, and I know while it rips you apart, it's inevitable.

 

Deep breath - and prepare yourself to move on.

 

Thank you for responding Tara. I had fear of hearing that, it is something I do not want to hear but it is so true.

 

Dam letting go just feels like the complete opposite of what I want to do, but she needs to experience life as well.

 

Haha, gah this is hard. Really hard. This will be the best for both of us.

 

 

I had a few more questions.

 

1) What about her family (I mean her mother,sisters, grandmother) and then my family. I want to leave with respect. Should I confront them and thank them?

Her mother did so much for me and the relationship I had with her daughter.

 

2)Also my items, I would rather get them myself then have mutual friend get them. I have a few of hers as well (underwear and others). Would this be a good idea?

 

3) What about the nude pictures?

I was thinking of deleting them in front of her so she would know they are wiped out. I have enough respect to not share them to anyone for trust is so rare with something so private.

 

4) I was also thinking thought it is time to end it, we could savor the friendship we once had together.

We were bestfriends before and I will miss having her to just talk to as a friend but not as my girlfriend.

 

I am sorry if I am bombarding you with this, I am just...idk. It is my first love and letting go is like slitting my own throat but it has to be done.

 

I think it's over, and pretty cut and dried too.

 

Possibly the one thing you have on your side is that this isn't an LDR. Still, the transition from high school to college is huge, and you might wanna cut your old life loose. I hated every ****ing minute of high school and was superannoyed when some of my classmates ended up in the same university.

 

College is overwhelming your ex-girlfriend right now, academically and socially. She wants to commit to her new life to do well, and you (and your relationship) are an outlier. Apparently she thinks it's time to let that go.

 

She's starting to notice other guys, whom at the moment she has more in common with, and she's wondering why she's holding on to the past instead of going with the flow. You're a barrier to change.

 

It was very unrealistic of you to try to set "rules" after she told you she "needed space" and offered to "talk as friends." She was letting you down softly right there, in that despised woman-speak. You cannot expect her to conform her behavior to what won't hurt you when she's clearly lost the spark. You say you agreed not to see other girls, but to me it sounds like you offered. She is that kinda girl. Everyone is, when the opportunity presents itself and the attraction is there.

 

"I don't want a relationship (right) now" is woman-speak for "I no longer feel the same way about us. I want to keep my options open and experience something new, and that will/is going to involve relationships, just not one with you." Even as a guy I found myself in that same claim - having a heart-to-heart with a girl about how I needed to hit the reset button, be single for a while and "find myself," while in truth I had just grown bored and stifled and had new crushes in no time – whom I certainly wanted relationships with.

 

You don't need a date to talk. This isn't a decision she's going to change overnight (or likely at all) and if she does change it overnight she'll change it back just as fast. So there's not going to be anything new, and whatever you say in a week you can say right now.

 

If she's wondering what she's done but isn't giving you CLEAR signs she wants to stay... Then it's just the natural reaction of any human being, dumper or dumpee, to feel a bit of pain, confusion and sadness in response to change. Change, positive or negative, always carries a degree of discomfort. User xpaperxcutx decided to break up with her bf in 2008 and cried her eyes out, and was basically fine the next day (sorry for snooping, I read all the posts and go way back when I'm bored xD).

 

You can't break up with her because she already has... You can stop moping around and complaining and controlling before she decides not to keep you in her life in any capacity, though.

 

You're 18 years old, you should've known when you started seeing her that marriage wasn't in the future there. Realistically, this isn't Egypt or Saudi Arabia, your first relationship has a zero per cent chance of survival. There's just no such thing as "wife material" or "husband material" in people who are just beginning their young adult lives, except in much more traditional societies.

 

The past is dead, it doesn't exist, and you shouldn't have allowed this high school outlier to interfere with your new life at university yourself. To her the fact that you need to preserve an old, expired relationship, even in some adjusted form, just shows you can't move on.

 

It's not for you to give her another chance... The only reason she's even still talking to you about this is that she feels so bad about what she's putting you through, and at the same time, feels so unspecifically but definitely good about everything else that's happening to her.

 

Don't trouble yourself with the exact series of monotonous moves that will supposedly change her mind, like the brevity or reverse psychology you're considering. There is no such thing. There are all kinds of books, courses and systems out there – get your ex back with texts, or in 10 days, or 21 days, etc. It's all bull****. I went through dozens of hours of that stuff myself last summer when my own girlfriend left me (and I'm a happy camper now). I completely doubt there's any way to manipulate an ex into really coming back unless you're an absolute connoisseur of women.

 

You cannot move on, however slowly, and try to get your ex back at the same time. I'd say with the artificial planning, challenge, frustration, setbacks, and heartbreak of chasing a dream while your ex's life changes – in one excruciating way after another – it's gonna be a full-time schedule, and a futile effort.

 

Yeah, dam. I will miss having a girlfriend but there are more fish out in the sea.

I am actually feeling better each day we are not talking, because I knew deep down that something was not working but I refused to give up.

 

Thank you, I wish reverse physcology would really work in my moment.

 

Thank you both for your kind let downs. If I have any more questions I will post but right now I am so sad. Something I have to do but will hate, I will definetly keep you updated.

 

Really thank you both, sorry my answers are so short.

 

Oh yeah, what would each of the responder's view be on after the break up? I was thinking we could keep in contact because my feelings are wading, I cannot deny that these past days I have been super depressed and have got zero work done with school. Be harsh if you have to, all I want is the truth because my mind is trying to deny anything it thinks of.

 

Sorry and I was thinking for other anniversary we could go to the beach and burn our memories as a final goodbye. Thoughts and opinions.

Edited December 10, 2012 by Mr.White

[na49]

Trust me dude, you do NOT want to be her friend right now. You still want her back. Being her friend will feel good right away. Then you'll find yourself wanting more (a relationship), but she won't feel the same way. You'll get angry and depressed and feel worse than you do now. You'll also feel like she "owes you something" and will take offense when she dates other guys. Just let her go until you are completely over her. Then if you still care at that point, then you can try being her friend. She shouldn't be your priority right now, just enjoy college.

 

There is no "final goodbye" and burning all of your memories sounds so cheesy and stupid you shouldn't do it. Let it go, or at least try to.

[Mr.White]

Trust me dude, you do NOT want to be her friend right now. You still want her back. Being her friend will feel good right away. Then you'll find yourself wanting more (a relationship), but she won't feel the same way. You'll get angry and depressed and feel worse than you do now. You'll also feel like she "owes you something" and will take offense when she dates other guys. Just let her go until you are completely over her. Then if you still care at that point, then you can try being her friend. She shouldn't be your priority right now, just enjoy college.

 

There is no "final goodbye" and burning all of your memories sounds so cheesy and stupid you shouldn't do it. Let it go, or at least try to.

 

I see, I think I have to completely move on until I no longer have feelings for her. Right now they are dying but I think feelings would always be there.

 

What do you think about break up sex?

I want to enjoy having sex with the girl who we gave each other virginity to.

[Bumaga vsyo sterpit]

I'll try to answer your questions.

 

1. You could do this for the sentimental value... Her family is likely disappointed in her, but that won't work to your advantage in any way. They're still her family, and if they talk to her about you that relationship will be fractured. Also, your ex could feel it's pathetic or an invasion of her privacy. It's up to you. I never really cared about making an ex's life easier (lol) and would often do whatever I liked, within "reasonable" limits. If you feel you have to, maybe just call her mother, but make it only about thanking her and try not to even mention your ex. All this is only 'cause you care how you look in front of her - I never did.

 

2. I don't really think she'll want that awkwardness for some underwear. You guys aren't Somalis here. Just text her, short and simple, about your getting the stuff. She might even leave it in a box on the porch. She'll answer. It's a pretty standard matter after a breakup.

 

3. LOL. DUDE. STOP. Why do you care so much about how you might look in front of this dumper? If you want to keep the pictures for the memory or to get turned on, keep 'em (keeping pics is MURDER when you're trying to get over someone though). If you're thinking of putting 'em up online, lock 'em away and give yourself some time. If you want to delete them, delete them. No need to tell her every little thing you're doing. She likely will not care, or will shed a tear and hug you like a brother.

 

4. Terrible idea. Someone who makes the hair on your neck tingle and feels like a knife in your heart every time you see her can never be a "friend." It's just an opportunity for extreme awkwardness and obsession in the future. If you need a friend, go to the Yelow Pages.

 

* * *

 

Exactly. Right now, at least in the short-term future, nothing good will come out of talking to your ex. Hopefully after a long while (at least several months), all your feelings for her will have died off and you will feel she is just another person, not special in any way, even flawed in many. Only then will you be able to talk to her... I still talk to some ex-girlfriends (years after the breakup) and they tell me about their boyfriends and such, without any rocks in my stomach whatsoever.

 

Press her for glaring closure if you need, or just do something really dumb and irreversible like blowing off and cursing her out in her face like a maniac. This step is not necessary. Then disappear - don't tell her you'll be her friend/be there for her/wait for her/etc., don't tell her you need some time to be her friend and will be back... Dumpee-friendship is woman-speak for bread crumbs. Just disappear and don't come back until you're 200 per cent over her, if you ever come back. The acid test is if you can imagine her having aggressive kinky sex with someone else and feel nothing. That's how I feel about all my exes.

 

The beach ritual, like friendship, is a terrible idea...

 

Now breakup sex? One, she might have no interest in intimacy anymore, and two, you need a completely different mindset to be FWB. Right now breakup sex will hurt you tremendously. Proceed with caution.

Edited December 10, 2012 by Bumaga vsyo sterpit

[rn0408]

"I need space"

 

"I want to take a break"

 

 

Both of these mean IT IS OVER!!

 

Respect stats and there are millions of people that you can find.

[Mr.White]

I'll try to answer your questions.

 

1. You could do this for the sentimental value... Her family is likely disappointed in her, but that won't work to your advantage in any way. They're still her family, and if they talk to her about you that relationship will be fractured. Also, your ex could feel it's pathetic or an invasion of her privacy. It's up to you. I never really cared about making an ex's life easier (lol) and would often do whatever I liked, within "reasonable" limits. If you feel you have to, maybe just call her mother, but make it only about thanking her and try not to even mention your ex. All this is only 'cause you care how you look in front of her - I never did.

 

2. I don't really think she'll want that awkwardness for some underwear. You guys aren't Somalis here. Just text her, short and simple, about your getting the stuff. She might even leave it in a box on the porch. She'll answer. It's a pretty standard matter after a breakup.

 

3. LOL. DUDE. STOP. Why do you care so much about how you might look in front of this dumper? If you want to keep the pictures for the memory or to get turned on, keep 'em (keeping pics is MURDER when you're trying to get over someone though). If you're thinking of putting 'em up online, lock 'em away and give yourself some time. If you want to delete them, delete them. No need to tell her every little thing you're doing. She likely will not care, or will shed a tear and hug you like a brother.

 

4. Terrible idea. Someone who makes the hair on your neck tingle and feels like a knife in your heart every time you see her can never be a "friend." It's just an opportunity for extreme awkwardness and obsession in the future. If you need a friend, go to the Yelow Pages.

 

* * *

 

Exactly. Right now, at least in the short-term future, nothing good will come out of talking to your ex. Hopefully after a long while (at least several months), all your feelings for her will have died off and you will feel she is just another person, not special in any way, even flawed in many. Only then will you be able to talk to her... I still talk to some ex-girlfriends (years after the breakup) and they tell me about their boyfriends and such, without any rocks in my stomach whatsoever.

 

Press her for glaring closure if you need, or just do something really dumb and irreversible like blowing off and cursing her out in her face like a maniac. This step is not necessary. Then disappear - don't tell her you'll be her friend/be there for her/wait for her/etc., don't tell her you need some time to be her friend and will be back... Dumpee-friendship is woman-speak for bread crumbs. Just disappear and don't come back until you're 200 per cent over her, if you ever come back. The acid test is if you can imagine her having aggressive kinky sex with someone else and feel nothing. That's how I feel about all my exes.

 

The beach ritual, like friendship, is a terrible idea...

 

Now breakup sex? One, she might have no interest in intimacy anymore, and two, you need a completely different mindset to be FWB. Right now breakup sex will hurt you tremendously. Proceed with caution.

 

Hahha oh man that kinky sex part was hilarious! Personally before I break I should have mentioned all I was focused on was sex, not even her.

 

1) Her mom really went out of her way, especially when my mother was in the hospital. She took me in as her kid. Something I really appreciated.

Her grandmother as well took me in as her grandchild, her family was great to me so I feel it is justifiable to thank them.

 

2) I see, hopefully she did not throw away all my clothes! Haha I had nice extra sets over there and I would really want them back with no damage.

 

3) Thank you.

 

4) I think the No Contact rule would be good, and if I bump ways into her (very likely because my best friends live across the street) I will friendly wave but avoid stopping and chatting. If we do I think I would just do the usual small chat unless I am truly over her which I will then not give a dam.

 

I think I am still going to try break up sex. But I hope it doesn't bring a spark or a connection to us...Maybe that was what you were warning me about.

 

I am sorry but I have many questions.

 

Would bringing all of our memories (love notes, pictures, presents, stuffed animals) to our break up and then jsut dump them after be a good idea? I was thinking it would be the final page to our chapter together. We both will be free for the day so time does not matter. I want to drive the wound hard so we both know it is over.

 

I was planning on breaking up at her house too, because if she cried and drove....thats dangerous.

 

Thank you, this is advice that is seriously going to affect my life.

Edited December 10, 2012 by Mr.White

[Chi townD]

Big red flag! She posted on her facebook, "What have I done?" Apparently she did something she isn't proud of. And if I had to guess, it was with her "guy friend".

 

Dude, cut ties and move on. Apparently she values her friends and her "guy friend" more than you. That should give you a hint.

[Mr.White]

Big red flag! She posted on her facebook, "What have I done?" Apparently she did something she isn't proud of. And if I had to guess, it was with her "guy friend".

 

Dude, cut ties and move on. Apparently she values her friends and her "guy friend" more than you. That should give you a hint.

 

Thank you for your input, I plan on ending it.

[Mr.White]

I think I will text her good luck on her finals for the whole week at school.

 

Like "Goodluck on your finals this week, you are smart!"

 

She has to text me tomorrow because we agreed to set a date of when to meet to talk.

 

We changed the dates to earlier as well.

[Chi townD]

Dude, why? You're just setting yourself up for heartache.

[Mr.White]

Dude, why? You're just setting yourself up for heartache.

 

I am not sure but I am doubting sending her the text, I think i will tell her what Ihave seen TaraMaiden has posted in on another thread saying I will give her space and to think of whether she wants to be together or not.

 

Dam this is hard, this NC.

[Chi townD]

I would definately listen to TaraMaiden, but I think it was more or less probably in the context of, she has to know what it feels like having you out of her life.

 

Look, she's making the choice to have you out of her life. Therefore, you give her EXACTLY that. You are not her friend. I'm sure you never got into a loving and caring relationship with her to only become nothing more than a friend to her.

 

Does NC suck? Hell yeah! Is NC hard? YEP! But, it does get easier with time. You need to take it one day at a time. Just get through today without any contact with her. Then, you make it through tomorrow and then the next and the next.....

 

You need to start working on you. Start making positive changes in your life RIGHT NOW! Start going to the gym HARD. Work out the stress and frustrations that you're having. Plus, it help you get that rock hard bod. Get a new hairstyle and buy a new wardrobe. Go back to school, keep your mind on school work and not on what she's doing. Plus, a good solid education with help your financial status. Then, travel! Go on a trip somewhere! Pick a place that you've always want to see. Save for it. and just go! Break out of the norm.

[itsmyfault]

Honestly, The first week of NC is the worst, I failed after a week twice.

 

After that its now been a Month NC and I feel F**king Great!

 

I honestly have no care left to give, should my ex come to me for help I'll tell her exactly where to get off. (politely of course)

[flitzanu]

 

1 week before the break:

 

During my time being very stressed out, she told me one of her guy friends said she was cute and she told him that she thought he was cute too but that all this happened 3 weeks before she told me.

 

Break (Happened 4 days ago):

 

As our conversations became very shallow and we only had brief short answers for each other. She informed me she was going out with her friends the next day, and then to end her school semester next week she was going to a local fair with her group (the guy she thinks is cute as well)

 

She told me she wanted some breathing room to figure out what she wants but keep talking but as friends, I agreed.

 

Later that day I texted her saying we need t set the rules. I agreed I would not hook up with any girls but all she said was I am not that type of girl but I did not want to push her away.

 

We talked for a little setting the dates and how she still does not want a relationship now. <--I found it a bit strange she did not put the word "right"

She said she still loved me and cared for me and wanted to say at least goodnights to each other.

 

Break (1 day ago):

 

I told her I did not keep in contact with her anymore and that we need to talk, face to face.

She agreed she would save the date (the 20th of December) so we could talk.

 

 

 

here's the part of your story that actually matters.

 

firstly...you're 18.

 

yes, i know, you're wise and know everything...i felt the same way at that age, and even got engaged at the end of my senior year in HS. it lasted another year before we split up. it's not the end of the world. you'll look back MUCH later and realize you had so much life in front of you. now...that being said, you don't have to feel that way about it, just saying that in time you'll read this and be like OMG YEA IT'S TRUE!

 

secondly, she now has a new group of friends, including girls, and she's an 18 year old girl. she's in a new place, meeting new people, and being 18...realizing "hey i'm too young to settle right now and need to see other people like all my new friends are doing".

 

She told me she wanted some breathing room to figure out what she wants but keep talking but as friends, I agreed. == this means "i want to be single, but i don't want to tell you in case i change my mind and my single life doesn't work out"

 

I agreed I would not hook up with any girls but all she said was I am not that type of girl but I did not want to push her away. == this means "i want to hook up with other guys but i'm certainly not going to say that to you." notice...she DID NOT REPEAT YOUR RESPONSE. she misdirected her response instead of actually REASSURING YOU that it's not her intention.

 

We talked for a little setting the dates and how she still does not want a relationship now. == this means....wait, do i need to interpret this? she just soft-blow dumped you. this is the latest socially "polite" way to break up with someone when you don't really dislike them, but you want to explore other options.

 

that's what she wants, is to explore other options. count your losses and walk away.

 

don't beg, don't pour your broken heart out to her about "how could she be so cruellllllllllll" or anything of the sort.

 

if you start pushing her, she's going to get mean. best to end it civilly right now, and then YOU cut her out completely and go NC.

 

if you don't walk away, she is going to keep you hanging on a string.

[flitzanu]

I think I will text her good luck on her finals for the whole week at school.

 

Like "Goodluck on your finals this week, you are smart!"

 

She has to text me tomorrow because we agreed to set a date of when to meet to talk.

 

We changed the dates to earlier as well.

 

no. don't do any of that.

[Mr.White]

here's the part of your story that actually matters.

 

firstly...you're 18.

 

yes, i know, you're wise and know everything...i felt the same way at that age, and even got engaged at the end of my senior year in HS. it lasted another year before we split up. it's not the end of the world. you'll look back MUCH later and realize you had so much life in front of you. now...that being said, you don't have to feel that way about it, just saying that in time you'll read this and be like OMG YEA IT'S TRUE!

 

secondly, she now has a new group of friends, including girls, and she's an 18 year old girl. she's in a new place, meeting new people, and being 18...realizing "hey i'm too young to settle right now and need to see other people like all my new friends are doing".

 

She told me she wanted some breathing room to figure out what she wants but keep talking but as friends, I agreed. == this means "i want to be single, but i don't want to tell you in case i change my mind and my single life doesn't work out"

 

I agreed I would not hook up with any girls but all she said was I am not that type of girl but I did not want to push her away. == this means "i want to hook up with other guys but i'm certainly not going to say that to you." notice...she DID NOT REPEAT YOUR RESPONSE. she misdirected her response instead of actually REASSURING YOU that it's not her intention.

 

We talked for a little setting the dates and how she still does not want a relationship now. == this means....wait, do i need to interpret this? she just soft-blow dumped you. this is the latest socially "polite" way to break up with someone when you don't really dislike them, but you want to explore other options.

 

that's what she wants, is to explore other options. count your losses and walk away.

 

don't beg, don't pour your broken heart out to her about "how could she be so cruellllllllllll" or anything of the sort.

 

if you start pushing her, she's going to get mean. best to end it civilly right now, and then YOU cut her out completely and go NC.

 

if you don't walk away, she is going to keep you hanging on a string.

 

Thank you for your response, it is greatly appreciated. I jsut finished a two of ym finals and it is late at night and I must be up early in the morning for another exam.

 

I talked on the phone with her for 20 minutes and I asked her calmly to clarify the rules and she stated herself that she did not mean to see other people. She said no sex, handjobs, blowjobs but she hesitated to say kissing when I asked her about it so I am going to have the mindset I am single from a recent break up after my college finals are over I will attempt to hang out with my friends as much as possible, juggle work and re connect with long lsot friends that my ex disliked because they were the friends I could have gotten girls with.

I will be more specific later. Thank you

[Chi townD]

Sorry, but to me, it sounds like that YOU get no sex, YOU get no HJ, BJ's and YOU shouldn't be kissing up on anyone....

[Mr.White]

Sorry, but to me, it sounds like that YOU get no sex, YOU get no HJ, BJ's and YOU shouldn't be kissing up on anyone....

 

Dam, I thought she was saying it as a mutual agreement.

 

I am really lost right now but I have my friends right now, but I what I really need to connect to are my old friends that party and know some girls....

[Mr.White]

The day is coming up where we will break NC and talk.

 

I plan on saying how I truly feel.

 

I feel...not sure but I miss her, but at the same time I know that there is other fish out there.

 

I plan on telling her first how my parents told me that love is like a roller coaster. and how sometimes one person gives 100% and the other gives 70% but it is how yo work through those differences.

 

Then I plan on putting my pride on the line stating how I would like to make it work because I do not want to give up on our lvoe so easily.

 

Regardless of what you guys say I will state this, possibly in different terms but generally along this outline.

 

opinions and advice on it please

[flitzanu]

say it if you must, but don't expect it to change anything.

 

if she was willing to "not give up so easily for love" then don't you think she'd behave differently? it's grand that you feel that way, but you're expecting words to matter, and they won't right now. i recommend saving your breath and NOT pouring out your heart, she's already heard it and isn't going to react.

[Mike_d]

fitzanu with the whole truth for the win

[Mike_d]

The day is coming up where we will break NC and talk.

 

I plan on saying how I truly feel.

 

I feel...not sure but I miss her, but at the same time I know that there is other fish out there.

 

I plan on telling her first how my parents told me that love is like a roller coaster. and how sometimes one person gives 100% and the other gives 70% but it is how yo work through those differences.

 

Then I plan on putting my pride on the line stating how I would like to make it work because I do not want to give up on our lvoe so easily.

 

Regardless of what you guys say I will state this, possibly in different terms but generally along this outline.

 

opinions and advice on it please

 

and when you become easy and transparent and absolutely no challenge for her by doing this, she is going to NEXT! you in a hurry.

 

This instead, know it is a total reach for you now to be this guy, but it really is your only chance. Good luck regardless

Edited December 18, 2012 by Mike_d