I am devasted, and ex got married after 6 weeks.

[evondavis1]

I think I might have you all beat with my story! I was with my ex for 7 years. We have a 3 year sold son, lived together, owned a business together, shared everything. Basically we were married without the paperwork. Granted our relationship, just like everyone else's had it's fair share of ups and downs. So about 3 months ago, I had told him I had enough. We were together for 7 years, and not once did he want to talk about marriage and commitment, he always said it was a stupid peice of paper. I made him leave 3 months ago because I knew he was not happy with me, or even with our life. He was always talking to ex's, even though I asked him to stop many times. He was always blowing me and our son off at the last minute. According to him, he checked out of the relationship 5 years ago. So guess what he did - one week later he found a GF who is 13 years younger. ( I am 36 and he is 37). He kept this from me until everyone started to find out on Facebook (the devil's website). Then after 6 weeks, they took off and eloped to Vegas! WOW!! I begged this man for 7 years to give me what he gave her in 6 weeks!!

 

 

I am devastated, but I wake every morning and take care of my son. I am in the process of dissolving the company that we have owned together for the last 6 years.

 

 

What I don't understand, how can you get married to someone, after 6 weeks, and he doesn't even have a job or place to live? She also lives 3 hours away, and they travel back and forth to see each other. He told me he won't move up to her because of our son. However, I think he should just disappear. He has even had then nerve to ask me to be his friend over and over again for the last 3 months. I really think he lost his mind. A friend wouldn't get married behind your back. A friend wouldn't treat you badly and then tell you that you are the worst GF in the world and that I ruined everything for thim.

 

 

Everyone told me he did it to spite me. I say he probably just found his match and she's just as crazy as he is.

 

 

I hope that one day I can get through this. I am so depressed, and after 3 months I still cry. How could he do this???

[Lisa_Lisa]

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. What he did is inexcusable. He must think he knows what he's in for, but he doesn't. That relationship will crash and burn. Once reality hits, believe me.

 

For now, be strong. You're a good woman and any man whose got his **** together deserves a chance to be with you. Time does heal all wounds. Don't try to rush the process.

 

I'm sorry.

[Cutiepie1976]

Sorry to hear. How awful!

 

You're come to the right place. When your friends can't take your sobbing and your venting any more, we'll be here. When your dog starts to scamper away at your first sniffle, we'll still be here.

 

You'll have many hills and valleys in your journey. It's a pretty friendly group with some good advice and great support regardless of where in that journey you are.

 

Welcome!

[Lil1]

wow. what an a-hole. Hang in there Evon, you sound like a strong and independent woman. Dont let him make you feel any less. You have no obligation to be his friend either. You're right - he has not shown you that he is worthy of your friendship. The child you two share hoewever does not deserve to be cut off from his life so I hope you both do what is best for your son. Focus on yourself, your son, your finances. Whatever crazy things your ex does is no longer your burden Good luck!

[GuyInLimbo]

Sounds like a very sad situation. However, I wouldn't lose sleep over his marriage. The odds of a relationship that short resulting in a lifetime of bliss is slim. I'm sure it won't last long. (Yes, I'm generalizing, but sounds like this guy isn't exactly an emotionally mature individual).

[evondavis1]

Why date a guy who was always talking to Exes and blowing you off for 7 years?

 

Why have a kid with him when he wouldn't marry you?

 

Why are you surprised you did not end up with a happy ending?

 

Why did I stay? Realizing now that I was just stupid and believed what he told me during the good moments. I wanted the relationship to work. We "had" a life, son, business, family, trips, friends, money, etc. We did everything backwards anyways, and I laughed it off thinking this is how "we" were. We met, moved in, started a business, he got me a dog for our 1 year anniversary, had a baby, etc. I honestly don't know why marriage was not an issue back in the day. Don't get me wrong, I always brought it up, in any fight that we had. I always voiced my opinion, and his excuse every time was that I kept kicking him out. Well DUH!!! I had reasons to kick you out, on top of not getting married to me. This was his only defense against me, that I kicked him out 5 times in 7 years. The only problem I had was taking him back 4 times.

[evondavis1]

Sounds like a very sad situation. However, I wouldn't lose sleep over his marriage. The odds of a relationship that short resulting in a lifetime of bliss is slim. I'm sure it won't last long. (Yes, I'm generalizing, but sounds like this guy isn't exactly an emotionally mature individual).

 

Thanks for your reply :-) I am going through such a hard time now, and I need all the advice I can get.Yes, we have to dissolve the company for 2 reasons: 1 - it is killing us financially, and has been a sinking ship for years. 2 - I just can't picture myself working with him anymore. We still have to have communication, and I get so angry when I talk to him.Ever since he met his GF, now wife, he turned into a monster. He got so mean, would yell at me, tell me I ruined his life, and ruined everything for the last 7 years. Now he is telling me that I am a horrible mother, and that his wife will be a better mother to my son. It has turned to so ugly, and I cannot believe all the mean things he has been sayint to me. I honestly don't know why he turned. Perhaps he was depressed the whole time he was with me, with to much responsibility with family and business. Now he is out there playing and acting like a child. He is doing what he wants, and when he wants. I just don't know how to move on, and stop thinking about this every minute of everyday.

[Sugarkane]

Why didnt you make him marry you? I can never understand why people never marry and live together- have kids. Then are desperate to marry someone mere months together. Doesn't make sense.

[movingon12]

First off: you have a lawyer right? If not, get one now. (Though the fact that he married someone that much younger, and after only 6 weeks, does not say much for his mental state, and I can't imagine a court is going to listen to much he has to say, but for the sake of your son: get a lawyer).

 

Second: his marriage will.not.last. Not a snowballs chance in hell. He doesn't really love the gf. He barely even knows her. He probably did it a) to get back at you and b) to prove to the world that you were the problem in the relationship, not him. Actually it just makes him look like a cradle-snatching crazy person, but nevermind that now.

 

Third:He's probably getting increasingly angry at you because he's blaming you for the fact that he's now stuck married to someone who is completely unsuitable for him. They will break up, and it will be ugly, and you can get popcorn and watch from the sidelines.

 

Forth: Eventually he'll probably coming crawling back, to tell you he made a terrible mistake and ask to try again. Personally, I would tell him to go to hell, but that will be your choice to make at the time.

 

Fifth: I am so sorry you're going through this. Good luck.

[evondavis1]

First off: you have a lawyer right? If not, get one now. (Though the fact that he married someone that much younger, and after only 6 weeks, does not say much for his mental state, and I can't imagine a court is going to listen to much he has to say, but for the sake of your son: get a lawyer).

 

Second: his marriage will.not.last. Not a snowballs chance in hell. He doesn't really love the gf. He barely even knows her. He probably did it a) to get back at you and b) to prove to the world that you were the problem in the relationship, not him. Actually it just makes him look like a cradle-snatching crazy person, but nevermind that now.

 

Third:He's probably getting increasingly angry at you because he's blaming you for the fact that he's now stuck married to someone who is completely unsuitable for him. They will break up, and it will be ugly, and you can get popcorn and watch from the sidelines.

 

Forth: Eventually he'll probably coming crawling back, to tell you he made a terrible mistake and ask to try again. Personally, I would tell him to go to hell, but that will be your choice to make at the time.

 

Fifth: I am so sorry you're going through this. Good luck.

 

I absolutely love your reply. Everything you had mentioned above is exactly what people have been saying to me for months. I've been bouncing back and forth with my emotions for the last couple months - should I be his friend, should I be nice when I see him, should I let him hang out with me and my son at my house (which I used to do). Ever since I have told him to leave me alone, he has gotten worse. He blames me for everything. Including the business, which was no secret how broke we were. I told him all the time, we only have enough to pay the bills, that's it. No saving, no buying a house, no vacations. Now he is telling me that I am a liar, a cheater, I steal and I am mean. We even had a meeting last month and I showed him where all the money from the company went, right back to the company! How many successful, rich truck drivers do you know? I don't know any!!! I have 2 bachelor degrees, starting the company, worked full time with 2 jobs, then became a stay at home mom, taking care of the company, house, bills, etc. I worked my butt off for years, and now he calls me every name in the book.

[evondavis1]

Why didnt you make him marry you? I can never understand why people never marry and live together- have kids. Then are desperate to marry someone mere months together. Doesn't make sense.

 

 

Good question!! We actually used the excuse that we weren't "financially" ready to get married. I guess I had to hold onto that theory, because it made sense at that time. Now I look back and realize he had the milk, so why buy the cow? I know we did everything backwards, but I was the positive one, the glass is half full person. He was opposite, a debbie downer. I thought while in that relationship our 2 personalities would balance out. I was wrong, very wrong.

[evondavis1]

It does help me to hear of all the other stories out there, and I feel that I am not alone. Ever since he met her, he has turned on me and blaimed me for everything that has gone on his life. He tells me that everything is my fault. The past 7 years were torture for him, he would rather put a bullet in his head then get back together with me, etc. Then went on to say that I am a horrible mother, that his new wife will be a better mom to our son, that my whole family is dusgusting, that everyone he knows wants to kill me, etc. etc. And through all this, I still cry, am depressed, think about him all the time. I guess my co-dependancy on him is still going strong. I can’t stop obsessing over some man who clearly does not care. He told me he check out 5 years ago and should have left a long time ago. Why do I still care? I feel rejected and hurt. I feel so bad for my son. I wanted the "family" so badly, that I lost who I was. Before I met him, I was completely independant, purchased my own condo, had money, had a fantastic job, tons of friends, freedom to do what I wanted when I wanted to. This is a great opportunity to start all over. I can work on me now. I can hopefully, eventually find someone who wants to spend the rest of our lives together, with no drama. Just friendship, loyalty, love, emotion, etc. I just want the fundamentals in my next relationship.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Why didnt you make him marry you? I can never understand why people never marry and live together- have kids. Then are desperate to marry someone mere months together. Doesn't make sense.

 

Marriages that are based on somebody "making" the other one marry are doomed.

 

Too late anyway.

 

I know how terrible you feel, OP. I went through something similar - and I WAS married to the guy. I still can feel a twinge of pain over it years later.

 

But, I believe that this is probably a painful blessing in disguise for you. You needed this man out of your life and this makes it more likely that you'll find the strength to sever all the ties that you can, under the circumstances of having a kid together.

 

Please do get and take legal advice, and take care of yourself through this.

[evondavis1]

It hurts to know that someone else will be "moving" into your spot when it comes to the children. I am trying to worry about it less, especially since it hasn't happened yet, but I always fear about my son calling her or thinking she is another mommy. I really have so much anger towards my ex for this. If he handled everything after the breakup like a normal person, then I wouldn't hate him so much. So, instead of talking to me about it, or anyone for that matter, he eloped without telling a single person. He took off and made a selfish decision, without thinking about his son. I can handle our breakup now, I am coming to terms that we were not meant to be, but by his actions after, I know exactly what kind of person I was with. I realize there was a reason why I cried myself to sleep so many nights. I realize why I became insecure. I realize why I becam co-dependant.

I know I have to relax and breathe. I have to trust my ex, and know that I will not be replace in my son's eyes. How do you trust an ex like this? I am scared, but I know it will get better. Things will be better someday.

[evondavis1]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]So here is an update. My ex called me last weekend to “rehash” and “get closure” as he said. We went down memory lane and the demise of the relationship for 90 minutes. Still everything is my fault according to him, but I know my truth. I don’t have to defend myself, but I feel like I have to with him always! So towards the end of the conversation, he tell me his new wife is pregnant!!! WTF!!![/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Mind you, they met less than 4 months ago, 1 week after we broke up. Married her 6 weeks later, and now she is “accidentally” pregnant, and this is still my fault because I kicked him out. I told him he should have been a man and made me happy, but instead he took off on this downward spiral of a life.[/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]The wife is 24, 13 years younger than my ex. A Russian immigrant here in the US on a student VISA. Now the ex is broke, no job because we are dissolving the company we own together, lives with his sister, his wife lives in another state, 3 hours away. No car insurance, no health insurance, not a pot to piss in. Who makes these terrible choices? Yet, it is still my fault because I kicked him out. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[soccerrprp]

Sorry can't be any help here, just flabbergasted. Man, some people just SUCK! I am very sorry.

[SharkTooth]

As much as you still have feelings for him it's gonna be hard to take the fact that your ex is about to hit the pits of hell. He's pissed at you because he knows he can pull at your heart strings. Prepare yourself for lots more to come from him and it'll come in chapters. Unfulfilled Happiness. Anger. Depression. Solitude. Reality. Seeking Forgiveness.

 

From the outside, it's very easy to say he has it coming and certainly deserves it but the truth is, for your child, you really don't want them to watch a father go through what he has coming. That'll be the hardest part. I'm sure you are thinking the same thing and know that you have to stay strong. Live for your child and the rest will fall in to place.

[KatZee]

Wah. I just cried a tear for him.

 

Tell him to take a walk. He made his choices, now he has a s.hitty life. He gave some poor woman what you wanted and now both of their lives are crap. Karma always wins in the end. I give it a year max until the divorce.

 

Live well knowing this is what he turned into.

 

You= WINNING!

[Coping Vortex]

 

 

What I don't understand, how can you get married to someone, after 6 weeks, and he doesn't even have a job or place to live?

 

She is the new and exciting toy. Meeting her feels like a whole new love life. New exciting passion. You were in a more mature relationship when the honeymoon phase is already over. Same thing happens in affairs. Being with her arose exciting romantic feelings for him and the fact that she is young he doesn't want here to run off with someone her own age so he is tying her up. The sex is new and different and the whole thing is in a word exciting. But every relationship goes through phases. I;m sure that will crash and burn soon. Plus he sounds like he has so much baggage. You don't need that albatross around your neck.

[mutant]

This guy is a time bomb, tick-tick-ticking and you should be nowhere around him when it comes to the BOOM! Trust me you are not prepared for what is coming (after he divorces that wife) and you should protect your son from experiencing this. Like everyone else here, I am sorry you are going through this. Good luck

[fixing]

Damn, so sorry to hear you got burned by some shallow, classless prick. Hey, i dont know what to say, except continue being a great mum to your son. I know its sounds Cliche, but you are young! And now its time for you, and your son. You are worth so much more than some twat like that, seriously, sometimes i doubt mankind. You'll be ok in the end honey

[ScienceGal]

How devastating. I would consider it a blessing that he didn't marry you since he wasn't respecting you (still talking to exes), that he admitted to "checking out" 5 years ago, and since he got eloped so quickly. Doesn't sound like a man of integrity to me. You and your son deserve better.

 

Please stay on here for support, it does help. hugs

[Bluem]

If it makes you feel any better, when my ex and I were (stupidly) communicating I acted kind of similarly to your ex. I didn't leave him, so it's different, but maybe this will make you feel better:

 

I was with someone new, that was exciting. I felt like I had something to hold over his head - but I was still unhappy. This person was giving me things my ex did not (in my case they were actually nice things, but maybe in your case it's that she's letting him be an irresponsible child), but I still felt unfulfilled. I would tell him about stuff that I knew would hurt him (maybe not on purpose, but just to prove to him I moved on - his wife being pregnant is a good way to prove that). I blamed him for all the things he did wrong because in reality these are all the things that I had wanted from him. People thought I had really gotten it together in that I was seeing someone new who made me happy/excited, but I was still upset at my ex. Where I wanted to feel closure/understand why, he seems like he wants absolve himself of fault and guilt. Everyone is going to look down at him for leaving his partner of 7 years who has built his life around - and it's "your fault" for making them feel this way.

 

I doubt this guy is truly over you. This does not necessarily mean he wants to get back together/wanted to be together, because I know I didn't after a certain point - but he's not over you in the sense that he's still mad and trying to "win". He's trying to prove with everything that he is - but he's still blaming you for the breakup. If he really didn't care at all, do you think he'd be acting this way? Why wasn't he secure enough to just be single, why did he have to do all these things?

 

My advice is just to move on and stop talking to him. Obviously, you have a child together, so you will have to discuss that - but keep it simple, short, and to the point. Stop rehashing your relationship with him because this guy is not worthy of one and will just make you feel worse.

[evondavis1]

So I have been feeling a little bit better. It has been 6 months since the breakup, a very long 6 months. I have really good days, and then some really, really bad days. Something triggered me this week…..the finality of it all. We didn’t have the “normal” type of breakup where 2 people deal with their life and try to co-exist and co-parent together. Instead, I had my “best-friend” stab me in the back a hundred different ways. Yes, I made him leave, but for good reasons. Reasons that were not crazy or that didn’t hurt me. Zero tolerance with other woman, in my book. Emotional cheating is just as bad, and can lead to physical cheating. Emotional abuse as well, but I don’t want to re-live memory lane.

 

Anyways, what hurts the most is that I am the one picking up the pieces for myself. I am in a world of hurt. I am constantly thinking of ways to make myself happy. I work f/t, am an awesome mom, work out, go out with my friends, read, clean, etc. My ex is out there, living the good life, with his insta-bride and new baby on the way. I can only assume he is happy, because I have no contact with him at all. Even when he drops/picks up our son, I don’t look in his direction.

 

I guess my ego is bruised. My ego is dead. There are days I want to call him and say “Are you happy now?” I know it doesn’t make a difference, but I can’t grasp the fact that after 7 years, he did this to me, I did this to myself to. 7 years and an awesome 3 year old little boy who brings a smile to my face every time I see him. My ex left him as well, and blames me for it. My ex had a choice. I didn’t make him or force him to do anything. I just want this pain to go away.

[purplereigncb]

This is a sad story. I know how you feel OP after almost 8 years I initially dumped her so she could get her act together, and be more attentive. She didn't skip a beat and is already with a New guy. I didn't marry her either, but my situation's different, I said I would when we'd both be able to pay for it. I'm just left sitting on my hands wondering how you can switch trains so quickly.