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Be My Guest and Leave was his response to marriage topic.


Getting Married Cold feet to pre-marital stressors--the place to discuss all the issues that come with saying "I do."

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Old 18th January 2017, 7:43 PM   #1
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Be My Guest and Leave was his response to marriage topic.

I've been with my bf for 10 years. I have a child that I had from a prior relationship and he was literally a toddler when we met. We broke up and got back together about three years ago. When I mentioned when are we going to get married, he said he's happy if he never marries. He said I can be his guest and leave if I can't wait on his timetable. He says I can pressure him into that it is unattractive and makes me look like a lonely bitter woman. He said I need to cook more and if I had what it took I would be engaged by now. Mind you, he told me countless times he's in love with me and will marry me, he said he would marry me once I lost some weight and I did. He actually said he would propose if I met my weight goal and that came and went. He said I just want marriage because I'm a mom and I want security and a fsther for my child. I told him I felt used because he called me back when we're broken up because his mom was dying and I felt like he used me because of that. He said he can get sex anywhere my sex isn't all that so I shouldn't toot my own horn. We just went on a beautiful Caribbean vacation and I was hoping he would propose but no. I'm so hurt I can barely function at work I'm tired of feeling not worthy I don't know what is it about me that makes him feel that way. I don't know if he said this stuff in anger because I thought we were good. I haven't spoken to him in a week. We don't live together we talk daily but we hang out on Saturday. What should I do?
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Old 18th January 2017, 7:57 PM   #2
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Why on earth do you want to marry him? He sounds like a prize jerk to me.
10years together, yet you don't even live together and he puts you down.
I think you should dump him and look for a man who'll treat you with love and respect.
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Old 18th January 2017, 8:09 PM   #3
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People treat you how you allow them to treat you.

This guy sounds like a jerk why you have you been groveling to him?

A father for your son is no reason to marry someone who doesn't respect you. A piece of paper is no guarantee security for your son.
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Old 18th January 2017, 8:20 PM   #4
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I agree that he sounds like a jerk. That said, I see no affection in your post towards him.

What makes this man so special that you feel he'd be the perfect man for you to be with for the rest of your life?
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Old 18th January 2017, 8:35 PM   #5
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Also for some more background, when we broke up or whatever the first time he said it was because I had gotten fat and was unaffectionste. He says I need counseling because I am bitter and negative. He says I haven't changed only my weight and he says I'm ignorant to think he would propose just because I lost weight but he told me he would. He said he wouldn't want to go into a bull**** marriage.

I thought we have a lot of fun together, we laugh and I'm not the touchy feels type of girl and I guess the only time we are affectionate is when saying goodbye and sex.

I love him we have been together for so long and my son has known him so long. He's successful and handsome.
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Old 18th January 2017, 8:45 PM   #6
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Also for some more background, when we broke up or whatever the first time he said it was because I had gotten fat and was unaffectionste. He says I need counseling because I am bitter and negative. He says I haven't changed only my weight and he says I'm ignorant to think he would propose just because I lost weight but he told me he would. He said he wouldn't want to go into a bull**** marriage.

I thought we have a lot of fun together, we laugh and I'm not the touchy feels type of girl and I guess the only time we are affectionate is when saying goodbye and sex.

I love him we have been together for so long and my son has known him so long. He's successful and handsome.

Dear he is a jerk in every way. Please don't stay with someone like that. You are better off alone.
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Old 18th January 2017, 9:01 PM   #7
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There is nothing successful and handsome about this guy. He's a nasty loser and deeply ugly on the inside. You are letting yourself be treated like dirt, so he will treat you like dirt.

You dont respect yourself, so why should he? You are giving your child a very bad example on how people should treat each other.
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Old 18th January 2017, 10:32 PM   #8
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It just seems that marriage talk enrages him. He gets so angry. He says I'm paranoid and my tirades won't change the fact he determines when he gets married.
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Old 18th January 2017, 11:18 PM   #9
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There is no sugarcoating it, he does not want to marry you. It has been 10 years and you only see him once a week! Seriously.. this relationship isn't heading in that direction. Based on what you have said, it sounds completely dysfunctional.

He acts like he is doing you a favor being with him, when all he has really done is mislead you, emotionally blackmailed you into losing weight, and tear you down by saying he can get better sex elsewhere. I understand that you have invested a lot of time in this relationship, but how is this behavior acceptable to you?

I would recommend that you think very carefully about your future. Think about what will happen if things continue down this path and what influence/example it will set for your child in the long run. It doesn't sound very healthy for you or your child.
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Old 18th January 2017, 11:23 PM   #10
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Also for some more background, when we broke up or whatever the first time he said it was because I had gotten fat and was unaffectionste. He says I need counseling because I am bitter and negative. He says I haven't changed only my weight and he says I'm ignorant to think he would propose just because I lost weight but he told me he would. He said he wouldn't want to go into a bull**** marriage.

I thought we have a lot of fun together, we laugh and I'm not the touchy feels type of girl and I guess the only time we are affectionate is when saying goodbye and sex.

I love him we have been together for so long and my son has known him so long. He's successful and handsome.
OK, you have fun together and you've been together for ages. You find him good looking and apparently successful in his career. This isn't much in the way of reasons why you'd want to marry him.

Let me try again: how does he make you feel valued and appreciated on a regular basis? What do your family and friends think of him?

I'm trying to work out why you love this asshat.
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Old 18th January 2017, 11:33 PM   #11
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Go on Ebay and buy Mini extra small condoms. Then walk him to the door, give them to him, tell him he can go get sex anywhere and your done.
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Old 19th January 2017, 12:04 AM   #12
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I've been with my bf for 10 years. I have a child that I had from a prior relationship and he was literally a toddler when we met. We broke up and got back together about three years ago. When I mentioned when are we going to get married, he said he's happy if he never marries. He said I can be his guest and leave if I can't wait on his timetable. He says I can pressure him into that it is unattractive and makes me look like a lonely bitter woman. He said I need to cook more and if I had what it took I would be engaged by now. Mind you, he told me countless times he's in love with me and will marry me, he said he would marry me once I lost some weight and I did. He actually said he would propose if I met my weight goal and that came and went. He said I just want marriage because I'm a mom and I want security and a fsther for my child. I told him I felt used because he called me back when we're broken up because his mom was dying and I felt like he used me because of that. He said he can get sex anywhere my sex isn't all that so I shouldn't toot my own horn. We just went on a beautiful Caribbean vacation and I was hoping he would propose but no. I'm so hurt I can barely function at work I'm tired of feeling not worthy I don't know what is it about me that makes him feel that way. I don't know if he said this stuff in anger because I thought we were good. I haven't spoken to him in a week. We don't live together we talk daily but we hang out on Saturday. What should I do?
If a man said that to me, I'd be his guest and f'ing LEAVE.

This guy is (sorry to say it) an A HOLE. Plain and simple.

You may love him a lot but he isn't marriage material. Believe him when he told you he isn't the marrying type.

Sorry you're hurting.

You're too good for him.
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Old 19th January 2017, 12:08 AM   #13
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Also for some more background, when we broke up or whatever the first time he said it was because I had gotten fat and was unaffectionste. He says I need counseling because I am bitter and negative. He says I haven't changed only my weight and he says I'm ignorant to think he would propose just because I lost weight but he told me he would. He said he wouldn't want to go into a bull**** marriage.

I thought we have a lot of fun together, we laugh and I'm not the touchy feels type of girl and I guess the only time we are affectionate is when saying goodbye and sex.

I love him we have been together for so long and my son has known him so long. He's successful and handsome.
This man is TOXIC. He is abusive and cruel. He may be successful and handsome, but he's NOT a good role model for your son, nor is he husband material. There's NOTHING wrong with you, yet he makes you feel bad, blames you for everything.

I'm so angry reading your thread, this guy has serious a hole issues! Please, get away from him. the best thing you can do is rely on good friends and family to help you through this and grieve the loss. It'll be hard and not fun to grieve the loss but you will come out stronger, wiser and ready to find a wonderful man who will adore you and accept you, love you and not treat you like crap like he does.
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Old 19th January 2017, 1:16 AM   #14
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I want to reach across my screen and rip his throat out. Unconscionable cruelty to someone he supposedly loves.

You need to get the **** away from him.
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Old 19th January 2017, 3:18 AM   #15
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It just seems that marriage talk enrages him. He gets so angry. He says I'm paranoid and my tirades won't change the fact he determines when he gets married.
He's in total control. You don't see it, but this man has you in a very unhealthy place. I urge you to leave him. Looks fade, success is determined on a day to day basis, this guy is not the charmer you think he is.
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