Snickers101 Posted August 10, 2014 Share Posted August 10, 2014 (edited) My boyfriend and myself has been dating for 14 months. He has proposed marriage which I have being thinking about. This man treats me well and we get along great. My concern is his ex and financial being. He is currently purchasing a home with his ex girlfriend. The ex has bad credit and cannot re-finance the home in her name alone. He has ongoing relationship with his ex, it appears that they always has some business to talk about. She is his and his family members tax preparer, they will share a cell phone plan until February of 2015. He just last week had to go to her house to retrieve somethings left at the house for more than a year. Today while I was with him, she called. I could hear the conversation and she asked him had he decided when he was going on a planned trip he will be taking alone in a couple weeks. I asked him how she knows about the trip, he claims a family member told her. He appears to be honest and do let me know about their contact However the contact does make me jealous because I feel their relationship should be completely over since he and I are in a serious relationship. His financial status is not great. He recently filed bankruptcy because he is on three home mortgages (his, his mother and his ex). He will be in bankruptcy for five years. I am afraid that somehow if we marry him, his financial problems will become a problem that I will have to deal with. I am a person with good credit and pay my bills on time and do not overextend myself. Am I being overly cautious? I am far from perfect. Edited August 10, 2014 by Snickers101 Link to post Share on other sites
Dirt Posted August 11, 2014 Share Posted August 11, 2014 You have very good reason to be cautious. I'd run from the guy. His bad credit would affect you if you were to try and buy a home together (later down the line, if you got married). Why do you want to be with something that is still tied to an ex? He is financially retarded. I would NEVER co-sign a loan for a family member. He WILL drag you down. IMO, you seem to be jumping from one marriage to another kinda fast. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/267027-feeling-down 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Snickers101 Posted August 11, 2014 Author Share Posted August 11, 2014 Thank you for your response. Looking at myself I didn't think I was moving along too fast. I separated from my ex-husband in 2010 and divorced in 2011. A period of 4 years. I will give your response a lot of consideration. Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted August 11, 2014 Share Posted August 11, 2014 He recently filed bankruptcy because he is on three home mortgages (his, his mother and his ex). He is currently purchasing a home with his ex girlfriend. Why is he making himself responsible for paying for a house that he won't be living in? The whole point of bankruptcy is to give someone a fresh start. It's really strange and alarming that he's entangling himself in someone else's debts (AGAIN.) It all seems really fishy. Maybe they're still together? Maybe he's running some sort of financial scam? Or maybe he simply makes monumentally poor choices. Have you questioned him on any of this? How does he explain the decisions he's making? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dirt Posted August 11, 2014 Share Posted August 11, 2014 Thank you for your response. Looking at myself I didn't think I was moving along too fast. I separated from my ex-husband in 2010 and divorced in 2011. A period of 4 years. I will give your response a lot of consideration. Ah, ok maybe not that fast then. I saw that the divorce was filed in 2011 but not when it was finalized. I thought it was much later in 2011 and I don't technically start counting until a divorce is finalized and ignore separations. Anyways, I'd find out why he made those decisions to co-sign? Did he think of the repercussions? Does he have any savings, etc? Your last husband had no retirement. Does this guy? Link to post Share on other sites
thekid36 Posted August 11, 2014 Share Posted August 11, 2014 My boyfriend and myself has been dating for 14 months. He has proposed marriage which I have being thinking about. This man treats me well and we get along great. My concern is his ex and financial being. He is currently purchasing a home with his ex girlfriend. The ex has bad credit and cannot re-finance the home in her name alone. He has ongoing relationship with his ex, it appears that they always has some business to talk about. She is his and his family members tax preparer, they will share a cell phone plan until February of 2015. He just last week had to go to her house to retrieve somethings left at the house for more than a year. Today while I was with him, she called. I could hear the conversation and she asked him had he decided when he was going on a planned trip he will be taking alone in a couple weeks. I asked him how she knows about the trip, he claims a family member told her. He appears to be honest and do let me know about their contact However the contact does make me jealous because I feel their relationship should be completely over since he and I are in a serious relationship. His financial status is not great. He recently filed bankruptcy because he is on three home mortgages (his, his mother and his ex). He will be in bankruptcy for five years. I am afraid that somehow if we marry him, his financial problems will become a problem that I will have to deal with. I am a person with good credit and pay my bills on time and do not overextend myself. Am I being overly cautious? I am far from perfect. You basically have to weigh the benefits of staying with him along with and against the challenges which may follow. He seems to be respectful of being honest and up front in relation to his contact with the ex. Hard to tell him to break all contact with her. He definitely has the desire to be friends with her and help out. Sort of odd that his stuff was at her house so long. Perhaps I am analyzing too much in relation to that. He needs to stay true to you and be by your side at the end of the day. You may need to keep quiet about this one. As long as she does not directly interfere with your relationship. Could of course bring up that she makes you feel jealous and try to dictate his future contact. He may not appreciate that too much though. There is definitely the issue of his finances. Your concerns are completely legitimate. His problems will officially become yours once you end up tying the knot. This means that you need to decide if all else he offers you outweighs his financial situation. I would personally not dismiss someone as a partner based on them having prior problems with money. All sorts of reasons why these issues actually come up. The present and future mean much more than the past. This is all up for individual interpratation. You are not necessarily going to get a perfect solution. Need to take all of a person and not only the best parts. The final decision can only come from you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted August 11, 2014 Share Posted August 11, 2014 I'd say the constant contact and communication and sharing with his ex is the biggest problem. A lot of people have bad credit in this economy because they have lost their jobs during the recession or etc. I don't think that's a good reason to not be with someone. While it can take time to repair credit, it's not the end of the world. My dad filed for bankruptcy in 2008 and he now has better credit than I do! It just takes a little work. His name being on a mortgage with his ex, the sharing of cell phone plans and her being the tax prepare is a bit much. I'd say his ex's name needs to be off of everything before you two marry. My dad has his ex on his car insurance and it's hurting him more than helping and they've been divorced nearly 2 years now. He needs to call it quits. Being on friendly terms is one thing, but it seems as if he hasn't entirely moved on. I mean, collecting his stuff from her place over a year later? That's the biggest flag IMO. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dogeared Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 Yes, his financial problems will become your problems if/when you get married. The fact that he has made terrible decisions that led to him filing for bankruptcy and that he continues to make poor financial choices is a huge red flag. Second issue: I would not marry this person unless and until he disentangled himself from his ex. Where are they in the house-buying? If they have not closed, stop the process. If they have closed, he needs to get his name off the mortgage (is his name on the deed?). Is there another ex in the picture? First you say he is in the process of purchasing a home with his ex, and then you say he filed for bankruptcy because he was on a mortgage with his ex. He needs to get a new tax-preparer. Go to H&R Block, or find a CPA. He needs to get off her cell phone plan. What's it cost to cancel? $150? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Snickers101 Posted August 13, 2014 Author Share Posted August 13, 2014 Thanks everyone for your responses. Very good advice to consider. My boyfriend purchased the home with his ex, a couple of years ago when they were together. He doesn't live there and doesn't contribute to the mortgage. His ex at the present time can't refinance the house in her name because of her credit. He refinance the home with his mother because his mother was having financial problems and she used the equity in her home to get out of debt. (I totally understand this because I would do the same for my mother). I forgot he also had a rental property that he couldn't afford and was having a hard time keeping good paying tenants in the property. The rental property is why he filed bankruptcy. I know he should have never had four homes in his name on his salary. These properties were purchased or refinance during the time banks would finance anyone who applied for a mortgage. We have talked and I have asked why would you do this knowing you couldn't afford to pay the mortgages on his salary. I do agree with everyone's opinion that all involvement with the ex needs to stop before we can take the relationship any further. Link to post Share on other sites
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