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Girl I like says she's "scared"?


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 30th November 2017, 3:41 PM   #16
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So, what was your 'first intuition'?

TBH, sounds like game playing to me. Up to you if you want to play. To me, she sets up goalposts, then moves them, plays a bit, then moves them again. I'm guessing you're both young, like 20's at most. Glad you have the time!
That there was chemistry, of course.
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Old 30th November 2017, 4:04 PM   #17
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I sent her a message telling her that I mistook her feelings for me.

She asks if itís about what I think about her.

I tell I made a mistake about how she feels about me, and she says ę*youíre mistaken again*Ľ

I donít know whatís going on anymore.
IMO she's playing games. I'd come back when she can woman up and stop with the mixed signals.
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Old 30th November 2017, 4:15 PM   #18
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IMO she's playing games. I'd come back when she can woman up and stop with the mixed signals.
How can you tell she's playing games?
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Old 30th November 2017, 4:22 PM   #19
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How can you tell she's playing games?
because you're posting on here wondering whether she likes you or not
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Old 30th November 2017, 4:33 PM   #20
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because you're posting on here wondering whether she likes you or not
helpful /s
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Old 30th November 2017, 4:35 PM   #21
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When will people learn?


Conversations about feelings & other emotional subjects should ONLY occur face to face, never through e-mail, text or messenger. Ugh. You need all of the non-verbal communication / context that is stripped from the written word.


This girl has now told you point blank she likes things with you exactly the way they are -- a few messages, a brief electronic "conversation", a little bit of flirting but she wants no part of a real relationship where you see each other, touch, & accommodate one another. I have no idea what she's afraid of; sounds like it has something to do with a past relationship gone wrong for which she is now making you pay. Her reasons don't matter as much as she's said no.


If you are good with these little unfulfilling morsels, carry on. If you actually want something real, she is not your girl.
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Old 30th November 2017, 4:54 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
Conversations about feelings & other emotional subjects should ONLY occur face to face, never through e-mail, text or messenger. Ugh. You need all of the non-verbal communication / context that is stripped from the written word.
I couldn't have written that better myself
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Old 30th November 2017, 9:34 PM   #23
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Friendzone alert, she doesn't want to jeopardize what she currently enjoys with you.
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Old 1st December 2017, 8:33 AM   #24
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How can you tell she's playing games?


It's easy to answer this.


If you ask for a date or if she is interested, "Yes" or "No" means she is not playing games.


If anytime you ask a specific question where only a definite Yes or No is acceptable and you get anything else=game.


No game playing:


You: Would you like to be exclusive?
Her: No, I am not ready for that.


You: Would you like to go on a date Friday?
Her: Thank you but no, I am not interested in you like that.


Game playing:


You: Would you like to go on a date this Wednesday night?
Her: It depends on how you define what a person's character says about whether or not they are capable of honestly dating and when it comes down to it, can anyone really ever date before they fully know who they are? And if the character is defined in such detail that is sympathetic with who you are, is there any need to call it a date?
You: So...are we going out on Wednesday or not?


Which camp do you think you fall in with her indirect answer/non-answer?
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Old 24th December 2017, 8:14 AM   #25
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You mean FWBs?

I'm not looking for a relationship with her, I'm not even sure I'm ready for one at this point - with anyone.

Seems to me she's just put me in the FZ by saying we're "friends" and that she "doesn't want to ruin it".


You've just said you don't want a relationship. So what else are you other than friends?


Maybe she's scared of dating because there are a lot of players around. And what else is dating but really only wanting sex, other than playing games?

Be honest with her. I don't want a relationship. Then she can make a real choice.
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Old 24th December 2017, 9:07 AM   #26
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Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
a few messages, a brief electronic "conversation", a little bit of flirting but she wants no part of a real relationship where you see each other, touch, & accommodate one another. I have no idea what she's afraid of; sounds like it has something to do with a past relationship gone wrong for which she is now making you pay. Her reasons don't matter as much as she's said no.
Hell d0nnivain, you should know better than this. If a guy takes the first no as final... his genes collect the Darwin award. People play games. Guys have to chase, women feign demure. Persistence often pays off.

What she's afraid of... vulnerability. Same thing we're all afraid of.

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If you are good with these little unfulfilling morsels, carry on. If you actually want something real, she is not your girl.
Wanting sex vs. wanting something real, i.e. relationship... not mutually exclusive, not even incompatible.

OP, she's dangling. A little bit of game at first, well, to be expected. But now that you've played along and are ready to make it real you have to change the rules and take control. Quit giving her all the attention she wants, scale it back, and at the same time, ask her out... on an actual date. If she refuses don't go back to playing by her rules. Be nice, wait a few days and ask again. If she still says no, cut your losses and move on.

Some people are too scared to get involved; they do the attention-seeking thing to placate themselves. It's like the difference between going on an adventure vs. reading about adventure. If that's the best she can do, move on and find someone who is not so reticent.
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Old 24th December 2017, 9:28 AM   #27
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Originally Posted by Sgthaytham View Post
I sent her a message telling her that I mistook her feelings for me.

She asks if itís about what I think about her.

I tell I made a mistake about how she feels about me, and she says ę*youíre mistaken again*Ľ

I donít know whatís going on anymore.
Who cares?
You do not want a relationship anyway, so why are you doing this?

If you DO want a relationship take the bull by the horns and ask her out for a proper date with a place and time arranged, if you don't then stop messing her around and just stay as friends.
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Old 24th December 2017, 11:20 AM   #28
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Who cares?
You do not want a relationship anyway, so why are you doing this?

If you DO want a relationship take the bull by the horns and ask her out for a proper date with a place and time arranged, if you don't then stop messing her around and just stay as friends.
No where in the original post did he state he didnít want sex. Thats what he wants. Nothing wrong with that and it often turns into a relationship.
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Old 24th December 2017, 11:29 AM   #29
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No where in the original post did he state he didnít want sex. Thats what he wants. Nothing wrong with that and it often turns into a relationship.
And that I guess is why she is stalling ad keeping him at arms length, as she knows that will mess up their friendship.
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Old 1st January 2018, 6:43 PM   #30
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Better done face to face to know the real score
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