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FWB sending mixed signals


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 12th September 2017, 9:07 AM   #16
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Thank you, I will try that! Well, stupid me texted her saying hi today. She replied back literally within a minute. My response to it was only two words to keep it short and simple. She has yet to respond to it.
It's ok if you do that or text or talk to her like that and you can be friendly, I just found that the more you engage in friend chat the more it ended up with the woman in every case saying stuff like, "I really want to see you right now"..."I think I really need fun right now"...etc, and then I would say ok, come over or I'll meet you and they would say things like, "But I just put spaghetti on the stove" or "I was planning on going to the store early tomorrow so I should go to bed"...just stupid delay type things. Then at some point they go back and forth with "I want to...I can't...or maybe I can..." until it's like 2am and then they would say, "If only it was 1 am I would come over".


For me fwb means if I want to get some I would ask, hopefully more often than not she would be up for it. When she wants some she would ask. It seemed they would devolve into nothing more than a sex chat friend unless I basically showed with my actions that if one of us reaches out it would be for one thing or else we wouldn't waste time reaching out. The contact frequency dies down, but so does the frustration. It's a happy day to get a "what's up" text because the answer is I know I am getting laid!
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Old 12th September 2017, 11:03 AM   #17
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It's ok if you do that or text or talk to her like that and you can be friendly, I just found that the more you engage in friend chat the more it ended up with the woman in every case saying stuff like, "I really want to see you right now"..."I think I really need fun right now"...etc, and then I would say ok, come over or I'll meet you and they would say things like, "But I just put spaghetti on the stove" or "I was planning on going to the store early tomorrow so I should go to bed"...just stupid delay type things. Then at some point they go back and forth with "I want to...I can't...or maybe I can..." until it's like 2am and then they would say, "If only it was 1 am I would come over".


For me fwb means if I want to get some I would ask, hopefully more often than not she would be up for it. When she wants some she would ask. It seemed they would devolve into nothing more than a sex chat friend unless I basically showed with my actions that if one of us reaches out it would be for one thing or else we wouldn't waste time reaching out. The contact frequency dies down, but so does the frustration. It's a happy day to get a "what's up" text because the answer is I know I am getting laid!


Ok, so what do I do now? The convo is left on her turn to respond. Should I ignore her for a bit now? I'm so confused.
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Old 12th September 2017, 6:22 PM   #18
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Ok, so what do I do now? The convo is left on her turn to respond. Should I ignore her for a bit now? I'm so confused.

You can contact her, just ask her right away if she wants to meet somewhere. If she hesitates or says no, don't be short or come across as butt hurt, just tell her ok, you are heading out and you hope she has a great night.


Don't talk about calling or texting her later or the next day etc. Then the next time you contact her if she says no to meeting up or hesitates, say ok, just going into the store...or heading to the bar... you'll catch her later.


Reach out whenever you want but since meeting mostly, if not always, will be on her terms when she decides she is in the mood to go through with it, you are better off eventually waiting for her to initiate. You just keep enough contact to keep her around and she will know when she reaches out it is for sex and not a debate.


If she texts you at 9 am when you are at work, ask her if you can text her after work. Then at 6pm or whatever text her back and say you are going to get something to eat and ask if she wants to meet up. If she says no, say ok, we'll catch up later in the week.


You still have to be a friend but not a sexless pen pal. It is tough because if you are too short with her she will feel used. You be cool with her but you are being subtly direct. You are telling her you are not wasting time validating her without actually saying the words.
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Old 12th September 2017, 7:44 PM   #19
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You can contact her, just ask her right away if she wants to meet somewhere. If she hesitates or says no, don't be short or come across as butt hurt, just tell her ok, you are heading out and you hope she has a great night.


Don't talk about calling or texting her later or the next day etc. Then the next time you contact her if she says no to meeting up or hesitates, say ok, just going into the store...or heading to the bar... you'll catch her later.


Reach out whenever you want but since meeting mostly, if not always, will be on her terms when she decides she is in the mood to go through with it, you are better off eventually waiting for her to initiate. You just keep enough contact to keep her around and she will know when she reaches out it is for sex and not a debate.


If she texts you at 9 am when you are at work, ask her if you can text her after work. Then at 6pm or whatever text her back and say you are going to get something to eat and ask if she wants to meet up. If she says no, say ok, we'll catch up later in the week.


You still have to be a friend but not a sexless pen pal. It is tough because if you are too short with her she will feel used. You be cool with her but you are being subtly direct. You are telling her you are not wasting time validating her without actually saying the words.

Thank you for all of your advice. She responded to me today and we talked for 5 minutes. I also made her laugh which was nice. But once again, its her turn to reply.

Maybe the fling is really over and she is just playing games and stringing me along. I don't know....
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Old 13th September 2017, 10:32 AM   #20
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So I have always had a thing for this girl's mother that I knew. I have wanted her since I was 16, and she confessed the same to me. She waited until I was 18 and we hooked up, but didn't have sex because she didn't want to move too fast since I was her youngest. We got into a fight when it almost leaked out and stopped talking. We reconnected this year and both admitted we still had a thing for each other, so we made it happen.
The sex was amazing. She texted me that night telling me how much she enjoyed it and was so happy we did it. She said we have great chemistry, and I am very intimate and affectionate with her. We texted everyday, until she said she thought this over again and said she didn't want to be a hookup. She said we got it out of our systems and it's done.


We kept in touch, and towards the end of April, had me go to her job for dinner. We joked about me staying over, but I could tell she wanted it. she texted me once she was out of work and told me to come over, so I did, and we had sex. The next morning we did it again. When I left, she texted me telling me how great of a time we had, and she loved my affection, and how I held her all night. Things were going so well that it felt like we were dating. Cooking each other breakfast, texting all day, even bringing me lunches to work. I even hung out at her house when she wasn't home.
Two weeks into it she said we can't continue this sexual relationship if it can't be serious, and she said it can't be because of our age difference, and me knowing her daughter. Yet she wanted to keep in touch and be friends and hangout, so we kept in touch. I went two weeks without texting her, and once I talked to her again she responded immediately, and wanted to go out for dinner. She even told me how we were both at the same beach on the same day and how she didn't see me anywhere and looked for me.


So I tried taking her out but she keeps saying she's busy. When I tried setting a date, no answer. I finally asked her what's up, and if she actually wants to hang out. She said she thought about it and said it isn't a good idea to hang out because I have too much tension built up. she says the fling lasted too long, although it was for like 2 weeks. Then she said I can't handle flings because I'm not letting this go, and I'm too "fragile" to do one. She says we can be friends but we can't hangout.


Why is she being like this? I have backed off now because that's the best solution. Any feedback would be great.

Listen you were told why and you refuse to listen to her. It's not up to you it's up to her. She told you why and she told what you could have with her just friend that can't hangout anymore. Age will that's her thing and it seems not you. In a way the fling lasted too long she said. That's right you had a fling and nothing more. Don't loose sleep over this one she's not worth your time in this matter. If you push this some more you'll make her call the pokey on you. Just drop this and move on and forget the fling ever lasted this long.
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Old 13th September 2017, 10:45 AM   #21
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Listen you were told why and you refuse to listen to her. It's not up to you it's up to her. She told you why and she told what you could have with her just friend that can't hangout anymore. Age will that's her thing and it seems not you. In a way the fling lasted too long she said. That's right you had a fling and nothing more. Don't loose sleep over this one she's not worth your time in this matter. If you push this some more you'll make her call the pokey on you. Just drop this and move on and forget the fling ever lasted this long.


It was once in March, and then for another two weeks at best in May. Don't see how that's long lol. And it's evident she's keeping me around when it's convenient for her because we still talk. She kept photos and videos I made for her. She says stuff that makes it obvious she can't let it go.


I am just going to back off and do me. I have a feeling she will contact me once she wants it again.
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Old 13th September 2017, 10:48 AM   #22
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She wants you but is just embarrassed by the age difference. She knows she will end up feeling insecure. I know plenty of women her age who are hot for younger men but are afraid of the inevitable.
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Old 13th September 2017, 10:49 AM   #23
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It was once in March, and then for another two weeks at best in May. Don't see how that's long lol. And it's evident she's keeping me around when it's convenient for her because we still talk. She kept photos and videos I made for her. She says stuff that makes it obvious she can't let it go.


I am just going to back off and do me. I have a feeling she will contact me once she wants it again.
Like I said you do what you want, if that make you happy to wait for her wants and needs then you be there for it.. Women are hard to please yet they need the man and in this case it's you. Enjoy your time with her, but soon you're going to want more than just the sex with her you know..
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Old 13th September 2017, 11:07 AM   #24
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She wants you but is just embarrassed by the age difference. She knows she will end up feeling insecure. I know plenty of women her age who are hot for younger men but are afraid of the inevitable.


Yeah, the age difference is what's bugging her. Like I said, I am backing off for now. I seriously think once things cool off and she's lonely, she will call me.


It's probably why went back on in May after her saying in April she didn't want it anymore.
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Old 18th September 2017, 8:05 PM   #25
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So something interesting happened today. I have not made contact in a week. Now, I've been on a weight loss journey since 2014, and have lost over 100 lbs so far. Lately women who never gave me chance suddenly find me attractive.

I made a status on Facebook about how messed up society is, and she was the first person to comment! She said I was being harsh about my status, but understood where I was coming from. However, she kept engaging and it made my post go viral. She kept commenting even after I stopped.

So she's definitely FB creeping, butni feel like there's a reason as to why she did this.
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Old 22nd September 2017, 5:56 PM   #26
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So the next day after that post she called me to talk. She feels that post was directed towards her, as well as previous statuses I made. I reassured her none of these statuses had anything to do with her, and the one that she commented on was a true story, and that these women exist.


She only partially believed me, and also thought everyone commenting knew about us. I kept reassuring her that was not true and that I was not making subliminal statuses about her. She said we would discuss this the next day.


I asked her the next day if she was ok and she said not really because she felt I was not telling her the full truth. I told her I don't know what else to say, because I am indeed being truthful. I also told her she was acting very self-centered, and told her if she had an issue with this she should have came to me directly and not make a FB comment.


I then proceeded to say how she made I few statuses I could easily assume were about me, yet I never did. She got mad about that comment and decided to unfriend me and block me. She told me she was considering doing that anyways because she couldn't deal with seeing my posts everyday and always having to wonder if they were about her.


We fought some more and then stopped talking. The next day I told her I was sorry she felt some type of way and I really am not out to hurt her. She accepted my apology and said it's fine and that we both got what we wanted after all these years and this is done. She said there isn't really a point to keep in touch, but she said I can text her and say hello every now and then, and said we can be friends, but we can't hangout.


So, I guess it's done.
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