Trauma_Luna Posted July 30, 2016 Share Posted July 30, 2016 So i have this friend that i like so much. So one day i decided to tell her my feelings and she said we could not be friends anymore, that she would not feel comfortable with that. I accepted and stopped talking to her. Then she moved from this city to another, and after that she started calling me on the phone almost everyday, and whenever she comes to my city she spends a lot of time with me, we hang out a lot, even more than when she lived here. But the thing is that i feel that she totally forgot the fact that i really like her, should i remind her? Speak about my feeling again.. i am pretty sure the friendship will be totally over now, but she said it was since the last time and things are even better... So, should i tell her again? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 Why are you even talking to her? She said she wouldn't be comfortable being your friend. She moved to another city and probably has had trouble making stable friendships, so she comes back to old faithful. Trust me, she didn't forget. She's just lonely. When she gets a core group of friends, you'll be second fiddle. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 She's probably thinking that because you are still talking to her, that you have accepted just being friends and have moved on and are not still wanting something romantic. I mean, some people can accept "no" and carry on and others cannot. Please realize that from her perspective your confession was inconvenient because what's on the line for her is losing a friend. She probably sees your confession as selfish and is thinking Why should I lose a friend. I didn't do anything. But if you need to move on, then you need to tell her you can't move on and still be friends at the same time. Good luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 You've been friend zoned. She hasn't forgotten she just doesn't care. Their is NO romantic connection for her. Why waste time on this? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 She didnt forget.She is keeping you around like a puppy on call. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trauma_Luna Posted August 3, 2016 Author Share Posted August 3, 2016 (edited) I had to go to the city she is living now due to my job related stuff, i told her i was going and she asked to come back to my city with me, of course i accepted. In the road everything was fun and laugh, and then she said we should have a date soon, i got really excited. A day after that she called me to see if we could have our date the next day i accepted. The day of the date came and i was really excited, i went to the store and bought new clothes but i didnt really know what i should think about it, i mean "is this a real date? or we're just hanging out like always, like friends?" "what if i dress like we're on a date and she's just casual as any normal day" then i received a text from her, "when you come to pick me up, park the nearest you can to my door, i am wearing high heels and a dress and i am silly walking like this hehe". DAMN she was dressing high heels? a dress? it is totally a date, in the 2 years that we've been friends she never dressed like that to hang out with me... this is a real DATE. We had an awesome time together, we went to a fancy restaurant and we left until they closed, we were having a great time. We then went to her home but she didn't invite me to come in... she said she was falling asleep but thanked me for the great moment and hugged me. I thought "i guess this is it... i am not going to see her again in a few weeks, she's going back to the other city tomorrow and that's it." The morning after i didn't receive a single text of her.. i didn't send any too.. i was like.. "damn i am totally sure she left and didn't even said goodbye" but at night she called me on the phone "what are you doing? let's do something! come for me and lets have a few drinks or something". I obviously went for her and we drink a few beers in a bar and she said she wanted to come to my home so we could keep drinking and chating. We came and she instantly fell asleep in my bed. I was like, well okay.. time passed and i was just browsing the internet and drinking a beer while she was sleeping, i then heard a "psst!" she woke up and told me "are you sleepy? come sleep with me silly"... I almost had a heart attack... the planets aligned and we were going to sleep together.. my heart was almost out of my chest. I laid beside her and she approached me laid her head in my shoulder and fell asleep... we were literally just SLEEPING... she barely touched me, but then she started moving her hand around my chest... i didn't do anything but stayed like a rock. In the morning she told me to help her pick her stuff because she was going back to the other city. Then she left hugging me and giving me a big kiss on my cheek... You might think that after this we're having a great texting conversations and things are growing up... but no, she barely responds and treats me like any other guy, no smiles or emojis in her texts, no "i miss you" no "call me whenever you can"... she just called me when she arrived to the other city and i noticed she was really cold like "hey, i just wanted to let you know that i arrived and i'm fine, talk to you later"... What happened? What i did wrong? Edited August 3, 2016 by Trauma_Luna 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted August 3, 2016 Share Posted August 3, 2016 Well, we aren't clairvoyant, but perhaps instead of not doing anything and "staying like a rock" you should have at least reciprocated the type of touching she inciated. Sounds like she was making all the moves, set up the date, told her to come to bed with her etc. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trauma_Luna Posted August 3, 2016 Author Share Posted August 3, 2016 Well, we aren't clairvoyant, but perhaps instead of not doing anything and "staying like a rock" you should have at least reciprocated the type of touching she inciated. Sounds like she was making all the moves, set up the date, told you to come to bed with her etc. yes but she stated before that we should be JUST FRIENDS and that if i tried anything else she was going to stop talking to me, i didn't know what to think. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted August 3, 2016 Share Posted August 3, 2016 Do just friends get dressed up and go on dates? I have male friends, like hell I am putting on heels for them! Or inviting them to bed with me. Or rubbing their chest in said bed. These are not things platonic friend do. I think you need to man up and talk to her again, because at the very least she is jerking you around. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 4, 2016 Share Posted August 4, 2016 How old are you, TraumaLuna? Trying to get some perspective. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trauma_Luna Posted August 4, 2016 Author Share Posted August 4, 2016 How old are you, TraumaLuna? Trying to get some perspective. I am 25 years old and to be honest i don't have any experience with this kind of stuff, i had a GF for almost 7 years and never worried about flirting with girls or understanding the signals... i have been almost a year single and it's been really difficult to get along. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trauma_Luna Posted August 4, 2016 Author Share Posted August 4, 2016 Do just friends get dressed up and go on dates? I have male friends, like hell I am putting on heels for them! Or inviting them to bed with me. Or rubbing their chest in said bed. These are not things platonic friend do. I think you need to man up and talk to her again, because at the very least she is jerking you around. THIS is what i needed to know... thank you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted August 4, 2016 Share Posted August 4, 2016 Heya man. At first I was like, um dude, move on. But then I read your second post. Those were definitely "come hither" signs from her or she is a massive tease. Honestly, there is only one way to find out. Well there are two ways: 1. Next time you're together reciprocate her advances. You might have to even initiate as some women might have taken your lack of reciprocation as a rejection. 2. Another way to do this [and I am tossing this out there for women to comment on] would be to just deal with it straight up. Consider saying something like this: "Hey Trudy [i'm dubbing her Trudy]. I want you to know that I cherish the fact that we're spending time together again. There is something about you, about us, that just flows easy and natural. Like a mountain brook. You know? It is something special and unique. I want to honor that. I also want to honor your wishes. Last year you said you wanted to keep our relationship platonic. Exclusively friends. I just want to revisit that conversation and make sure we're on the same page." Mmmmmm I dunno. After typing that my hunch says it is just begging for a "yes, let's just be friends". Recent, what do you think? There has to be a way of addressing this directly? Right? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trauma_Luna Posted August 9, 2016 Author Share Posted August 9, 2016 Update: Out of nowhere, she stopped talking to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 yes but she stated before that we should be JUST FRIENDS and that if i tried anything else she was going to stop talking to me, i didn't know what to think. "And I would have, now love is over, An end to all, an end: I cannot, having been your lover, Stoop to become your friend!" — ARTHUR SYMONS, “After Love,” 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Erik30 Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 My guess is that she recently met someone in her city, so now she doesn't need you anymore when she's feeling lonely. Doesn't have to be a guy, though it's likely, but maybe a new group of friends she's hanging out with. It's probably just like LostOnes05 wrote earlier. It sucks but that's usually why people suddenly stop talking, their attention is going somewhere else. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 11, 2016 Share Posted August 11, 2016 TraumaLuna, sorry your situation got messy and confusing. Please don't let her actions influence how you think about other women in the future, because her actions were very selfish and, more importantly, very unusual. Most women know not to use someone like stuffed toy. Move on and probably good riddance to bad rubbish. You've found someone before and you will again. Chin up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trauma_Luna Posted August 11, 2016 Author Share Posted August 11, 2016 I am very confused and kind of desperate, she is coming to visit today, i know i'm late to do this, but i am going to talk to her and express my feelings, maybe that's what i need to clear my doubts and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted August 12, 2016 Share Posted August 12, 2016 I don't think it will make any difference to her (since you already told her once), but if it helps alleviate your worries, best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Doglover0261 Posted August 13, 2016 Share Posted August 13, 2016 I like to hear the outcome of this get together Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trauma_Luna Posted August 13, 2016 Author Share Posted August 13, 2016 We went to have lunch yesterday, i asked her what were her plans for the night, She said "emm... i think you'll be upset if i tell you". I said nah come on, tell me, but instantly thought "She will hang out with a guy.." But no... she had plans to go have diner with my EX gf. WTF!? has the world gone crazy? She told me to stay calm and that nothing will change between us, "We used to be friends, we just want to do it for the good ol times, don't worry" My hopes went down the toilet now... i doubt it worths a try anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted August 13, 2016 Share Posted August 13, 2016 Thanks for updating us. Dude even though she was going out with your ex, what did you say to her? Were you explicit in saying that you were confused by her words and actions the last time you met? That you didn't want to make her uncomfortable by responding to her physically? Because it seems like you're still in a state of limbo. Just ask or else it will always be a no. If she gives you the I'm confused excuse, just leave things the way they are and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trauma_Luna Posted August 14, 2016 Author Share Posted August 14, 2016 I haven't been able to talk to her today... she is busy with her family and sent me a message with "I wont be able to go out today, but if you wish, you can come to my house, my whole family will be there". I feel an urge to speak with her and express my feelings, am i acting too desperate? if i go to her house we won't have a moment alone to speak but tomorrow she'll be traveling back to her city. Should i use the "I NEED TO TALK WITH YOU" thing, or just leave it like this and wait another 10 days for her to come back so we can speak. Please, i hope someone is online Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 You've been friend zoned. She hasn't forgotten she just doesn't care. Their is NO romantic connection for her. Why waste time on this? because maybe she'd make a good friend if he can be mature and accept that she doesnt' want more than friendship? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trauma_Luna Posted August 16, 2016 Author Share Posted August 16, 2016 I decided to move on, thanks for your advices guys. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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