Shyguy1994 Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 (edited) So...I've been really into this girl at work...she's 28 and single and I'm 22 and single. She has 2 kids with 2 different guys but they both left her so she's been living on her own for awhile with her kids. Btw, I never had a girlfriend or kissed a girl, plus I'm a virgin. I've been over her house a few times, we talk a lot at work and a bit off work, but she can't talk much because she has to take care of her kids. We are good friends, I told her everything about my life and she told me everything about her life. I actually took her and her kids to the movies and we had fun, I liked her kids. We are good friends. One day she decided to tell me to come to her house and you know, do it. So I agreed and when we got down to it, we were both naked on the bed and I just couldn't get it up, it was my first time. Believe me, I'm not gay. I have no problem getting it up at other times but when it got down to it, my heart was beating so fast and she even tried kissing me and stuff and It just wasn't happening. Anyways I apologized and we just got dressed again and went on with our night. She explained to me that it happens to everyone and all that and I really didn't give it much thought. Times past and then I've started hearing things from people that she and this older man at work, that's married, are screwing each other during lunch time. and I just blew it off as a joke and eventually asked her and she said no. I trusted her. so a couple weeks went by and I heard the same rumors again and I don't know why, but that just made me sad, mad, and heartbroken. I know we're just friends but I just felt that way. I believed it even more this time because they've always been talking to each other. Am I jealous? So that day I left work early to go home and think about it cause I just had too much on my mind to keep working around her. I texted her when I got home to call me after work because we got to talk and she said okay. After work, she called me and I asked her to give me the absolute truth, and she said no and that she's been hearing those rumors too and she said "I assure you, me and him aren't screwin each other, we've only been talking a lot because he has kids and I have that in common with him and as a single parent, I need advice from him, and we shared stories". Then she said "I don't know why you even acted that way anyways, we're not dating, I'm a free woman and what if I did end up dating someone, would you get upset?" I told her, no. We made up. So soon it's my birthday, so a few days ago, I asked her for a birthday present. It's not something you can buy, and it's something hard to ask for. She's like it when people are blunt with her. So I just asked and I said. How would you like to finish, what we started awhile ago at your house? She said "I would say no, because I kinda felt pressured into it by my friend and with what happened before, if we did do it, you might get jealous" And I was like "No, I won't get jealous." And she said "no, believe me, I've been doing this a lot longer than you have and yeah you were getting jealous." I said alright and apologized for that and we just finished our day like normal. Since that day, she hasn't texted me much like she used to but in my mind I guess I understand cause she's too busy dealing with 2 kids on her own. Well the thing is. Everything aside, getting "jealous" if I was and all that. I do want us to be more than friends. I don't care if she has kids, I will do everything I can to be there for her when the other 2 guys in her life didn't. I wan't to tell her how I feel but I don't want to lose her as a friend. I'm not even sure she feels the same way about me, even after everything. She's always been the independent mother, I mean she has her own house, and does a good job of raising her kids on her own. I'm not sure if she's ready for change or trust another person completely after the 2 guys she's been with who left her. I promise I won't leave her, I promise I will be with her forever. I love her. What should I do? Edited May 1, 2016 by Shyguy1994 Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 Actions speak louder than words. If you truly wanted her to believe that you are the kind of guy that wants to love her forever then you wouldn't be asking her for sex for you birthday when you are not even in a relationship yet. If that is all you wanted fine, but if you want a relationship, that is the wrong way to go about it. It sends a very strong message that you only want her for sex. Secondly, telling her you won't get jealous if she has sex with another (married) coworker or any other guy is dishonest. If you have feelings for her then you should want her to yourself, not share her around. This gives the impression that you are either weak and will put up with anything just to be around her or you are a liar. Either way it doesn't show her your true feelings. Just be honest. If she starts seeing other men you probably not going to want to remain friends with her anyway (it will hurt too much) so you have nothing to lose at this point. I get the sense that she isn't looking for a relationship right now, but I can see that you won't be at peace until you are honest with her and tell her how you feel. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 I love her You don't ! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shyguy1994 Posted May 1, 2016 Author Share Posted May 1, 2016 I will take your advice and tell her the truth. I'll tell her, I wasn't perfectly honest before and that I'll be jealous if she dates another man. I'll also apologize for asking for sex and being dishonest, I don't care about that anymore, I don't want her to feel pressured. I'll see how that goes. Is there anything else I should do? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 First, you said it was your first time but then said you couldn't do it but because of the other times you know you're straight. So I assume you are talking about porn? If so watching porn is probably why you couldn't do it. You get used to a routine, plus you are apparently nervous if you're 28 and never done it yet, so just assuming. You get used to your ideal scenarios with porn and there's no human interaction, don't have to worry about the woman, don't have to worry if she says or does something offscript. So you got used to that. So to get it up, you are going to have to lay totally off porn for probably about a month. But then you threw in that her friend pressured her to have sex with you? What friend is this? Were you not surprised by that? So she tried it and it didn't work. Then she noticed you are jealous and trying to possess her like a boyfriend and you're not her boyfriend. And now she has chosen not to go down that road anymore. I mean, why would she? You wanting her is only her problem in so far as she cares about you as a friend, but that doesn't obligate her to be anything more. And now she knows you're jealous, you will, either intentionally or unintentionally, block other men from her. I would take what she said as a no because it's the only respectful thing to do. If you go begging telling her "but I love you," it will only push her back more because she does not reciprocate. I'm sorry. Anyway, quit porn and then try to date. And if you need more info on porn addiction, google it. I read in Psychology Today sometime last year that it's become the biggest issue people come in for in recent years. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 This girl, while younger than you in age - is past you in street smarts and she can smell your naivete and is playing on it. She has baggage and is looking for the next fool to take her on. What "mother" of two kids drags her kids in front of a stranger (you) and is quick to get naked with you? Answer: cuz she wants to fast track you into playing you for a fool. Why do you think she's messing with the older guy? Cuz duh, trying to play on him getting impressed that young 22 yr old makes him feel desirable. Forget her, find you a nice girl without a hidden agenda. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shyguy1994 Posted May 1, 2016 Author Share Posted May 1, 2016 I'm 22 she's 28. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 I'm 22 she's 28. Doesn't change my opinion.... She's playing you and that older guy at your job. She's still more worldly than you both. The guy that left me for the town skank? His first wife he married and met when he was 19 and she was in her 30's with one kid. She got two more kids out of it, a house, and a car. She played him for a fool and he moved on to endless women who took advantage of him. I was pretty much the only woman who didn't have an agenda and actually was into him, yet, just cuz I didn't say ILY in three months, he dissed me. Don't be the 'guy that left me for the town skank'....unless you want a life of drama and strings on your wallet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shyguy1994 Posted May 2, 2016 Author Share Posted May 2, 2016 I will keep that in mind. Thank you, I won't be that guy. You guys are very wise and I wouldn't have a clue without you guys. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 I will keep that in mind. Thank you, I won't be that guy. You guys are very wise and I wouldn't have a clue without you guys. you would have a clue if you listened to your heart......i believe the heart loves honesty....and if you are holding back your heart craves to be heard.....in saying that this situation you are in doesnt seem good...i dont know her though....but it seems like she is clearly telling you she wants to maintain independence and doesnt want to be tied down......i think also it would be hard for a guy not to be unsure about a woman he really likes...even jealous is understandable..... when rumors fly around.....again listen to your heart......and how well you know her really...deb Link to post Share on other sites
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