I find myself stumbling all sorts of folks who've confessed to being survivors of all kinds of abuse--physical, emotional, sexual--as both children and adults.
I don't want to out anyone, but am just wondering how common this really is among us LSers and why it seems like such a "shameful" subject we'd rather avoid.
I'll go first:
Me--childhood physical and emotional abuse. Why do I not readily share(though I have here on LS more than ever all my 45 years combined)? Because I don't want to be seen as a victim, just a survivor who has some weird reactions to life as a result sometimes.
As a child I suffered abandonment, neglect, physcial abuse, sexual abuse, verbal abuse, psychological abuse.
As a teenager I suffered neglect, physcial abuse, sexual abuse, verbal-mental-emotional abuse, assult, as well as, being a social outcast in the community.
As an adult I have suffered neglect, physical (all kinds)-mental-verbal abuse, betrayal, defamation of character,slander. assult
All these can be deeply elaborated on but these are the titles of it all.
__________________
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“You’re not on this Planet to live someone else’s dream.”
I don't know if it qualifies but I am a daughter of an alcoholic.
My mom was verbally abusive and still can be. My first adult relationship I pick a partner who was just like her.
I have a very screwed up relationship with my mother love/hate
I have issues with my own drinking. I have wine with dinner etc.. but recently I have began to wonder if I am crossing the line because duh I don't know where the hellt he line is.
My current BF dad was an alocohlic who beat the crap out of him.
And pada and Otter, you are inspirations for all that's possible despite your pasts.
Thanks..
I think the reason why face what challenges I have endured and I take the effort to move forward is because of my mother.
Even though my mom wasn't there for me during a time period I was able to see that SHE too was dealing with and learning to cope and heal with her own tramas. (Divorce, abandonment, abuse.)
I witnessed her seeking help, going to support groups and retreats on the weekends, she was always striving to heal and move forward..
My mother set the example for me to not run from my pain and problems but to face them and not let them control me or form my life. I didn't turn to drugs or alcohol to kill the pain instead I faced it, felt it, accepted it, learned from it and set it free. Sometimes its easier and faster then other times but I believe I WILL get through whatever comes my way..
My issues that developed from my suffering was co-dependency, and using sex as love. I had a distorted perception of sex for a long time. I still fall into that trap.
I will not kill my pain with alcohol or drugs. I will read (education), seek possitive advice and support (counceling and support groups).
I don't know if it qualifies but I am a daughter of an alcoholic.
My mom was verbally abusive and still can be. My first adult relationship I pick a partner who was just like her.
I have a very screwed up relationship with my mother love/hate
I have issues with my own drinking. I have wine with dinner etc.. but recently I have began to wonder if I am crossing the line because duh I don't know where the hellt he line is.
My current BF dad was an alocohlic who beat the crap out of him.
I know THAT feeling....so with your drinking, what do you feel is crossing the line? You drink every day? Have you ever been to an AA or ALANON meeting?
Im the survivor of childhood physical abuse as well as emotional abuse and repeated abandonment .As a teen I ended up homeless and became a stripper at 16 to support myself . I lived in about 15 different homes of family and friends untill about 14 when I bailed out .
Your right no one ever really wants to talk about abuse , and it makes me uncomfortable talking about it also .I know most family realizes there was abuse going on but no one ever wants to hear the actuall accounts. This pisses me off.
Lordy - lots of sharing at LS these past two days - I blame you Otter!
I was badly bullied from the age of 11 to 16 & it didn't help that I had a psychotic older brother at home who was violent & always angry, so no where was safe for me. I tried to commit suicide twice & spent the first year of my teens drunk. I find it very distressing to even type this all these years later, but what the hell !!
Look at all the destruction this has caused in our lives. How sad.
Sibling abuse and bullying often goes unnoticed, making things harder to come to terms with in many ways, especially when mixed with gender expectations like big boys don't cry and all that crap.
One of the first times I told a therapist some of what happened to me I saw her jaw drop with tears in her eyes. She couldn't figure out how I was relatively sane. That compassion did a lot to start healing me.
It's that same compassion that I see folks respond with to BOt and anyone else in need by every one of you who's signed on so far and others I know about. It's like the holes in the fabric of your lives enable this light of healing wisdom to shine through a little bit brighter.
I'm really feeling for you, tink, given last night. You are acting powerfully to stand up for your abused child as well by helping this girl. What courage!
And Otter, thank you for your courage as well in providing opportunity for healing growth. BC's right.
I've gotta run, but healing light of compassion for all the old bad stuff sharing this has brought up. I know. Seems, though, that we're wounded healers.
I know THAT feeling....so with your drinking, what do you feel is crossing the line? You drink every day? Have you ever been to an AA or ALANON meeting?
I've never been to AA or ALANON. In college I drank just Thur, Fri & Sat but def bindge drinking and then I almost never drank.
Than I started dating my current BF and he likes to have wine with dinner and we fell into habit. So it like 1-2 glasses a night.
But not every night. If the wine is in the house then I drink it if it's not then I don't and I don't miss it.
Becoming has a point that often sibling abuse is not as recognized but it can devastate someone. My brother threatened to kill me at times, with all seriousness. Sometimes he would beat me and I was 17 years old. My parents were afraid of him. It's a large part of why I was sent to boarding school, my house was not safe. He ended up holding people hostage at gunpoint and got 10 years for attempted murder when he was 15. He has spent much of his life in prison and to this day I am afraid to be near him. He destroyed us, hurt us all and living in our city was never the same with his name in all the papers.
I have a family of 8 and the other person who hurt me is my mother. She would discipline with belts, hard slaps across the face and sometimes would get angry enough to hit us with objects nearby. There are many years I prefer not to remember in my life.
Some things are not forgiveable but we can accept them. We must accept so we can live. I have learned anger is a useless emotion that will only destroy us. I am an adult now and can no longer blame my past for what I am today. We can't choose our family but we can choose who our friends are. As we get older we understand more and hurt less. I honestly feel sorry for my brother for being so angry and destroying his future. My mother I guess was overwhelmed but I know she loves me despite the issues. In my life I have come across people who have no one. I think we all have been through the wringer in one way or another. I can't say I didn't have good things in my life because I did admist it all. Friends, other family members, food and shelter, love despite the violence....
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