Should a spouse be willing to relocate b/c of their spouses job?
My H asked me 2nite if he got a job in AZ ( we live in the midwest and his parents live in AZ) if I would be willing to move out there if he made more money. I told him no. He asked me even if he made more money, I still told him no. He told me that maybe we should think about getting a D then if I wasn't willing to relocate for a job. Maybe he is right, but I refuse to move to AZ. I like where I am at now. I love my job, and I am close to my family and I'm happy where I am. Sure, we could use more money, but money can't buy happiness and I believe if we moved to AZ just for money it would be stupid. What good is money if your life isn't happy?
But you really don't know that you won't be happy unless you go. Making more money would benefit your family. Don't you need a new car? seem to remember financial troubles? Am I right? I don't agree with not going. You might have more to lose by NOT going.
But you really don't know that you won't be happy unless you go. Making more money would benefit your family. Don't you need a new car? seem to remember financial troubles? Am I right? I don't agree with not going. You might have more to lose by NOT going.
LOL, after all that has been done to my car I would probably be going through the same problems if I got another one. Yes, there is financial problems, but nothing that can be resolved if H would even make $2 more an hour that he can easily do w/ jobs around here. The capital city isn't far away and there is many career opprotunities there.
Why AZ? Why not another state? B/c his mom and step-dad live in AZ. I know if I was willing to relocate to AZ H would want to move close to them.
I lived an hour and half away from my family for 15 years and when I came back to visit them I hated leaving to go back home. Now that I am closer, I love being near them again. I guess you can say I am a mommy's girl, lol.
H and I don't have the strongest of M lately. We have even been seperated and were going through a D almost 3 years ago. I love my H, and I honestly can't imagine my life w/o him, but I just don't feel my M is strong enough to want to move that far away. My family was so much help and was so much support through everything I went through, and if I do ever go through it again, I want to be near my family for support. It's kind of hard to get that being 1,200 miles away from them. We are trying our best to make this M work, but I can see it going down hill worse if we moved out to AZ. H is a big golfer and I am positive he would be spending most of his time on the golf course w/ his parents than being at home, which would cause more problems. One year we went down to AZ to visit them for Christmas for 2 weeks. Every day but maybe one or two, he golfed while I stayed home w/ our kids (18 months and 2 at the time). Sure, I could take up golfing and go w/ him but why? I don't like golf, I don't even like sports much, and he knew that when he asked me to marry him. He has his golf and I accept that, but I wont accept him being gone all the time golfing. And his mom has NP w/ him being gone golfing all the time b/c she is a golf freak too.
Don't move for monetary reasons alone. And it can be debated if the money is the real reason, or the proximity to his parents is the real reason. Only he may know. We can only guess.
He may make more money in California too. Is that an argument to move there? And if that is not an argument for him, why not? Or in Alaska (depends a on the profession).
And even if you can earn more money elsewhere, the cost of housing might be higher there. Taxes, or whatever. You might even be worse off, with more money, because of the even more increased expenses.
If the marriage is still rocky, moving will in all likelihood add to the stress. Especially if the people who will influence your relationship (that is him), will not do so in a positive way. Have you indications, that that will be the case?
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Doubts are more cruel than the worst of truths. - Molière
The only philosophy which can be responsibly practised in face of despair is the attempt to contemplate all things as they would present themselves from the standpoint of redemption. - Adorno
In general, yes. They should at least consider it. Marriage requires compromise. You are sharing your lives, no one person should have a monopoly.
I think you should wait and see what kind of job he gets before making the flat decision of NO. Talk it out. It may be what you need, or it could be a disaster, but you shouldn't write if off straight away. Get more info.
I think it's mean of you to want to be near your parents and do the things you like and enjoy your pleasures but deny him being near his parents and doing things he likes.
Love is about wanting your beloved's happiness as much as your own. You've been where you wanted to be for 15 years but somehow you think that it's fine to demand that he give up closeness with his family so that you get what you want.
I'm not sure why it is but it always seems to me that an awful lot of women have no regard for the feelings of their spouses - they want all the goodies they want but expect the men to give everything up. That's just wrong.
I disagree Bab. This man has been pulling stunt after stunt and right now it's another one in the works. MC go with your gut on this. Personally I think you're right, he'll get to AZ and revert backwards, rely on his folks for everything and do what he wants when he wants. He wanted you to get another job because he couldn't find one. Now all of a sudden the dream job landed in his lap?? WTF. No...There is another big reason behind this, I think anyway. I could be wrong but you are right when you say the M will suffer if you two move there. I agree!!
Both of you need to sit and sort this out. Maybe it is time to consider a Divorce. You've not been happy and he isn't treating you well most of the time. It's like the love is there but NO effort is being put into you whatsoever. How much bending can you do for this man? WHAT will make him happy? He is lazy and depressed but refuses to go get help. HE wants YOU to go get another job p/t and at the same time prob. still want you to do ALL the household chores and help with the kids. Meanwhile he can go golf, spend money and see baseball games. (I'm abit irked right now after reading your post...Not too sure how helpful my words are to you.)
Anyway, I hope he isn't in a huge rush to make this move happen anytime soon. He has children to consider - Their lives/school, friends, your family to consider too. This isn't just about him and a job opportunity...I mean, you'll have to find a good job out there too!
I disagree Bab. This man has been pulling stunt after stunt and right now it's another one in the works. MC go with your gut on this. Personally I think you're right, he'll get to AZ and revert backwards, rely on his folks for everything and do what he wants when he wants. He wanted you to get another job because he couldn't find one. Now all of a sudden the dream job landed in his lap?? WTF. No...There is another big reason behind this, I think anyway. I could be wrong but you are right when you say the M will suffer if you two move there. I agree!!
Both of you need to sit and sort this out. Maybe it is time to consider a Divorce. You've not been happy and he isn't treating you well most of the time. It's like the love is there but NO effort is being put into you whatsoever. How much bending can you do for this man? WHAT will make him happy? He is lazy and depressed but refuses to go get help. HE wants YOU to go get another job p/t and at the same time prob. still want you to do ALL the household chores and help with the kids. Meanwhile he can go golf, spend money and see baseball games. (I'm abit irked right now after reading your post...Not too sure how helpful my words are to you.)
Anyway, I hope he isn't in a huge rush to make this move happen anytime soon. He has children to consider - Their lives/school, friends, your family to consider too. This isn't just about him and a job opportunity...I mean, you'll have to find a good job out there too!
WWIU, thanks. And Outcast and bab probably don't know the whole story, like you do, about H. I don't really think H was serious about moving, not anytime soon anyhow. H knew that when he M me I had no plans of leaving the midwest state I live in. If he was so apt about not wanting to stay here he should of never M me. He knew I was not willing to relocate out of state even b4 we were M so he already knew how I felt about it but he still chose to M me.
Outcast, I lived away from my family for 15 years and now I am near them again. I chose to leave, I chose to come back. My H's mom chose to move to AZ. If H really wanted to be near her he would of moved to AZ a long time ago. His mom moved there about the time H graduated from college. He could of moved to AZ where she moved and finished up his law degree there if he really wanted to near her. He chose not to. If he really wanted to be near his mom, he could of easily done it when he was single.
H does not have a job opprotunity to move to AZ. He just brought it up out of the blue to move to AZ.
Ya know, it seems so funny now that H doesn't have a lot of friends around here, besides his golfing buddies, he wants to move to AZ. For 11 years I put up w/ his ***** being gone almost every night getting drunk w/ his friends while I stayed home and took care of our children and the home while he went out and had his fun w/ his friends. I hardly ever got to go out b/c he always had plans w/ his drunken friends. Now that I have my family around and I go see them a lot (he chooses to stay home) he wants to move to AZ.
I was going on the assumption that she is trying to improve her marriage and not considering a divorce. I've read a lot (although not all) about MC's marriage. I definitely agree that her H is lazy, and it quite possible that it's just another stunt. BUT, it's also possible that he's in a funk and a change of scenary could do their M some good. That's the whole point in getting more information. Doesn't mean that she HAS to go, but if he's coming up with some idea that involves himself putting some effort into it, then maybe it's worth looking into. Which is different then out right agreeing to go.
It's my opinion that the husband is the decision maker. Whether it would be a good move to go, (Which I don't) or not.
If it were us in this situation, Mrs. Moose would make the sacrifice, even it were to mean she would be days away from her family.
You are already an hour and a half away, so it's not like you see them everyday or they're down the block......how long is a flight from AZ to where you are now? Afterall, husband is saying he'd earn more money.
I personally wouldn't make a move the midwest to AZ for more money. Think about it, is that really possible? Isn't the cost of living considerably higher in AZ than the midwest?
I think your husband has other motivations, not including his parents.....
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"The conscience water saw it's maker, and blushed" - Water to Wine......
It's my opinion that the husband is the decision maker
Yes, well you as the husband thinks that's a fine way to live. Fortunately, other men think women are actually equal and so deserve a say in what happens.
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seem to remember financial troubles? Am I right? I don't agree with not going. You might have more to lose by NOT going.
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