I would like your opinion on this. My husband left his msn on last night and one of the people on his list sent him a message. Now this woman I think is interested in him. (he says not) He was gone out to the gym so I sent a message back Hi this is Helen, Matt is not here he is gone to the gym. We chatted a little then she left. I didn't think anything of it because I talk to all his other friends, one the other night said if I see her online to say hello. This woman comes back on later and tells my husband it was "weird" talking to me on his msn.
Do you think the reason she felt weird was because she is interested in him and thought if I wouldn't have said right away who I was she might of let something slip? My husband says she doesn't flirt with him but I think otherwise. Would you feel weird if you spouse/partner talked to people on your friends list? I know I wouldn't have a problem with it and neither would any of my friends.
She has it in the back of her mind somewhere that he has a wife, but she's not used to thinking of you as a real breathing human being, probably because he doesn't mention you a lot. I'm the kind of person who believes that when you're talking with someone of the opposite gender you should mention your partner occasionally, just as a reminder for him that you're not available anymore.
I also think it actually comes natural to talk about one's partner, you live with this person, you share you life with this person, how come that you don't mention this person at all? Unless of course you want to hide the fact that you're with someone. Some people won't mention their partner, because they like an occasional flirt, but it doesn't necessarily mean that they are looking for an affair, they just need a kick once in a while.
It's also possible that this woman just doesn't want to understand that your husband is married. Maybe your husband is flirting with her, but on the other hand, I'd assume that a grown-up woman who knows that a man is married shouldn't get her hopes up high.
He does mention me and the kids. Thats kinda why I don't understand why it would be weird to her unless in her mind he is hers or if she doesn't talk to me I don't exist? I know he tells her oh we went here or we watch a movie or the kids are gone to their dads so we have time alone. If all she wants is to be his friend why would it be weird to talk to me?
She probably has a thing for him, and now she's had a big reminder that you exist. It's made her feel a little guilty and uncomfortable as now you've been thrust in her face and into her little world.
She probably feels weird because she fancies your husband, and didn't want to think about you.
Can you check thier message history to see if she is flirting? Do you want to?
I personally wouldn't have an issue with this. My partner would be free to speak to anyone I was speaking to online. I would always be talking about him too, and I have nothing to hide, therefore no reason to worry.
Who imed who first? Thats probably beside the point, but at any rate I think it was good you talked to her and like kitty said it kind of made it "real" to her that you exsisted.
They may just be friends etc, however if you really wanted to know what may or may not be going on you could check the history in the im too see what all has been said. That is unless he knows how to delete the im history. If you feel what he said is true and theres nothing more then I would just take a step back, but maybe at least keep an eye on it. I might could understand this chatting occassionally if theres really nothing there, but if its alot then that might be more of a problem.
Jade
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"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
I could check his message history anytime I want. I know all of his passwords for emails and he knows mine. He said if he had anything to hide he wouldn't leave his msn open and he didn't have a problem with me talking to her. I think that is exactly why she felt weird he likes him and by me talking to her it has forces her to acknowledge the fact I am very real and also the fact I can access his messangers.
Sounds like he has nothing to hide then and has been honest about it. It may very well be that she is the one that has some interest there in him. However, if she does, he might need to stop talking with her, because she may read more into it than there is. She may feel he is leading her on by talking to her, even if he is not interested in her or even if he hasn't said anything out of the way. It might give her mixed signals. Just a thought.
It is a daily thing but I have to trust him when he says nothing is going on that there isn't. He says he thinks everyone flirts to some degree but its harmless flirting?? Can it be harmless if she has other ideas? I don't want to get into checking his message history but its there if I wanted to.
It's situations like this that makes me believe no husband or wife, should have a relationship, with the opposite sex outside, of the workplace.....period.
It's not so much that Mrs. Moose and I don't trust each other, it's just the other party could become attached emotionally, which could lead to other things that both parties may regret.
With that said, we've agreed......girls hang with the girls, and guys hang out with the guys......
We do hang out in forums like this, but no live chatting......gotta have rules!
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"The conscience water saw it's maker, and blushed" - Water to Wine......
I have friends (guys and girls) that I talk to online and he is free to talk to them too. I have even introduced some of them to him. But I make sure they know I am happily married and I love my husband very much and if they can't/don't respect that I no longer want to talk to them. and I have told people that before and removed them from my list. My best friend is a guy should I not talk to him? I'm just wondering why would a single girl want to hang out online talking to a married man?
"Why would a single girl want to hang out online talking to a married man?"
My guess is shes interested in him. To some people, just because someone is married doesn't always mean it matters to the single person. She may could care less if hes married of not. especailly if shes real interested in him. I'm not saying for sure wheather she is or not, and its fine to have friends with the opposite sex, however even if he has no interest in her, by him talking with her could send her mixed signals, if she infact likes him. Also you said it was just about an every day thing, why? What is it the 2 of them have so much in common they feel the need to talk everyday? I am
assuming they are discussing things in general?
I would have a problem with that. Your best friend is supposed to be your husband. And HE should be the only male friend you have. How would you feel if your husband said his best friend is a woman, and she isn't his wife......???
Thi is the way it seems to me, I'm not saying this is the way it is, I'm saying the way it seems. If your husband talks with her on a daily basis, then he must be getting something out of it. Yes he may have told you he has nothing to hide, and he doesn't mind you looking at his im's etc, but that doesn't mean hes not getting something out of talking with her. If you have a best friend thats a guy and you talk with him daily as well, then you must be getting something from him as well. Somewhere along the lines someone is fullfilling something to the other person that they are lacking. I may be way off base, but thats just MO.
"Why would a single girl want to hang out online talking to a married man?"
My guess is shes interested in him. To some people, just because someone is married doesn't always mean it matters to the single person. She may could care less if hes married of not. especailly if shes real interested in him. I'm not saying for sure wheather she is or not, and its fine to have friends with the opposite sex, however even if he has no interest in her, by him talking with her could send her mixed signals, if she infact likes him. Also you said it was just about an every day thing, why? What is it the 2 of them have so much in common they feel the need to talk everyday? I am
assuming they are discussing things in general?
Jade
yes just general how are you what did you do today. The same stuff he would talk about with his guy friends. My best friend is also my business partner so I kinda need to talk to him daily but if I don't its no big deal.
I would have a problem with that. Your best friend is supposed to be your husband. And HE should be the only male friend you have. How would you feel if your husband said his best friend is a woman, and she isn't his wife......???
moose doesn't that sound kinda like the dark ages? No other male friends cmon. I have friends here at work that are male. Its not a issue unless you are totally untrustworthy and can't handle having male friends. If my husbands best friend was a woman that would be fine as long as that person respects our marriage and commitment to each other.
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