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Long talk with ex, advise wanted

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Old 23rd September 2005, 9:23 PM   #1
Jackripp
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Long talk with ex, advise wanted

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=70552

First thread..

Now today she called out of the blue.. I really was not expecting a call.. She wanted to talk about us this time. Ok.

To make this short so people will read it. I ended up saying that I know there is no hope you will ever want me back, so I am moving on with my life. She stopped me quickly and said, that somday she may want me back. Just not now. She said she is happy being single and enjoying life by herself. Said she dosnt want any realationship right now. So basically I feel the same way really I wouldnt take her back now.. I might want her back but I would date her for a month or 2 first. I really do feel better myself. I dunno. She said call me. And we are going to a concert this thursday together. so i dont know what advise i want. Just opinions about our future. Do you think she wants to just be friends or want to date me? i didnt just ask her, i dunno what the deal would be with physical stuff and how often we hang out.

JR
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Old 23rd September 2005, 9:46 PM   #2
sanne
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if you really love someone and have strong feelings for them then there can never be any middle ground. your either with them or your not. pretending to be friends and still hanging out will invariably lead to either you two getting back together or you two not seeing each other anymore.
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Old 23rd September 2005, 10:06 PM   #3
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JR...

You have to take her at her word ..

she says that she doesn't want any realationship right now ..

Believe her .. This is one of the times you believe exactly what they say.

I don't believe I'm saying this but.. I think you will get her back but you have to pull back and let her miss you..

I wouldn't suggest NC unless you wan't to move on for good..

Get yourself busy and leave her alone for awhile and gauge anything you do off of her..

Good Luck
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Old 23rd September 2005, 10:13 PM   #4
Beausene
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Art Critic, I agree with you 100 %. She has to miss you before anything can happen.
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Old 23rd September 2005, 11:08 PM   #5
Jackripp
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holy crap,

Art critic actually thinks there is hope.. You are the bluntest person here. Ok, well we have the concert set up for this thurs. Just not talk to her till then. Not answer a few times when she calls?

You suggest letting her miss me, but not doing NC. I really dont know how to go about this. I figure I would just see her once in a while and have a lot of fun. Then distance myself, and let her think about it.

Any ideas Art critic..?

JR
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Old 23rd September 2005, 11:18 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jackripp
well we have the concert set up for this thurs. Just not talk to her till then. Not answer a few times when she calls?
Exactly ..

Touch base..Only .. very short phone call during the week to nail down any particulars

Don't be there at her every whim..But pull back and go about things in your own life.. Leaving her out of your loop entirely..

You need to show some aloofness in this case.. it is a tough balance..

You can do it.. and fer gawd sakes.. Don't get in any kind of a dissagreement with her when are around her..

You need to show her that you are living your life without her and will leave her in your past if she doesn't wake up and smell the coffee..
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Old 23rd September 2005, 11:21 PM   #7
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She wants to keep you on the back burner while she sees other guys to decide if they're better than you or not. You're letting her call all the shots as well. If this isn't a situation you want, you would be wise to remove yourself from it.

I agree with Art_Critic, but I think you should cancel on the concert and not talk to her or hang out anymore. She'll be mad about the concert but she'll get over it and start missing you. Don't let her lead you around like a puppy.
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Old 23rd September 2005, 11:26 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by tanbark813
but I think you should cancel on the concert and not talk to her or hang out anymore. She'll be mad about the concert but she'll get over it and start missing you. Don't let her lead you around like a puppy.
After reading Tanbarks post I do have to say that maybe going to the concert with her is not such a good idea..

If you don't give her time to miss you she won't..

But I stick to the rest of what I said.. You need to show her that you are going on with your life without her..

She will miss you
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Old 23rd September 2005, 11:33 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jackripp
holy crap,

Art critic actually thinks there is hope.. You are the bluntest person here.
You know there's hope when he thinks there's hope.
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Old 24th September 2005, 2:40 AM   #10
Jackripp
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Ok ok,

I have to go to this concert, plus she already payed for the ticket. Thanks for saying somthing though. I was going to try to hang out with her a lot, and hope that she sees she wants me back. but I guess this makes more sense.

Art Critic,
I have a lot of faith in your advise.
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Old 24th September 2005, 4:41 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jackripp
Art Critic,
I have a lot of faith in your advise.
But not quite enough to follow what he said.
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Old 24th September 2005, 1:54 PM   #12
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lol,
yes unless you want to go to this concert with me. Seriously shes paying for the ticket and noone else will drop that kind of cash. So I am stuck with the concert as I cannot afford to not go.
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Old 24th September 2005, 5:06 PM   #13
chocolate_boy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jackripp
lol,
yes unless you want to go to this concert with me. Seriously shes paying for the ticket and noone else will drop that kind of cash. So I am stuck with the concert as I cannot afford to not go.
I'd say go, make a huge effort to look as best as you can, be very postive, don't talk about the relationship... make sure she has a ****ing great time with you...

Then make her miss you by doing a subtle vanishing act right after it.
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Old 25th September 2005, 7:15 PM   #14
Jackripp
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Thats basically what I now plan to do. If she wants to be physical that night should I?


JR
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Old 25th September 2005, 7:42 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jackripp
Thats basically what I now plan to do. If she wants to be physical that night should I?


JR
you don't listen very well do you ?

She has to be able to miss you .. You are not going to give her any chance to do that.. and getting physical just means you are going to get hurt further.
She will just tell you nothing has changed and you still don't do it for her..

Getting close to this woman right now means you will lose her..

You need to pull back and go about your life without her..

I repeat she has to miss you .. That takes at weeks and months in most cases .Not days or hours
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