well fellow LS members... some of you might remember me posting that my fiancee of 5 years had kicked me out, stating because i played a game too much. we have 3 children between us, 1 is mine from a previous ex-wife, and 2 are hers (their father is dead) and all they have ever known is me as a dad.
well i found out yesterday, that she has been seeing someone else.. a guy who works at a turkey gutting place.. (czech over in the uk for 6 months on a work permit) this guy lives in a caravan with 10 other czechs... ) so basically thats what i have been traded in for.
Ironically, up until yesterday she denied anything, swore on her kids lifes that she wasnt seeing anyone. in fact, i had it in mind months ago that she was (before we broke up) because of the way she was acting (always out, gym, getting dressed up, loads of perfume, hiding her phone on her all the time, even going to the bath/shower with her phone) i confronted her about it many times, and everytime she denied anything was going on with anyone. hell i even heard rumours in our town she was seeing a czech guy. amazingly enough her own son, told my son at school, what was going on. thats how i finally found out.
i confronted her about it yesterday, and she immediatley denied it, until i carried on, and then she admitted it, but swore that it had been only going on for the last 2 weeks. 2 weeks? her son told me, that this guy has been staying over in her house, she has introduced him to her kids (they dont like him at all), does that make any sense? 2 weeks?
i feel so sick... this woman took 5 years of my life, now she has some gypsy immigrant sleeping with her, in our bed, in our home, and playing with the kids.. (whom i look upon as my own kids, as i am all they have ever known for a father)
while she was at the door, and admitted it, i directly went to her car, reversed it into a parking space, took the key out, and started chucking all her **** out onto the path, i told her to come over here and get her crap out of it, which she did (i brought her the car, as we were going to have another child) and i dont think she should keep the car, as it was brought for that purpose.
its worse than that... before i got with this woman, my ex-wife did the dirty on me as well, she cheated, and i got kicked out, and left with nothing. my ex-fiancee (now) knew everything about me when we first got together, how i had been treated - everything. and she swore that she would never hurt me like that.
and here we are 5 years later, and she has done the same thing. i know we have been seperated for 3 months now, but she has been regulary coming down and seeing me, `being friends` and i have been foolishing trying everything i can to try and win this woman back.
before i got with this girl, everyone i knew told me to keep clear of her, because of her past (cheating on people etc) and i ignored them, took her at face value, and argued and defended her till the last.
she has made a total fool out of me in front of everyone i know. and i feel so sick, ashamed, and hurt for what she has done to me.
i can never forgive her in a million years for what she has done. i had one of her kids over mine yesterday, and he was crying his eyes out at what she has done.
she once said, if it never works out between me and you, im done with guys, never again will i introduce my children to a man.
why do women lie so much?
she insists that she has only been seeing him for 2 weeks, but her behaviour over the last few months (since march) has told me different. i cannot believe anything she says ever again.
problem is now, is i still want to carry on being able to see her 2 children, as i love them to bits, and consider them my own. how do i approach this? i know she is going to be using that as a leverage tool against me.
tonight i am going around my apartment, getting everything that she has ever brought me, cards, teddies, watch, etc etc and putting it all in a box, along with a letter and leaving it on her doorstep.
im not entirely sold on the letter, but i would like to tell her exactly what she has done to me, and her actions will have affected the children greatly.
does anyone offer any advice for me? right now, i feel absolutley sick. i never slept at all last night. i know we have been seperated for 3 months, (i moved back to my apartment) but we have been close since then. and there is a lot of history between us, (we were going to get married, and have another child) how can a woman change so much? am i doing something fundementally wrong to being treated like a bit of crap on the floor by women?
Your situation is a tough one. And there is probably not much that anybody can say that will help you feel better this instant. There are no quick fixes to these situations. But look at it this way - you have been through this before and you moved on and found somebody else. You will do the same again for this woman. You will grieve, and then you will meet somebody who deserves you. You have every right to feel betrayed...but don't feel ashamed or embarrassed. You are not a fool for trusting someone. In fact, be proud of yourself that you can put your trust into someone. The fact that your previous partners have abused your trust does not mean that the next person will. If anything, your ex is the one who should feel shameful and foolish. Not you. Good luck, keep your head up and don't let this consume you. Go out for a drive - be with friends that you are comfortable with - family. You'll get through this.
am i doing something fundementally wrong to being treated like a bit of crap on the floor by women?
Sorry you've been hurt so bad. First of all, you're just going to have to get over her. Easier said then done, I know, but obviously there is too much bad blood to try to work things out. I know you love her kids, but you're going to have to bite the bullet and let them go, too. Trying to keep them in your life is only going to make things harder for them, also for yourself.
You're not doing anything wrong to cause these problems with relationships. You've just had bad luck with them, just like I have, and most everyone else.
It happens sometimes - we get disappointed in people, we feel miserable, and down, but you shouldn't lose faith in love. This will go away; you'll get over.
I believe you can ask her to see the children as it's also better for them to see the only father they know at least a few times a month.
You're lucky you didn't marry her so look at it from the bright side. I wouldn't give her back all the presents though. It's a very ugly gesture and only speaks bad about you. You're proving nothing by that.
But I've seen even worse - my ex-husband wanted ME to give him the things he gave me back (cell phone, manicure stuff, even money) and we have two children!
its gotten even worse..... one of her sons, told my son at school yesterday, that he isnt allowed to come over, or see me ever again... he was crying his eyes out this is so upsetting for me. why is she being so cruel?
Excuse me!!! I am a Czech person who has been living in UK for the last 8 years. I am highly educated and I have a good job!! As much as I feel for you, you should not call a Czech person a gypsy immigrant! That's such an ignorant thing to say!!!!!
sorry. i never meant to cause any offence, i never thought at the time, as you can imagine, im quite angry, you could replace those words with any nationality, and any insult.
really sorry to cause any offence, was totally not intended.
you should not call a Czech person a gypsy immigrant!
I agree, but he didn't call a Czech person a gypsy immigrant. He actually called him gypsy because he lives in a caravan with 10 other people and works on a work permit (obviously not as a cardio-surgeon).
Now you are an immigrant and he is a "gypsy" immigrant. He could have been Chinese or Brazillian or Irish, he would have called him the same way. Actually his nationality was only mentioned as information earlier in the text, not as a pejorative describtion. He said: "now she has some gypsy immigrant sleeping with her." There are all kinds and classes of Czecks, you shouldn't take offense for the whole population.
Don't get down on yourself. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Your lucky that you have only 5 years into this relationship and not more. On the other hand if you were married you may have had some legal rights to keep seeing her Kids. Since her kids and your son are friends whats to keep you from going to see their Rugby game or Soccer match or whatever? They need a stable adult father figure in their lives. One way or another I would keep seeing them. They need to know that they are loved and wanted.
On the other hand if you were married you may have had some legal rights to keep seeing her Kids.
A step-parent cannot claim legal rights to see the children. Only parents have this right. All other parties depend on the approval of parents.
In my country's legal system even grand-parents and siblings can't obtain a legal confirmation that states they have a right to see the children. Everything depends on the parents/guardians.
its all very frustrating, i want to thank you all for your helpful replies, i think i am begining to get better? as up until sunday i was spending my whole time trying to get her back, now i realise this is a pointless excersize as she is with someone else now. not being able to see the kids, is like a stake thru my heart.
its time for me to move on, treasure the good times, and put my energy into myself and my own son, and make sure we are both happy!
i think its gonna be a long time before i venture into the realms of dating again tho. Unfortunatley at this point in my life, i no longer feel i could trust a woman again.
Unfortunatley at this point in my life, i no longer feel i could trust a woman again.
That's understandable. I came to that point too. Healing this takes time.
One way you can speed the process is platonic contact with women who are loyal, faithful, consistent and keep their word. This will help rebuild your capacity for trust. Don't go back into dating until this capacity is returning - you will only hurt yourself and other women.
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That is not me in the photo. Nor is it my ass
For like two years after my ex-husband left me with two babies, I was honestly and completely convinced that all men were jerks. I didn't want to have anything to do with anyone anymore. But then it slowly changed to the point where I realized that ALL MEN suck except my new BF.
i can assure you that we dont ALL suck there are some good guys left out there... unfortunatley, we seem to always miss out on the good women! and end up with people that hurt us! strange eh...
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Finally found out the truth.
this is so upsetting for me. why is she being so cruel?
I agree, but he didn't call a Czech person a gypsy immigrant. He actually called him gypsy because he lives in a caravan with 10 other people and works on a work permit (obviously not as a cardio-surgeon). 
there are some good guys left out there... unfortunatley, we seem to always miss out on the good women! and end up with people that hurt us! strange eh...
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