Ok, as for me, I am a 32 yr old male... I have always only been interested in dating one women at a time.. If I meet someone, I go on a date, and I like them, i dont seek out new partners.. If i dont like them, I dont see them again..
But recently I met a woman, (and have encountered this before) that I really like, yet have heard her mention, although briefly, other men she is dating. Actually even going out of town to see them...
Now we only had one date, but we hit it off and are going on another(one day before she goes out of town to see other guy she is dating i believe.) But, she does not seem flaky, and she made it a point to tell me how interested she is, how much she likes, and asked me to come see her the next 2 nights in a row after we met.(although i could not)
My question is... how to handle this????? I dont have much claim to her after one night, but also never enjoyed being one of many men a woman is dating. If she mentions the others is she testing me (since she made it clear she really likes me), or is she trying to say "i am just having fun, although i really like you" Am I too possessive? Normal? SHould I act like it is fine for her to date others? Truly show I am bothered? I want to be honest,l, but dont waant to blow this by being too possessive? ANy advice greatly appreciated..
Originally posted by j6767
I dont have much claim to her after one night,
assuming that you've slept with her, then her playing the field at the same time is enough reason for you to bolt. But if the one night is non-physical, then I think she's not settled for any guy at this moment, so it's fair game for all the guys she's dating now.
I'd wait a couple more dates and then be straight with her. Tell her that you're uncomfortable with the current arrangement. You have to be prepared for her to choose the "crowd" over just dating you alone though.
When she mentions these other guys, yes, it is a test. Just don't play it. Smile and ask her if she thinks you really give a f--- about the other guys or plan to spend time thinking about them.
Second, just act like you don't care. It's not a big deal anyway. If you show her more value (fun, independence, challenge) she'll pull you more anyway.
This is a different thing than if she's sleeping with more than one of them at a time. no reason for you to get into a spot another guy just left two nights ago...
Originally posted by j6767
I dont have much claim to her after one night,
your right...you don't
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If she mentions the others is she testing me (since she made it clear she really likes me), or is she trying to say "i am just having fun, although i really like you"
hard to say after one date...but you are definitely in a competition for her.
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SHould I act like it is fine for her to date others?
Yes....after one date she owes you nothing!
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Truly show I am bothered? I want to be honest,l, but dont waant to blow this by being too possessive? ANy advice greatly appreciated..
Don't mention the other guys at any cost. Just be cool. Show her a good time and be attentive to her when you are with her but when you are apart do your own thing. She will test out your self-confidence to see if you get jealous. The truly confident dude won't care that she is seeing other guys (at least at this point)
If I'm dating around and dating more than one guy at a time it usually means that I don't think any one of them is making enough of an effort to show me they are strongly interested.
Sometimes I stress about, which one do I like best?? HMmmmm...
....but I usually try to just relax and hope that in time one will outshine the others - the test of time, tenacity, patience.
She probably isn't playing games, she's just keeping her options open.
It takes a while for people to prove themselves to each other.
If I'm dating around and dating more than one guy at a time it usually means that I don't think any one of them is making enough of an effort to show me they are strongly interested.
Sometimes I stress about, which one do I like best?? HMmmmm...
....but I usually try to just relax and hope that in time one will outshine the others - the test of time, tenacity, patience.
She probably isn't playing games, she's just keeping her options open.
Any likely she's used to dating men who also date around and so that is what she has learned. Perhaps your commitment to dating one person at a time might teach her something........? Might even be what she's looking for (it might take her a bit to realize it also).
It takes a while for people to prove themselves to each other.
If I'm dating around and dating more than one guy at a time it usually means that I don't think any one of them is making enough of an effort to show me they are strongly interested.
Sometimes I stress about, which one do I like best?? HMmmmm...
....but I usually try to just relax and hope that in time one will outshine the others - the test of time, tenacity, patience.
She probably isn't playing games, she's just keeping her options open.
Any likely she's used to dating men who also date around and so that is what she has learned. Perhaps your commitment to dating one person at a time might teach her something........? Might even be what she's looking for (it might take her a bit to realize it also).
It takes a while for people to prove themselves to each other.
Originally posted by clynn
She probably isn't playing games, she's just keeping her options open.
And likely she's used to dating men who also date around and so that is what she has learned.
When I'm in dating mode, I usually date 3 or 4 guys at the same time. I didn't used to, but the stupid waiting games guys have played on me taught me to do this. Having a nice date with some guy, and him saying he'll call me tomorrow, and after 3-4-5 days go by and no word, I soon learned to just move on to another guy and keep those options open.
I don't mention the other guys I'm dating *unless* a guy asks if I'm available on a day I've already got a date with someone else. Then I'll be honest and tell him, "Oh, gee, Friday night I've got a date with Rob." "What about Saturday night?" "Sorry, got a date with Tony that night. What about Tuesday?"
It's amazing how fast a guy drops the stupid waiting game tactics when he discovers you're not just sitting around waiting for his call. Competition gets him motivated! And if I have a real interest in him, and if he tells me he's not dating anyone else, then I'll let the others go and just date him. And if we get intimate, it's because we've had that "exclusive" talk.
But I *never* date other guys to try to make one particular guy jealous. That isn't fair to the other guys, and it would make me feel dishonest.
Originally posted by centered
Oh, gee, Friday night I've got a date with Rob." "What about Saturday night?" "Sorry, got a date with Tony that night. What about Tuesday?"
If a girl said that to me I'd be like ... I'm outta here.. an go find some other pus*y somewhere else..
It's possible that she had made the other plans before you met and while she may not be testing you, she still wants to see if the other guy has potential. It's all about taking risks (or not) but I don't think she is playing games.
You could talk with her on your next date, and tell her that you only date one person at a time and make a comment that she doesn't need to waste her time with all the other guys (keep it light). Tell her that you just don't want to feel like you're competing.
She likes you because she went out on a date with you. She's interested because she wants to see you again. If she knows your standards for how you conduct yourself, she may decide to date you exclusively, but you cannot force the issue.
All these damn magazines instruct us girls to "tell" guys they are not the only one they have on their plate(until we want to be seriuos). Do you know that there is anyone else or is this a cosmo magazine tip that she is testing you on. It is supposed to make her more desirable. I just read this actaully. I would never do it, but some do. Maybe there really is no one. Personally, if I were a guy, and someone said that to me, I would NOT be interested.
If she ever gets to the point where she's really into you, then you'll get the exclusivity you seek. But You said yourself, one date is no claim over anyone. Chill out. Relax. Enjoy yourself. Use a rubber.
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