[turningleaf]

[font=times new roman][/font][color=green][/color]

hi,

I am new to this list, this is my first post here. I would like to ask the men in this forum, especially married men-

I need advice. I'm not so happily married and thinking about leaving my husband. I am attracted to my husband's boss, and e-mailed him to let him know I am interested. I would not act on anything Unless I left my husband first.

This many replied to me like this:
I am very flattered, but a little uneasy about us meeting outside company functions. Given our current situations, I would like to get to know you better at the next company function,
sincerely,
X

He is also married. I am looking for non-judgemental advice. First of all,
Can you married men out there explain his response? Sould I be reading anything into this?

By the way,
I am an attractive woman. Last time boss man saw me I looked pretty good, but he has not seen me in more than 5 months and now I have lost some weight and had a makeover(no plastic surgery) and I look fantastic now, after months of excercise and changing my dress and makeup, etc.

Plese tell me how to handle this.

[RecordProducer]

Are you divorcing your husband or thinking about divorcing him? By starting a relationship as a married woman you will gain nothing good. You even hit on a married man, because you feel yourself as a married woman. If your marriage is bad and you want to get out of it then get divorced first. Doing things like this behind your husband's back are really not... lady-like, so to say.
Since you wrote an email to your H's boss, now he will use you for sex whenever you're in the mood for it. Cuz that's what married men do: lie, cheat, and play with women. Read some of the threads in the other woman/other man forum just to see what MM do.
How about fix your life? Divorce and find a single man. If you're attractive you can find many dates. I only hope you're smart as well and won't do anything stupid like email you husband's bosses you're interested in them!
When you get divorced, subscribe to some dating sites and then you can email men. They will email you as well.
Do you have any children? Can your marriage be fixed or is it that bad?

[SexKitten]

don't end one bad thing to jump into another bad thing.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Originally posted by SexKitten
don't end one bad thing to jump into another bad thing.

Especially when there's no guarantee he's going to jump out of his 'bad thing'. I've seen more than a few women walk out of marriage expecting their MM to do the same and he just doesn't.

[forms]

Originally posted by turningleaf
[font=times new roman][/font][color=green][/color]I am very flattered, but a little uneasy about us meeting outside company functions. Given our current situations, I would like to get to know you better at the next company function,
sincerely,

[color=blue]I am very flattered, but a little uneasy about us meeting outside company functions.[/color] This means he is interested but he values his marriage and is not going to endanger it. That means he will not leave his wife for you. He values his marriage, if not his wife, and even if he falls madly in love with you, you will never be anything more than the 'other woman'. You may discover he's a jerk and lose interest in him, or you may become wildly, deeply in love with him--but he will not leave. And at the first hint of you causing trouble in the marriage, he will drop you.

[color=blue]I would like to get to know you better at the next company function,[/color] means he's interested in an affair--but wants to check you out to make sure you understand the terms: complete discretion and no disruption of his marriage.

I am very flattered, means he thinks this will be fun and is encouraging you to continue.

If he thinks you are married to your husband and going to stay married, he's probably interested. If you are going to be a single woman who pesters him to leave his wife, he might not be so interested. He's NOT looking to leave his marriage.

My advice: get your divorce and leave him alone. There is only heartbreak here. You ARE looking for something more than just a sexual fling. He's not. Find someone who really wants you for all of you.

[forms]

[color=blue]I am very flattered, but a little uneasy about us meeting outside company functions.[/color] This means he is interested but he values his marriage and is not going to endanger it. That means he will not leave his wife for you. He values his marriage, if not his wife, and even if he falls madly in love with you, you will never be anything more than the 'other woman'. You may discover he's a jerk and lose interest in him, or you may become wildly, deeply in love with him--but he will not leave. And at the first hint of you causing trouble in the marriage, he will drop you.

[color=blue]I would like to get to know you better at the next company function,[/color] means he's interested in an affair--but wants to check you out to make sure you understand the terms: complete discretion and no disruption of his marriage.

[color=blue]I am very flattered[/color], means he thinks this will be fun and is encouraging you to continue.

If he thinks you are married to your husband and going to stay married, he's probably interested. If you are going to be a single woman who pesters him to leave his wife, he might not be so interested. He's NOT looking to leave his marriage.

My advice: get your divorce and leave him alone. There is only heartbreak here. You ARE looking for something more than just a sexual fling. He's not. Find someone who really wants you for all of you.

[whichwayisup]

How do you know 'something' would happen with him? Is he going to end his marriage too? Why would you end your marriage to just become the OW in his life and suffer being alone when he's with his wife/kids (does he have any? Do you?)at Xmas, holidays, weekends etc...

Man, you're putting yourself out there big time! Not a good situation. The fact he's your husband's BOSS too, that just makes the whole situation SO bad. Your H is gonna FLIP out when he finds out. We're talking this MM can and probably WOULD lose his job. Screwing his employee's wife? Even if you leave your H...That gossip factor is going to be really horrible.

Divorce your husband if you're not inlove with him anymore. Be on your own. Then pursue somebody who IS NOT married. Don't put yourself through all the heartache of attaching yourself to a MM. Isn't worth it.

[SweetSerenity]

You're taking a big chance on emailing your husbands boss. What if he shows your husband that email?

Another thing is you need to realize that this is infatuation and as you get more involved with your MM, heh like I did mine and found it wasn't so flattering and neither was he the more I got involved, that you will more than likely lose all interest and find traits in him that you do not like. I say you need to figure out what you're missing in your marriage and work with your husband. I have done just that with my situation and am finding things to be getting better and better and better. I have completely pushed the MM out of my life, you will too eventually and they DO NOT LEAVE THEIR WIVES FOR THE OW. If they do the chances are slim that it will work out to be a fairytale ending.

[Moose]

Cuz that's what married men do: lie, cheat, and play with women.

I hope you're not generalizing all of us here recordproducer.......Anyway, to the OP: Has your husband ever cheated on you? Have you ever cheated on him? Is he physically or emotional abusive to you or your children, (if you have any)......if the answer is no to all of these, you have no grounds for divorce in my opinion. Get off this trip that his boss is going to jeapordize his marriage for a piece of tail. It's just not going to happen.

Fix what's wrong in you marriage and get on with your life, WITH your husband.

[SweetSerenity]

He may very well step out of the boundaries of his marriage with this girl, but the fact is and remains that she is putting herself out there in a very very very dangerous way. I mean has no one looked at that she EMAILD HER HUSBANDS BOSS. I mean this man could very well show her husband. Then there would be no chance to work on her marriage at all because most men, not all, will not tolerate that kind of thing. I am absolutely shocked that she emailed him.

People cheat everyday, cheating is for the sole purpose really of getting sexual gratification, later there might be feelings that get involved and then it becomes very sticky. However you don't know what this man will and will not do and to generalize him is not accurate.

RP you were seriously overreaching about all married men.

It's just infatuation but when real life sets in, and if he doesn't show her husband, those feelings will dissipate and you'll be just as unsatisifed as you are now. I say just let it go and not act. What you have is a crush. Those are normal but don't act on it.

[Moose]

I disagree with you Moose!

You're allowed to.

[turningleaf]

Hi to everyone who has replied so far-

First of all, I e-mailed Boss in early Feb. He sees H all of the time and nothing has been said.

I have NOT seen this man- I have only e-mailed him. I would not do anything without being unattached.

I have a soon to be 28 yr. old son. No little kids at home.

There are things in my marriage which cannot be fixed.

I have always been the one to say-NO Way!! not a MM!! Never!!


Well, then it happened to me, and I never expected it to happen.

I would like Moose's opinion on Boss's e-mail to me. I appreciate everyone's opinions it helps me.

Now lt's all have a group hug

[turningleaf]

Hi again,

I wanted to add that neither H or I have cheated on ea. other. He does not drink, drug, or beat me.

I can count how many times in the years we've been together that he has made love to me, and if it were'nt for me initiating, we'd never have sex at all. Frankly, he is a horrible lover.

H loves me, an that is no doubt, but many things are lacking which I've been patient about for years. Now I don't have the patience anymore.

We had to file bankruptcy a couple yrs. ago due to his handling of money. We lost our house our rental house, he had to fold his Biz, and we had to relocate to another state.

He had lied to me about the money.

I have not had a care for more than 10 yrs.

I am in grad school working on my 2nd masters degree. I will be finished in 12- 18 mos., and desparate to have full time income again.

Where we came from, My education was not worth a damn due to the poor economy in Western New York State.

I have never flirted or hit on anyone else during my marriage, and I love H, but my feelings are no longer what they used to be.

I have had men flirt with me or try hitting on me, and I am not interested in that, I have not reciprocated the flirting to men who have done so.

I want a chance to feel like a woman again, and be excited about living.
My H does not like to socialize, and we have no common friends where we now live.

I am not a floozy or slut, I consider myself a class act, well educated, and working on a degree at a highly prestigious place.

Intellectually, my brain is right there with all of you when it comes to geting involved w/MM.

Heartwise, it is not so clear.

So, Moose- nice car. What is your take on the e-mail reply from boss man?

I really am dying to know.

[Moose]

I am very flattered, but a little uneasy about us meeting outside company functions. Given our current situations, I would like to get to know you better at the next company function,
sincerely,
X

Sounds to me he's indicating that he's not happy in his marriage either and that you two share a common problem. But, I'd be very careful......these are just words. Yes, he's interested and probably thinks you're hot enough to have a relationship with, and to top that off, he knows you're vulnerable right now. So think of yourself as bleeding prey. An easy target. Like I said before, your best bet is to try and fix your marriage. So far you haven't listed anything that couldn't be worked on and fixed. Basically everything that's happened was in the past. You can't live with one foot in the past, and one foot in the future because then you'd be pissin' all over the present. Know what I mean?

[Moose]

So, Moose- nice car.

Oh, and thanks....I built it myself!