ok heres the deal for all of you that dont know. basically i moved away from my girl of 7 years. she broke up with me and 1 month after i moved back where she is. i was thinking about my situation and the way she is acting and i sort of see it like this.. I think that by me moving away it was basically like i broke up with her but she was the one that actually said it. but she says she doesnt want anything right now.
heres my Q though. It seems like sometimes i was the one that ended it but she actually did. So do you guys think she could be acting the way she does because she felt like me moving away I broke up with her ? or do you see it as me being the dumpee ??
I have done NC for only 4 dayss (today will be the 5th) I did text message her on xmas though just saying "merry xmas hope yer days going good." She called me though on Xmas durning the night. so its only been like 3 days i havent talked to her but this thursday (if we dont hang out ) will be 2 weeks that I haven't seen her.
NC is soo hard because the whole 7 years that we were together and even when we were apart before We've never gone this long without talking to each other and also 2 weeks would be the longest we haven't seen each other ever !! i mean the whole time ive known her ! its soo hard because i know shes going through a lot and i just want to be there for her and show her that if we got back together things would be diff. I have taken the time to review us and myself and change all those things if she would only give it a chance but how could i let her know ? ive told her this but i dont know. I know shes jacking up a good thing but i dont think she knows it !
so i dont know im almost to the point of giving in but i know i cant. any opinions ? im just writing this post because its almost the only thing to get this off my chest for the time !!
HELP !!
Last edited by mixwell; 28th December 2004 at 8:41 PM..
Hate to say this to you pal but read your own words. She broke it off. it may "seem" to you that she cares that you moved away but she didn't want you in the first place. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on. She has.
I'll tell you one thing, people hate being left, so it's much easier to be the one leaving. It sounds like this may be your situation. She probably felt left behind so she dumped you. I know that no contact is more than hard, but it really gives you time to reflect. When my ex broke up with me, I thought I couldn't go a day without talking to him. It's just not true, you'll live through it.
You have to make them afraid of losing you. I called my ex after we broke up all the time. One day I woke up and just thought what the hell am I doing, he left and he needs space. I told him I was just done with all of the hoping and wishing he would come back and he made it clear that he didn't want to see me. Basically goodbye. Ever since then he's been calling me and that was a month ago. I haven't called him once.
Trust me, hang in there and don't be too needy, act happy and fine. Definately don't try to talk to her about how much you changed. Don't TELL her, SHOW her and let her judge that herself. If she wants to talk to you she will call, just like my ex.
Find something that makes you happy and occupies your time. It's the only thing to do. I love music, hip hop music, plus I'm a writer. I'll just sit and listen to music and write. Sometimes it's sad, sometimes it's not. I'm not trying to say it's easy, because it's not. Sometimes I would cry thinking about him, sometimes I would smile. Just be glad that you shared that with her, and never forget her. Be glad for what you had.
NC is rough, but it works. There aren't many easy ways to heal following a breakup, but this one works pretty consistently. Just stick with it no matter what kind of urges you get. When you feel the need to call her, just think about how she hurt you and how strong you are inside.
Thanks for the advice ! i know. i was soo close to calling but i went upstairs and took a shower and got dressed and now its not as bad ( i had just woken up not too long ago. i sleep in late) i didnt shower because of her. haha. although i did think of her in the shower haha. anyways yeah i CANT call her i have to stick to it !! Ill be soo much happier when this is all over with ! im sure the condition were in that we will get back together but she said shes still hurt and pissed off at me so the best thing to do is give her space. Although hung out quite a bit when i first got back. (ive been back almost a month now) but this past week shes been kinda bitchy and blowin me off so yeah. Women ! cant live with em, cant live without em ! Why does god punish us like this ? haha
yeah NAN i think yer right. well i play basketball at the gym all the time wit my friends and i go out and kick it with them. what kinda hip hop music you into ? underground ? im into underground hip hop.. i know ill be patient ! i am the most impatient bastard when it comes to things !! haha.
Sorry everyone but I gave in and called her. just to see if she wanted to get some coffee for a little bit and she said she didnt feel bood. BS. She said she had a bad day at work and all that and didn't seem to really want to talk. I feel like such a dumb ass for calling her now.ahhh!!! i knew i shouldn't have !! someone slap me in the face for this !! please anyone ?? haha.. im soo o weak !! ill remember this next time i want to call her.. i also deleted her phone number out of my cell phone.. even tho i know it by heart it might make it a little harder to call.
Originally posted by mixwell
Sorry everyone but I gave in and called her. just to see if she wanted to get some coffee for a little bit and she said she didnt feel bood. BS. She said she had a bad day at work and all that and didn't seem to really want to talk. I feel like such a dumb ass for calling her now.ahhh!!! i knew i shouldn't have !! someone slap me in the face for this !! please anyone ?? haha.. im soo o weak !! ill remember this next time i want to call her.. i also deleted her phone number out of my cell phone.. even tho i know it by heart it might make it a little harder to call.
sorry for giving in !
*SLAP!* Just kidding, man. It probably wasn't a good idea to call her, but I think you realize how important it is to remain strong and stick with NC hook, line, and sinker. I'm glad you took her number off your phone - you may also want to consider removing her from all instant messengers and your e-mail address book (if you use it a lot). Every little reminder you can remove from the equation will help.
I just reinstated NC today after my ex told me that she was "fed up with the world". Of course she included men (and me) in her tirades of emotional despair. In these exact words, she said that she wanted everyone just to leave her alone so she could sort out the problems in her life. For me, there was no clearer sign that NC is the only way to go. I've done it once before, and I'll be glad to help you through yours. The first two weeks will be the hardest, IMO.
Originally posted by _Saffy_
thats the thing see, if they aint ready to resume contact then you just get kicked in the teeth.........again!!
And don't assume that they will be ready to talk anytime soon. From the threads I've read on here, it could take many months. The good news is, after a short while, you won't care so much anymore. There will be a day when you wake up and it won't really matter if she calls you or not. That's when you know NC is working.
Originally posted by _Saffy_
ohhhhhhhhh do i wish someone would bring that day to me......and soon
It took me about 2 weeks. After a full month, I almost completely forgot about her romantically. Too bad I had a holiday relapse, but that was probably expected.
well im only on day three, feels like forever tho.
but i do feel that im getting there slowly. very slowly.
been split 17 days, and i spent 14 of them trying to get him back, which took me over christmas, thats when the reality hit me, if he dont care enough to do something over christmas then he dont care that much at all......so have drawn a line through it and am starting again.
Originally posted by _Saffy_
well im only on day three, feels like forever tho.
but i do feel that im getting there slowly. very slowly.
been split 17 days, and i spent 14 of them trying to get him back, which took me over christmas, thats when the reality hit me, if he dont care enough to do something over christmas then he dont care that much at all......so have drawn a line through it and am starting again.
its working so far
Usually the simplest observations are the correct ones. My ex didn't acknowledge my December birthday, nor did she call me on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. Logical answer = she wants to be left alone, something that she confirmed when we spoke yesterday on the phone. At least my ex has been talking to me when I call - I suppose if she wanted me completely out of her life, I'd be listening to a dial tone. This is what leads me to believe that she really needs time on her own to think.
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haha. anyways yeah i CANT call her i have to stick to it !! Ill be soo much happier when this is all over with ! im sure the condition were in that we will get back together but she said shes still hurt and pissed off at me so the best thing to do is give her space. Although hung out quite a bit when i first got back. (ive been back almost a month now) but this past week shes been kinda bitchy and blowin me off so yeah. Women ! cant live with em, cant live without em ! Why does god punish us like this ? haha 
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