There's a MM that works in my bldg. at work. After running into each other several times, we became friends earlier this year. He started to flirt with me quite a bit over the past several months. We did end up kissing me and doing a little making out on two occasions but it didn't go any further. That was in August.
We stayed friendly but that's all--and we only talked at work after that. Then he started to seem distant.
Now I feel like he's blowing me off and it's really gotten me down. It's bad enough that I never feel like I matter to people but now I feel like it even more.
Maybe he feels guilty for kissing you. Maybe he really wants his marriage to work.
Do you know much about this MM? Has he talked with you about his marriage? Are there kids involved?
Messing with anyone who is married is VERY dangerous. Believe me!! The hurt you will feel in the end will be 100 times worse than any joy you felt during the moment. It just isn't worth it.
Okay so all has been said already but I'll give you my 2 cents....
He's married...Leave him alone and find someone single...obviously he felt guilty and is trying to get you to back off and you don't take the hint. Not to be rude but he obviously isn't interested in pursuing an affair with you. For his sake, his wife's sake and most of all your sake please move on and find someone single.
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~ What did SHE just say (and she said it out loud)?!?~
Love is an easy word to say. Make him prove it with his actions.
Now I feel like he's blowing me off and it's really gotten me down.
Okay I'm just going to say it.
I am so tired of hearing the pleas for help and understanding from people that enter into these types of relationships and end up hurt. I'm tired of the confusion and the constant questioning of why married people are behaving a certain way towards the OM/OW.
If you enter into a relationship with a married person then I expect you to be mature enough to realize that this has the potential of being a "sucks to be you" type of situation, that you'll probably get hurt, that you probably won't have a happy ending and that when it's all said and done you'll be left with very little.
If you enter into a relationship with married person then you have to take the BS that comes along with it. If you're mature and rational enough to make the decision to get involved with a married person then I assume that you are mature and rational enough to know that you're going to be dealt a lot of BS.
It's unfortunate that you feel that you are unimportant. I could tell you a thousand times you aren't, but until you decide to believe it, my words won't mean a thing. However, longing for the attention of a married man isn't going to be the type of self-esteem boost you need. Take the time to decide whether or not you really want to be the "other woman". Some women have no problem with it and even prefer to have that type of relationship as it affords them the freedom to live their life the way they wish. However, from the way your present yourself, I don't get the impression that you would be happy being the other woman.
(let the lambasting commence..)
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People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar. - Thich Nhat Hanh
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Reading: The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins
He's married...Leave him alone and find someone single...obviously he felt guilty and is trying to get you to back off and you don't take the hint. Not to be rude but he obviously isn't interested in pursuing an affair with you. For his sake, his wife's sake and most of all your sake please move on and find someone single.
Gee, sorry for posting more than once on this. You really make a person feel great especially when they have nowhere to turn to.
And also---it's not an affair. If you'd read it, you'd realize that I am interested in keeping the friendship and that I didn't pursue anything further with him.
Maybe he feels guilty for kissing you. Maybe he really wants his marriage to work.
Do you know much about this MM? Has he talked with you about his marriage? Are there kids involved?
Messing with anyone who is married is VERY dangerous. Believe me!! The hurt you will feel in the end will be 100 times worse than any joy you felt during the moment. It just isn't worth it.
I'm not married. He has said his marriage isn't very good. There are kids involved--he has two. I guess I thought he was a friend and he wasn't.
I am so tired of hearing the pleas for help and understanding from people that enter into these types of relationships and end up hurt. I'm tired of the confusion and the constant questioning of why married people are behaving a certain way towards the OM/OW.
Why do you continue to read them then?
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Take the time to decide whether or not you really want to be the "other woman". Some women have no problem with it and even prefer to have that type of relationship as it affords them the freedom to live their life the way they wish. However, from the way your present yourself, I don't get the impression that you would be happy being the other woman.
There's nowhere that I stated that I want to be the other woman. I started out as friends with him. He tried a few things. I wanted to still have him as a friend.
Because I don't know the person is whining about their situation until I read it. Some people have questions regarding their affair that doesn't consist of the "oh why is he/she hurting me". Some people are mature enough to understand the situation that they're getting into and they don't exhibit self-pity regarding their affair. Spock is a good example of this. KMT is also a good example. I can read their posts, know that they understand the situation they're in and give them my opinion. I don't have to coddle them and assuage their pain because they're getting hurt by their married man.
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There's nowhere that I stated that I want to be the other woman. I started out as friends with him. He tried a few things. I wanted to still have him as a friend.
If you had no intention of being the other woman then you wouldn't have fooled around with him twice.
Gee, sorry for posting more than once on this. You really make a person feel great especially when they have nowhere to turn to.
There is nothing wrong with posting more than once but everyone has already given you answers..you don't seem to want to hear them...you want someone to say "oh you're so right, poor you!! He has to be your friend, keep chasing him, blah blah blah" it probably won't happen! You can keep trying but I almost bet no matter who posts they'll tell you similar advice because COMMON SENSE says leave him alone and move on, don't try and be his "friend" or anything else.
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And also---it's not an affair. If you'd read it, you'd realize that I am interested in keeping the friendship and that I didn't pursue anything further with him.
You're upset that he is blowing you off after you two kissed and made out, hello he felt bad it was a sort of affair, he's married you're NOT his wife...he cheated so he's keeping his distance! He probably doesn't want the temptation therefor he doesn't want you as a friend or otherwise...are you that desperate for friends that you need to pursue him? I doubt it, you probably have other friends that are actually friends that won't try and get down your pants...(unless those are the kinds of friends you want quit pushing to be his friend).
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But thanks again for making me feel like dirt.
You know what................nope..you felt like dirt when you posted this, I didn't make you feel like anything. You don't have a very high self esteem and seem to lack in self respect to make out with a MM who claims to be unhappy and then when he stays away knowing he did something wrong you can't leave it alone...What does that say? You think you were feeling good when you posted this and it's now my fault you felt bad?
Well you can feel bad if it makes you feel better.
So Storm...what is your expectations from this post? Are you looking for advice on how to proceed, are you looking for someone to tell you you're OK, or what? I think that the reason that you're getting all this flak is that people feel like they've tried to help, and that you've not done anything to make your situation better. From that perpsective, it gets frustrating to continually provide advice to somone who doesn't want to use it. What's that definition of insanity? "Insanity is repeatedly performing the same action over and over, and constantly hoping for a different result"
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I doubt it, you probably have other friends that are actually friends that won't try and get down your pants...(unless those are the kinds of friends you want quit pushing to be his friend).
I don't have any friends who are really there for me. Does that make you feel better?
As for wanting to be friends with HIM--it's because we clicked and were on the same wavelength. Do you not find friends you click better with than others?
And you're right---a friend shouldn't only want to be your friend in order to get down your pants. I guess he was yet another person who wasn't really a friend.
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You know what................nope..you felt like dirt when you posted this, I didn't make you feel like anything. You don't have a very high self esteem and seem to lack in self respect to make out with a MM who claims to be unhappy and then when he stays away knowing he did something wrong you can't leave it alone...What does that say? You think you were feeling good when you posted this and it's now my fault you felt bad?
Considering that I went through a breakup earlier this year, my dad died and I've had two surgeries and have had absolutely no one there for me, I think I'm doing the best that I can.
So Storm...what is your expectations from this post? Are you looking for advice on how to proceed, are you looking for someone to tell you you're OK, or what? I think that the reason that you're getting all this flak is that people feel like they've tried to help, and that you've not done anything to make your situation better. From that perpsective, it gets frustrating to continually provide advice to somone who doesn't want to use it. What's that definition of insanity? "Insanity is repeatedly performing the same action over and over, and constantly hoping for a different result"
My bestfriend was in a similar situation but she was in the married man's position. This girl, let's call her Candy (my bestfriend is a lesbian), was friendly with my friend, and they fooled around once or twice at parties, but my friend wasn't interested in Candy.
Candy continued to call my friend, and sent her letters and drawings, etc., the whole time claiming that she "just wanted to be friends." But it made my friend feel uncomfortable, she could tell that Candy wanted more.
Here's the thing - you can't force someone to be your friend. And since you two had intimate contact, that kinda rules out caual friends - what you did will always hang between you. I know he said his marriage wasn't good, but anyone can say anything, you and I both know that - and people are always tempted to say anything to get what they want.
In all honesty, from your tone, it sounds like you sincerely DO want more than a friendship. In any case, it takes two people to want to be friends OR lovers, and if he doesn't want it, let it go, move on, and don't torture yourself. The idea that you were vulnerable and just wanted someone to hold is even more troublesome, because you can't just arbitrarily allow people intimate contact with you just because you are in a weak moment.
And there also must be self-esteem issues at play here, since there's no reason to cling so tenaciously to a work friendship!
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What did SHE just say (and she said it out loud)?!?
Love is an easy word to say.
Make him prove it with his actions.
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