[CascadiaLady]

I know this will sound like something straight out of the Jerry Springer show, but it is true. I am the mother of an adult daughter, age 21. I've raised her by herself since age 6 when her father (my ex-husband) decided to walk out of a 9 1/2 year marriage for "greener pastures."

Most of those years I focused on trying to be mother and father to my only child while keeping us both fed, clothed, housed and putting myself through college and holding down a full time job. I did all the things a good parent is supposed to do...take her to church, cultural events, participate in girl scouts, hug, sing together etc. Most of those years I remember as being happy ones .She confided in me, and we both took pride that we had a close and loving relationship, not fully of strife like so many of her peers. In fact, I was considered the "cool" mom according to her and her friends. Yes, I put a lot of my own personal wishes/desires on the back burner ie dating so I could be there for her, but I never resented it as dating wasn't something I was too wildly successful at then or even now. I waited to look for a boyfriend until her senior year of high school, and met my boyfriend a month before her graduation.

However, after she turned 18 and left home, things changed dramatically. She was supposedly going to massage therapy school and working as a waitress. Well, in the past year, I've discovered that she is actually working in the adult entertainment industry as a model/dancer/actress and apparently engaged in a lifestyle which I consider very sexually deviant! I know this because of an email which was inadvertently sent to me but meant for someone else. I confronted her about this "secret" life. She basically has told me to "butt out" and then hit me with both barrels about how "selfish" I am and was never there for her and never gave her the love she needed. She's become very surly and rude, and I can't help but think that she's being influenced by her new "Hollywood" friends to treat me in such a disrespectful manner. To hear her talk, I was the worst mother in the world. My friends tell me I should "cut her off" but I feel like I can't do that...yet it sickens me that she has chosen to live as she does. I feel she's thrown away every value I've ever taught her...and everyone will say it's my fault she's doing what she's doing. I didn't even allow porn in my house (the closest thing to it would've been the occasional Harlequin romance novel), so how could this be? Now I am beginning to wonder if maybe I should've let her live with her father and his 2d wife, maybe she needed a more "stable" intact family than what I was able to give her. She does live with him part time now, and he says there's nothing I could've done...she made her choice, but it's cold comfort coming from him to tell you the truth. I realize I really should let go, but it frightens me that if I do, something bad will happen and it would be my fault for abandoning her.

I am wondering what I should do and how I can cope with basically losing the happy relationship my only child like this? Any advice you can give would be most grateful.