I have been married for 9 years and found out 1.5 years ago my H was having not 1 but 3 affairs!!I was devastated to say the least as I had moved here from Africa and left my family and good job to be with him.We have 2 small kids.I thought i could deal with it but couldnt and he eventually moved out.Its so hard being in a strange town with no family support but i decided to stay for the kids sake.I met a MM last year.It was a friendship at first and i tried so hard not to let it go any further but alas I fell in love with him and......we started sleeping together.For someone who has been down that hurt and betrayed road i gues i should have known better.But honestly when you meet someone you just click with you tend to loose sight of the big picture.Its now 10 months later and we are still together but I just cant be the other woman anymore.I feel convenient at the mo.Although he doesnt make me feel this way at all but i just do.i am in love with him an i he loves me to.He has been a rock for me through my seperation.He does not love his wife and says he is not sleeping with her and strangely i believe him.I know his wife well and she is aware that we ussed to be friends but thinks its over so ofcourse she does not like like me and does not trust him at all.He seems to have a miserable existance with her s why doesnt he just leave her??They have a child together and he is afraid she will stop him seeing his child.What woman would use her kids like that?
I can honestly say i feel guilty and really awful to the point that we have discussed many times of ending it until he is ready to leave .But is there ever a right time to leave?I think I need to let him go to see if he is genuine.
Please dont think that this is some cheap love affair.We have real deep feelings for each other.Maybe i am naive but i really and truelly do not think so.He has told me that if i go be will come and find me .Will he?
I have been through so much hurt with my H that I am so afraid of going down that road again.There are nights that i feel like crying forever at the thought of breaking up a marriage but he says i have just made him realise how miserable and unhappy he is at home.
So do i let him go and see what happens or do we carry on seeing each other ?
Men who are involved in an affair and who have children with their wife often tell their OW that they cannot leave for the children's sake. If I were you, I'd take his excuse that she would not let him see his child with a grain of salt. Has she threatened to do such a thing if he does leave? As for her not trusting him, she has good reason not to trust him and good reason not to like you, obviously.
As for you and him, he's married. Unless he makes a concrete decision to get out of his current situation, you should not be with him...period. I don't doubt that your feelings are genuine, but he's taken right now. Until he's not, I would recommend you NOT see him.
Pardon my bluntness, but you yourself were a woman who was devastated by the affairs your husband had, yet here you are, an active participant in an affair that will no doubt devastate his wife. I'm having a hard time understanding how you could be involved in a situation that you yourself went through, that caused you much hurt. Of course his wife doesn't like you, she's likely not stupid...and even if she's not aware that you've boinking her husband, womens intuition is a powerful thing..and she likely suspects it. And of course she doesn't trust him, with good reason. Duh.
I understand what you are saying and believe me I feel as guilty as sh*t.Maybe when I first met him I felt like I needed to prove to myself that i could still have a man...a self esteem thing.You make me sound like some cheap thing and its just not like that.What happens when you fall in love with someone.everything else seems to pale into significance.Yes I did loose sight of things and not a day goes by that i feel terrible but i have fallen in love.I know i need to end it but easier said than done.Yes she has threatened to take his child away.I guess thats all she has to use against him.And im sure any woman would do the same thing.Well i would never use my kids but i didnt need to ....no affair is right i know that and once i have accepted that i need to end this i will do the right thing.the thought of being alone isnt a nice one is it.Who wants used goods??
But i do appreciate your reply.
It's impossible to find true love in a married man.
With a married man, you don't know the real him. You know the him that he presents to you on his schedule, the him that's looking for some sex, and the him who's willing to forge half of a sentiment to get it from you.
The sad thing is I know that.........but i guess when the other option is being alone you tend to take what you can get.
If we bonked each others brains out every day then yes I would say its just a sex thing but its really not like that.
Think my mind set is just all wrong!
I know a man will say anything to get what he wants and that does worry me.I will never know if he is genuine until I let him go.
but i guess when the other option is being alone you tend to take what you can get.
No. You learn to embrace your own company and to find other activities to fill your life other than falling 'in love' with other people's husbands.
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I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to my fellow creatures, let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.
What are you really asking for? Are you looking for validation? Guarantees?
you already have your mind made up. you know what you should do. as painful as it may be you have to fish or cut bait.
let me ask you; if you are so certain that your love for and commitment to each other is genuine then why do you have any doubts at all that he will not leave his wife for you if you start withholding yourself from him? There are laws there to protect the fathers rights with his child. He doesn't have to make an either/or decision when it comes to his child - he will ALWAYS be the father.
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I support faith-based missile defense systems
Unconditional love should not mean unconditional crap absorption. ~Solemate
Originally posted by moimeme but i guess when the other option is being alone you tend to take what you can get.
No. You learn to embrace your own company and to find other activities to fill your life other than falling 'in love' with other people's husbands.
well I have alot to learn from life then........maybe i need to love myself more!Now theres a thought.You make it sound like i really planned this.Very wrong!!But i will take your advise thanks
well I have alot to learn from life then........maybe i need to love myself more!
Absolutely. Until you can live a fulfilled life without a partner I'd even say you're not fit to have a partner. You need to be a whole human, which means being able to flourish on your own.
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Real love..but he is married
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