In Search Of...Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.
I'm a 17 year-old boy (turning 18 in a month.) who never had a relationship.
Over the past year I've been "changing" myself, trying to become a better person, dress better, look better, etc...
Only one thing isn't going so smooth tough.
Talking to girls.
It's not like I'm shy, or don't have any confidence,
but I just don't know what to say!
Like at a party one day, a good friend of mine talked to a girl for like 5 hours, no silence, constant laughing, and I was .. jealous.
I've tried just about anything. Loads of people gave me advice like "act like you're talking to your best friend, or drink some alcohol to loosen yourself, etc..."
But I just can't think of anything to talk about. I really have to think, to find just one, ONE, subject, that i can ask or tell a girl, then I'd ask or tell it... she replies... and yet again. Silence. I know you should "build" the conversation on her reply, but most of the time there just isn't anything to build on.
I'd figure the trick "Act like it's your best mate" would work, but I've come to realise I dont tell alott to my mates. Most of the time its about computer(argh hate talking about that, but cant make em stop >_<) , girls, some party, something that happened etc. Ok , I can tell the last 2 things to girls, but once I told it, the conversation is over. And there just doesn't happen alott to me. Am I really such an anti-social person, a nerd, ... ?
I'd just like to talk to a girl, for longer then a minute, make her smile!
I have found that most people have a favorite subject....themselves.
People love to talk about themselves. Just ask questions to girls about there lives and keep asking more detailed questions as subjects come up...most will talk for hours.
I think what you've described is totally normal for lots of young men and women. It takes awhile to get comfortable with chatting it up with the other sex. Some people seem to be better at it than others though.
For practice, why don't you try out your skills on one of the IM teenchats....yahoo or something. You can pick up what other people say which is interesting and funny......and build on your own skills. If you blow it....all you gotta do is change your name and try again. LOL!
Originally posted by Arabess
I think what you've described is totally normal for lots of young men and women. It takes awhile to get comfortable with chatting it up with the other sex. Some people seem to be better at it than others though.
For practice, why don't you try out your skills on one of the IM teenchats....yahoo or something. You can pick up what other people say which is interesting and funny......and build on your own skills. If you blow it....all you gotta do is change your name and try again. LOL!
Well... I'm well trained when it comes to MSN. I noticed I can talk better on MSN, but still not how it should be.
What worked for me (& I can totally understand what you are saying) is to ask them questions about themselves, their pets, school, why aren't you a cheerleader (if they are not), what college they are going to, their favorite food, people you both might know, school clubs, etc. And compliment them!
I had people tell me that there is ALWAYS a way to continue a conversation, and I've seen others do it effortlessly, but I always seemed to be up against a wall and it seemed that there was NO reply and NOTHING I could say to make a conversation take off!
I had to learn not to ask questions that required only a yes or no answer.
"Are you a cheerleader?"
"No."
"Why aren't you a cheerleader?"
This requires more of an answer. See what I mean?
Good luck!
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i think the issue here is that you are at a loss for words w/what to say.
cause you cant think of anything about yourself to talk about! well when that happens, you should ask questions about her...ppl love it when they get attention.
plus if you talk about comps...the thing that pops into their heads is that you got no life and is a total comp geek.
find things to do in your life, like extracurricular activities, or volunteer..hanging out, chilling with friends...etc...in short...making your life more interesting and having things about yourself to tell others.
Dude, when you're young (and even when you're not), it can be the most frightening thing in the world. There is nothing on this earth that has the power to overwhelm a man like a beautiful woman - nothing. The power they have is unlimited. They can turn machomen into whimpering little puppies with a simple "Hello".
If anyone really knew, we'd have a manual on exactly what to say and what not to say, but we don't.
A general rule of thumb is, keep it simple and keep it light. Keep the conversation positive. Try talking about her. Laughter is always a plus if you can get it. What I do sometimes is to plan a little comedy raid in advance. I'll think of something funny (not something hilarious, just cute) and I'll try to steer the conversation in that direction so I can set up a punchline. It takes some practice, and you might fall flat a few times before you get it right. The most important thing for you is not to worry about failure. Think of it as batting practice. You have to swing and miss a few times before you start making contact. Once you do, swing for the fences.
Oh, and uh, don't drink alcohol. You're too young.
For a starter: thanks Errol. Really appreciate the tips!!
But then : monkey00
Quote:
i think the issue here is that you are at a loss for words w/what to say.
cause you cant think of anything about yourself to talk about! well when that happens, you should ask questions about her...ppl love it when they get attention.
plus if you talk about comps...the thing that pops into their heads is that you got no life and is a total comp geek.
find things to do in your life, like extracurricular activities, or volunteer..hanging out, chilling with friends...etc...in short...making your life more interesting and having things about yourself to tell others
You are obviously assuming I'm a total geek. I probably am :P. No, I'm not a total geek, but yes, i spend most of my time behind my pc, but I do go out as much as I can... in weekends that is. I wouldn't have a clue what to do during the week so... Ofcourse the most obvious thing to do would be chilling with my mates. But guess what? My best mates are also alott on the pc
And last but not least: amerikajin
Thanks for the tips.(altho my problem isnt the having the guts, fearing for failure etc)
BTW: Too young to drink? yeah right!
I'm not a smooth talker but errol has a pretty good point about not asking questions that have a yes or no answer. This ends your conversation you see! Also do not talk about yourself tomuch. Talking about yourself is probably the worst thing you can do because when your on the lookout for dates you dont want to be giving away things about yourself that the girls may not like. So no talking about yourself, you can answer questions (dont lie!) but dont go telling your life story. At best you can elaborate on a topic but dont make a novel out of it...
And when one of those ackward silences does come up, the best thing you can do is offer to buy the girl a drink which buys you some time to think about the next thing you are going to say.
Also you have to consider that some girls are just not intrested in you and will just flop you off, if they do dont waste your time hehe. Unless you have a don guan demarco ego and can't leave it alone
Been paying attention to all the tips, but it still won't work. I know, it takes practice, but I cant practice, if you get what i mean! ( since i dont know what to say :/ )
Altough I noticed I talk alott better with girls I really know, like the girls from my class. but still not really good (e.g. they would rather hang out with some of my mates over me i think, since they talk "smoother", are funny, etc. i wanna be funny ! )
I met this girl at a party today. She kept talking to me, i think she liked me, but once again i didnt know much to talk about. we danced all night long tough.
I dont want to mess this one up. She asked my MSN adress etc. I'll see her at school monday.
She kept saying funny things, so what i did is laugh with it. sometimes a small remark or whatever, but not much
arf :/
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I noticed I can talk better on MSN, but still not how it should be.
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