[WWDDFD]

the last sixteen weeks have been hell for me; I met this girl who changed my life just by giving me her phone number, and she's done nothing but **** with my head ever since. See my previous threads here and here for all the insane background details.


Anyway; she did it to me again; she left me voicemail on Friday saying she'd love to get together this weekend one day before she goes to work; she'll give me a call when she gets out of work on Friday. Well, as you can imagine, there was no call on friday, and she hasn't answered her cell all weekend long; it's now Sunday night and she's disappeared yet once again.


I simply cannot take this anymore; maybe it's all my fault for never letting on how much it annoys me when she does it, but I can't take it anymore.


Every single one of my friends was calling me an idiot 8 weeks ago for putting up with her; but I can't stop thinking about her. I just don't know why I am like this; common sense tells me that I should have given up so long ago, just told her to piss off and get on with my life. But I can't; every time I'm about to tell her off, she surprises me and calls out of nowhere and sets up another date... which of course she'll break; but I don't even think about that when we're setting something up. My mind is just full of hope that this time it will work out, and I don't want to screw up what could be a great thing by being mean about it.



I guess what I mean to ask is... what's the best way to just forget about her? Keep in mind that I don't count prostitution, alcohol, or drugs, as a viable solution.

Or should I let her know how much it bothers me the next she calls? (she will; she always does; and I know I'll be too weak to not answer). I really have to figure that after 4 months of this ****, she's still interested in me for some odd reason; is there any reason why I should still try to make this work?

[moimeme]

Here's what to do. Bear in mind that I mean this kindly. Get yourself to a therapist and find out what could possibly cause you to obsess about a woman that you have spoken to only briefly to the extent that you need to 'forget' about her. It does not seem to me that you are in any shape to conduct any sort of a relationship if the mere handing of a number can cause you to fall into a complete addiction the way this event did.

You let her mess you around LONG after we all told you to ditch her - this does not bode well for you. Should you happen to take up with a woman who treats you badly, you will put up with it, I fear, no matter how bad it gets.

I understand that you have not had a lot of dating experience; nonetheless, this total inability to let the idea of this person go no matter how many times she cancelled on you is not a good sign at all. I think you invested all your dreams and hopes about relationships into this person just because she seemed interested, which means you are in an extremely vulnerable state. You are ripe to be taken advantage of and crushed. You need to have much stronger boundaries before you get involved with one more person - even if only to get a number.

[brashgal]

It sounds like she is using you for some elaborate ego game - so STOP PLAYING ALONG.

You don't have to tell her off, all you have to say if you happen to answer the phone (which you don't have to do) is that you are busy. No contact for awhile or complete disinterest and she will get the picture soon enough.

How to forget? Do other stuff, get busy with friends, hobbies, volunteer work, whatever.

[WWDDFD]

Okay, I've turned off my cell.


I can't tell you how hard this hurts.

[lovehurts]

Are you in love with this woman?

[WWDDFD]

Originally posted by lovehurts
Are you in love with this woman?

I don't even know! I'm just so unbelievably confused by this whole thing, I just can't think straight anymore.


I've been losing a lot of weight lately, and my doctor says that it's going to mess with my emotions a lot; which is why I get mood swings that will put me through huge bouts of depression one minute, and overjoyousness the next.

I haven't felt like this since I was a teenager.


For example, at the first post I was really depressed, but right now I'm feeling good again. Some people would say I'm just deluding myself, but logic tells me that I'm not.


On that last voicemail she left, she said we might do something monday, if we didn't get together on the weekend; hell, she works a security-type job as a supervisor, and she's pretty much obliged to come into work when they ask her to. They even made her stay here and work over christmas eve and christmas day, even though she wanted to drive home to her family for christmas. I don't think she's worked less than 6 days a week since we've met; quite often working all 7.


So logic tells me that since we haven't met yet formally yet, she's not really ready to rearrange her very busy life for me; and that makes a lot of sense now that I think about it.


Anyway, the last time we talked, she said something about how "it's really cool how we're getting to know each other so well before actually meeting", and also told me about how she just got out of a really long relationship with someone who she thought she knew really well, but turned out to be a scary person... this makes me think that she's really cautious and wants to take things slow.


I'm going to talk to her one more time and bring up all my issues, and see if we can figure out what's going on. Last time we talked she told me to "just be yourself"; and myself wants to talk to her about this finally.



As for therapy; you're probably right moimeme, but I don't have insurance to cover it at the moment. I asked a friend of mine who is a psychologist for some help a month back, and she said that while she's too close to me to make any sort of diagnosis professionally, she thinks that I'm more normal than I think I am, simply because I doubt my own sanity (ie: most truly crazy people have no idea they're crazy and don't seek help).

[WWDDFD]

She called again; basically she's worked every single day for the past 17 days.


Her job sucks.