Around what age do the awkward men become more desirable?

[somedude81]

I'm wondering when do the guys who get passed over by women most of their lives, start getting married? If they ever do.

 

Also, how old are the women who are finally settling?

[january2011]

Some might say in their 30s+ when the dating pool shrinks for unattached older women.

 

However, I say that 'awkward' men are doing themselves a disservice if they rely on playing the long game.

[eatNrM]

I'm wondering when do the guys who get passed over by women most of their lives, start getting married? If they ever do.

 

Also, how old are the women who are finally settling?

 

I think awkward men become desirable when they tell themselves: "You know what, I don't like the results I'm getting, and I will commit to changing and improving myself to get the results I want"

 

I think that's when they start becoming more desirable, getting married, etc.

 

As far as women who are finally settling, that just sounds like a messed up situation. Would you really want to be with someone who just 'settled' for you. It's this situation that breeds the whole ' woman bangs hot man, then settles for average guy' mentality. If she settled for you, think to yourself, how long would it be before you obtain that mentality?

 

I don't think any partner is going to be 100% perfect, but settling is not the way.

[Imageiko]

When they become less awkward!

 

Some people take longer than others to get to a point where they are happy with themselves and develop the social skills required to attract someone they are happy to settle down with.

 

Why anybody would want to be settled for is beyond me and seems like a very negative way to look at life.

 

Why not improve yourself and your attitude now instead of waiting for somebody to settle for your depressing and negative attitude towards life.

[Feelin Frisky]

Depends on what they get passed over for and if they can overcome that. And also if someone who passed him over and knows him thinks better of the decision and makes herself available to him. Guys who don't extend themselves or try to better themselves will probably always be "passed over" if they have already.

[Nexus One]

Such guys become more desirable once they get over themselves and stop making excuses for themselves and stop blaming external factors.

 

In the end, no matter how beautiful a woman is, she too wants love. In the end she's just like you. Stuck on a spherical rock floating through endless black space, destination unknown.

 

Try this. When you feel awkward around a woman, take a deep breath and realize how f*cking huge the universe is and how f*cking tiny this rock is we're on and that we're like tiny organisms crawling on the surface of that rock. (perspective)

 

Then when you look at her try to feel as if you've already known her for years and she's a good close friend. (familiarity)

 

Then when you look into her eyes try to feel like it's you staring back at yourself, because in our very essence we're not that different. (similarity)

 

Then when you try to talk to her, then talk to her from a feeling as if you were a kid. Remember how easily you connected when you were a kid? We did it by intuition, we didn't even think about it, we just flowed through social situations. It was honest, pure, fearless, full of curiosity and we were happy for no reason at all.

 

Each and everyone of us still has that within themselves.

[somedude81]

Some might say in their 30s+ when the dating pool shrinks for unattached older women.

 

However, I say that 'awkward' men are doing themselves a disservice if they rely on playing the long game.

That's what I'm thinking too.

 

Women probably won't start to notice me till I'm in my mid 30's and have a good career.

 

I figure I'll be about 35 making decent money, and my first girlfriend would be about 32, has two kids, and is now looking for a decent steady man, not like her baby daddies.

 

As far as women who are finally settling, that just sounds like a messed up situation. Would you really want to be with someone who just 'settled' for you. It's this situation that breeds the whole ' woman bangs hot man, then settles for average guy' mentality. If she settled for you, think to yourself, how long would it be before you obtain that mentality?

Is there any other alternative?

 

BTW, I don't think I'm that awkward, I could have said "looked over" but it's not as nice in the title.

[Nexus One]

I figure I'll be about 35 making decent money, and my first girlfriend would be about 32, has two kids, and is now looking for a decent steady man, not like her baby daddies.

 

Is there any other alternative?

 

The alternative is to stop thinking from a defeatist point of view. By thinking like that you shift all the responsibility, blame, power and initiative to women. You're picturing yourself as a passive powerless entity with no say in it whatsoever.

 

Mark my words. When you keep thinking like this, then it spreads through your character like an ink stain and will infect more aspects of your perspective.

 

I think at one point or another everyone has made excuses for themselves, but at some point you will have to realize that it is counterproductive and it is really YOU who will have to do it. Sure you don't hold all the cards and there are factors outside of your power, but that doesn't mean you're completely at the mercy of other people.

Edited October 1, 2011 by Nexus One

[somedude81]

The alternative is to stop thinking from a defeatist point of view. By thinking like that you shift all the responsibility, blame, power and initiative to women. You're picturing yourself as a passive powerless entity with no say in it whatsoever.

And that's exactly what I am.

 

I'm starting to realize that I should just live my life, forget about dating and maybe in five years or so, women would actually know that I exist.

 

There really isn't any point in my trying to pursue anybody. All it does is frustrate, exhaust and depress me.

 

I think at one point or another everyone has made excuses for themselves, but at some point you will have to realize that it is counterproductive and it is really YOU who will have to do it. Sure you don't hold all the cards and there are factors outside of your power, but that doesn't mean you're completely at the mercy of other people.

In this game, I don't hold any cards. All I can do is try to make myself as attractive as possible and then wait till women lower their standards to the range that I'm in.

 

Apparently it's not till women are in their 30's that they start to consider guys like me. And I still have a few years to go till I become stable and successful enough for somebody to consider me.

[Imajerk17]

I think awkward men become desirable when they tell themselves: "You know what, I don't like the results I'm getting, and I will commit to changing and improving myself to get the results I want"

 

I think that's when they start becoming more desirable, getting married, etc.

 

As far as women who are finally settling, that just sounds like a messed up situation. Would you really want to be with someone who just 'settled' for you. It's this situation that breeds the whole ' woman bangs hot man, then settles for average guy' mentality. If she settled for you, think to yourself, how long would it be before you obtain that mentality?

 

I don't think any partner is going to be 100% perfect, but settling is not the way.

 

 

Well-said. I was going to write the same thing. Thanks for saving me some time!

[somedude81]

Change is hard and takes time, if one even knows what they have to change. Results aren't guaranteed. It's also different how much each person needs to change till women finally start to pay notice.

[KathyM]

Late 20s to mid 30s is usually the time women start thinking they better widen their dating pool.

[El Brujo]

I'd say that age has to be somewhere past 65.

 

After 65, a lot of people start shifting their focus from having a good time and finding out how much they can get away with, to getting into heaven.

[UpDownAllAround]

Well AS someone that turns 32 this month I can say it's definitely NOT happening at 32. So I've got awhile yet before women even know that I'm alive.

[Nexus One]

And that's exactly what I am.

 

I'm starting to realize that I should just live my life, forget about dating and maybe in five years or so, women would actually know that I exist.

 

There really isn't any point in my trying to pursue anybody. All it does is frustrate, exhaust and depress me.

 

In this game, I don't hold any cards. All I can do is try to make myself as attractive as possible and then wait till women lower their standards to the range that I'm in.

 

Apparently it's not till women are in their 30's that they start to consider guys like me. And I still have a few years to go till I become stable and successful enough for somebody to consider me.

 

SD, I think you're a great guy, but I really do think that you're sabotaging yourself by thinking like this.

[betterdeal]

I went to the birthday party for the yoga centre I go to tonight. The surprise was an hour long laughter yoga session, which was great fun. Highly recommended.

 

I noticed I found it hard to maintain eye contact with some of the women - the ones I found very attractive (and that's not necessarily pretty - lots of pretty women that I'm not attracted to). I take that as me being in an awkward mood. A few months ago, I was snogging a different woman three weekends in a row, two of which we didn't say a word to each other beforehand.

[somedude81]

SD, I think you're a great guy, but I really do think that you're sabotaging yourself by thinking like this.

Am I?

 

It seems healthier to think that once I start to get a career, there is a chance that women will start to notice me. Vs, thinking that women never will and that there is no point at all.

 

I'm trying to be realistic. I know I don't have a chance of dating a woman a woman in her 20's. The sooner I can convince myself that, the sooner I can let go.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I'm trying to be realistic. I know I don't have a chance of dating a woman a woman in her 20's. The sooner I can convince myself that, the sooner I can let go.

 

It's nice that you are both having a pity party for yourself and indirectly shooting down women in their 30s for not being in their 20s anymore. Perhaps you shouldn't date women in their 30s since it's scraping the bottom of the barrel for you. No woman wants to be your left overs.

[verhrzn]

Am I?

 

It seems healthier to think that once I start to get a career, there is a chance that women will start to notice me. Vs, thinking that women never will and that there is no point at all.

 

I'm trying to be realistic. I know I don't have a chance of dating a woman a woman in her 20's. The sooner I can convince myself that, the sooner I can let go.

 

You're not trying to convince yourself that you don't have a chance of dating women in their 20's. You're convincing yourself that you don't have a chance of dating the Super Hot Attractive women you keep friend-zoning yourself with, and that it's a better deal to sit around and wait for them to "settle" for you than to perhaps open your eyes to ALL possibilities.

 

When's the last time you paused, looked around, and wondered which women found YOU attractive? It seems from all your posts that you're constantly chasing after women whom you get no signals from, or if you do get signals, choose to play the Subtle game and then get offended when they friend-zone you. How bout you try just being yourself and see which women you attract and connect with naturally?

[betterdeal]

IIRC, the OP is afraid of being hurt again and I think it's that that's resulted in him not dating. Its hard to know what to say - what works for one person may not work for the next - but somehow one has to find a way to conquer or manage that fear.

[somedude81]

It's nice that you are both having a pity party for yourself and indirectly shooting down women in their 30s for not being in their 20s anymore. Perhaps you shouldn't date women in their 30s since it's scraping the bottom of the barrel for you. No woman wants to be your left overs.

I turned 30 last month. So for the past ten years I've been trying to date women in their 20's.

 

I'm so sorry for still being interested in women in their 20's.

 

I see that I have been wrong and will now be interested in older women.

 

When's the last time you paused, looked around, and wondered which women found YOU attractive? It seems from all your posts that you're constantly chasing after women whom you get no signals from, or if you do get signals, choose to play the Subtle game and then get offended when they friend-zone you. How bout you try just being yourself and see which women you attract and connect with naturally?

I was 23 the last time I knew a woman was interested in me. Even though I wasn't attracted to her at all, I gave her a shot. She left me after two weeks.

 

Since then I thought some girls found me attractive and were giving me signals, but they either had boyfriends or told me that they didn't like me that way.

 

Even now I have a very hard time discerning if a woman is interested or just friendly. Of course I can detect obvious signs of interest, but those are very rare and it's been over five years since the last time I saw something.

[AHardDaysNight]

I don't know what you look like, Somedude, but here are some factors that you can improve:

 

A.) Physical appearance

B.) Social skills

C.) Social Status

D.) Money situation

 

If you have all four going for you, you won't have any problems dating. And some women forget one or two of the factors, if you have everything else going for you.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Somedude81

I turned 30 last month. So for the past ten years I've been trying to date women in their 20's.

 

I'm so sorry for still being interested in women in their 20's.

 

I see that I have been wrong and will now be interested in older women.

 

Ugg...really, this is your response? Sheesh.

 

I don't think there is anything wrong with being interested in women in their 20s. I think there is something wrong with the idea that settling for women in your own generation is somehow..just that "settling" and something you have to "suck-up" and do. No woman wants to be the woman you settled for while you spend your days pining for 20 year old women and looking at internet porn of them. That's my only point. And since being in a relationship is about two people, I would think you would at least care to know how women think and feel about things.

[Nexus One]

It's nice that you are both having a pity party for yourself and indirectly shooting down women in their 30s for not being in their 20s anymore. Perhaps you shouldn't date women in their 30s since it's scraping the bottom of the barrel for you. No woman wants to be your left overs.

 

What do you mean we are "both" having a pity party and shooting down women in their 30's? Are you referring to me?

Edited October 1, 2011 by Nexus One

[Cracker Jack]

I think she's referring to SD doing both of those things, rather than including you in it, Nexus. That's how I read it, anyway.