I believe the appropriate age to spank a child is as soon as they can grasp the concept of right from wrong.
I believe spanking is a horses for courses thing, it all depends what type of kid you have got. Some respond to a whack, some don't.
This is it precisely.
I have always tried every other method first, and once my kids were old enough to take things away instead, that's what I've done.
Some people are perceptive enough to discern their children's differences; strengths and weaknesses; likes and dislikes; what works and what doesn't. All three of my children are different from each other. A parent can't just read somebody's book and suddenly become an expert.
And someone who has never had nor probably ever WILL have a child is CERTAINLY no expert.
I have always tried every other method first, and once my kids were old enough to take things away instead, that's what I've done.
Some people are perceptive enough to discern their children's differences; strengths and weaknesses; likes and dislikes; what works and what doesn't. All three of my children are different from each other. A parent can't just read somebody's book and suddenly become an expert.
And someone who has never had nor probably ever WILL have a child is CERTAINLY no expert.
Exactly, it is an art to be able to read someone and gauge how to best educate them, and that's what properly timed whack on the arse is, education.
Last edited by Crusoe; 4th November 2009 at 6:56 PM..
I have always tried every other method first, and once my kids were old enough to take things away instead, that's what I've done.
Some people are perceptive enough to discern their children's differences; strengths and weaknesses; likes and dislikes; what works and what doesn't. All three of my children are different from each other. A parent can't just read somebody's book and suddenly become an expert.
And someone who has never had nor probably ever WILL have a child is CERTAINLY no expert.
I guess I must be wrong thinking a man hitting his wife is wrong then, since, I've never had a wife.
Last edited by Ross PK; 5th November 2009 at 7:44 AM..
I guess I must be wrong thinking a man hitting his wife is wrong then, since, I've never had a wife.
Nope it's just wrong. You don't have to have a wife to know a man hitting a grown woman is wrong. Unfortunately there will always be those scumbags around the world.. For sure they wouldn't be getting into a fight with a man as strong or more than them...
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Nobody likes their method of parenting criticized. A child can feel loved with parents that spank, and unloved by parents that don't (and vice-versa if that isn't clear). But I certainly don't think there is any correlation between those who don't spank and those whose children get hit by cars.
Now we're equating a wife beater with a parent administering a controlled swat on a child's behind?
No one said it was exactly the same, but obviously, once again, it seems the point we're trying to make has flown straight over your head.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jja470
The over dramatization in this thread is ridiculous.
Tell that to the British Criminal Justice System.
Spanking
Can be dangerous - it is easy to forget how delicate children are, particularly if you are frustrated or angry. What feels to you like a light slap can have the potential to cause real harm to a small child.
Sets children the wrong example - rather than correcting misbehaviour, it can teach children to hit out at people who are doing things they don't like or who don't do what the child wants them to do.
Has effects which last long after the physical pain dies away - young children will not necessarily associate the punishment with their behaviour. It can make them angry and resentful and can be damaging to their confidence and self-esteem.
Giving children equal protection under the law on assault is a fundamental human rights principle, there can be no justification whatsoever for the smallest and most fragile of our citizens having less protection than we take for granted ourselves.
If you want anymore snippets, just let me know.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jja470
And all from those who've never raised a child.
Once again, my point just flies over your head every time.
Last edited by Ross PK; 5th November 2009 at 11:24 AM..
Can be dangerous - it is easy to forget how delicate children are, particularly if you are frustrated or angry. What feels to you like a light slap can have the potential to cause real harm to a small child.
Sets children the wrong example - rather than correcting misbehaviour, it can teach children to hit out at people who are doing things they don't like or who don't do what the child wants them to do.
Has effects which last long after the physical pain dies away - young children will not necessarily associate the punishment with their behaviour. It can make them angry and resentful and can be damaging to their confidence and self-esteem.
The word "can" in these statements is a possible, not a probable and certainly not definite.
Spanking has its place, but it can be abused. Having said that, I can say that my kids never showed that my spanking actually hurt. It did more as an attention getter than as a punishment. Not saying I never was angry when I did it, but I tried never (and I think I succeeded) to only spank one time and in a way that they knew it was related to their actions. As a parent, one should be prepared for anger and have a "technique" in place to prevent abuse. My way was to only allow one hit, and after that I felt as if I were out of control. A good spanking is one done without anger and while in control. It should never really hurt, and it should never be as a way of venting anger on the child.
When to start? Not before about two at the earliest because they don't understand it anyhow. And I liked the fact that they were still wearing pullups for awhile because I knew that there was no actual pain.
When to quit? I can say that I think I spanked my eight year old maybe once or twice and even then, it actually is not very effective. I can say that I doubt he will ever receive anymore because it is more effective to take away privileges. My ten and twelve year olds never have had any for a number of years. It is a mental age thing, but once they understand that life rewards certain behaviors and punishes others (ie do good in school, get good grades), then this transfers very well at home. Many kids learn this soon after they are in school....at around age four or five.
And by the time they have had a few spankings, the threat becomes more scary than the actual act.
Honestly, one of my favorite attention getters that worked to get some response was...."I am going to count to three, and I had better not have to say two." They learned to run when I said one.
A good parent will "need" spankings for awhile as a tool, but a good parent should not need it long to have his/her children obey.
Watch out, silverfish. You may have just opened yourself up to a whole lot of verbal abuse.
Here's the thing: I'm not going to tell someone who does NOT spank that they are parenting wrong. ANYONE using ANY method can parent correctly or INcorrectly. You could be a parent who NEVER has spanked their child and be a lousy parent. I've known parents who have wrapped their children in cotton - never letting them experience ANYTHING - to the point that they find themselves helpless as adults. The goal is to get them through those dangerous years intact - the years where they have no clue what touching a hot stove can do or what can happen when you stick a fork in an electrical socket; to teach them right from wrong in simple terms first, and then give them a sense of integrity as they get older. Teach them how to fend for themselves; teach them a good work ethic. How to be honest and true and not use people. There are SO many facets to being a good parent.
Some haven't a clue what it's all about and maybe never will.
Watch out, silverfish. You may have just opened yourself up to a whole lot of verbal abuse.
Here's the thing: I'm not going to tell someone who does NOT spank that they are parenting wrong. ANYONE using ANY method can parent correctly or INcorrectly. You could be a parent who NEVER has spanked their child and be a lousy parent. I've known parents who have wrapped their children in cotton - never letting them experience ANYTHING - to the point that they find themselves helpless as adults. The goal is to get them through those dangerous years intact - the years where they have no clue what touching a hot stove can do or what can happen when you stick a fork in an electrical socket; to teach them right from wrong in simple terms first, and then give them a sense of integrity as they get older. Teach them how to fend for themselves; teach them a good work ethic. How to be honest and true and not use people. There are SO many facets to being a good parent.
Some haven't a clue what it's all about and maybe never will.
Look, I'd like to help. Have you thought any more about that book?
Nobody likes their method of parenting criticized. A child can feel loved with parents that spank, and unloved by parents that don't (and vice-versa if that isn't clear). But I certainly don't think there is any correlation between those who don't spank and those whose children get hit by cars.
You might be right. I have a child (the biter) who, as a toddler, would run away from me while the baby was in a pram. EVERYONE told me to let him run because 'he'll come back'. Well, he didn't, he just ran and ran, through the park, through the playing field, towards the very busy road....
Now, imagine my dilemma when faced with the choice of leaving my very tiny baby alone in his pram to chase for about 15 minutes after my boy...I had people I'd never met grabbing his arm and restraining him til I got there. When I got there, on several occasions, I smacked him on the leg.
That and the biting (again of the baby) were the few times I did smack him.
I also grabbed the baby (when he was older - about 6 ish) by the hair to stop him running out into the road after a ball. It was either grab his hair or splat...
I felt awful afterwards, but you have no idea what it's like to be physically responsible for another human being (or two) when they are that reckless. I don't believe in using reigns on children (they arent dogs) and yeah, talk to them, but kids are wilful and dont do what you say. They rebel, because kids dont want to do what their parents say all the time
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They indicate more clearly just how ignorant I feel some of the comments are. 
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