That fine morning, my dad urgently said he and my mum needed to speak to me because God had given him a strong warning that I should leave whoever I'm seeing or there will be a terrible disaster.
This gave me no choice of revealing my long relationship with my muslim bf.
For if I didnt and told them that he was only a friend, they would see it was easier to sever all contact with him and placed close scrutiny that i do not contact him.
i'm christian btw. and my parents went through a hell lot of chaos in the house, threatening to disown me if i married him. however, they mentioned that they will disown neither of my siblings and i if we were to marry non-christians(all other religions other than Islam), but they still will not attend our weddings. (my siblings are dating non-christians from other religions)
they even went to the extend of kneeling down to my bf and I and begged him to leave me, in fact, they gave us neither choice.
#1 if i decide to continue my relationship, i will have to leave the house. and they will no longer acknowledge me as daughter.
#2 if i decide not to continue, they will be hallelujah-ing will great rejoice, dancing with the music of the church bells but I will regret this for life.
After the long 4 hours of mess in the house, my bf was greatly shocked to much tears by the whole event. He decided to tell my parents he will end it. But later on, we still decided that we should see one another in secret.
I am prepared to face my parents disowning me in the future, but I'm just afraid I might have made the wrong choice and I fear that what God had told me Dad might be true in future. Please help!
Hugs, mistletoe.
I understand your anxiety that you don't want to be held responsible for some untold "terrible disaster" in the future.
I would suggest that you seek some form of spiritual or faith-based guidance, on your own and perhaps your b/f will also want to go with you. You might even decide to find out the views of both a pastor/priest AND an Imam.
In Truth and Reality, love isn't some type of magic/curse/voodoo-thing. Love doesn't have the power/control to manifest "terrible disasters".
In any case, it depends on one's definition of a "terrible disaster", doesn't it? Accidents, illnesses and death are a NATURAL part of life, as are earthquakes, tsunamis, famine, floods, etc.
No matter who you love, you will not actually be responsible for any of those types of events. Even if your parents think or tell you that you are, you won't be.
Perhaps this is also about you getting clearer and firmer in your own belief system which, again, some faith/spiritual counseling can assist with that part of your journey.
I know this is hard for you - having to choose between your love and your parents. I do not know what I'd do if I were in a situation like yours.
I don't really have an advice just want you to know that whatever decision you make, it will not be your fault if there should be any terrible disaster occurs!
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Everything about you comes from her. As long as your heart beats, your mother lives in you!!! - Boldjack
If you think he is worth it, if he is a good man and you have a good relationship, I say let them disown you. No decent parents would make you choose. And to try to use God as a means of convincing you to break up...despicable.
But I say this as someone that isn't tied strongly to her family. If your family is something you cannot live without...well you have to decide which one is more important to you. Unfair though it may be.
thanks very much all of u for these valuable comments
i just called my bf to tell him what each of u have told me. i really appreciate all your time you took to type your comments down
I was not raised with religion, so I do not understand much of it when people discuss it. I don't think it's bad, per se, so many people find comfort from it, but I also see it so often used as a way to control people, usually with fear.
I truly think it is an incredibly selfish thing for your parents to do to you. Sure, parents should feel free to tell their children if they feel a partnership is unwise, particularly if the partner has "problems" (such as drugs or gambling issues), but if this is simply because of the religion aspect, it seems to me they are being incredibly narrow minded. How very unfair to judge someone's quality because of their religion.
I'm so sorry you have been given this ultimatum. Neither avenue will make you completely happy, and you shouldn't be put in that position in the first place.
No doubt I do have my fears about where this relationship might head to..just as any unmarried couple will have. But I'm sure that I do love him, just as I love God and my parents. I understand that anything might happen along the way. I believe every couple knows the possibility of divorce, seperation etc. But then again, it does not mean that marrying a Christian (someone of similar faith to you) will guarantee that none of such can happen.
My relationship with God is only between me and Him, not my partner nor my parents. I still speak to Him daily in my thoughts. I'm sure every child loves his/her family, my parents just cannot be controlling everything, including my love life. :from my perspective.
As someone who's very close to her parents who are still practicing, even though I've fallen away, if they ever, ever tried that kind of emotional manipulation on me, I would disown them.
The original premise of Christianity, isn't even close to what your parents are pulling on you. Ask them where they learned their intolerance and lies from. You can bet it wasn't from the Bible.
Even if I lost my mind, I could never pull the 'disownment' card on my kids because they are too smart! Our kids would simply tell us to get over ourselves and get on with their lives! So, if you find love, follow it. Each belief, if practised well can transform, guide and comfort beyond the pettiness displayed by humans.
I dont think any of what my parents have said to me were only a threat. i know my dad so well that he would actually do it.He was ready to publish the matter of him disowning me in the next day's Newspaper if we hadn't lied about ending it (when we couldn't take the trauma further). I am very stubborn about continuing this relationship because I know we are meant for each other lest we will regret.
If i continued this relationship open to them, I probably would have been left on the streets today or living in some welfare home. I know my parents will carry out their plans. They always honor their word. I wont be able to tell it to them till I finish my uni perhaps, which I would then be able to provide for myself.
It is just that I might just have to live in guilt for now, for keeping this from them or I might suffer from a massive downfall. My future ahead is quite so vivid I fear the most out of it
I'm sorry Eve, what do you mean by this? i am really going through all these, and i just need some advice on this matter of course, if you have any hard comments you have to post, i will still read it and appreciate it alot. i have a whole week of tests the coming week, and this is affecting me much. It just makes it so hard to face my family now, with the thought that i might be separate from them in future.
i just hoped that we(my bf and i) might feel better perhaps if we hear what others feel about this. we really appreciate your all your voices and support and ask for nothing more than listening and commenting if need be.
Are you prepared to convert to Islam? It's a very real possibility. Also, how do you resolve the conflict between your love for your non-Christian boyfriend and the idea that, according to your beliefs, you will be eternally separated with him being tormented in Hell?
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
- Boldjack
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