First I want to apologize in advance if this is in the wrong section.
For a while, I've suspected that my Dad smokes pot. My brother told me he caught him with a pipe a few times, but I didn't believe it. Well, today, while working on my bike, I found ashes and roaches in his toolbox. ( I wasn't snooping... I needed a wrench. ) I, myself, smoke weed occasionally so this isn't the problem...
What pisses me off is that I have a few friends that smoke, and he knows they do, and he's really weird with them. He always checks me after I get back from hanging out with them, and warns me that if I'm caught doing anything wrong I'll be thrown out of the house. When I'm around the friends I have that smoke, he's gone as far as to even make comments about it in front of them, and it's really embarrassing. Until today, when I found his roaches, that was the reason keeping me thinking he didn't, not to mention the fact that my mom told me he quit when he was a teenager.
Anyways, I just wanted some opinions on this. Do you think the fact that I'm 16 means it's not okay for me to smoke, but it's fine for him? Would you say I'm being immature or is there something wrong here?
Bad news. There IS a double standard between kids and adults, and there always will be. And when you are an adult, you will understand it without even knowing why you understand it.
Let's face it - you are a kid, and if you get caught smoking pot, it will damage your future a lot more legally than it would him.
i drink (not illegal, but hey). If I found my son drinking, I would raise holy hell. If I caught him smoking pot, cigarettes, chewing tobacco, having promiscuous unsafe sex, I would raise holy hell. Just because I may do (or may have done) these things, that doesn't mean I stand by and let him do dangerous or illegal things.
That is part of parenting.
Sucks, yeah, but that's the way it is. Trust me, soon enough you will be on your own, and wondering how in the hell you are going to AFFORD weed, much less pay for those ramen noodles you have been living off of, and this will be the least of your worries!
In a healthy home there are not double standards. Parents lead by example. It's called accountability.
Son, what do you want here? Do you want someone to tell you it's OK to smoke dope since dad does it and lies to mom about it? Do you think that's right? Look into mom's eyes and tell me you do.
You're making a choice here which will impact the rest of your life. Choose wisely
And a self-aware young person should align him or herself with those who do act as they speak. It's a great lesson we teach here on LS about interpersonal relationships, watching actions and words to match.
The OP is now at an age where he can reject ideas and ideals with which he does not agree or finds repugnant, including those of his parents. He chooses. With that choice comes responsibility. Is he ready for that? Unknown.
Quote:
Would you say I'm being immature or is there something wrong here?
You're doing something which is likely illegal where you live. If you're arrested, it can affect the rest of your life, and certainly prospects for education and work. Your father has lived his life and made his choices. Now, it's your turn. Be mature and make an independent choice.
I wouldn't be so quick to assume that Dad is really lying to Mom about it. Many parents have a "conspiracy of silence". Dad may know that Mom lost her virginity at age 13 to a group of boys from the varsity baseball team, but he will still tell his daughter that her mother made a responsible decision to wait to have sex until she was in a committed relationship.
Accountability is great, carhill, and should be the norm - but it rarely is. We have all screwed up in our youth, and we typically continue to screw up sometimes as adults. We don't really want to hold our screwedup selves to our kids as role models.
Nor can we tell the truth, and hope that our children say "wow - what a great honest conversation - I have learned from your mistakes and I will NEVER smoke pot= thanks Dad!". Teenagers usually respond with "HOLY HYPOCRISY! Now I get to smoke weed, and Dad can't rag my ass about it! Wooohooo!!"
Dad could've been a heroin addict when he was young. That's not the point. The point is dad is still smoking dope and lying about it. He's a lousy role model. Own it
We have all screwed up in our youth, and we typically continue to screw up sometimes as adults. We don't really want to hold our screwedup selves to our kids as role models.
I was able to resist such mistakes because I had exactly that, role models who showed a good example and supported my choices. Fighting peer pressure has been an often lonely battle, but I'm so glad I made the choices I did. I'm sharing that right now with this young man. I hope he sees value in a positive role model and will seek one out for himself.
I am terrified that someday my daughter may come to me with the same criticism and questions which you have posted. I can only hope that like you, she is able to answer her own question maturely and reasonably.
I dont smoke pot. I dont drink and drive. I obey all laws. But I didnt always live this way and I suffered REAL consequences. Also, my daughter's dad , whom she visits, does smoke pot and it has been an issue. I dont feel I can condemn him, but I cant tell my daughter its ok.
At 16, you're just too young not only to make that decision but also way too young to deal with the myriad consequences of using drugs AND breaking the law.
Your Dad is being a good Dad. He is taking care of you. Please don't judge him until you have 16 year old kids of your own.
You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and it also sounds as though you trust his judgement.
You know what? Talk to him. Sounds like you can.
__________________
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Radio Head
My dad did the same thing. Guess what? He did it for my own good. Usually parents want their kids to turn out better than they did. So, since my dad skipped school a lot and regretted it, he always made me go, even if I was bleeding from the eyes. My dad smoked pot and got into a lot of trouble for it, (even as an adult) and he did not want me to. That is natural. It's not like he is trying to play up the double standard, he just wants you to make different, and possibly better decisions.
Do you think the fact that I'm 16 means it's not okay for me to smoke, but it's fine for him? Would you say I'm being immature or is there something wrong here?
You're 16, and your father is an adult. Big difference.
He probably is worried what other drugs you'll do, pot can lead to heavier drugs, depending on if you have an addictive personality.
How often do you smoke up? And, is pot the only drug you do? Do you smoke cigarettes as well?
I smoke about once every other week. I have and never will touched any other drugs. I don't drink, and I don't smoke cigarettes. And I'm actually quitting as of 2 weeks ago because I'm planning on getting a job. My grades have been really good through the last school year, and I think weed may have helped that.
To everyone else, I honestly don't feel like marijuana is a terrible drug. I'm not bothered that he smokes it... and even more than the fact that I know it wouldn't be okay for me, what bothers me is the lack of honesty. Because I'm a kid I don't deserve the truth? My mom has told me my dad doesn't smoke anymore. Like it's a big deal, why shouldn't I know?
edit: Although I didn't directly reply to everyone I wanna thank you guys for your feedback. Every post is helpful, and I read every single one and think on it.
Last edited by Punkage; 18th June 2009 at 4:59 PM..
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