First I want to apologize in advance if this is in the wrong section.
For a while, I've suspected that my Dad smokes pot. My brother told me he caught him with a pipe a few times, but I didn't believe it. Well, today, while working on my bike, I found ashes and roaches in his toolbox. ( I wasn't snooping... I needed a wrench. ) I, myself, smoke weed occasionally so this isn't the problem...
What pisses me off is that I have a few friends that smoke, and he knows they do, and he's really weird with them. He always checks me after I get back from hanging out with them, and warns me that if I'm caught doing anything wrong I'll be thrown out of the house. When I'm around the friends I have that smoke, he's gone as far as to even make comments about it in front of them, and it's really embarrassing. Until today, when I found his roaches, that was the reason keeping me thinking he didn't, not to mention the fact that my mom told me he quit when he was a teenager.
Anyways, I just wanted some opinions on this. Do you think the fact that I'm 16 means it's not okay for me to smoke, but it's fine for him? Would you say I'm being immature or is there something wrong here?
Bad news. There IS a double standard between kids and adults, and there always will be. And when you are an adult, you will understand it without even knowing why you understand it.
Let's face it - you are a kid, and if you get caught smoking pot, it will damage your future a lot more legally than it would him.
i drink (not illegal, but hey). If I found my son drinking, I would raise holy hell. If I caught him smoking pot, cigarettes, chewing tobacco, having promiscuous unsafe sex, I would raise holy hell. Just because I may do (or may have done) these things, that doesn't mean I stand by and let him do dangerous or illegal things.
That is part of parenting.
Sucks, yeah, but that's the way it is. Trust me, soon enough you will be on your own, and wondering how in the hell you are going to AFFORD weed, much less pay for those ramen noodles you have been living off of, and this will be the least of your worries!
In a healthy home there are not double standards. Parents lead by example. It's called accountability.
Son, what do you want here? Do you want someone to tell you it's OK to smoke dope since dad does it and lies to mom about it? Do you think that's right? Look into mom's eyes and tell me you do.
You're making a choice here which will impact the rest of your life. Choose wisely
And a self-aware young person should align him or herself with those who do act as they speak. It's a great lesson we teach here on LS about interpersonal relationships, watching actions and words to match.
The OP is now at an age where he can reject ideas and ideals with which he does not agree or finds repugnant, including those of his parents. He chooses. With that choice comes responsibility. Is he ready for that? Unknown.
Quote:
Would you say I'm being immature or is there something wrong here?
You're doing something which is likely illegal where you live. If you're arrested, it can affect the rest of your life, and certainly prospects for education and work. Your father has lived his life and made his choices. Now, it's your turn. Be mature and make an independent choice.
I wouldn't be so quick to assume that Dad is really lying to Mom about it. Many parents have a "conspiracy of silence". Dad may know that Mom lost her virginity at age 13 to a group of boys from the varsity baseball team, but he will still tell his daughter that her mother made a responsible decision to wait to have sex until she was in a committed relationship.
Accountability is great, carhill, and should be the norm - but it rarely is. We have all screwed up in our youth, and we typically continue to screw up sometimes as adults. We don't really want to hold our screwedup selves to our kids as role models.
Nor can we tell the truth, and hope that our children say "wow - what a great honest conversation - I have learned from your mistakes and I will NEVER smoke pot= thanks Dad!". Teenagers usually respond with "HOLY HYPOCRISY! Now I get to smoke weed, and Dad can't rag my ass about it! Wooohooo!!"
Dad could've been a heroin addict when he was young. That's not the point. The point is dad is still smoking dope and lying about it. He's a lousy role model. Own it
I thought of that... but I just don't see the need to do that in the first place.
I know you don't, but if dad doesn't want you to know he smokes, mom will cover for him. Please don't try to tell me she doesn't know. You can't help but smell it and see the red rimmed, glassy eyes. I'm willing to wager she's not "new." lol
I just waited until I went to college before trying anything. My mom is fully aware of it all too and is cool with it, since I am an otherwise responsible person who has always done well in school, etc.
He had always smoked pot, and looking back, he may have even smoked it right in front of me when I was a small child, but I was too young and too naive to know the difference between cigarettes and pot.
It wasn't until I was about 17 that I had learned to recognize the smell of pot and it was constantly coming through the vents from the basement. When I questioned my mom about it, WHILE it was happening (like mom do you smell that?) she played dumb and it pissed me the hell off. I could see one thing if I was a child and she wanted to protect me, but by 17 I felt there was no need to lie anymore. It was another year or two before she even came around to admitting it to me (and by that I mean complaining to me about his use).
So, I know where you're coming from, at that age you just expect the same type of honesty your parents expect from you. Don't really have any advice though, think it's just one of those situations of 'that's just the way it is'. Unless you want to try and talk to your dad about it.
It is frustrating to see my now 11 and 13 year old brothers starting to catch on, and actually catching my stepdad smoking a few times too, and my mom once again lying through her teeth and playing dumb. And he doesn't smoke cigarettes anymore either, so they can't use that as a cover up.
First I want to apologize in advance if this is in the wrong section.
For a while, I've suspected that my Dad smokes pot. My brother told me he caught him with a pipe a few times, but I didn't believe it. Well, today, while working on my bike, I found ashes and roaches in his toolbox. ( I wasn't snooping... I needed a wrench. ) I, myself, smoke weed occasionally so this isn't the problem...
What pisses me off is that I have a few friends that smoke, and he knows they do, and he's really weird with them. He always checks me after I get back from hanging out with them, and warns me that if I'm caught doing anything wrong I'll be thrown out of the house. When I'm around the friends I have that smoke, he's gone as far as to even make comments about it in front of them, and it's really embarrassing. Until today, when I found his roaches, that was the reason keeping me thinking he didn't, not to mention the fact that my mom told me he quit when he was a teenager.
Anyways, I just wanted some opinions on this. Do you think the fact that I'm 16 means it's not okay for me to smoke, but it's fine for him? Would you say I'm being immature or is there something wrong here?
I'm sort of on the fence about this one. Sure, yeah I smoked weed for the first time when I was 15 and continued socially for a good while. Today? Meh. Maybe if I knew the person offering real well and didn't need to worry about what else was in it. I think it should be legalized. I don't think its on the same level of harm as other drug or even alcohol.
Will I permit my son to smoke weed? Probably not. He is by far a better student than I was. I was very smart as a kid but pretty bratty when it came to completing assignments. I cannot say how much my partying and peer environment was the cause of that. I'd rather my son focus on his education. I'd rather he place such an importance on his education that he wouldn't make arrogant decisions like drinking or doing drugs while he is under my roof. His father has addiction problems and we don't know what effect his fathers genes has contributed to my son's potential for the same. I'd rather he take an interest in finding that out after he is done with school. Even college if possible.
If I do find him smoking weed (among other things) I will not kick him out of my house. Sitting down and having a discussion about it has worked for everything thats come up so far. I have no reason to believe it wouldn't work for this as well. I don't plan to hide that I did things when I was younger. If I did that, how can I expect him to take my part of the discussion to heart?
Who would you listen to about the effects of drug use more? Someone who has some experience or someone who knows nothing first hand?
Maybe you should bring it to your dad?
Not to offend, but the whole I don't want my kids making the same mistakes I did argument seems like a bit of a cop out.
I think society has the wrong image of marijuana, and if my dad smokes, why should he have that kind of idea? As much as I'd love to bring it up to my dad, that won't happen for a while, because I know for a fact that if he knew I smoked, it would get violent. I think weed helps him with work, but I foresee him disagreeing with the fact that it helps me with school. The fact is, school has changed from the days when he was in high school.
I hate even calling marijuana a drug. At 16, I'm old enough to drive. I'm old enough to work. But I'm not old enough to smoke a few bowls and just relax? Yes, I know it's illegal for ANYONE, but why can't I make that choice? I am fully aware of the consequences, and am a far cry from an addict.
I suppose this may belong more in the rants category. I appreciate the replies, everyone. <3
Last edited by Punkage; 18th June 2009 at 8:32 PM..
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Hybrid Mode
