Cheating, Flirting, and JealousyBeing unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.
I work in an IT firm and I work closely with a colleague who happens to be very attractive. Since the first day I met her, I was infatuated. As we've been working together, she seems to show me signs that she "likes" me. A few times (e.g., in meetings) our eyes met and we had a long stare between us. She has also done things like touch me or get very close. When we talk, we talk a long time and about personal stuff.
Just recently we had a 3-day training session together. Every day we sat next to each other. Again, she would smile at me, sit closely, and act on the edge of flirtatious. For all 3 days, she asked me to go to lunch with her (which I did), and we had a great time - talking about our lives, our hopes, dreams, she laughed at everything I said and confided in me for complaints she had about work.
She knows I'm married and I know she's married. I try very hard not to look at her, I don't start conversations, and I never asked her once to go to lunch with me. She is quite friendly with everyone, so I try to pass it off as her just being extra friendly. This is driving me nuts!
Am I overreacting? Am I seeing something that's not there?
By the sound of it you are already emotionally cheating with this woman. Please let me share a bit of my story with you and hopefully you will see things for what they REALLY are before you make a huge mistake and get into something you really shouldn't.
I was married with two beautiful daughters and yes i admit that my marriage was not great however what i did was wrong!! You see i met a man at work and we became great friends we could talk for hours about anything and everything and gradually it progressed......emotion crept into it and so did the physical attraction. There was immense chemistry and i felt as if i had met my soulmate my perfect partner in every sense.
The inevitable happened and i had an affair, i ended my marriage as i could not continue to decive my husband. It devastated him and my daughters and i tried to justify it all by telling myself that i deserved to be happy as i had been in a loveless, sexless marriage for years. And i loved this man more than anything.
My relationship with this man lasted 2 and a half years and ended on 5 May by me finding out that he was seeing someone else only it was a man yes a man! leaving me totally devastated. I still have to go to work and see him every day which is torture. I have to endure being talked about by other people in the office and i just feel i don't want to go on with life. but do you know what?? IT WAS ALL MY FAULT because i had the choice not to get involved and never listened to the rational side of my brain.
So please think carefully what you are doing before it goes any further. The warning signals are all there .....i recognise them. save yourself and your family from this before it's too late. It takes me every bit of strength i have just to get my feet out of bed in the morning and exist because the devastation this has caused is not living its existing and i would never wish this on anyone. one more word that rings in my head every day now is...........KARMA.
You have the choice to end things now before things get deeper, or choose to keep going with it and end up where I am now (and where many, many others have been). I hear this doesn't end well. Maybe you'll make a better decision than the rest of us did.
cant breathe, I see exactly what you mean by "emotional cheating". It's not that I even find her that sexually attractive (in comparison, my wife is truly a 'babe'), but I find myself connecting with her on personal levels I know I shouldn't - and that I can't with my wife. I work from home a lot, so when I'm apart from her, I tend not to think about her too much, but when we're together, I feel like I'm in grade school again.
I know exactly what you mean. You feel as if you have a connection with this woman,it's fresh and exciting etc etc etc but that unfortunately is how it started with me. You will enjoy the attention and it is an ego boost to think that someone other than your wife finds what you have to say interesting funny etc.
BUT...................
Think back to how things were when you first met your wife and i bet it was just like that! Marriages become stale i realise that, mine did and IF yours is going that way recoignise the signals and try to fix it as you will spend your life regretting it if you don't. People unfortunately fall out of love all the time and marriages, relationships break down every day but you sound like you still have a good marriage with your wife and you owe it to you both to give it your best shot.
The positive thing is that you have recognised the connection you are feeling with this woman is wrong and have some here for advice. Please take it and save yourself, your wife and everyone else who will be involved a lot of heartache. Also please spare a thought for this other womans husband and see it from his point of view.....how would you feel if your wife was possibly about to cheat on you? i can guess the answer........you would be devastated.
I wish you well and hope you can find the right path for you and yours.
I work in an IT firm and I work closely with a colleague who happens to be very attractive. Since the first day I met her, I was infatuated. As we've been working together, she seems to show me signs that she "likes" me. A few times (e.g., in meetings) our eyes met and we had a long stare between us. She has also done things like touch me or get very close. When we talk, we talk a long time and about personal stuff.
Just recently we had a 3-day training session together. Every day we sat next to each other. Again, she would smile at me, sit closely, and act on the edge of flirtatious. For all 3 days, she asked me to go to lunch with her (which I did), and we had a great time - talking about our lives, our hopes, dreams, she laughed at everything I said and confided in me for complaints she had about work.
She knows I'm married and I know she's married. I try very hard not to look at her, I don't start conversations, and I never asked her once to go to lunch with me. She is quite friendly with everyone, so I try to pass it off as her just being extra friendly. This is driving me nuts!
Am I overreacting? Am I seeing something that's not there?
What are you wanting us to say? You want a pat on the back for being able to swoon a married woman when you are married yourself?
I don't get it. You are married. Why are you looking for something to be there?
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I jussa lil bish
What are you wanting us to say? You want a pat on the back for being able to swoon a married woman when you are married yourself?
Not at all. I am not bragging or looking for advice on picking up married women. I just needed a place to vent and see what other people have gone through. Maybe I do want something to be there, but that's why I am talking about it...I am fighting these feelings.
It's not that I even find her that sexually attractive (in comparison, my wife is truly a 'babe'), but I find myself connecting with her on personal levels I know I shouldn't - and that I can't with my wife.
And.... there is your problem.
Why can't you connect with your wife? My philosophy is try to fix what you have before buying new.
cant breathe, Wise words - I appreciate your thoughts. You're right, it's an ego boost, especially considering that we got married at 20, when were practically kids. Sometimes it's good to feel that I've "got it" again.
Why can't you connect with your wife? My philosophy is try to fix what you have before buying new.
We've been together 13 years, married 11. Sometimes I think we've talked about all one person can possibly talk about with another person. Not to mention constant drawn-out fights, lots of regrets, and very sore relationship between her and my parents. Plus, we almost got divorced about 4 years ago, and there is still a lot of pain and animosity surrounding that.
It's a mess, I guess I shouldn't be surprised that I am having these feelings for another woman.
I really feel as if my history is repeating itself with you. I met my husband when i was 15 and we split when i was 39 so we were together almost 25yrs!!! a lifetime i know.
I really think we grew apart over the years and evolved into different people with different outlooks and interests but the fact still remains that what i did was very, very wrong. I knew my marriage was stale and had been emotionally over for a lot of years and in the final years over physically too but the fact remains is that i should have left before getting involved with someone else. The reality is i probably wouldn't have left though i would have stayed but getting involved with the other man made me end my marriage as i couldn't continue with the deceit and lies.
I can relate to what you say and understand that you feel good as you have still got it!!! but please beleive me no good will come of it.
Do you have kids? Do you still have a good relationship with your wife?
We've been together 13 years, married 11. Sometimes I think we've talked about all one person can possibly talk about with another person. Not to mention constant drawn-out fights, lots of regrets, and very sore relationship between her and my parents. Plus, we almost got divorced about 4 years ago, and there is still a lot of pain and animosity surrounding that.
It's a mess, I guess I shouldn't be surprised that I am having these feelings for another woman.
So... are these unresolved issues? If so you need to start working them out.
Or... are you simply sitting on a pile of resentment from past issues? What kinds of regrets are we talking about here?
That pain from a near divorce... any of that have to do with trust?
Seriously, this is a text book affair in the making. Do some reading around, and you'll soon see that far from your relationship to this other woman being special, it is actually following the usual path that will end in viscious trauma for your wife/her husband.
I am a great believer in the idea that people very seldom take advice from another and that personal experience is the way we learn, however on this occasion the evidence is so strong please take note of it before you mess up big style.
I work in an IT firm and I work closely with a colleague who happens to be very attractive. Since the first day I met her, I was infatuated. As we've been working together, she seems to show me signs that she "likes" me. A few times (e.g., in meetings) our eyes met and we had a long stare between us. She has also done things like touch me or get very close. When we talk, we talk a long time and about personal stuff.
Just recently we had a 3-day training session together. Every day we sat next to each other. Again, she would smile at me, sit closely, and act on the edge of flirtatious. For all 3 days, she asked me to go to lunch with her (which I did), and we had a great time - talking about our lives, our hopes, dreams, she laughed at everything I said and confided in me for complaints she had about work.
She knows I'm married and I know she's married. I try very hard not to look at her, I don't start conversations, and I never asked her once to go to lunch with me. She is quite friendly with everyone, so I try to pass it off as her just being extra friendly. This is driving me nuts!
Am I overreacting? Am I seeing something that's not there?
so what the hell ever happened to professionalism in this country..friend, if she wanted you in the sack, you'd have already been there...keep you options open, but don't flatter yourself..when gals want it they go after it with a fury, not a wink and flirt here and there..
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So there's this married girl at work...
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