My soon to be 3yo is very fresh to my girlfriend sometimes. She has this little attitude. She gets that way with a few people but with my girlfriend alot. Now I've been dating this girl since my daughter was 1 so it's not a new thing. I'm afraid to scold her for acting this way because I think she might blame my girlfriend for it. And that will make matters worse. I've tried asking her why she is acting like this and talking to her about it. But anyone who has had a 2yo knows this is almost impossible.
The strange thing is everyday Kylar (my daughter) asks for Lana (my GF). She talks about her all the time, and sometimes when they are together they really click. My daughter will hold her hand, or want to play with her, or have her pick her up. It's strange and I don't know how to handle this.
I'm afraid this is slowly eating away at my girlfriend and it may cause problems for us down the road. I want to take some sort of action to at least show Lana that I'm aware of the problem and making attempts to fix it.
It is up to you, the parent, to nip this in the bud. You need to tell her, when it happens, that the behaviour is unacceptable and have a time out or something.
You need to be consistent in addressing it everytime it happens (with your g/f and with the others you mentioned).
I am willing to hazard a guess that your g/f is not getting miffed at the 3 year old as much as she is upset that you are not addressing it.
It is up to you, the parent, to nip this in the bud. You need to tell her, when it happens, that the behaviour is unacceptable and have a time out or something.
You need to be consistent in addressing it everytime it happens (with your g/f and with the others you mentioned).
I am willing to hazard a guess that your g/f is not getting miffed at the 3 year old as much as she is upset that you are not addressing it.
I agree 100% that what's eating away at the GF is not the 3 y/o. It's the fact your not addressing it.
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The male brain is more compartmentalized than the female brain. Men can seperate things whereas women have a harder time cause their brains are all wired together in some inter-connected mish-mosh.
My soon to be 3yo is very fresh to my girlfriend sometimes. She has this little attitude. She gets that way with a few people but with my girlfriend alot. Now I've been dating this girl since my daughter was 1 so it's not a new thing. I'm afraid to scold her for acting this way because I think she might blame my girlfriend for it. And that will make matters worse. I've tried asking her why she is acting like this and talking to her about it. But anyone who has had a 2yo knows this is almost impossible.
The strange thing is everyday Kylar (my daughter) asks for Lana (my GF). She talks about her all the time, and sometimes when they are together they really click. My daughter will hold her hand, or want to play with her, or have her pick her up. It's strange and I don't know how to handle this.
I'm afraid this is slowly eating away at my girlfriend and it may cause problems for us down the road. I want to take some sort of action to at least show Lana that I'm aware of the problem and making attempts to fix it.
I happen to have a 3 year old myself right now, so I can relate to how hard it is to reason with a child this age. Consistency with her is the key. You need to stand your ground and stick to it. After a while your little one should be able to see that her bahavior is wrong, but shes still little so this may take some time. Good luck.
AP
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"We can only learn to love by loving." --Iris Murdoch Go NY Giants
your girlfriend obviously knows your a dad and would have to deal with a child- if she is complaining about this then obviously she isn't the right one for the both of you. If she's acting uncomfy because of the situation is another thing but if it causes some sort of obstacle for her or a barrier between the both of you is yet another!
your daughter is only 2! she thinks she's a nice person, my daughter is almost two and does the same to other people it's not like they are trying to play house they are innocent little people scolding her would just make her think that getting to know other people is wrong. she soulds like a friendly little girl and punishing her for trying to get close to someone you are close to is not the right way to go.
I'm afraid to scold her for acting this way because I think she might blame my girlfriend for it.
Well, it's not "scolding" that is needed as much as helping your daughter learn (age-appropriate) communication skills and show (age-appropriate) respect towards ALL others.
Kylar won't connect your parenting efforts to Lana unless YOU only make the effort when she acts up with Lana.
Like other posters have said, consistency is the key. As long as you do your parenting whether it's grandma, a stranger or Lana, Kylar will realize that it is HER behaviour that is being addressed and not anything to do with Lana (or whomever.)
At the same time, Lana is a grown-up and thus responsible for [1] how she allows Kylar to treat her, [2] offering parenting support to you (and parents in general), and [3] being a positive leader/guide/role model for Kylar (and kids in general.)
Well...for what my two cents is worth, at any rate
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"They always say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself." ~ Andy Warhol
Lana is in no way showing this is bothering her or an issue. I don't know if anything is "eating away" at her. She acts like everything is perfectly fine. This may all be in my head but I'm trying to avoid a problem in the future. I try and put my myself in my girlfriends shoes and I know I wouldn't like the situation.
Kylar has been talked to and told that her behavior is unacceptable and she has been put in time out. This happens whether it's Lana or anyone else. I'm as consistant as possible. I guess this will have to give it more attention. More time out's (which don't seem to do anything), and more talking.
Lana is a great role model for Kylar. Way better then her mother ever was. She has been the perfect girlfriend in everyway. I really am fortunate to have her in my life.
oh see rob everything is fine--- it's prob. in your worry wart head. if it is bothering you i think you should talk to your girlfriend about it and see where she stands.
p.s. good work with being consistent with the kiddo..
I have a now 4 year old step son who I've been around since he was less than 1. He did at some stages give me 'attitude'. However that is far and away behind us now and he regards me as a 'parental' figure (not his mother I hasten to add!!).
My feeling was that it was simply at times he was just pushing boundries, learning where he stood with me and what part I was in his life. Just because I'm a constant, not being a parent I think this was something he sometimes needed to work out for himself.
In fact the other day he called me 'my Littlekitty', which was so lovely!! (As in my Daddy and my Littlekitty! )
I'd also like to add that it would help you tremendously if you learned about the cognitive development of children. I took a class in college years ago never thinking I would ever use what I learned. When I had my children, the knowledge of why children did what they did at certain ages helped me to deal productively with my children's behavior.
Yes I have custody of my daughter. It's joint but I'm the custodial and her mom lives in a different state.
My daughter just say things like "were going to the store but Lana's not coming". Or "I don't want Lana to do this or that". She will snatch things from her like if Alana pick up something of Kylars. Or even if it's mine Kylar will grab it and say "that's my Daddy's".
Again this is strange because it's intermittent. Some times Kylar will ask where Alana is if she's not around. Kylar also likes working in the garden with Alana and having her paint her nails. Sometimes want her to change her.
Since I posted this I think the situation has gotten better. I'm a little more firm with her. I correct the inappropriate behavior as soon as I see it and everytime.
I think maybe my girlfriend should be less passive with her and sort of establish herself as an authorative figure. Maybe that would help, or maybe it would open another can of worms?
Yes I have custody of my daughter. It's joint but I'm the custodial and her mom lives in a different state.
My daughter just say things like "were going to the store but Lana's not coming". Or "I don't want Lana to do this or that". She will snatch things from her like if Alana pick up something of Kylars. Or even if it's mine Kylar will grab it and say "that's my Daddy's".
Again this is strange because it's intermittent. Some times Kylar will ask where Alana is if she's not around. Kylar also likes working in the garden with Alana and having her paint her nails. Sometimes want her to change her.
Since I posted this I think the situation has gotten better. I'm a little more firm with her. I correct the inappropriate behavior as soon as I see it and everytime.
I think maybe my girlfriend should be less passive with her and sort of establish herself as an authorative figure. Maybe that would help, or maybe it would open another can of worms?
Ok, this is EXACTLY the behaviour we went through. To a T!!!
SS would want a drink, but not LK to make it. He'd want passing something, but if I passed it would scream!! He'd tell me he didn't want me to go with them to x, y, z. I couldn't get him out of the car seat...! Then in a moment I could be the best thing since sliced bread!!
We did exactly what you did. Hubby corrected the behaviour and installed in him that he was not to treat me like that. I also worked on my reaction to these things - I'm not suggesting Alana is reacting incorrectly - but I sometimes allowed this to annoy me and didn't always respond appropriately.
Hubby often did the, "well if LK doesn't get your drink you'll go without" routine, so SS knew he had to deal with it.
I learnt to get down on his level and say "SS, that's not very nice". And learnt to be a little more authorative in the right way.
I can't tell you the 100% best way through this. We stumbled and tried different things.
What I can tell you is that it passed fairly quickly (say 6 months or so). We're now all good and I haven't seen this behaviour in at least 6 months.
He'll let me change him any time, get him anything, do anything, never tries to cut me out. In fact not so long ago while away at his Grandparents he was more interested in speaking to me than Daddy.....
Your daughter is just figuring out where the boundries are with Alana and what her role is in her life as a non-parent but parental type figure iykwim!
Be consistant, keep working at it as a team and you'll be grand - promise.
Last edited by littlekitty; 9th July 2008 at 10:18 AM.
Yes I have custody of my daughter. It's joint but I'm the custodial and her mom lives in a different state.
My daughter just say things like "were going to the store but Lana's not coming". Or "I don't want Lana to do this or that". She will snatch things from her like if Alana pick up something of Kylars. Or even if it's mine Kylar will grab it and say "that's my Daddy's".
Again this is strange because it's intermittent. Some times Kylar will ask where Alana is if she's not around. Kylar also likes working in the garden with Alana and having her paint her nails. Sometimes want her to change her.
Since I posted this I think the situation has gotten better. I'm a little more firm with her. I correct the inappropriate behavior as soon as I see it and everytime.
I think maybe my girlfriend should be less passive with her and sort of establish herself as an authorative figure. Maybe that would help, or maybe it would open another can of worms?
Your daughter is acting like a typical 3 year old. I wouldn't be bothered by any of this. Just be consistant in correcting her behavior when she is acting up and let her know where her bounderies are. The most important thing when keeping good bounderies in place with children is to be consistant with them. You'll do just fine.
I was also wondering, do you spend one on one time with your daughter. I think, especially in cases like yours, that spending one on one time with a child does a world of good for them.
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