Here is my situation.... I'm the MM having a affair for 2 years 6 months with MW. When it began it was a very harmless discussion of marriage and religion. We realize how much we had in common and before you knew it we got emotionally attached. This continued for sometime in with eventually 6 months down the road it became physical. Even though physical was not how it started it was the icing on the cake.
We have been talking about starting our lives together but certain things had to happen. Both of our sons turned 18 this year and graduated from H.S. Now the clock is ticking and their really isn't any excuses to continue our marriages since we both feel the same way. So back in February I finally told my wife that I was leaving her and proceeding with the divorce. She's not happy but she agrees we've been roommates for sometime. I filed and moved out and took my kids (21 and 18) with me. I do understand statistically it's unusual for the man to file for a divorce, But I wanted to show this MW that I was serious about our future.
I've been in out of the house since April and it kills me that I have to duck and hide cause our situation. Personally I could careless if we get caught. So at this point in time I guess I've become the OM now. She's has told me that she plans on getting out of her marriage by August. What I don't understand why August when her son just graduated. It makes me wonder if she's seeing how far I go with the divorce or whatever. It should be final in Sept. I do know she wants to get out but I wonder if she's capable of it.
Weekends are the hardest cause the BS is feeling something is going on....so he tends to monitor every minute of her time. I'm just wondering how much longer I can go one with all of this. I'm already at a point where i've lost 40lbs can't sleep at night and have anxiety attacks.
So what did you do when you got tired of ducking and hiding? or am I getting to a point where there is doubt in my mind? I'm really not enjoying the being away from her.....
So what did you do when you got tired of ducking and hiding?
I didn't put myself in that predicament in the first place. I'd suggest finding a woman of good character who's actually available but she probably wouldn't be too interested given your history.
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"Well, I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, Doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it."
Hate to say it but her saying she's going to leave in August more than likely isn't going to happen. There will always be another excuse. Read stampdaddy's threads (do a site search on his name, his threads will come up) to help you gain some insight.
Her husband IS suspicious, yet she is not telling him the truth. What do you think will happen if he finds out? Are you confident that she will choose you over her husband, marriage, her lifestyle? It's rare that two people divorce to be together...
Just hope that you are OK being alone either way, and don't regret not trying your best with your wife, doing marriage counselling, especially if the MW decides not to leave her H for you.
So what did you do when you got tired of ducking and hiding?
I'm sure this isn't the answer you're looking for, but that would be the exit point for me. While I could never see myself in an A, at some point it has to have the structure of any other relationship. You've made commitments to each other that are important - you've followed through on yours and yet she hasn't. It would seem to an outside observer that she doesn't feel the same way that you do. Perhaps you've done the right thing by ending your marriage (although you don't go into much detail) but hiding in the bushes looking into the window of her marital home isn't where I'd want to find myself...
Mr. Lucky
PS - Get ready for the piling on from many posters saying that you've gotten what you deserve .
Weekends are the hardest cause the BS is feeling something is going on....so he tends to monitor every minute of her time. I'm just wondering how much longer I can go one with all of this. I'm already at a point where i've lost 40lbs can't sleep at night and have anxiety attacks.
So what did you do when you got tired of ducking and hiding? or am I getting to a point where there is doubt in my mind? I'm really not enjoying the being away from her.....
It does sound as though you have doubts. You both had an agreement and you fulfilled your part of it. She hasn't and now you've turned your life upside down for her. However, if you'd already been living the 'roommate' lifestyle with your STBeXW, then divorcing was the natural thing I'm sure. So don't regret ending the M if it was bad anyway. Just focus on helping your MW through her separation, and if she backs out of it then you are a free man who will certainly find love again.
So don't regret ending the M if it was bad anyway.
This is true, but I'm not sure if he and his wife actually DID counselling or tried to fix their marriage.
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Just focus on helping your MW through her separation
Actually wouldn't it be better if he wasn't a part of her life during that process? No contact? Look at Stampdaddy and afew others who have waited for their MW/MM to leave. Seems when the OM/OW is a part of their lives if the D hasn't happened yet, never really happens. Atleast if he is not IN her life, she can figure out what HER life will be like without him in it and possibly help her put into action her plans, rather than just talk about it. Talk means nothing and fact that HER husband doesn't even know that she's unhappy or wants a D says alot as well.
Stampdaddy's story made me sick just reading it....he sounds like a twin brother of mine separated at birth. I can't help thinking just because of percentage's things might turn out the same.
Like I said even though we both have made commitments to each other she still has to find a way out her situation. The ducking and hiding is to protect her...I really don't care....and if she's given me a time frame of August it will be here soon enough. I really can't do anything till my divorce if final anyway.
I also believe at some point when she gets ready to leave we will have to go no contact for awhile with some time frame. It just blows me away the statistics of this really happening is so low.
On the bright side - if you DO get caught you'll know sooner rather than later whether she's just yanking your chain about her 'plans' to leave her M and D.
oh and Cagney's story may be an eye opener for you as well.
If you can believe this she's actually very spiritual....we are more connected emotionally/spiritually than anything else....sex for us maybe happens maybe once a month.
So if you have a plan of leaving in August why would she not disclose that to me. She comes back with this is what I'm sensing or I see a route of getting out of my marriage and that's it. So i've really not heard a clear cut plan. So I ask you guys who were in my situation what are the right questions to ask so I can get a clear cut answer from her?
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