I've been seeing a therapist for a few months now. He seems to be very caring and I have had a good experience.
My most recent appointment was Monday. That afternoon I sent him an email about something. He didn't respond until Wed. afternoon. It was our first email correspondence and he seemed much more distant than the warm attention he gives in person.
Today (Friday) I received a formal letter from him in the mail, that was postmarked on Tuesday, formally stating that my fees to see him have increased. It's strange the letter is dated Feb 28th but not mailed until Tue March 6th. It seems like he has intentionally backdated the actual letter to give the impression it was written the prior week.
My problem is that he didn't tell me this in person when I saw him Monday - ex. what if it would be a financial hardship? It's like he's avoiding any discussion, that plus the fact that his email was very cold makes me wonder if the fee increase is a sign that he no longer wants me as a patient? The way it was handled is disturbing to me and makes me feel bad, even though I can afford the increase in the fee. Is it something to read into at any level? It feels like a wakeup call that maybe he doesn't care as much about me as I have been thinking that he does.
Also last Friday March 2nd I went to a friend of his he had referred me to, to purchase some expensive but beautiful home decors I had told him I was looking for, and I ended up spending a lot of money there. His friend may have told him how much I spent, what I purchased. I am wondering if this has anything to do with the fee increase and is bothering me, the fact that he suddenly thinks he's been charging me too little when all along I have had an impression that he enjoys seeing me. It really hurts my feelings badly. Maybe he backdated the letter to show that he had thought of this before my purchases that Friday. I don't know, but what do you all think about it and if I should say anything to him?
__________________ ~Ignorance is bliss. ~Failure is success if we learn from it. -Malcolm Forbes ~Those willing to sacrifice freedom for safety deserve & shall receive neither. -Benjamin Franklin
Last edited by Fun2BMe; 9th March 2007 at 6:48 PM..
naah F2BM....you have nothing to worry about. Therapist have to eat also and he's running a business. The cost of everything is going up, gas, heat, rent, blah blah blah. You shold ask him if his rates will stay the same for a while, like a year or two.
My therapist doesn't "tell" me in person that her rates are going up. I get a letter in the mail.
Don't take it personally. And I think you're reading into the email abit too much too. Don't make it that he wants to dump you as a client(patient). Trust me, a therapist is professional and if the T feels therapy isn't working for you, or you two aren't clicking, it's part of their job to TELL their client, not drop hints or play games. They would tell you to your face that "it may be best for you to find another therapist who can help you more than I can."
Don't worry FUN. And the fact that the dates were a week behind, maybe it just got lost in the shuffle.
Another thing, try not to become TOO emotionally attached to your T. He's there to help you, listen to you...He is a professional so I doubt very much he's discussing you with his friends or other clients.
I doubt they will go back down - he has a whole paragraph listing his new expenses since he remodeled his office and all these other things to take into consideration. I just have a problem of how he handled it and can't help feeling like it was a direct way to hurt me.
can't help feeling like it was a direct way to hurt me.
He didn't do that to 'hurt' you. Fun, you're taking it too personally!
If it is upsetting you this much, tell him your thoughts. How he handled it is bugging you. I'm sure he will tell you that it is business and he wouldn't purposely do something to hurt you. And, he'd probably work with you to change your ways of thinking and reacting...Sometimes things in our head get blown out of proportion and the reality of what is really going on isn't what you "think" it is. You know what I mean???
For example - You've got PMS and not having a good day. Not a good frame of mind. You call a friend on the phone and they say "I'm busy, can't talk, sorry, call ya later." Your first reaction could be "Geez, what did I do wrong? Why is my friend mad at me? Why isn't she wanting to talk to me?" Reality of the situation is - She's just busy and can't talk...BUT, due to the frame of mind you're in, you take it the wrong way and out of context. See my point?
I think that is what you're doing with your therapist.
Ok, I think you're right WWIU. Especially with the phone example, that happens to me all the time when someone says they can't talk I take it personally and hesitate to call them again in the future even though I know they were on another call or busy.
I think I should just let it go and not bring it up to him as an issue. I feel very attached to him emotionally so I can't help but take it as a jab. I enjoy our sessions so much that it seems strange he gets paid for it so now that he wants to get paid more I guess I am taking the professional relationship too personally. Thanks for the imput. Deep inside I do feel a little hurt but at least it's in a more realistic context now.
boy I hope F2BM won't need a second therapist to deal with her relationship with her first therapist. that could get costly!
That's actually a brilliant idea, I can't stop thinking about it. I'd probably have to find one in a different town to make sure they don't know each other in case they talk about their patients together or something like that.
That's actually a brilliant idea, I can't stop thinking about it. I'd probably have to find one in a different town to make sure they don't know each other in case they talk about their patients together or something like that.
FUN, are you saying you have romantic feelings for your therapist? If so, you have to find another one. A female therapist would be better for you!
I'd probably have to find one in a different town to make sure they don't know each other in case they talk about their patients together or something like that.
There's that stinkin' thinkin' again. Trust me, therapists do not go around comparing notes on their clients! Ever hear of patient/doctor (I forget that word, but you know what I mean...LOL no coffee yet) oh yeah, confidentadility or something like that (blush!)
Don't let those types of thoughts enter your head. Your therapist SHOULD be teaching you ways of more positive thinking and reacting...
FUN, are you saying you have romantic feelings for your therapist? If so, you have to find another one. A female therapist would be better for you!
We have had 16 sessions so far and from my notes, on 4 of those occassions I flat out told him I had deep feelings for him and that I thought of him outside our sessions as well. He said that that's normal and there's a term for it in the field, and on another occassion I told him I felt hurt he had said that, because it felt like he was diminishing how I felt for him.
He has helped me so much that I really would be dumb to leave him for another therapist, especially if there's a chance I'll form feelings there too. On the other hand, if my 2nd therapist I go to to talk about my 1st is a woman, that might actually work out.
We have had 16 sessions so far and from my notes, on 4 of those occassions I flat out told him I had deep feelings for him and that I thought of him outside our sessions as well. He said that that's normal and there's a term for it in the field, .
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Therapist increases rate
I've been seeing a therapist for a few months now. He seems to be very caring and I have had a good experience.
It feels like a wakeup call that maybe he doesn't care as much about me as I have been thinking that he does.
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