My wife and I had a disagreement several months ago that led into an argument. The argument ended with my wife saying the 'F' word ("Shut up you mother 'f' er"). This exchange between us happened while we were the car and our 2 1/2 year old daughter was present sitting in her car seat. A day later, my daughter had a temper tantrum and she said, "Shut up you .... 'F' er!" (For reasons of being nonoffending I am substituting 'F' for the 'F' word)
My wife understands that she made a mistake by letting her anger get the best of her in front of our daughter and it hasn't let it happened since. However, my daughter now uses the 'F' word whenever she is upset. Anyone have advice on how to deal with this? Any help would be greatly appreciated.
This is common, I have an 8yr old now who knows a lot more than I was ever aware of untill simply asked her. In my case my daughter learned all her "four letter words" in school....great huh! However, around age 2 she learned the most common ones like the "F" word, damn and *****...yup I was the one at fault, without even noticing I used these words around her often. I knew it was my own fault but at the same time I knew she needed to know that it was wrong so I simply spoke to her and told her those are mean & ugly words and little girls need not say them and if she says them she will get in trouble or punished.
Ever since then she hardly even said them again unless she slipped and then would look at my with apologitic eyes. I say simply let her know that it's not nice and she will that if she does say them she will be in trouble or punished.
When my daugther got older she did ask why I could say them and she can't and I had to reply with the good ol' I'm an adult and your not! and if you do say them you will be punished! She understands.
Thats pretty much what I did with my kids. Even at 2 1/2. Explain that its wrong then just tell her NO and follow up with punishment if necessary. I swatted my kids quite a few times before they stopped swearing, and when they were older they were grounded for swearing. No TV, phones, computers, etc. and grounding also consisted of extra homework that I assigned. It didn't happen too often after that!
a thought: maybe give her another word to use in that place? I know little kids like to push the envelope with words that they learn, and she can tell that it obviously upsets you. It's easier explaining to them when they're a little older, though.
__________________ The best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
Originally posted by quankanne
yeah, they'll haunt you with stuff like that.
a thought: maybe give her another word to use in that place? I know little kids like to push the envelope with words that they learn, and she can tell that it obviously upsets you. It's easier explaining to them when they're a little older, though.
Thats a good idea. Give her a replacement word, say it when you (or your wife) is upset and pretend it is a very bad word and then tell her to NOT use that one!
But....if she thinks it's bad and still says it isn't there moral issue there? Also what if you slip again and say ther real F word, then she'll never understand.
Thanks for the advice. I will use a substitution word and let everyone know how it is going.
UCFKevin, yes she did call me a M'Fer. Technically... she is right. She is a mother and I am .... well you know the rest. The point is my daughter shouldn't be saying that stuff.
No, the point is, she shouldn't say something like that to you to begin with, that's a pretty far out there thing to say in an argument, AND in front of your kid?
If it was a newborn, okay, but the kid's been around for a while.
Originally posted by UCFKevin
No, the point is, she shouldn't say something like that to you to begin with, that's a pretty far out there thing to say in an argument, AND in front of your kid?
If it was a newborn, okay, but the kid's been around for a while.
I think that is a very inappropriate way for anyone to speak to another person, especially their spouse, and ESPECIALLY in front of a child of any age. You guys need to learn some better ways of arguing and cut the insults if you want your daughter to grow up in a healthy environment.
It takes some practice and self control, but you can learn to go through life without using profanity now that you have a child to set an example for.
First off, you as a parent have to control your language around your kid. You know kids pick up on anything and everything. So, you need to stop swearing around your kids or try to stop. But anyways, if your kid starts swearing again, do what my mom did to me. Put soap in my mouth. I learned my lesson very quickly. There is no reason for your kid to swear at the age of 2 1/2. What's up with that?
I appreciate the concern that many are placing on not using profanity in front of children to begin with. Please feel good in knowing that you are preaching to the choir.
We are not the first couple to get into an argument where profanity was present in front of a small child. We are certainly not the last couple that will do this. But, we are a couple who are taking a very proactive role in not allowing it to happen again. Without going into too much personal detail, we have been seeing a couples counselor for the last 5 weeks and my wife has ceased using profane language (around myself and our daughter) for the last 3 weeks.
I thank everyone who has expressed concern on this important aspect. We understand what we did wrong. We are making strong progress in developing our communication skills with each other.
What I am really concerned with is how should we deal with the aftermath.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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