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Married HS Sweetheart, but falling for man 12 years older


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 9th December 2017, 11:43 PM   #16
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Smile 123,

Your life/marriage is going to be full of temptations such as this. You need to decide now whether or not you're going to give in to them. If you are, divorce and live the single live. If you are not, recognize them for what they are--temptations--and develop the backbone and integrity to completely rebuff advances like this.

You're 28, so decide now what kind of woman you want to be.
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Old 9th December 2017, 11:46 PM   #17
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Some people come into your life to stay, while others pass through... I would bet money that this man is passing through... but, why? Could it be that he is meant to teach you how to live with integrity and appreciate what you have in your marriage.
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Old 9th December 2017, 11:53 PM   #18
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He's testing the waters, playing the game... don't fall for it.

And to answer your question, there would be nothing keeping him from doing the exact same thing to you in a couple years... in fact, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.

This man has shown you who he is - a 40 year old "bachelor" who has no plans to make a serious commitment because he likes to play the field and has no respect for boundaries. When he shows you who he is, believe him.

Your marriage may not be as "new" and "exciting," but I can guarantee you that your husband is a better man. You will definitely find more happiness raising a family with your husband than if you start chasing rainbows with this other man...
Ahhh the thing is, deep down I know youíre right and I know that my husband is a much better man. Itís just crazy that I can know this, yet still obsess and long for this other man and his attention. This other man is literally consuming my every thought and I want it to stop so badly!!!
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Old 9th December 2017, 11:58 PM   #19
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Ahhh the thing is, deep down I know youíre right and I know that my husband is a much better man. Itís just crazy that I can know this, yet still obsess and long for this other man and his attention. This other man is literally consuming my every thought and I want it to stop so badly!!!
No, you really don't.

It just amazes me that title and time again people come here and say "I'm cheating, but I don't want too".

So, what have you done to back up the claim? Do you avoid this guy? Have you spoke to your husband about it? Have you blocked or deleted anything?

You are doing exactly what you want to do, stop lying to yourself...that would be a good first step.
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Old 9th December 2017, 11:59 PM   #20
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Iím just so terrified that either on his last day on Friday or some time this week Iím going to be impulsive and do or day something Iíll regret...
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Old 10th December 2017, 12:01 AM   #21
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Iím just so terrified that either on his last day on Friday or some time this week Iím going to be impulsive and do or day something Iíll regret...
Take the week off...of course you won't do that (enter excuses here)
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Old 10th December 2017, 12:03 AM   #22
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Just divorce your husband. He deserves a woman that truly honors those vows she took - and that's not you.

Tell him your truth - he deserves to know what you've been considering - and how it's been affecting him and his crumbling marriage.
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Old 10th December 2017, 12:04 AM   #23
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Iím just so terrified that either on his last day on Friday or some time this week Iím going to be impulsive and do or day something Iíll regret...
You act like you have no control over your own actions - you certainly do!

Grow up and see things for what they really are.

You're about to blow up everything good you've ever had. You are responsible for how YOU participate.
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Old 10th December 2017, 12:05 AM   #24
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No, you really don't.

It just amazes me that title and time again people come here and say "I'm cheating, but I don't want too".

So, what have you done to back up the claim? Do you avoid this guy? Have you spoke to your husband about it? Have you blocked or deleted anything?

You are doing exactly what you want to do, stop lying to yourself...that would be a good first step.
I understand why you would be angry with me, but Iím here because I honestly need advice and insight and help. I donít think becoming upset with me is productive in this situation. I truly never expected to be in this type of situation.

And also (I shouldíve mentioned this earlier), but I cannot avoid him whatsoever for at least until the end of this week because I am his supervisor at work during his clinical. I have been working in our field for about 5 years and this field is what he is pursuing for his masterís degree which I mentioned earlier. When I found out my ďinternĒ was going to be 12 years older than me I was initially super nervous. But as you can see things have progressed in an unexpected way between us..
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Old 10th December 2017, 12:12 AM   #25
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You act like you have no control over your own actions - you certainly do!

Grow up and see things for what they really are.

You're about to blow up everything good you've ever had. You are responsible for how YOU participate.
Have you ever been in this type of situation? I used to be that person that easily judged others in this situation..and look at me now somewhat understanding how this can happen. I have always been known by friends and family as such an honest and genuinely kind hearted and faithful woman...and look where iím at right now. Iím not trying to put myself on a pedestal by any means, but I guess my point is you can be a good person with certain views and it can change in an instant unexpectedly...
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Old 10th December 2017, 12:14 AM   #26
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Iím just so terrified that either on his last day on Friday or some time this week Iím going to be impulsive and do or day something Iíll regret...
Come on... you are a responsible adult, are you not. Surely, you have developed some impulse control and self control. I would hope, that you have the ability to predict consequences of your behavior and you have the intelligence to make a responsible decision.

Don't try and convince us that this is inevitable and you don't have control of your own behavior. YOU create your own life by the decisions you make... If you want to do something stupid with a man who is unworthy and hurt the man who has committed to be your partner in life, then more power to you... If you want to be THAT woman, it is your choice. But, at least have the decency to divorce your husband before you destroy your marriage and his life for a moment of fun and excitement.
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Old 10th December 2017, 12:14 AM   #27
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I understand why you would be angry with me, but Iím here because I honestly need advice and insight and help. I donít think becoming upset with me is productive in this situation. I truly never expected to be in this type of situation.

And also (I shouldíve mentioned this earlier), but I cannot avoid him whatsoever for at least until the end of this week because I am his supervisor at work during his clinical. I have been working in our field for about 5 years and this field is what he is pursuing for his masterís degree which I mentioned earlier. When I found out my ďinternĒ was going to be 12 years older than me I was initially super nervous. But as you can see things have progressed in an unexpected way between us..
Why would you think I'm angry? You're not my wife.

My BS detector in well oiled. And you are going step by step from the cheaters handbook.

Listen, this isn't complicated, stay away from the dude, and if you wanted to you could. You don't want to, so you won't. Just don't try to convince us here that you do. Just be honest, it's always the best way out of anything.
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Old 10th December 2017, 12:23 AM   #28
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Have you ever been in this type of situation? I used to be that person that easily judged others in this situation..and look at me now somewhat understanding how this can happen. I have always been known by friends and family as such an honest and genuinely kind hearted and faithful woman...and look where i’m at right now. I’m not trying to put myself on a pedestal by any means, but I guess my point is you can be a good person with certain views and it can change in an instant unexpectedly...
You know what you're describing?

That you are a victim of YOURSELF.

Poor poor me - I can't not do this...

Yes, YOU can stop. YOU can eliminate this man completely! IF YOU want to - you will!

Stop acting like you're helpless...you're not.

You just keep telling yourself excuses to stay in this affair!

If that's your goal - then why not just divorce? I really want to know why not divorce then?



Btw - I'm not judging - I'm simply going off of what you have said.
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Old 10th December 2017, 12:25 AM   #29
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If you are his supervisor, then you risk your job if you allow this to continue. That would be enough of a reason for me to lose any feelings that I may be having for a man...

Imagine, explaining to your husband why you lost your job...
Bufo likes this.
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Old 10th December 2017, 9:28 AM   #30
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Iím here because I honestly need advice and insight and help.
You need it, we all agree. But, you don't want it. You came here to just "get it out" and you're going to do what you want. We've all given you this "insight" you say you need, but you won't heed any of it. Your situation isn't anything new, unusual, unique, special. Temptation is not wrong....it's how you respond to it.

Good luck.
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