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Stay or Leave [UPDATE: I called his wife]


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 12th March 2017, 10:51 PM   #61
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I called his wife

Yes i did.
Been in the affair for 3 years. She choose to leave. But recently choose to come back. He sort of pulled her back. He bring her and the kids to holidays.
It hurts me. Wasted 3 years of my time, effort and everything.
I choose not to let go. I told him i will stay. Part of me want to let go. I dont know. But the decision to call her, i never regret. Cos she hurt me, she purposely send me the pics of her during her holiday with him, she stalk me in my social media, post nonsense on my fb.
So i called her to talk. And of course she ranted on MM. Tell him and get all the attention she wanted. And definitely i get the whole blame.
I love him, but less now.
I guess, i will slowly willing to let him go, cos we are not the same anymore.
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Old 12th March 2017, 11:08 PM   #62
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ice3784 View Post
Yes i did.
Been in the affair for 3 years. She choose to leave. But recently choose to come back. He sort of pulled her back. He bring her and the kids to holidays.
It hurts me. Wasted 3 years of my time, effort and everything.
I choose not to let go. I told him i will stay. Part of me want to let go. I dont know. But the decision to call her, i never regret. Cos she hurt me, she purposely send me the pics of her during her holiday with him, she stalk me in my social media, post nonsense on my fb.
So i called her to talk. And of course she ranted on MM. Tell him and get all the attention she wanted. And definitely i get the whole blame.
I love him, but less now.
I guess, i will slowly willing to let him go, cos we are not the same anymore.
Sounds like you and his wife are trying to outlast the other. Good luck with that.
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Old 12th March 2017, 11:58 PM   #63
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ice3784 View Post
Yes i did.
Been in the affair for 3 years. She choose to leave. But recently choose to come back. He sort of pulled her back. He bring her and the kids to holidays.
It hurts me. Wasted 3 years of my time, effort and everything.
I choose not to let go. I told him i will stay. Part of me want to let go. I dont know. But the decision to call her, i never regret. Cos she hurt me, she purposely send me the pics of her during her holiday with him, she stalk me in my social media, post nonsense on my fb.
So i called her to talk. And of course she ranted on MM. Tell him and get all the attention she wanted. And definitely i get the whole blame.
I love him, but less now.
I guess, i will slowly willing to let him go, cos we are not the same anymore.
I'm not sure what kind of reaction you were expecting.
A wife is SUPPOSED to get all of her husband's attention and focus.
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Old 13th March 2017, 12:09 AM   #64
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She hurt you? That's rich. I don't hear one ounce of regret on your part for the role you played in hurting her. Do I think it's childish and immature of her to purposely send you pictures and make comments on facebook? Yes, I do. But she probably feels she has every right to do so considering what you did to her.

Yes, it was 3 years wasted. Learn from it, let the cheating jerk go and move on to find your own happiness. Rest assured, just because they went on vacation together does not mean their marriage has fully recovered from his infidelities. But whether they are doing ok or not is not your concern. Focus on yourself, go NC and move on. In the end, that is what is best for your own personal sanity and happiness.
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Old 13th March 2017, 12:16 AM   #65
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You inserted yourself into their marriage.

You aren't welcome in their marriage.

Stay away from him.

You want to be mad at someone? Be mad at yourself for trying to steal married man.

Whether they reconcile or not is none of your business!

Date single men.
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Old 13th March 2017, 12:16 AM   #66
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What's your next move?
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Old 13th March 2017, 2:04 AM   #67
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ice3784 View Post
It hurts me. Wasted 3 years of my time, effort and everything.
Wasted? What was the end game?

Merged. Never mind.

Last edited by mightycpa; 13th March 2017 at 2:15 AM..
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Old 13th March 2017, 7:56 AM   #68
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OP,

I'm really sorry for the pain you are going through, but that's the consequence of playing with a married man. How old are you? I'm really surprised your family hasn't mentored/counseled you.

Please never put a man before your baby. She's two years old and needs her mother. Show up in life for her. You chose to bring her here and now it's time to put your selfish ways behind you. Chose your daughter.
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Old 13th March 2017, 8:29 AM   #69
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I would argue that he's not much of a "catch" anyway.

If he wants to go back to his wife and children, let him. He was never really supposed to be yours anyway.

You learned a valuable lesson here, never trust someone who will lie and cheat.
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Old 13th March 2017, 11:33 AM   #70
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Originally Posted by Tressugar View Post
Please never put a man before your baby. She's two years old and needs her mother. Show up in life for her. You chose to bring her here and now it's time to put your selfish ways behind you. Chose your daughter.
OP, I didn't catch this before. You have a 2-year-old? But you were living with MM for 3 years -- is this his child?

Regardless, I know you're in pain right now, but you're ignoring clear signs that this man is never going to be with you full-time. For god's sake, he asked for his mom's approval of keeping you as a mistress in this town you two work in -- that's not a sign that he'll ever leave his wife to solely be with you. Why would you want to stay with a man that thinks that little of you, and treats you accordingly?
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Old 13th March 2017, 11:34 AM   #71
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Ice,
You need to get your priorities straight. why is your 2 year old living with your parents? I don't understand why she is not living with either you or your husband.

Who fathered the child? If it is MM, then you need to go after child support.
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Old 13th March 2017, 12:11 PM   #72
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ice3784 View Post
Yes i did.
Been in the affair for 3 years. She choose to leave. But recently choose to come back. He sort of pulled her back. He bring her and the kids to holidays.
It hurts me. Wasted 3 years of my time, effort and everything.
I choose not to let go. I told him i will stay. Part of me want to let go. I dont know. But the decision to call her, i never regret. Cos she hurt me, she purposely send me the pics of her during her holiday with him, she stalk me in my social media, post nonsense on my fb.
So i called her to talk. And of course she ranted on MM. Tell him and get all the attention she wanted. And definitely i get the whole blame.
I love him, but less now.
I guess, i will slowly willing to let him go, cos we are not the same anymore.

As long as you keep making poor decisions and then blaming other people for your choices you will never be happy. Relationships are a crap shoot no matter how they start but choosing a relationship with another person's spouse is usually a bad investment of ones time and emotion.

Let's compare the married man to a used car shall we? When I first got my license I was very poor but I wanted to drive so I would buy the cheapest cars I could find for sale. Ugly old pieces of crap that ended up causing me one problem after another. no sooner would I get one thing fixed when something else would need fixing. An oil leak, a timing chain, an old dead battery, it was always something. Worse I couldn't depend on these cars, they would fail me just when I needed them the most and I never felt proud of them the way some people feel pride in their cars. My cars were ugly, rusted, smelled like something was burning, lol, you name it.

Finally I got fed up. Realized that the cheap cars I was buying to save money were actually costing more money, time and grief in the long run. So I decided to save and sacrafice to get a new car. It took me three years to save up a large down payment. I did that because I knew when I got the car and had to pay gas and insurance and reg maintenance I wouldn't be able to afford large car payments. So spent 3 yrs and saved 10 thousand dollars and then I got my new car. Then I had to sacrafice to make payments and to pay higher insurance premiums and to maintain. It was worth it though cause I ended up with a pretty new car that I could depend on, that always started, even in freezing temperatures. A car with working heat and air conditioning, a car I could have passengers in and not feel embarrassed.

It's time for you to walk away from your old used and broken down car. Take the time and resources you need to invest in a decent relationship. That means being single, getting your daughter back and being a mom, learning independence and taking responsibility. Spend a few years saving up emotionally and mentally so that one day you will be ready to invest in a decent man.

Just as an aside, of course their are exceptions in my used car analogy. I once bought a 23yr old Camry for a thousand bucks and that car never gave me a moment of grief. It had one owner before me, had never been smoked in, only had 119 thousand k on it and no rust. People were always offering to buy it from me. I gave that car to my son and it's still running to this day. A real gem. You don't have an exception. You have a piece of crap that you need to get rid off before it completely robs you blind and leaves you with nothing.
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Old 13th March 2017, 12:18 PM   #73
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Quote:
Originally Posted by S2B View Post
You inserted yourself into their marriage.

You aren't welcome in their marriage.

Stay away from him.

You want to be mad at someone? Be mad at yourself for trying to steal married man.

Whether they reconcile or not is none of your business!

Date single men.
The absurd sense of entitlement that many OW have is breathtaking.
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Old 13th March 2017, 10:02 PM   #74
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Update : I called his wife : He hate me but still together

Few days had passed. Things started to calm down, every thing seems to back to normal, we are still staying together just less intimate.
We both leave our hometown, as i said earlier, and work in a new city. Guess we don't have anyone else but each other, that forces us to stay together no matter how bad our argument or how much anger we had to each other.
Im taking a 10 days off from him, bought a ticket back home, gonna have a break from work and him.
At this moment we are like 2 friends sharing a bed, no intimacy, just normal conversations and work life as usual.
We dont have each other passwords now, not on the phone nor laptop. He has his life now, i had my own. Guess this is meant to die slowly..
I invested in him financially too, i helped him to purchase a house back in his hometown. Since he is reconciling with his wife, i told him i will move my things out. i dont want to step my foot in his hometown anymore.
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Old 13th March 2017, 10:54 PM   #75
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Originally Posted by anika99 View Post
As long as you keep making poor decisions and then blaming other people for your choices you will never be happy. Relationships are a crap shoot no matter how they start but choosing a relationship with another person's spouse is usually a bad investment of ones time and emotion.
This is the truth. Time to cut your loses because you have invested more into this relationship than you should have... emotionally, financially, and with your relationship with your daughter. Is she really living with your parents?

Your responsibility is with your daughter.mit should always have been with your daughter, but you chose to selfishly follow another man and invest it with him. You've had a bad return on your investment. But, your daughter... She is only young once. You are wasting the time you have with her and you are standing your opportunity to be her mother. You are very lucky that she is young because if she was older, what you have done to her - choosing a man over your own daughter - would probably be unforgivable to her. You should thank your lucky stars that you still have the opportunity to build a relationship with your daughter!

This is your fork in the road... your opportunity to make a better decision and chose a new path. Chose wisely.
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