LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > The Other Man / Woman

Will I ever be his #1?


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

Like Tree1592Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 11th December 2016, 3:58 PM   #1
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 694
Will I ever be his #1?

[ previous thread: He said he loves me..but he's married ]


I don't even know where to begin with this post. We have so much back story. Feel free to skim through my other thread if you want. It's been 4 years of ok again off again affair with MM.

I have broken it off with him a dozen times but he keeps coming back. He swears that he loves me and can't live without me. And promises that we will be together one day.

I've been waiting for what seems like forever and it's killing me!
I have tried dating other guys and it doesn't work. I'm not even remotely interested in anyone else.

I told him last month that it was either me or her. He had to make his choice and I basically wanted all or nothing. He told me he wanted me but to just give him a little bit more time.

After that, I broke down and said I was done. We went NC for a whole month. The longest we've gone without some kind of contact. But he messaged me Friday.

He didn't say much. The message just said "I miss you like crazy. I want to see you".. I stared at it for pretty much the whole weekend, thinking what to say or do. I finally messaged him back but only said I miss you too.

I want to see him too but every time we part ways it's like I'm losing him over and over again.

I don't know what's worse, being with him and still being alone, or not being with him and being even more alone.

I can honestly say that there is no greater feeling of rejection then this. He says he loves me but then doesn't choose me.

He says he doesn't love his wife. But yet he stays....

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 25th January 2017 at 8:14 PM.. Reason: added link to previous thread ~6
jennifernyc84 is offline  
Old 11th December 2016, 4:03 PM   #2
NTV
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 1,689
Would telling his wife get her to divorce him?
NTV is offline  
Old 11th December 2016, 4:07 PM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 694
Quote:
Originally Posted by NTV View Post
Would telling his wife get her to divorce him?
she found out a while ago. It got ugly. They were on the verge of divorce but they mended things. I cut him out of my life then but he keeps coming back. He won't let me go
Satu likes this.
jennifernyc84 is offline  
Old 11th December 2016, 4:10 PM   #4
NTV
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 1,689
I bet if she knew he was still in touch with you things wouldn't be on the mend....
NTV is offline  
Old 11th December 2016, 4:10 PM   #5
Established Member
 
Marc878's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,107
You're being played. He's still with his wife and family. Isn't he?

Better get out of your fantasy if you ever want to have real life of your own.

No one loves someone and strings them along for four years.
Marc878 is offline  
Old 11th December 2016, 4:19 PM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 694
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marc878 View Post
You're being played. He's still with his wife and family. Isn't he?

Better get out of your fantasy if you ever want to have real life of your own.

No one loves someone and strings them along for four years.
Ha! You don't know the half of it! It's been so much longer than 4 years. I've been in love with this man since I was a child. He is my best friend in the world and I don't know what I would do without him.
Satu likes this.
jennifernyc84 is offline  
Old 11th December 2016, 4:22 PM   #7
Established Member
 
jacxie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 47
Oh yeah, we all know those sweet promises...
jacxie is offline  
Old 11th December 2016, 4:29 PM   #8
Established Member
 
Marc878's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,107
Quote:
Originally Posted by jennifernyc84 View Post
Ha! You don't know the half of it! It's been so much longer than 4 years. I've been in love with this man since I was a child. He is my best friend in the world and I don't know what I would do without him.
Friends are loyal, trustworthy, honest.
He's not your friend.

Get out of your denial and block everything. Completely dark no contact.

If you want to have a life of your own
Marc878 is offline  
Old 11th December 2016, 4:30 PM   #9
Established Member
 
Marc878's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,107
Its not that he won't let you go. It's the opposite.

He's only taking what you're giving
Marc878 is offline  
Old 11th December 2016, 4:32 PM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 529
Think, is this you want to do with the life you got?

Breakfree and its worth it. Every morning he choses her over you, enough is enough.
freengreen is offline  
Old 11th December 2016, 4:39 PM   #11
Established Member
 
Satu's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: LV-426
Posts: 9,466
Journal Entries: 124
He keeps coming back because you keep giving him what he wants.

He'll probably never give you what you want.

Thats the way he wants it.


Take care.
__________________


"We fly to get high."
Satu is offline  
Old 11th December 2016, 4:40 PM   #12
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 694
I see how other couples are and it pains me so much. We're never able to just walk into a place and have dinner. Or shop at a mall. Or just walk down the street together holding hands.

No this isn't how I want my life. But I can't get over him. I want him..
Satu likes this.
jennifernyc84 is offline  
Old 11th December 2016, 4:44 PM   #13
Established Member
 
jacxie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 47
Listen, the sooner you end it, the better. Trust me.
jacxie is offline  
Old 11th December 2016, 4:49 PM   #14
Established Member
 
Satu's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: LV-426
Posts: 9,466
Journal Entries: 124
Quote:
Originally Posted by jennifernyc84 View Post
I see how other couples are and it pains me so much. We're never able to just walk into a place and have dinner. Or shop at a mall. Or just walk down the street together holding hands.

No this isn't how I want my life. But I can't get over him. I want him..
You've volunteered to be a convenience for him.

A service provider, even.

Pay attention:

He is where he wants to be, with the person he wants to be with.

You never have been, and never will be, the most important woman in his life.

Never.

This is the reality of your situation.


Take care.
Satu is offline  
Old 11th December 2016, 4:54 PM   #15
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 642
He may love but for some reason he isn't able to make any sort of decision. He wants his marriage and his wife and the comfortable way life is right now and he wants you- and you are allowing that to happen.

The best thing is to do right for yourself, your heart, and your sanity and to walk away. If it hurts you to hold on to him and 'wait' for him to do something then you have to be good to yourself and walk away.

Enjoy the life you are given- what you are doing is living in purgatory - just waiting, and hoping and it isn't because of anything he is doing but what you are allowing to be done to you.

Move forward, smile, enjoy time with friends and family and live your life. If he leaves his wife he will know where to find you and if he doesn't then you can start enjoying life again. My guess is a year or two from now if you can truly let go and move forward you will look back on this thanking God you didn't end up with this man.
HeCantBreakMe is offline  
 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 2:13 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.