Josmatjes Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 So I blocked him but not her!! I'm so stupid.... Almost9 weeks and she starts texting me accusing me of things. I just said I'm sorry that I cannot help her and that I hope that her and her husband can work it out...she keeps asking millions of questions and I just feel so awful. What do I do? Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 If you do not want to talk to her, block her too. And you are not stupid 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 If a W came to me asking questions looking for facts, I'd be answering them. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Why not offer your answers to the questions she has? She's obviously wondering - and needs truth - and her gut probably tells her she's not getting the real story from her husband. I wish many years ago someone had allowed me truth when my gut said my husband was a skilled liar. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Josmatjes Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 I want to be truthfully but there is no telling what she would do. Xmm told me she would drive her car through my house.she has massive anger issues. I just don't know what to do... Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Write to her. But tell her that any retaliatory actions on her part will leave you no option but to seek legal remedy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 First, remember what ever he said about her to you is probably about as truthful as what he now says about you. Do what you feel good about based on you, not what you think her reaction will be. I spoke with our OW when she asked to, but I regret it now. It opened a window in to our life she could not handle. BUT no one could have convinced me otherwise at the time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Josmatjes Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 Write to her. But tell her that any retaliatory actions on her part will leave you no option but to seek legal remedy. That is not abad idea.but I just don't know how much to tell and I also don't think it matters who xmm was with. It could of been anyone and apparently I wasn't the only one... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 That is not abad idea.but I just don't know how much to tell and I also don't think it matters who xmm was with. It could of been anyone and apparently I wasn't the only one... Maybe that could be your reply? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Josmatjes Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 Maybe that could be your reply? I did tell her but she is crazy Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 If she has anger issues she might get angrier if you tell her nothing . I'd tell her what she wants to know , and add you were not the only one to spread her anger around. Then tell her if she does anything stupid there will be legal consequences. And then tell her you are sorry for what you did and sorry she is married to a serial cheater since you were not the only one . Link to post Share on other sites
Author Josmatjes Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 Now he is texting me....Jesus... Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 DO NOT REPLY.... Do not. You should have them both blocked, honestly hun...... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Josmatjes Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 Ihave to block her.she is going crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Keep all records of texts and messages. Then show them to a lawyer and get him/her to draft a letter warning BOTH of them that any further contact will be considered harassment, and you will take legal measures to prevent any further contact. It must come from a lawyer, and be utterly uncompromising. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Yes block her. Was being an OW a bad idea? Yes. Are you now honor bound to keep her in your life until she feels better? NO 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Josmatjes Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 Keep all records of texts and messages. Then show them to a lawyer and get him/her to draft a letter warning BOTH of them that any further contact will be considered harassment, and you will take legal measures to prevent any further contact. It must come from a lawyer, and be utterly uncompromising. Oki will save everything.... Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Now don't block her and the start talking to him again or you will be at square one again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Red123 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Does she know it was you for sure that he had the A with? If so are you worried she will tell your H? Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 I think blocking her without saying anything is going to make it worse. I say this because your children are friends with hers and you used to be good friends with her. Blocking her may send her to your door. She knows he cheated and since she is asking so many questions of you, she will soon know it was you. Your affair ended a year ago but your contact has continued off and on this is probably what sent her to you. Either tell her a very good lie and then say I am going to block you if you don't stop this nonsense or tell her. She is going to keep digging till she finds out though. Stop talking to him, it makes you look guiltier to her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Is her anger because you are dismissing her? Most people get angry when their questions/feelings/concerns are not being acknowledged. You will have to decide if you are going to answer her questions. If so, there is nothing wrong in putting down some ground rules. Maybe via email, phone, no name calling..etc.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Southern Sun Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Oh, this is hard. xMM's wife suspects our A but does not know. My H knows but decided not to tell her. He sort of maintains the right to change his mind at any time. But I've put myself in her shoes and I feel terrible for her. Since she is suspicious and I know has questioned xMM multiple times (he denies and gaslights her), she must feel absolutely so frustrated and confused. She has actually seen enough evidence with her own eyes that would make any woman know in her gut, but there's no "smoking gun." And he has the lying and manipulation down to a science. I just know that she must be questioning her own reality and sanity. Because of that, I have thought that if she ever contacts me directly, and (calmly) asks me if I would have an adult conversation with her, I think I would consider doing it. Perhaps with my H there. But for her sake, I think I would. Every situation is different I know. I just feel bad that she has to live with those suspicions that she feels deep down are true, and is faced with a man that will go to his grave refusing to admit anything, even if he knows it would save her mental health. He doesn't care. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 I agree with the others who say to block if you plan on not answering any questions. Her WH is probably making her nuts as well with conflicting information. Do what is best for YOU! Just a side note: MOW was the one who let me know my WH's A had gone underground. She also answered all of my questions at that time. It was the one time I did not harbor any anger towards her. We compared stories and he would always bounce back and forth between us two placating whoever was the most upset at the time with his lies. I am very thankful to this day for the MOW, she actually let me finally see who my WH REALLY is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Artie Lang Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 i agree about writing her a letter detailing some of the events that took place- when it started, how long it lasted, when it ended. also, make it clear you want no further contact from either of them or you'll take legal action. Make a copy of said letter for your records in case you do have to put RO on them. After doing this, the matter is out of your hands. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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