malinilomalinilo Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 I been in a relationship with a married woman for the past 9 months, we loved each other, 3 months ago the woman found the husband cheating on her, and she came clean about me, now they are seperated and i was with her and living with her for a while, i loved her very much, but now shes missing her ex and getting a guilt trip and now she said she needs her space and we dont talk, and a few nights ago she text me and it was like i was talkin to a completly different person sayin, oh i love my husband and i messed up and sayin he did nothing wrong and i miss everything about him and sayin she never loved me even though i know she does, now im upset bc i changed my whole life for her, i doubt they will get back together but she said some harsh things and said it would never work out between me and her bc she said shed always feel guilty that i ruined the marriage according to her, im over it at this point but i do love her, also keep in mind i changed my entire life around for her, met her family, my fam hates me now bc of her, i feel like everything she said was bc shes mad that her life sucks now she lost everything and is blamin it all on me i dont know what to do, i know i should move on but i still love her and she wants nothing with me she wants to try to be with her husband, i know in my heart that they will never get back tetger or at least he wont take her back, should i move on? Link to post Share on other sites
Author malinilomalinilo Posted December 22, 2014 Author Share Posted December 22, 2014 fell in love with a married woman, she loves me but she also loves her husband and now he found out and they are seperated, she blames me for everything and right now our relationship is over, shes mad her world is upside down and says hurtful things,and all i keep reading is that normally the person needs to cut the adulterer off or the person she cheated on her husband with and try to work things out with the husband, now im wondering can a situation like this me and her be happy and in love eventually? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Happy endings can and do happen in exit affairs, with my description of exit affair being the marriage is a partnership of convenience and a more compatible choice is presented and the affair is simply a transition from one partnership form to another. Lifelong unions have begun that way, though people are generally loathe to validate them due to the social stigmas surrounding adultery and affairs. What has surprised me, happening to view a variety of historical movies of late due to my Amazon Prime subscription and watching TCM on satellite, is how often adultery and affairs are depicted quite openly in films of the supposedly 'moral' decades in our distant past, including 'happy endings'. Do movies imitate live or vice-versa? IDK, though reads of historical data sure seem to indicate a correlation. IME, as a fOM, what I mostly saw was MW's desiring distractions or seeking attention. Of course, that's simply one person's experiences. I was a young guy looking for a life partner who happened to run into certain women who turned out to be married and the experiences sprung from those unique interactions. Billions of others go on every day, all different. Link to post Share on other sites
Man Mountain Makino Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 now im wondering can a situation like this me and her be happy and in love eventually? Possible but unlikely. Also, a big warning sign is that she blames you for everything and doesn't take responsibility for herself. Is this a good quality in your best judgment? If so, you're immature, too. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author malinilomalinilo Posted December 22, 2014 Author Share Posted December 22, 2014 Possible but unlikely. Also, a big warning sign is that she blames you for everything and doesn't take responsibility for herself. Is this a good quality in your best judgment? If so, you're immature, too. no she blames herself too for most of it, but right now shes not right and shes sayin nasty stuff thats hurtful, like she doesnt know what she was thinkin and she loves him and she doesnt love me and neve did etc, i do think n know for a fact theyll never get back together, he wont take her back, shes cheated before n have had alot of issues, so i dunno if i should wait it out even though in her hurt state of mind shes tellin me theres no future between me and her Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Yes, it is over. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FromAbove Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 I'm sorry for your loss...yes i think its better to move on, learn from this mistake....you had your adventure...and she learned her lesson well too.. People can change....when reality strucks and the fantasy romance comes to an end....It's sad, but was a high risk project to begin with. I would leave her alone for awhile and try to build your own life back again...how hard it may be, you have to move on. Maybe later in a year (or two)...she may come back to you if it doesn't work out with her Husband, who knows? Wish you luck, Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Nah. Especially when the adulterer is that immature. But I do think you have a reason to be happy OP, chances are the betrayed husband is going to find another woman, will drop his ex-wife and she'll take you as her plan B. Happy end? Well, at least until she cheats on you, enjoy. Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 You should wait for her:) The longer you suffer the more you will realize that messing with a married woman just is not worth it. Clay Link to post Share on other sites
Ruffian1 Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 She was cheating on him and him on her and now she wants him back? Just one word . . . . .why? Cut your losses and get out of that mess. You are both young. Let her go either get divorced or back with her H but stay away until she is officially divorced and she may be open to dating you again if you are still interested that is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author malinilomalinilo Posted December 22, 2014 Author Share Posted December 22, 2014 She was cheating on him and him on her and now she wants him back? Just one word . . . . .why? Cut your losses and get out of that mess. You are both young. Let her go either get divorced or back with her H but stay away until she is officially divorced and she may be open to dating you again if you are still interested that is. He told her that her cheating led him to cheat on her which is bs and now shes guilt trippin, the husband is a absolute scumbag dudes touched her too before Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Yes, you should definitely move on. This relationship began on shaky ground - in infidelity - and got worse when she discovered the tables had been turned on her. Suddenly she didn't love this idea of an affair so much. it was all fun and games and lust until reality hit her in the face. It wasn't the foundation of a long-term, healthy relationship for the two of you. Why did you choose to get involved with a married woman in the first place? What outcome did you predict? Regardless, she has made it abundantly clear that it's over for her. Whether or not her husband takes her back or whether they work it out isn't your concern. She is married and thus unavailable for a relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 no she blames herself too for most of it, but right now shes not right and shes sayin nasty stuff thats hurtful, like she doesnt know what she was thinkin and she loves him and she doesnt love me and neve did etc, i do think n know for a fact theyll never get back together, he wont take her back, shes cheated before n have had alot of issues, so i dunno if i should wait it out even though in her hurt state of mind shes tellin me theres no future between me and her Does this really sound like someone who is relationship material? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 It ended the only way it could end. You were a pawn in somebody else's game. Block, delete, forget. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 She is responsible for her choice to cheat on her husband with you. You do have some responsibility for having an affair with a married, not separated woman, and if you pursued her or tried to seduce her rather than the other way around or just connecting through association, then you have even greater fault. Still, ultimately it was her choice, and her primary responsibility. I don't see a happy outcome in the current situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author malinilomalinilo Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 Im in this affair, and it lasted quite a while, and for some reason one day the wife came jn and found the husband cheatin so she confessed abiut her affair with me to get back at him, now fast forward a few months later they are seperated and the woman ended our relationship, we havent had contact for a while, im over the relationship in all honesty and i wish her the best but at the same time if she came back i would always take her back i love her, but right now im curious as to what the chances are of a divorce in this instance bc i do not want them getting divorced, id feel guilty but at the same time she has cheated kn him once before, hes hit her and cheated kn her etc, like theyre reltaionshop has been good bc they always been happy except for now idk Link to post Share on other sites
Author malinilomalinilo Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 After a woman has cheated twice and they have been seperated for like 3 montbs already what are the chances of getting back together? Slim to none? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 She is probably taking time to figure out what she wants in life. This was probably a serious wake up call for her. Sure she was cheating with you but she like others just figured she no longer had those feelings for her husband and the moment she found out he was cheating those feelings came right back up. It sounds like they both should divorce. Clearly neither one of them are capable of being decent and faithful. I think if I was you I would move on and just forget about her. Your best to go find a single woman that will want you. Life is so much better when you don't have to worry about your partner screwing someone else Clay 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author malinilomalinilo Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 D-day happened and the husband left her but he was also cheating, now she left me bc she wants him back, is it selfsih of me to want them to get divorced so she can someday be all mine? Link to post Share on other sites
Be_Strong Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Sure it's selfish, but perfectly natural to feel that way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Be_Strong Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 To be honest, I'd say the chances of divorce are lower here than usual because of the mutual cheating. Each spouse is on equal footing and it appears that they are the type of couple that thrives on disfunction. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author malinilomalinilo Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 To be honest, I'd say the chances of divorce are lower here than usual because of the mutual cheating. Each spouse is on equal footing and it appears that they are the type of couple that thrives on disfunction. Yea but the husband is seeing it as if she was the only lne that cheated and the only one that did wrong bc he says she made him do it bc he had a feelin she was cheatin and the dude has almost no plans on getting back Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Whatever it is between them isn't over. Hope you can move past this and let go, find a (single) woman who can meet all your needs and be with you whenever you please. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Yea but the husband is seeing it as if she was the only lne that cheated and the only one that did wrong bc he says she made him do it bc he had a feelin she was cheatin and the dude has almost no plans on getting back Very often in these situations all those involved are catapulted away from each other, never to be together in any way, ever again. Explosive decompression. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 D-day happened and the husband left her but he was also cheating, now she left me bc she wants him back, is it selfsih of me to want them to get divorced so she can someday be all mine? But it's out of your hands. You can't control what they do and what they want. They have a history together, family entwined, a life built. Many don't just throw it all away without trying so it's possible they will do marriage counseling and fix things. If you truly love and care about her, you'll just want to see her happy.. Whether that's with you or him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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