how do i act deal end this?

[werty]

this is just a continuation of what i have posted before...

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t108405/

 

ok things betweek us have been goin on straight up until June. but this was just like more of an office relationship because we are still hiding the relationship.but even so, we have done many things already like lovers would have done. had great romance/sex starting late May when we go close the office. everything has been ok, except for the usual fights we have, mainly because i was always asking her where do i stand, what is her take on me, a bf or really just the other man... etc etc

 

June 17 came, she BROKE up with the guy. i was a bit happy, but somehow scared, because i know that the guys family will not stop just there. they will look for a fight. and i know, she cant stand on her own. so i told her how happy i was about her breaking up with him, and said that she should be prepared for the comeback, and stand firm on her decision.

 

the day has come, just 2 days after. the guy's family/specifically his older sister is now making trouble, with her and her mother. someone has spread rumors about us, that there was a third party, thats why the breakup and it was me, and they are making this whole mess even bigger. we both denied it of course. and i fought back to that sister if him telling her why are you getting involved when suppose to be only her and your brother(the father's baby).they cant answer back, because they are the kind of people that talks and talks and never listens even if they really dont know what is happening.the day has past, and everything was silent, again... after that day, me and my girl are still doin things we usually do after work. hugs, kiss, show love to each other. etc etc etc. but she told me one terrible thing. she told me that even after the breakup, she cant do anything with the baby's father because he was persistent and dont wana breakup. so what happend, my girl and her mother agreed that they will let him do what he wants, even still sleep in their house because of the baby.things will be over, if its the guys who is really gona give up on this relationship.of course i was furious on this but she told me she cant stand on the breakup coz if she insist and puts up a wall between her and the baby's father, there will be toruble again. so they are hoping, if they dont give too much attention to the guy like before, he will just give up on the relationship and he will personally tell his family that he is tired and wants to give up now. of course, this said coming from my girl, would be just an excuse so i wont get mad or something... geezzzzzzzzz im giving her toooooooooo much break and im just acting blind even if i know she is stepping over me now....

 

now our last day of work would be June 30, for we will be transferring location. so we will probably have about 1 month of no work and we might not see each other. but she promised me that it will be no problem. that she will contact me and we will still see each other,no problem(mind u guys, she has not been fulfilling promises with me for a long time now).

 

June 30 came, the last day of work. when work ended, as usual the goodbyes, hugs kisses. she said we will meet monday,promise and go to the mountains.i said ok. Monday came, no call or txt,no show(she doesnt have her own cell,its his brothers,but i can call and hopefully he will give it to her), just as i expected. the next day we saw each other. i asked what happend?she said sorry. she ddnt come blah blah blah (excuses).i got mad, but i ddnt show.i asked so when can we meet? she said she will just text. days past and no text, no call, no communication. then saturday came, she txt me getting something from me. i then called her.i was mad for not communicating with me for the past days like i was nobody. as usual, with her usual excuses again.i demanded her we nid to talk, really nid to talk.she promised, again, on tuesday, that would be July10. the day came, and again no SHOW.on the wednesday i called her again angrily, demanded we talk NOW or ill make trouble outside(me,her and the fathers baby are neighbors btw).she said ok ok, ill talk and met you today.

 

later that day we met and talk. she said that she is sorry for everything she has done.she said she has been guarded after the breakup coz the people making trouble still up until now is looking proof that we both really had a relationship.she said that she knew she loves me,but she cant do anything. she cant stand on her own.that she has no power to go against them(the guys family,meaning its like she is letting them dictate what she would do). long story short because of her not showing any value to me, no matter what her excuses were, i ddnt accept them. for my reason is if you really love somebody,want and need him, you would be able to do anything to be with that person,no matter what obstacle that may block your way. after showing her how mad i am at her, for not giving me worth, for not being firm on her decision of breakup etcetc etc. i also asked her decision if she is gona stay with him, or leave him and be with me. she answered no to both.she said i dont know etc etc. showing signs of confusion because she cant really tell what she wants. and i hated it, when she is trying to say that she or they are doin this for the baby thing.... so after both of us talked, she said that i will never understand her situation, and its better if we just stop this. i said ok its your choice.she then said im goin home now. as she went for the door, i came down chasing after her, pulled her into my arms, hugged her tight and said, why are you doin this to me? were all you said about us, about how u love me, all lies? she then cried, tears fall as she said i have many sins against you.i dont want you to get involved of my trouble again.after a few minutes,after the tears fall, me made love.darn me. before goin home, i told her that whatever you do, do this not for me but for yourself and your own happiness.that it was you who told me you dont feel loved anymore there,why still stay there? and dont make the baby an excuse. i said its only you who can decide if you really wana keep me, or let me just go away.all i ever wanted from you is to know that your truely happy, even if its not me your with.

 

ok since that day, i am YET to recieve a call or even txt from her. i can sometimes see her outside,but thats all i can do for now. each day that passes im starting to realise that i am really just nobody, until they both are still together. each day that passes, the pain of being ignored, and treated just like nobody after all the things i have done for her,is starting to diminish. each day that passes, it just makes me realise that i have done my best, and if she really wants me, needs me, she knows what to do,but im not gona be waiting or expect from it.even if we were not expecting it, this wil be a good space between us.

 

now all am asking here now, is to help me deal with the situation. we will be starting working again about 2 weeks from now, and her being my sobordinate,it cant be helped that we will see each other,thats if she will still work there.lets just say she will, i was thinking of totally ignoring her,let her realise that i wasnt happy the way things that have been happening. if she tries to talk, ill way away. if she insists(like she used to) i will tell her that we got nothing to talk about,until you are still together. this will be my way of breaking up.

 

i think you guys can imagine the situation already. i just want to hear from you guys what your take on this.or how will you handle the situation if it was you in my shoe.

 

thanks... when you type in your replies, just dont hate me.. because i was just a man who feel inlove at the wrong person,at a wrong time....

[Mino]

post way to long to read!!!

[GreenEyedLady]

post way to long to read!!!

 

I agree-can we get a summary?

[werty]

oh man, i dont know how to summarize it coz if i do that, i may take out some details that would help clarify the whole situation.

 

maybe reading the last 4-5 paragraphs will give the picture

[Mino]

Ok Werty, I gave it a go, and read your thread. You are kinda of same situationn as me. my mm has a small child too. I hate to say this but she is stringing you along too. I am not saying that she does not love you, but she is staying where is for now. Your idea is great. I work with my mm too. It is very difficult to go into nc under these conditions. I do crack after around the 5day of nc, Damn I am weak) but I always try it again and again. I know that if he were to EVER make a move, I would have to stick to nc and he would have to miss me enough. That is the only way he would ever make a move. I hope i have the strength to do it this week...... Good luck to you

[Hurt & Alone]

no contact is always the best advice however, when there are feelings involved it is hard to do. Soooooooooo hard. In regards to the problems the family will bring to her and speaking from exp she appears to choose the road to lesser problems and bc there is a child involve she may feel this is the best action to take for her child and self.

[werty]

thank for reading my long post..

 

so i guess ill go with the no contact thing, even if she is my sobordinate? my feelings are really true to her.its just sad, that she cant do anything for me even after all the things that happened. i gues, if we do see each other at work again,even if it hurts,ill do the NC thing.i gues its the best for both of us right now.

 

you both gave me insite on how she is maybe thinking right now. that is she just taking the road with less trouble for herself, and her baby. i have already said soo much to her,tried to raise her up and everything i could think of, just to show how much i really care. but i cant do anything more.its all up to her if she would ever make a move.

 

thanks for the inputs. ill try to update this as events follows...

[Mino]

werty, just be polite at work, keep conversation short and profesional, I am always the one who ends conversation, and walk away, leaving him standing there many times alone. Dont know why i do this:rolleyes:

[werty]

Geez, after so many weeks she just texted me NOW. she just said "how r u, <my name>.

 

i ddnt reply. ill keeping this no contact, besides shes the one who initiated this in the 1st place. i just hope im doin the right thing.

[werty]

OMG! I just made the mistake of talking to her today...

 

hours ago i was on my way home when i suddenly bump into her. i just looked at her, with her baby doing a stroll along the road, and pass her by. i was about to really just ignore her, but my urge to "clear" things and make it final just overwhelms me. so i chased after her and ask her the same "questions" i was trying to ask her before. up until now, she still hasn't changed. she still answers my questions like "im still confused", "i dont know what to do", "you never understand me",blames other things/people for not able to make decision, etc etc etc. all i was asking this time was to clear and finalize things between us, but she really isnt being helpful.i even said i wont be angry or mad,i just want things to be clear between us and i want it coming from you and she still treats me like just nobody. so after getting those same answers from her, i told her, that if you cant be with me, then ill leave you alone. she then said "i can't answer you that"... due to my fraustration of what she said.i then said, "i see, if that would be your answer,then its better we stop this.besides, it seems that what we have done means nothing to you...." then i left her there and walk on separate path....

 

Now, did i just make a wrong move here? especially on the last parting words i said? somehow i could still feel she needs me somehow, but i dont want to be "used" anymore. im just trying to ease up her confusion,to let her stand on her own, but am i doin the the right thing here? or i am just pushing her away more? Please tell me what to do....

 

If its possible, i would also want opinions from females or someone who might be on the same "shoe" as her.

 

Thanks

[whichwayisup]

How does she "need" you? Seriously...Think about it. And yes, she is USING you.

 

You can't help her with her confusion, the situation it self and all that it brings BRINGS ON confusion, in the heart, in the head...

 

Honestly, the best thing for you right now is to work real hard on NC, making your own closure.

[greengoddess]

 

the day has come, just 2 days after. the guy's family/specifically his older sister is now making trouble, with her and her mother. someone has spread rumors about us, that there was a third party, thats why the breakup and it was me, and they are making this whole mess even bigger. we both denied it of course. and i fought back to that sister if him telling her why are you getting involved when suppose to be only her and your brother(the father's baby).they cant answer back, because they are the kind of people that talks and talks and never listens even if they really dont know what is happening.

 

LOL this just cracks me up. You say the family is the type that just talk and talk and never listen? UMMMM HELLOOOOO maybe that's because you ARE LYING and they know it. Seriously if they were broken up why would you deny your relationship with her? WHY LIE?????

People seriously have no morals anymore. Lie lie lie lie why not admit the truth.

 

She's 20 and the baby's dad is only 16? Sounds like you found a real winner of a woman there.

 

Let her go please. Move on with your life. Are you really ready to be a parent so soon? This relationship is a package deal with baby.

[werty]

UMMMM HELLOOOOO maybe that's because you ARE LYING and they know it. Seriously if they were broken up why would you deny your relationship with her? WHY LIE?????

 

not really worth mentioning anymore, coz it already happened.but i will just try to answer ur inquiry. i may have tried pursuading her to break up with him coz she was the one who said she wasnt happy anymore,but i never know she was really goin to do it that time.i only knew of it the day after. we never expected that they will cause trouble like that just after 2days from the breakup.we deny it coz it was just sooo soon for them to know that she has a relationship with me. and she would look "bad". after i knew of the breakup, we were planning to "let know the world about us" one step at a time. after i have talked to them, i dont know what happened after. i dont know what arrangement or agreement they made. she never tells me. all i know is that up until now,they are still together,may it be love, or baby matters, it doesnt really concern me anymore. coz i was not suppose to be there in the first place. being my neighbor, and my sobordinate at work,all i really wanted, was a good closure... can you blame me?

[greengoddess]

Werty honestly I think it is all for the better for you. Don't get involved with their mess. Don't make yourself a ready made daddy so soon.

 

Smile and know the right woman in the right circumstances will come along.

[werty]

Yea i know. its all for ME. it just hard, when i am a kind of person who wants things to have an ending,good or bad, especially when i tried my all and still it ddnt worked out. it was just making me feel, that all was just for nothing.