werty Posted December 31, 2006 Share Posted December 31, 2006 hello and here i am again with another relationship problem..... i have this girl right now(for about a month now), a neighbor. shes about 20 and hav a baby boy of 3 months old(of course its not mine). the father which is also a neighbor is just about 16 so basically they havent been married eversince she got pregnant. the father is still there supporting the child, but she told me that their relationship was unclear.the father will just fetch her from work and go straight home currently.long story short, its like that their relationship was missing the "loving" part, eversince and things just happened coz of peers pushing and teasing them together,thats how i understand what she said.its like that basically she is missing having been loved by someone, thats why we both easily understood each other.and basically just wanted a child of her own. she currently lives with her mother and father. now the relationship easily developed caused we worked on the same office. we get to go out once in a while.but our relationship still cannot be revealed to our neighbors so thats why its been kept secret... i dont know if this is right of me or not. but im not doin anything wrong, right? and so is she right? i wonder how many problems i will be running into..... just wanted opinion or suggestion... TY Link to post Share on other sites
tikigods Posted December 31, 2006 Share Posted December 31, 2006 Until there is a clear definition as to what their relationship is you need to just stay friends with her. Its only been three months since the baby has been born, I would back far away until you know for certain whats going on with them, cause this can only cause to drama and trouble right ow Link to post Share on other sites
borneveryday Posted January 1, 2007 Share Posted January 1, 2007 It is hard not to be judgmental about something like this, so I am really trying to think the best of everyone involved. BUT it does sound like this girl is pretty immature. I don't mean it in an insulting way, but she was with a 16 year old boy and at 20, that's quite unusual really - that's a nigger age gap than just four years if you think how much faster girl's generally mature than boys. Now she has a child so hopefully she is trying to get focused and clear on her plans for the future, but in the mean time she is getting involved with someone else in 'secret'. I agree with the comment above about staying friends. You're obviously physically attracted to her and feel some kind of 'connection', but those things can be transient. Does she really have to offer what it is you need, for more than a couple of months of shifty excitement? Just think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author werty Posted January 2, 2007 Author Share Posted January 2, 2007 thanks for the comments. ive talked to her just awhile ago. she told me she had her baby baptised under her family name. i wana know and ask her what really is her standing relationship with the father, what agreement both thier family talked about this but im afraid to say the words, for actually i really dont know what or how to asked as to not offend her or pressure her. i think and i feel that she just cant stop to love me(i hope its love really) coz everytime we see each other in the office, it seems she always is eager for me, she cant seem to control and just wana hug me. or get close to me, or tease somehow.. same as me. i know i shouldnt be this close coz i might get hurt in the process but i dont knw how to stop. maybe coz never in my entire life that i have met somehow who can relate to me so easily.i mean its like we already have known each other before. we have fun together always, though some problems arise but easily resolved... if only i can know her real situation in regards with the father, and why he still comes and fetch her, and the agreement both parents made, then maybe i would knw what to do... i just dont knw.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author werty Posted January 9, 2007 Author Share Posted January 9, 2007 i think our relationship now is starting to diminish... just today, although she still hugs me, carees me, hold and kiss me, she has said something very troubling to me... she said that she cant trust if i really loved her.. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 Uhh, the father is a 16 year old boy. One word: RED FLAG. Well, that's two but come on, this woman has issues that go far beyond her being a new mom. Sheesh. Link to post Share on other sites
Author werty Posted January 10, 2007 Author Share Posted January 10, 2007 before my statement above, this was somehow what happened... that afternoon, we came to happily talk just about anything, until she asked me something. she asked me what would i do if she would replace me with someone else.of course she was joking, but i ddnt liked what she asked and i stupidly gave her a serious answer that goes like this.if she would have replaced me, i asked her that be sure he is better than me and to introduce me to him. she aksed another question are you not goin to go after me? of course she looks like she was just jokingly asked these series of questions, but stil i answered seriusly, no,i wont go after you... my answer on her next question changed her mood... she asked do you love me, but i answered YES, but since you made a decision to replace me,i dont have the right to go after you but respect what u decided.... then her happy face suddenly changed to a sad one.. and somehow i could heared her murmored some words like "you dont love me" or something.. then after that she seems really off for about 2hours, i mean i cant get close to her, i cant talk to her... and then after awhile thats what happened on my statement above before she went home... i dont know what i have said wrong, or i didnt realise what she was expecting for an answer. but all i did was seriusly answer her questions.. maybe, i lack the talent to understand women at all... im confused now of what to do... @CaliGuy : RED FLAG? we'll be seeing each other again about 2 hours from now.. i wonder what will happen.... Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 before my statement above, this was somehow what happened... that afternoon, we came to happily talk just about anything, until she asked me something. she asked me what would i do if she would replace me with someone else.of course she was joking, but i ddnt liked what she asked and i stupidly gave her a serious answer that goes like this.if she would have replaced me, i asked her that be sure he is better than me and to introduce me to him. she aksed another question are you not goin to go after me? of course she looks like she was just jokingly asked these series of questions, but stil i answered seriusly, no,i wont go after you... my answer on her next question changed her mood... she asked do you love me, but i answered YES, but since you made a decision to replace me,i dont have the right to go after you but respect what u decided.... then her happy face suddenly changed to a sad one.. and somehow i could heared her murmored some words like "you dont love me" or something.. then after that she seems really off for about 2hours, i mean i cant get close to her, i cant talk to her... and then after awhile thats what happened on my statement above before she went home... i dont know what i have said wrong, or i didnt realise what she was expecting for an answer. but all i did was seriusly answer her questions.. maybe, i lack the talent to understand women at all... im confused now of what to do... @CaliGuy : RED FLAG? we'll be seeing each other again about 2 hours from now.. i wonder what will happen.... The whole relationship is just wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author werty Posted January 10, 2007 Author Share Posted January 10, 2007 yes, im aware of it now... but at least we both are not breaking any rules on the legal side of things.... now all left to do is to know from her where things really stand... i think Link to post Share on other sites
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