D-day anniversay (or something like that)

[NotCamelot]

Yep 4 years ago today. Most of the "old timers" know the back story.

 

 

The reason I am posting this is that I did not even realize it was "that" day until a few minutes ago.

 

 

This is good. The memories are still around but fewer and much farther in the background.

 

 

For those new to the nightmare of spousal infidelity, I post this as a point of support that it will get better. And, reconciliation does work!!!!!!

[jenkins95]

Great post NotCamelot! Wonderful news and I hope it just keeps getting better and better!

 

I'm a former wayward nearly a year into reconciliation. Things are much better than they were, but still tough. I still feel pretty rough a lot of the time and only have myself to blame of course. I'd love to be posting a thread like yours 4 years after D-day! Here's hoping!

 

Very thoughtful of you to come back and support/encourage others like this. Thank you. I for one take a lot of comfort and positivity in what you have posted.

 

I'm soon going to trace back and read some of your older posts...... Presumably your story is spelled out there?

 

Amongst all the painful posts, yours stands out like a beacon of hope! My post of the day!

 

Take care of yourself and please keep the updates coming! Thinking of you. J

Edited May 17, 2016 by jenkins95

[gemini6]

I remember the date - of course it gets burned into your mind, but 5 years later and I zipped right passed it without even thinking about it

 

I rarely, unless I'm on here, think about it. Even when I'm here though, it's to try and help others through the "rabbit hole" - there is no pain or regret, or sadness - it's just a rough patch that we went through - I'm sure he still carries regret and guilt but I don't focus on it and we are actually happy and comfortable with each other. I think the biggest thing, and Cam maybe you can tell me if this is true for you as well, is that I am more comfortable with who I am. I don't have fear that he will cheat again, if he does, he's a retard. I don't worry about it or dwell on it - It's a completely different kind of Marriage now - I've changed, he's changed and we are not the same people we were back then.

[jenkins95]

Gemini, Cam - well done ! You are inspirational.

 

Would you say that, notwithstanding the awful time you all went through, the marriage is actually better now than before the affair because of all the effort that you have put in since and the massive wake up call? Or is it just different? Is there still a sense of a loss of something, like something was broken that can never be fully fixed, but that you are doing great anyway? Is there still that "look" that passes between you sometimes - an unspoken, silent acknowledgement of the A, where the BS shows their pain and the WS shows their regret and shame, just in an exchanged glance? Do you still regularly talk about it openly? Do you still get mad about it?

 

Whatever, this is very encouraging going forward. We have been doing well, but last night my BS was triggered by infidelity on a TV show we were watching - quite common I guess. Today has been very quiet and strained and I am treading very carefully. In general we are in a much better place than last summer. I look forward to getting to a stage where we can even watch TV without the awful constant fear of infidelity coming up. You come to realise that it is very common in TV shows, films, etc. The whole evening was ruined in a second last night. We will get there.

 

Good luck all.

 

I remember the date - of course it gets burned into your mind, but 5 years later and I zipped right passed it without even thinking about it

 

I rarely, unless I'm on here, think about it. Even when I'm here though, it's to try and help others through the "rabbit hole" - there is no pain or regret, or sadness - it's just a rough patch that we went through - I'm sure he still carries regret and guilt but I don't focus on it and we are actually happy and comfortable with each other. I think the biggest thing, and Cam maybe you can tell me if this is true for you as well, is that I am more comfortable with who I am. I don't have fear that he will cheat again, if he does, he's a retard. I don't worry about it or dwell on it - It's a completely different kind of Marriage now - I've changed, he's changed and we are not the same people we were back then.

[merrmeade]

4 years out here, too, but I find it's not D-day per se that I think about but the time before when I was so blithely going along, not realizing they (OW sister-in-law) were even that close and had been for 3 years - wondering why she'd emailed such-and-such to him only or why they talked so often and with such animation, intensity.

 

Yeah, that's been worse than D-day itself for me.

[katielee]

on Dday of 4 years (last month) hubby and I drove together so I could see one of my favorite authors. He sat in the bar with our DD and then I joined them after the talk. It was a great day. I thought of how far we'd come and how much surviving we'd done. It was one of those thrive days.

[NotCamelot]

Thanks for the kind words.

 

 

To answer some: Yes, the marriage is BOTH different AND better. It took a long and, sometimes, difficult time to get there. But it happened.

 

 

We never talk about it anymore. Neither of us bring it up. Actually, I prefer it that way. I don't need any reminders. There is enough of that with Music, TV, and Movies. When infidelity is displayed or sang about in the media, I tend to get really quiet for a few moments. I don't usually have a good comment, or any comment. And I find that I tend to stay away from that subject matter. Maybe that will change one day. Maybe not. That subject seems to be the topic of a lot of "comedy". I don't find it very funny anymore. I bet most of you feel the same.

 

 

Other than those nasty reminders we can't avoid, most days, I don't even think about it anymore. I like it that way.

[Neil711]

Good to hear it gets better. I'm 5 months removed from finding out about an emotional affair. I struggle with it every day. As soon as it starts getting better something triggers me. Yesterday my 8 yo daughter was playing with my wife's old phone. One she had 1.5 years ago. I decided to look at it and found facebook messenger communications between my wife and the other dude. He was her first love, and I knew about communications in 2001, 2003, 2008, and 2015. I wasn't aware of any in 2014. They were innocent in nature, but given how things happened this past year it brought everything back.

 

I take solace in the fact that the guy is a total piece of crap. Everything he writes is a lie. He even told my wife his wife was going to our local college to become a nurse practitioner. The school doesn't offer a master's in nursing or anything else that would allow you to become an NP, and I know for a fact she is a customer service rep for a vacuum cleaner manufacturer. Lol.

 

Posts like this give me hope. Thanks.